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Rumour Mill – Easter Edition!

Load up Huns; bring your press friends
It’s fun to see you lose and to pretend
Your fans are bored and insecure
Oh no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, getting serious
Here they are now; entertain us
They feel stupid and contagious
Here they are now; entertain us
A Moshni, an Ally, a Zombie, my sore belly
Yeah, hey

They’re worse at what they do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Their little group has always been
And always will until the end

Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello

And I look at Chris Graham’s angry face
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard; it’s hard to find
A Hun brain cell, whatever, never mind

Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello, how low
Hello, hello, hello

With the lights out, getting serious
Here they are now; entertain us
They feel stupid and contagious
Here they are now; entertain us
A Moshni, an Ally, a Zombie, my sore belly
Ronny Deila, Ronny Deila, Ronny Deila, Ronny Deila, Ronny Deila
Ronny Deila, Ronny Deila, Ronny Deila, Ronny Deilaaaaaaaa……….

Btw I bet the next time you hear the end of Smells Like Teen Spirit you also sing Ronny Deila!

Hell yeah we are back with a bolt from the Blue. Antony was always our favourite. Tim name an all that.

So what’s been happening then? You missed us? What do you mean No! We’ve missed your happy wee faces as you stare up to the sky pished out your trees every Sunday morning. Head spinning and then reality dawns. Aw naw, a two day hangover!

Now remember, everything, we repeat everything, you are about to read is completely made up pish and wind. It’s a wee bit of fun. Pin your lugs back, open a beer, let yourself go and have a big laugh across the city. You with us? You sure? It’s no true mind. Good. Let’s go with the ETims Rumour Mill.

The Commonwealth Games was in Glasgow since we last spoke. Great success. Great days. Great sunny days. Her majesty arrived at Celtic Park and had a great time. Our sharpsuited mole tells us the highlight of which was when she was presented with a Celtic top in the boardroom. “Ooooh” says her Maj, after she looks at the back of the shirt, “Is J Connolly who wears 16 a hero to the Celtic supporters”?

Smiles all round, smiles all round. God bless her.

Chaos in the Sevco boardroom. The rebels are imploding. More on that later….

Word reaches us from our top notch German source, let’s call him Heinz. Our man Heinz pulls no punches. Ronny had lost some in the dressing room within weeks of pre-season training starting. Double sessions. “Work work work” was a regular command from the Viking shagger all ably assisted by our man Wolverine flashing his lean, mean fighting machine torso in the burning summer sun (all a bit Mills and Boon here – Ed). It proved too much for some to take. As with any club you get dominant personalities, which in itself isn’t necessarily a bad thing as they can be great influences. It just so happened a handful of ours felt the squad was being over-worked and with this tiredness they were struggling to adapt to the very different playing system.

It’s a results business so when results are poor frustration grows and small dressing room complaints suddenly grow arms and legs. Ronny Deila (I bet you sung his name in a Kurt Cobain stylee) however is made of sterner stuff. He stuck to his principles and while results improved up to one blip at Christmas it was really the passion and compassion for his players during the winter break that was the turning point. He spent as much time as he could either in one to one or group dialogue with his players reinforcing his belief of the vast improvement in their game but also how he would make them even better if they trusted him. Our man, who was on the San Gria at this point, said it was inspirational, hairs standing up on the back of the neck stuff.

Another wee insight was the social side of the manager. During the break he was the life and soul of (whisper it) the late night beer or twa that was enjoyed. Along with Collins he demands the highest fitness standards but pragmatism reigns and if players are giving their all he appreciates there’s a time and a place to let your hair down. The gaffer was known to enjoy a sing-song with Primal Screams Rocks a particular favourite. Bobby Gillespie will be delighted!

Danny Wilson. Yep it’s all true. He’s on a list containing many other centre backs we are interested in. He ticks all the boxes. Young, affordable, in price range, technically good, great scope for improvement and wants to learn. Additional bonus with Wilson is he’s a Scottish lad who would love to play for Celtic. Yes, he started off at the dark side but he was a kid and they are now dead so everyone’s a winner! As a slight aside, Danny grew up a Celtic supporter and would love nothing more than to play for the Bhoys.

Jimmy Bell isn’t really having a book written about his life story is he? Rumours abound that a well-known Inverness fan has been following his every move. Beep Beep for the highest paid coach driver in Scotland.

Barr’s, who sponsor the lower Scottish leagues, have now agreed a new multi million pounds sponsorship deal with English football. Great to see a Scottish institution setting their sights far and wide and investing in a game the organisation clearly loves. Question though….a Company who historically were on the doorstep of Celtic Park and have invested millions in the game….why are they not investing in the top tier of Scottish fitba? Was it as simple as they weren’t asked?

Talking about sponsorship, NB is worth £6m per year PLUS quite a significant bonus if we reach the Champions League.

Stuart Armstrong and Gary Mackay-Steven. A complete breath of fresh air. Our pal tells us everyone at the club loves them. Think a Highland version of Ant and Dec…but funny! Always laughing and have time for everyone no matter their stature at the club. Welcome to Celtic.

Guidetti has made it clear his heart lies elsewhere. Such is football. Some you win, some you don’t. Ronny has other irons in the fire. We understand he will use the bulk of his transfer kitty to purchase a striker. Scouts have been in France, Holland and Belgium a LOT looking at strikers.

Delisting from the AIM. Quite an achievement for the Glib and Shameless Liar (let’s call him GASL from now on) after only taking control four weeks ago. One would almost believe it was a deliberate tactic, which of course it was. You see delisting crashes the share price and ensures there’s far less corporate governance requirements, which in essence saves a cash strapped club (holding company Timmy!) money and keeps key decisions in-house and away from far more prying eyes. There’s other intriguing aspects to this though. If the club (bloody holding company Timmy!) goes bust then GASL is not accountable as he is not currently a Director but he would be one of the key parties to agree an administration deal or heaven forbid, liquidation agreement. Imagine being in a position to try and end existing, oh for talking sake, retail agreements. GASL is no ordinary man you see. Play to the galleries. Get those who are the vocal voice of the support to do most of the dirty work then screw the small shareholders. That’s the actions of a Whyte or a Green, not those of a ‘Rangers man’. It is though the actions of a Glib and Shameless Liar.

What is also known is within days of P Diddy, sorry Murray, and co looking at the books they are far worse than even they envisaged. Could a deliberate ending of the ‘business’ be a real option under consideration after they found about outstanding monies in the region of £10m due to other beneficiaries hidden away in the IPO? No way, Charlie! Our marble staircase mole described the current situation in one word, Fuckennightmare.

To make matters even worse, Yes even worse! Our brown brogues mole reliably informs us that the old lady requires substantial infrastructure work that will cost in region of £10m – Only a matter of when, not if, they ask Campbell if they can move to Hampden before the ground is closed.

Our scouts have been watching FK Molde centre back Vegard Forren.

So farewell Scep. Woof. You came, you saw and on a positive front offered more than Boerrigter!

We hear the Kerrydale Bar is a massive success. Well at almost a fiver a pint it should be! Due to the popularity the club is looking to expand similar operations around the stadium this summer.

Has Paul Murray’s hair really grown two foot taller?

Ronny is confident at least one if not both of VVD and Denayer will be available for the CL qualifiers. Both are the Benelux version of GMS and Armstrong! Great friends on and off the field….check foot of RM for other reasons…..and want to keep progressing with Ronny. Money clearly talks and if we get a daft offer for Virgil and he accepts….he’s made it clear it won’t be to a struggling EPL club….he’ll move on. Feeling within the club is both will be back in time for the first qualifying game.

Talk within the club of renaming the North Stand the Jimmy McGrory Stand. Long overdue for the greatest ever Celt.

Magners ecstatic with sponsorship deal. Early talks already underway about sponsorship extension.

Safe Standing – Council still holding this up and no one quite knows why. Celtic have done all the groundwork and are ready to implement the changes in 111 when the go ahead is given. Area will hold around 2,500-3,000 supporters.

Martin Odegaard one year loan deal from Madrid looks a certainty.

Wee Gordon still in regular contact with the club as only too aware the bulk of home grown players are from Celtic. GMS and Armstrong left out of recent squad after agreement. If available both will be part of the squad before the next Scotland match in June against Ireland.

Barry Douglas on a Bosman should be tied up very soon. Ex-Dundee United left back now playing in Poland.

We hear a good old fashioned retro strip will be one of the three released this summer. And when we say old, we mean really old.

So Sally has refused the first offer received from Newco’s Newboard….brinkmanship is his new middle name or greedy basturts as he’s more commonly known within the corridors of the old lady. Oh and Kenny hasn’t even had an offer yet!

Stokes will move on this summer. Club received a couple of offers in January but will agree to move him on this summer. Offer was also rejected for Matthews. Deila keen to keep him.

Celtic foundation does a marvellous job. A source of great pride. April 17th marks the centenary of Brother Walfrid’s death and the club, in his honour, will be feeding 500 of Glasgow’s homeless and poorest people. The club would like to take it a step further and get the Celtic players to participate in the day by helping out. Some of the charities involved understandably don’t want this humbling event turning into a circus. Hopefully a balance can be struck by perhaps having minimal photography or even none at all.

Did Mr King really contact SARS after he seen Sevco’s books and say “Fcuk it, the deals off. I’ll do the time”?

SFA looking to move away from Hampden. Shiny new offices in town and rotate games around country. CP will host biggest matches. No chance of Murrayfield – money to stay within fitba.

Rumours that Jabba is also the political correspondent for the Telegraph are currently unfounded.

Lustig to be rebuilt. Think Steve Austin. Not stone cold…one for the Auldies!

Who recognises the following tune: DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOMDOOM!!
That’s right it’s the end of EastEnders and usually indicates a sad / scary moment.
Best prepare yourselves…rumour has it that Ronnie’s exploits with a very cheap budget sees him on the Happy Hammers Hitlist should Big Sam’s contract expire as expected. Ronnie’s improving reputation and Celtic’s cheap compensation demands sees our fist puncher right up there for a chat with the dirty David’s.

But would he be interested…?

New full size indoor pitch to be built at Lennoxtown.

Craig Whyte – hasn’t gone away you know…but Mr Park might be about to. He didn’t join up to be given a using by GASL. Extremely unhappy is an understatement. Fractions with the new board. Sevco will indeed eat itself or what’s left after Big Derek has a bite.

Spanish striker Alvaro Vazquez has caught our attention.

Lisa Hague having major influence on the partners of Celtic players. Totally bought into Celtic community ethos. Educating WAGS on how club commenced, poverty, starvation and why Celtic is not just a football club, it’s a way of life. Her influence very significant already. Many players partners have no intention of leaving Glasgow due to tight bond created by the future Mrs Commons. We never told you this right….Kris and Lisa actively helping foodbanks in their spare time with plentiful donations.

She’s a cracker that lassie….yir a lucky Bhoy Kris!

The private subway link from Celtic Park to the Vatican – we hear the refurbishment is almost complete.

Finally….keep your eyes peeled for a clause MASH incorporated as part of previous loan facility. It might explain why GASL won’t be investing £10m, if anything at all.

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Charlie Saiz
7 years ago

Good stuff Hector.

7 years ago

Great read –

jimmy bell = Odious Creep

7 years ago


You are El Bandido! Wonderful read especially in the wee sma hoors. Since it is you and not Ralph, I believe every word of it.

By the way, I have not been to bed yet just in case you thought I had risen during the night 🙂

I’m off to roll an egg.

Happy Easter, my friend!


7 years ago
Reply to  pensionerbhoy

Just realised that “wee sma hoors” if spoken loudly could get many a married man in a bit of trouble. Maybe i should have left out the “h” 🙂

Definitely time to get back in the coffin before the sun comes up.


7 years ago

Brilliant to see the Rumour Mill resurrected.

Well played Hector. And Happy Easter.

paul moody
7 years ago

the old strip wouldn’t be the away strip with the shamrock on it, would it? That would be really rather good!

7 years ago

Great read Hector

Nice spot with the Nirvana classic Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Have been singing Ronny’s praises with this song for a while now.Couldn’t believe that the late great Kurt Cobain could have such insight 25 years ago,so i checked out the true lyrics…..”IN DENIAL IN DENIAL IN DENIAL”….oooh!!!! is he waxing lyrically about those zombies who can’t accept their club are deid?Deal with it.

Great video too,Should be the next hoops away top for me. Happy Easter one and all.KTF

Mike Annis
7 years ago

Welcome back Rumour Mill oh how we issued you. It may be pish but it’s our pish and far truer than the Mail or Telegraph pishier pish

Mike Annis
7 years ago

That should be ” missed you”. Fekn hate auto corrupt

7 years ago

I think we should show our commitment to Ronny by offering him a long term contract instead of this 1 year rolling nonsense.
He has total control and influences all aspects of our club and yes…even PL listens which must be a first.
I think or hope that Ronny is the kind of man who, once he starts something he will finish it. He knows he is a very young manager and he has plenty of time before he needs to move to a bigger stage. He will practice what he preaches, the same as our young players….stay and develop and only move on when you are going to the very top.
4-5 years I hope he will be with us.

7 years ago

Jimmy Bell-End sums up what the huns are all about.

7 years ago

A great read whilst keeping my chocolate bunny nearby!
How I missed the Rumour Mill, bullshit and aa! I believe every word of it.

Thanks Hector!

7 years ago

Brilliant wee read!! Missed the gossip!!

Dan The Man
7 years ago

It has started already just as I predicted wayback when in support of RD I said that if by Christmas we were still in with the chance of the treble we would be fighting to keep RD . Already one. Rag has him linked with West Ham in the summer. This sh’-,e. Will grow as he takes the team to the treble .in the eyes of the MSM he has grown from RD who? To a quality manager fit for The English will be used as a distraction to try to blow him off course but this little man will in my opinion become one of the Gret Celtic Managers. I do not believe he will leave.

Honest Hoops
7 years ago

I’ve missed this made up load of tosh, the German mole…..let’s call him Hienz, I nearly wet myself, great read and better than the tabliods made up posh.

Always Celtic 1st…..

Herman the German
7 years ago

My brother, Heinz, told me at the Jags game that the rumour mill was back. I’ve waited until Friday night to read it, cause that’s Rioja night and the Rumour Milll deserves a good red wine, You did not let me down, brilliant made up pish. Cough.

You mad about ETims or just plain mad? Why not buy the t-shirt at