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The Bunnet!

In light of Sevco fans eagerly ( mistakenly surely – Ed) celebrating The Return of The King, we thought it only fair that we release our own Tolkien tribute…


He had many names. Some true, some legend.

In the North, they said his true name was A’koun T’ant.

In the South, they said his true name was The Tenkilla;

In the East, they said his true name was Thetache

In the West, they said his true name was Damyan Key;

He had had a true name once of course, but that was before the adventure.

That was before the Dragon and before he had became the Dragonslayer.

Today he has but one name.

Today, all call him:






The Dragons name was Smugg and it lived high in an Ivory Tower named T’Board in a place called Para D’ice which lay far to the eastern lands of the Shire of the Glass Valley. It was a cold dark place and the dragon was a fierce hungry beast with an insatiable appetite for gold. The people would come to the Dragons Lair every mid-moon and offer up their golden coins. No matter how much they gave, it was never enough and the people were very very afraid. No one liked an angry dragon especially one with many heads. The dragons Heads names were Grantam, Migin, Phar-L, Whitehead and KelliKev.

The dragon was very old, very tired and very very lazy; as lazy as it was hungry for the peoples gold. It spent most of the day doing nothing and as the years grew, it got so lazy that it even allowed a horrid little creature to go scare the people in its place. This creature was M’Kel. Just one sight or sound from M’Kel was often enough to have the people screaming. It had the look of an ancient scary creature, with a thin stony skeletal face and a long fiery barbed tongue lapping over a flame orange beard that hung down from its sloppy mouth. M’Kel would always roar his loudest whenever the impudent people dared question the lazy dragons demands. He knew the people would do anything to avoid seeing M’Kel slobber.

It was M’kel who would demand the people give the Dragon more and more gold or the people would suffer its wrath. If the people dared show reluctance, M’Kel would let out an ear splitting roar that would boom out across the land as far as the long bog ridden wastelands of Kambus. If the people threatened to stay away, M’Kel would suggest the Dragon could easily just pull the whole place down and the sly M’Kel and the lazy Dragon knew the people would never let that happen.

If the poor downtrodden people claimed they couldn’t give the dragon any more gold for the Ivory tower, then M’Kel would remind that that the Dragon could simply up and leave, and this threat would terrify the people of the Eastern Shire as that would leave the people helpless as the horrible Ork hordes from the South-West, The Teninrow, could triumph and destroy their world.

And so the people kept giving gold to add to Smuggs horde, even when they had nothing left to give.

But M’Kel and Smugg T’Board Dragon had a secret.

There was no horde.

They say that with age often comes wisdom. Or forgetfulness. As with people, so it is with Dragons and now Smugg was very old. Very old indeed. And as Smugg had got older, Smugg, had only listened to the sly M’Kel feeding it delusions, and Smugg had not grown wiser. It had only grown lazy and ever more forgetful.

And So Smugg as well as being a greedy dragon, was now a stupid and forgetful dragon.

The sad old dragon had forgotten its natural instincts to always store away for the colder leaner times. Smugg had devoured the gold that it had gathered over the years, not just from the people, but even from the victorious campaigns long ago in the warm southern lands of Lizbhon in the Port of Geese, when the Dragons proud army, all local heroic men, led by the legends John of the Long Stein and his beloved general Sean of the StoneShins had broken the famous defences of the Catt and Nachio tribes. Those famous victories had won the Dragons heroic army vast acclaim across all 5 realms and had garnered the dragon with such wonderful golden riches.

But now there was no riches.

But now there was no acclaim.

Now there was no army of local heroes willing to battle for the Dragon.

Now there was no horde.

The Dragon had become so addicted to gold that it had even resorted to borrowing gold from the wily Moneylenders of ScotiaBank. Soon enough the Dragons addiction has become so hopeless that any gold that its fearful people gave, was immediately seized upon by the moneylenders and the debt still grew.

While the Dragon was stupid and greedy, The Moneylenders of the ScotiaBank were wise but even worse, they were even greedier than Smugg and with an even crueler colder heart. Eevery day it crept ever closer to total control over the Dragon and its lands and people. The Dragon awoke each morn fearing  it would be the last, for as soon as the Banks Draft was over then T’Board knew that all would be lost.

They say all animals know when they are about to die, this is why old dogs will seek a quiet passageway under the stairwell, of a graying cat will no longer come down from a garden wall. Animals know when the darkness approaches and in its cold icy heart, Smugg T’Board knew fine well that the dark day of reckoning was coming.

It was coming soon, very soon indeed.


Click for PART 2





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Mike Bhoyle
8 years ago

And like the Dragon I now wait with fiery bated breath on the outcome.

Chris Bhoy
8 years ago

Brilliant, when is the box set coming out

tom o'neill
8 years ago

I brook no one saying a bad word about the Bunnet, and fully recognise that the Old Board’s time had not only come, but was well and truly gone. However, on serious note. It is difficult not to ponder on how things might have panned out had the Old Board shown the flexibility and gumption to have opened the doors and let the ordinary fans and their money in.
It is even arguable that in their own misguided way, they had the good of Celtic more at heart than some individuals who have passed through the Boardroom since the Bunnet’s departure.
For all his faults (one of them was never fulfilling his promise to account for where every penny had gone), I believe that some of Michael Kelly’s sourer outbursts have been motivated by a sense of realisation that all the financial success of the last few years could have been the Old Board’s if only they had possessed an iota of

tom o'neill
8 years ago

final sentence should have ende foresight

8 years ago

Tolkien about drag ons…the saga of the Lying King seems to be never ending….and so do the laughs provided by Mordor, the land of no money, no team, Nomad, and no hope.

Hail, hail

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