What you going to do?

I dont know

But you said it would be okay

I know

But you said you could sort it

I know

But you said

I KNOW WHAT I SAID!, leave it will you. Im trying to think here.

But what happened?

I dont know alright, i just dont know

How can you not know?

How can I not know, what sort of question is that?

Well you said it was straightforward enough

I know

You said you would just go back, get the 50 grand a year while you got the low down

I know

So how did it end up with you here?

I dont know

I dont understand, did they force you out?

Not exactly

Did they demote you?

No

What then?

The reverse

The what?

They made me the boss

Oh,  well then, but wait, I really dont understand

They made me what I thought was the Boss but i wasnt the Boss

Did you act like the boss?

In front of the punters aye

So?

Behind the scenes I had nothing

But you were head of the board

I know

So how did you have nothing

Because they were just at the wind up

Who?

You know who, them

Who?, the guys who take aw the money and give nothing in return?

Aye

Irony eh

Enough of that crap you

So, what now?

Well its back to Square one

Whats that?

We support the other guys

What other guys?

Mind the guys we supported the first time?

First time what?

The first time the club ended up the creek without a paddle

Those guys?, but haud oan

What?

I thought you left those guys to jump ship wae the other guys?

I did

And now the other guys have kicked you out?

Naw, I left

I say potato, you say potatoh the bluebells

Whatever

So the old guys you left to go wae the new guys are now the new guys again?

Something like that

And whats happening now?

I dont know

What do you mean you dont know?

I dont know alright. They say they want change

Change, how much they got?

Nothing

What?

They arent offering money, they just want change

This the same guys who didnt have any money the last time?

Aye

And include the guy who was on the Board back when we spent aw the money ourselves?

Aye

And they think its going to change cause they ask for it?

They hope so

How?

They have the fans backing

The fans? That the same fans who have backed every Tom Dick and Harry who have stepped up to the door?

Well, everyone bar John Broon, aye

The fans who keep wanting represented on the board, is the new mob giving them that?

I dont think so

So nothing changed then, same faces, same patter

Well Dave King says hes interested

He still around banging his vuvuzela?

Aye, says he cant see any problem with SFA checks regards decent and proper either

Well maybe Campbell can check for him, he survived awright

Aye

What about Sally?

What about him?

He backing new guys?

No yet

No yet?

Well he has to play it cool doesnt he?

How come?

Well if he says anything then the current mob can sack him

They havenae sacked him yet after yet another cup shambles, they willnae dae it now surely?

They will if it saves them redundancy

Ah, so he had the Chairmans backing?

No quite

How no?

Ive left.

Oh! So anyone backing him?

Aye

Who?

Charles Green

Hold it, Charles Green?

Aye

He no in Bongo Bongo land or his French villa?

Naw, hes back

Back where?

At Rangers

What?

Aye

Doing what?

Generating interest in the clubs shares

What?

Hes hired as a consultant

For whom?, the club or his mates or is it all the same thing these days?

Well good question, Hes saying 14 million will get some shares bought.

Really?

They worth it?

No really?

Ah,I remember his prospectus, I take it they are worth a lot more?

No really, half that if youre lucky. Holding company shares have plummented since the IPO.

Wow, much did his mob pay for the shares mind, they must be taking a big hit then?

No really?

What?

They all got loads and loadsa shares when they slipped in, all at a discount rate

Oh, so a chance they might break even if theyre lucky?

Naw, they’ll make a killing probably

How did this happen?

Their discount rate was next to nowt

So theyre still quids in and the punters are gubbed. How did that happen?

I dont know

Is that all you can say, I dont know

Feels like it

So what now?

Golf for a few weeks and then we will see what happens with the EGM

EGM?

Dont ask, I dont know!

Forget it. Do us both a favour and just lets get up the road, this is embarrassing

Aye, sorry

Save it!

 

The tired old man sighed heavily and shamefully lowered his gaze. He reached out his hand and turned on the cold tap. He lowered his head and splashed the water on his face, carefully avoiding his spotless clothes. The cool fresh water felt good; this was the first time he had felt aware in a long time. He rose from his position and dried himself off with a nearby towel.

It was time to go.

He knew it, they knew it, everyone knew it.

Would he ever be back?. Well they had seen him go plenty of times, and of course he’d always made it back. He had always survived, in fact somehow he always got plaudits regardless of whatever calamity had lay at his feet when he walked away. Would they ever learn? He doubted it. He took one last look at the mirror and headed once again for the marble staircase and the exit door  beyond.

 

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8 years ago

That was hilarious, my eyes were steaming, fantastic, keep them coming,you should be on the telly( for our younger readers that is the television)That is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time.
HH, keep the faith.
Europe till Xmass at least

The Holy Poet
8 years ago

Absolutely superb and very visual. Keep these coming all day long. Loved it from start to finish. HH

8 years ago

Guys, well done. Not many people get what they have done. They have probably bought the club cheap, floated it, taking out a lot of money for the original sevco shareholders and leaving a but in for working capital. I’d love to see their cash flows. Classic. This move has happened in lots of different situations and companies. Not illegal unless they are proven to gsve wrongfully traded as Directors and there is a lot of daylight between the float and the future administration so no problemo; unless you are an investor who has seen his cash pissed away or a fan who can’t stomach another administration process.
No bad eh?

Kenny
8 years ago

One of the cleverest, funniest posts I have ever read. A touch of Camus about the style!? First class.

Mickey1888
8 years ago

That was fantastic, best thing i’ve read for a while HH

jon littledick
8 years ago

Don’t blame King. Vuvuzela’s got a great booty on her! 🙂

SFTB
8 years ago

Really good article. Facts do not seem to dent the dreamworld of Scottish Journalism and the Sevco fan.
But we can still laugh at them. The humour here is very sly- in the good sense of the word.

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