Celtic Diary Monday April 17: Monday Morning Sure Looks Fine

The game may have been played on a carpet yesterday, but the hoops weren;t wearing their slippers as they stormed into an unassailable lead that had the game sewn up around the twenty minute mark.

In fact, whilst legend has it that World War One pilots were known as twenty minuters due to the dangers of their role, it’s now perhaps a more fitting description of Kilmarnock fans, as that’s roughly how long they hung about for once they’d seen their side demolished.

And probably their hopes of Premier League survival along with it.

So , yeah, today is a Happy Monday.

Tokomi Iwata showed us a glimpse of the future with his display, and whilst Yuki Kobayashi didn’t really have to break sweat, he looked ready to step in when needed.

Matt o’Riley reminded us what he is capable of with a couple of goals, and looking at the bigger picture, it’s good that he isn’t under pressure week to week to perform, bearing in mind he’s still at the age when he has to ring his ma to tell her he’s staying out late.

The three points brings the title a little bit closer and will give us something to sing about when the rest of the country is harping on about the coronation of King Charles the Third, which i will be watching it on RTE or another Irish outlet as their pronunciation will be far more accurate.

After yesterday’s game, we were entertained by Derek McInnes, that dazzling bolt of light, who told us that life wasn’t fair, and it was all down to everything else that his team lost, whilst neglecting to add that he might as well have told his substitutes to start warming up instead of sitting down when they reached the dugout, so badly wrong had he got his tactics, line up and career choice.

For example, he moaned that Liam Donnelly had taken a foot “full in the face ” ….and that should have been a red card.

His side were trailing 4-0 at that point, and looking like they couldn’t score if they fell into a bucket of ladies front bottoms, but somehow in his mind that made all the difference.

Then again, he’s convinced himself Donnelly has a face on the back of his head as well.

He’s not the only one who sees the world through somewhat distorted lens, however, and this piece from Hugh Keevins, bravely working through what appears to be some sort of degenerative neural disease, clearly shows….

Celtic and Rangers showpiece was turned into a shi****w because of Scottish football’s fatal fascination with anti-social behaviour

Actually, it would probably be more accurate to mention that the shitshow to which he refers became a shitshow because the shitshow that is our sports media prefers to encourage those who would put on such a shitshow by refusing to hold them responsible for the said shitshow.

And I believe I may have set some kind of record for the use of the word shitshow.

Which, if you type into google, gives you this image…..

Anyhoo, Keevins burbled….

If you had wished for a domestic game to best promote Brand Scotland, it would have looked a lot like last weekend’s Old Firm derby. Five goals shared in an end-to-end thriller.  

Can I just stop him right there ?

Promoting any brand with the shitshow that is the story of the new Rangers is not going to bring in any investment…their own investors are bailing out quicker than a twenty dollar ho asking for her money…..as no one wants to be associated, which is why we’re all stuck with bookies, who make a living out of hammering us for our money but telling us to stop when it stops being fun….though a better tagline would be to stop when your wife belts you with a bat for spending the food money on some nag.

In England, they’re going to ban gambling firms from advertising on club shirts. They can afford to. In Scotland the situation is different. Decades of bigotry, racism, violence and corruption have tended to make reputable firms steer clear of our set up.

Which I’m quite sure is what Hugh really means…..or would do if he had the balls to say it.

A contender for goal of the season from Rangers captain James Tavernier. And the inevitable controversy created by the decision to disallow a goal from Alfredo Morelos. A shining example of two teams’ superiority and ability to entertain in a league awash with mediocrity elsewhere. But I didn’t even know the SFA had someone called a “security and integrity manager” until it was revealed he, or maybe it’s she, was helping police with their inquiries into the threats made against the match referee Kevin Clancy and his family.

The SFA employee’s name, incidentally, went undisclosed – presumably to keep that person out of harm’s way. A showpiece had been turned into a shi****w, if you’ll pardon the expression, because of Scottish football’s fatal fascination with anti-social behaviour. It wasn’t the scale of the offences committed against Clancy that was depressing, though God knows what the hundreds of “potentially criminal in nature” messages must have read like. It was the scale of the offenders’ list that concerned me.  

Aren’t the mighty “rangers ” wonderful on the pitch…so we’ll mention that in case the hordes that threatened Clancy turn on old Shug for mentioning that it was them who threatened Clancy…..

Or, indeed, mentioning that the ban on away supporters is down entirely to the actions and behaviour of the Ibrox club/company.

Even our staff aren;t safe in the hostile Ibrox atmosphere, with a physio recieving stitches after a missile was thrown at him.

And with recent events after the ladies clash resulting in a ban for their enthusiastic coach, maybe someone in the media should turn the spotlight directly where it needs to be…..

Well, it won’t be Hugh. He hates the light. it shows all his wrinkles, which is why he works in radio.

And the residual ill-feeling after Hampden will provide a backdrop to the final league derby at Ibrox after the split. That’s the one that will have no away fans because some supporters of both clubs have been found to pose a threat to safety and security by Celtic and Rangers.

And if match officials are going to have their private lives disrupted and be subjected to online terror then that’s the way it will stay. If some people’s reaction to defeat is to behave in an anti-social manner then it’s best not to have hundreds of them inside a ground where lack of self-discipline could become hazardous.

Menacing behaviour must be minimised or something could happen that we’ll all live to regret. I know the majority are suffering because of the actions of a minority – but just ask the Clancy family what the minority can do to you. In the world we used to know as normal, the one without VAR and its inconsistencies, the referee would disallow a goal and have his name vilified in retrospect.

A litany of decisions, for and against the members of the Old Firm, are available on request. Now the details of the match officials’ domestic lives are divulged on social media and the malicious-by-nature get to work.  

There it is again.

The Old Firm, a brand now based entirely on nostalgia, a few dvds to add to your collection before the new lot came around, a club/company which exists purely to milk those who refuse to let their traditions and culture die, even though it’s already dead.

And that sense of entitlement, that mentality, summed up in the We Are The People slogan, is tearing the game apart.

As with all bullies, the more they push the more they seem to get away with.

And believe me, if someone doesn’t stop them, the next time there’s a meltdown at Ibrox and another club hurtles into oblivion, they’ll take the rest of us with them…..

So how about Hugh, and all the other yellerbellies start calling out the gullibillies for causing this shitshow in the first place ?

Let’s lighten up with a caption competition…….

Well, alright, I’ll lighten up with a caption competition……