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El Cormaco steps back from his public duties to put together an assessment of his own predictions for last season, and how it didn’t always turn out how he thought it mightAs you know no doubt I m now a major celebrity and much sought after public speaker following my recent TV appearance on “Pointless” As I wile away the time in Green Rooms while nubile woman attend to my every whim I havebeen thinking about TV shows / film and Scottish Football –for example, we have:Would I lie to you ? – Starring Dave King (clue, yes, he would)Who do you think you are? – Fans of all other clubs to *RangersHome & Away – Celtic fans week in / week outThe Chase – Life now as a *Rangers fan15 to 1 – ratio of league titles for Celtic / others over the next 16 yeaersCSI – Special Hampden edition trying to unravel the “worst thing to happen ata football game ever”Dumb & Dumber – Reagan And Doncaster take your calls – nothing aboutthe Offshore game folks!Independence Day – Och, youse had yer chance Scotland, give Ireland its chance nowWhat have I missed? Add your thoughts in the comments section.Ever since my appearance on TVs pointless more and more people want to stare at my crystal Ball(s). Luckily for you I did this some time ago in an earlier article, making some predictions for the season still to come.Here is what I predicted then, at the start of last season, and how I fared – I am pretty much the football genius I always thought!Champions: Celtic. Surely we cant not win the league… but I felt Hearts were coming up with great momentum, and will run us very hard and Aberdeen will be in and around again too. If we go on a shitty run we could very well put ourselves under some domestic pressure for the first time in a long time(and it may be no bad thing) With now playing Sundays we’ll be playing catch up on other teams, which can be difficult.Right or Wrong ? – Right, including predicting a sticky patch ahead (oo-er)Relegated: Kilmarnock. Shite club, shite fans, even less ambition than ourboard, good bye and good riddance. I feel sorry for that guy on You tube, but he seems to be just about the only passionate fan they have.Right or Wrong ? – Wrong – but very close to being right, I didn’t see the total arse falling out of Dundee UnitedCup: Hearts. We seem to have lost the knack of winning “our” cup.Right or Wrong ? – I don’t recall. Did we even play in any Cup games this year ? I simply don’t recall / plead the fifth/ was temporarily insane.Next.League Cup: Celtic …but yet seem to do well in this one now.Right or Wrong ? – wrong, we blew it.Manager of the Year: Super Duper Markie Mark Warbmeister Warburton. The best thing to happen Scottish football ever™. He’ll also be given a special medal in recognition of saving Scottish football and have a statue built outside Hampden by the SFA.Right or Wrong ? – Right, natch, including how much man love the SMSM would find for the “former city trader”Player of the Year: I don’t know the names of many second Rangers players, but one of them. Whoever their top scorer is, accompanied by many many pages in the rags about why they are “so” good. Failing that Griffiths? He may not be good enough in Europe but will score score score for us this year.Right or Wrong ? – Right, in so many waysYoung Player of the Year: Can James Forrest still qualify? Some other Sevconian, with the help of some of the nominees in the Writer of the Year Award, hyped up to Lewis Mac Leod (?) levels of unsubstantiated moonbeameryRight or Wrong ?– Wrong, our very own Kieran Tierney very deservedly scooped this prize, though he is of course not as moonbeamed as Mc Kay at 2nd RangersTop Scorer: GriffithsRight or Wrong – Right.Ref of the season: Very closely fought, Willie Collum and the lads will be battling hard to be the most biased, blind, ridiculous and laughable, but Steven Mc Clean will once again be the man to beatRight or Wrong ? – eh, right, I thinkWriter of the Year: another keenly fought contest, who can get their head furthest up the Warbmeisters back passage? Chris Jack has impressed so far, with his cuddly buddy Matt Lindsay showing good form too, but it’s a long season and there will be many fawning pieces written between now and then, unanimously informing us all of just how great the Warb-machine really is. Did you know he used to work in the City, working really long hours? It’s true you know. Did you know he left it and went back to football because he loves the game? Yep, fact. Or that he helped set up a European youth club competition? Its all true Timmy.Right or Wrong ?– Right, but predicting how the Scottish Press will react to anything *Rangers is so predictable it’s a hollow victoryFunniest moments of the year: When 2nd Rangers get the begging bowl out toget the money together to finish the season, and fans (co-investors) areconvinced once again to be parted from their moneyRight or Wrong ? – Right. There was the “fans” from Hong Kong rumoured to have loaned money at steep interest rates, then the actual Rangers First lads offering “loans” which were on and off again several times, until now they have voted to become part of the “club” –ahem- and will happily hand over money for “investment” “going forward” (this is management speak for “cash to pay the bills”)Finally, from a position of apathy about the future, which I’ve written before is the most dangerous place for a club to see its fans,(unless you count over the half way line at Hampden) we are once more energised, positive, united and focussed – the most dangerous place for us to be for fans of every other club in Scotland.I genuinely cant wait for next season now.The pain of losing the Cup semi final was worth it (I’ve just remembered what happened!) – Ronnie fell on his sword, Desmond found his wallet, Brendan came in and Cup Final Saturday happened. As a (mainly neutral) observer on TV, firstly, what a game. I tried to explain to some English friends down here why I love Scottish football. Its not technically great, (its pretty bad) but it has such passion, such lunacy that its impossible to take your eyes off it.Great to see Hibs lay their Cup hoodoo to rest in such dramatic fashion. It was wrong for any Hibs fan to run on the pitch. But I totally understand why.99% of people who ran on the pitch did so through sheer joy. Players should be safe in their place of work. But to be honest, and its not politically correct to say it, when I saw the police horses come on I thought “Alright, a proper rammy!”It scared poor Warbiola so much he hasn’t been seen since, and *Rangers players are still too scared to come out of the dressing room at Hampden but brave Joseph Barton has put down his “how to get to join the Ra” handbook and joined the forces of darkness. Good. It will be an very interesting season ahead.Now come On Ye Bhoys in GreenAnd Hail Hail.
Brilliant!!!
🙂
Not a ‘pointless’ article at all Cormac. BTW, did you see your countryman and fellow Celt, a Mr Neil Lennon, emulate your performance of getting to the final but failing to win the jackpot on a recent celebrity special?
Hey, thanks for reading guys. I didn’t see Lenny but yeah I heard he got to the final but lost… It hurts!
At least the two of you didn’t riot and then proceed to blame everyone else including Alexander, Richard, David Cameron, the EU, Spiderman, Pope Francis, the Beano, etc.
A quick question if I may, how stringent is the procedure to get on Pointless in the first place?
Hey Frank. My friend but the application from Endemol, we filed it in, maybe six months or a great later they got in touch, went to an audition, did a few rounds of the game, a wee screen test then another few months and we were asked on. Then almost a year before it aired. So a a few stages but not so stringent, a good experience if you’re thinking of it
Thanks Cormac. You have set the bar now it is up to me to vault over it!