Or was he ?

The picture above shows an illicit conversation between Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Mikael Lustig during yesterdays euro 2016 clash between Sweden and Ireland.

Whilst many would say the Celtic right back is clearly trying to persuade Zlatan to join him in the east end of Glasgow, the real truth is that Zlatan spent most of the game, and most of last week, making sure that Mikael was still going to be around next season as he’d heard young Ralston isn’t a bad player either.

Whereas Lustig merely offered a few taunts along the lines of “Joey’s Gauny get Ye. ”

Lustig suffered an injury during the game-no, really, he did-but is expected to be ready for the champions League qualifiers next month, where he expects to pick up another injury in time for the start of the League campaign.

Yesterdays game finished 1-1, for those of you not completely bored already by the tournaments opening games, which have a habit of being a little turgid. Things usually pick up in the second round of group matches, and by the time the third and final games roll around most of us are able to stay awake until at least half time, and often well into the second half.

Despite reports in the Scottish media, and I use the word “report ” in the loosest possible sense, Sunderland reject Danny Graham is undergoing a medical at Blackburn Rovers, and with any luck he’ll pass it. Actually, it wouldn’t be that bad if he failed it, as in both eventualities the outcome would mean he’s not joining Celtic.

I feel  little bit for Graham, who had wanted to join Celtic,and fought against a move to “rangers ” by showing them he had opposable thumbs

Instead, speculation now revolves around Matty Taylor, the Bristol Rovers man who scored 27 times in Englands Fourth Division, and anyone who can score that frequently in a league as physical as that one has to be worth a look.

They’re not so much hammer throwers in those defences as hammer carriers, and they hit you over the head with them when the referee is busy sorting out the midfield battles, which are often fought with short handled sharpened spades.

Taylor is noted for his trick of usng his right arm and psychic power to gain possession of the ball, using a neat wee flick of the right shoulder to draw the ball towards him…

and indeed it appears the ancient powers of mother earth are involved in Taylor, the Yin,

has been chosen ahead of his mirror image, the Yan

Spooky, if you ask me.

The Bristol Telegraph, on one of the few pages not devoted to crime, spoke of the speculation around the player.

Matty Taylor

Birmingham City 

Taylor was loosely linked with Birmingham a couple of days after the season ended. The rumour was quickly played down at the Birmingham end and a move to St Andrews looks unlikely.

Post says: Not likely

Leeds United

This particular link certainly gathered pace after Leeds approached Rovers over the possibility of taking manager Darrell Clarke to Elland Road. Clarke eventually stayed at Memorial Stadium and with that the possibility of Taylor turning out in that famous old white strip probably passed as well. the prospect of playing at Elland Road would appeal, but a madcap owner and regular turnover of managers would make it a risky option for Taylor.

Post says: Don’t do it, Matty. 

Hull City 

Hull were linked with a move for Taylor prior to winning promotion. You’d have thought they may be targeting higher quality signings now that they are preparing for life in the Premier League. They already have a Uruguayan international and a Nigerian international among their ranks with more strikers expected to come over the summer. Would it be in Taylor’s best interests to spend too much time warming the bench at this stage of his career?

Post says: Club is in midst of ownership wrangle and there is uncertainty over the manager Steve Bruce. Probably one for Taylor to avoid if there are other offers on the table. 

Ipswich Town

Ipswich have only been mentioned in passing and there doesn’t appear to be too much strength to the link. Still, Taylor would certainly fit the mould of a Mick McCarthy signing. Has worked wonders with several young players in the past and Taylor would probably enjoy working for him at Portman Road.

Post says: Has all the makings of a decent career move for Taylor, but the rumours and links have come mainly from social media and appear to be without too much foundation.

Wigan Athletic 

Wigan may have fallen on harder times recently but it was only four years ago since they were in the Premier League and celebrating an FA Cup final success at Wembley. Appear to be on the way back after winning the League One title last season and would offer Taylor a decent financial return where living costs will be cheaper than where he currently resides. Would also be a Tailor-made, like-for-like replacement should the highly-rated Will Grigg be lured away from the DW Stadium this summer.

Post says: Would be an interesting move for Taylor. You wouldn’t expect Wigan to necessarily struggle on return to the Championship but will they be challenging at the top-end of the table like some of the other clubs who are said to be interested? 

Brentford

Have only entered the race for Taylor’s signature this week, but an interesting possibility for the striker to consider nonetheless. Having missed out in the play-offs under Mark Warburton in 2014/15, Brentford finished ninth last season. They have plans in place for a brand-new state-of-the-art stadium in West London and a manager in Dean Smith who likes to see football played on the floor and in a style that may well suit Taylor’s game.

Post says: Certainly a move worth considering. Humble surroundings at Griffin Park would serve to take any pressure off Taylor as he’s attempt to make the step-up initially. Still has the feel of a community-spirited and family club, but have an owner determined to lead them to the Premier League.

I’ve included the full report for two reasons. 

Firstly, to show how to properly record a players options when he’s consdering a move, so that the support can se the choices he has, instead of what happens in Scotland , especially if “rangers ” are involved, and we’ve all sen how the papers can often harass either club or player into making his choice.

And secondly, crucially, the reporter is very likely to know the player quite well, and judging from the honesty-any SMSM writers reading this might like to look that word up- of the accoount, the player may well listen to his advice, which seems to come to a straight choice between Brentford and Celtic….

Taylor joining Celtic would not be a disappointment, I’m of the Brian Clough school of thought that goalscorers , no matter what the level you find them at, can adapt, given a wee bit of patience and time, to any level.

And as the author points out, recent acquisitions from englands lower leagues, Leigh Griffiths and Gary Hooper are doing and have done okay.

The influx of foreign strikers to the top tier in England limits the opportunities that native forwards  have to progress to the top, and so they have a kind of glass ceiling when they hit the second tier. Taylor may well want to take up what could be his only chance of playing European football as perhaps the only people who have their job opportunities limited by immigration are footballers, something which doesn’t seem to be pointed out very often by the likes of Nigel Farage and that other idiot who used to be Mayor.

And believe me, if he has any doubts, send me down to talk to him. By the time I’m finished persuading him of the realities he’ll be standing outside Celtic Park with a pen in one hand and his boots in the other.

The desperation to make managerless “rangers “-oh hang on, thats next week, he’s still there at this point, sort of , anyway, – and their new signing Joey Jargon seem relevant took another step yesterday when Frank McAvennie, another who seems to read from a level 5 script, or at the very least appears to be  paid to respond to one, gave us his tuppence worth-and to be fair, someone should renegotiate the fee.

“I know Joey,” McAvennie told The Scottish Sun. “He is a great kid and I am certain he’s winding Scotty up with what he said.

“Brown IS a top player. That is not in question. He could easily turn to Joey and say, ‘How many Champions League games have you played in?’

“The answer is ‘None’ — so that would be the perfect response. Scotty has played at an even higher level.”

“This might be the boost that he needs because if he’s not at the top of his game, then Joey will walk all over him,” added McAvennie.

“Knowing the type of player Scotty is, he will rise to it and it will be a helluva game when the two of them meet in the first Old Firm derby.”

Its laughable that the arrival of a journeyman low level Englishman has “raised  the profile ” of Scottish football, and the media promoting this ludicrous and somewhat pathetic line are doing nothing to enhance our games image. 

But then again, they never did.

The real stories for next season revolve around how much Hearts and Aberdeen can strengthen Can they invest wisely and continue to challenge ?

How will they figure in Europe ?

Will Hibernian flourish under Neil Lennon ? Will his experience at the highest level in Europe help them to make the group stages of the Europa League.

Scottish football needs the other three European campaigners to get as far as possible.

thats where the stories are this summer. Thats where the praise and encouragement should be, not centred around some midfield nobody who couldn’t get a two year contract out of his previous club, frankkly because they didn’t feel he was worth it.

Oh, I know. i’m raging, and the “rangers ” are coming, and all of that was just my primal fear at losing out to a resurgent club who are back to sort out the haters and win the league and the champions league and the boat race and Wimbledon etc

But even the dumbest of the dumb over there must have a little feeling of doubt, having been fed so many stories  by the papers over the last four or five years that turned out to be bullshit.

As it stands they can’t find their manager, several players-I think five at the last count, have gone- and there is no sign of the warchest….

Without the publicity generated by the papers, the piss poor chat shows on the radio and STV, they’d be dead already.

Just trying to help.

Like when my wife wanted to experiment in the kitchen complainging that my dull West of Scotland diet-i.e. potatoes, meat, bread, beer and fags, meant that she couldn’t try new things.

Fair enough, and when I was in town yesterday i picked up a recipe book for her.

And she still fucking moaned. I really can’t win sometimes.

Yesterday we highlighted a wee story about Andy Goram, the fat loyalist drunk who used to play for Rangers, but now spends his time being a fat loyalist drunk, whose party trick appears to be to be paid to attend parties, but not turn up. Certainly not sober, at any rate.

And there’s more…

and more…

He’s still playing, I think….

Gascoigne, Goram, McCoist…Smith certainly has some players he can be proud of….

The first ever caption competition to actually win something made the big guns sit up and take notice, and another satirical swipe earned a copy of the Secret Assistant manager  for Susan Murphy…..

There’s another copy of the Secret Assistant Manager up for the winner today.