Theres been a swathe of non competitive football over the last few days. Scotland won against the Czechs, the english beat the Germans, thus making them favourites for Euro2016,
At least in England.
And Carlton Cole played in a friendly. The game was live on tv, though I’m not convinced Cole was. We only signed hin a few moinths ago, and from his performance last night, and his sizzling debut against East Kilbride, its perfectly clear that no-one had watched him before he joined Celtic.
At least not in the last couple of years.
The player seemed to enjoy it;
Thoroughly enjoyed that today. A big thank you to @Noble16Markfor inviting me down to celebrate with the Hammers Family. Lifted my spirits!
They’ll be back on the floor again if he reads this…
Carlton Cole playing as if he retired 5 years ago, then you remember he’s playing for Celtic. Christ…
Carlton Cole plays in a testimonial full of 40+ year olds and is the worst player 
What have we become…
Carlton Cole I’m sure is the only active player in that West Ham all star team and he’s the one who looks the most short of fitness 
Why is @CarltonCole1 playing in this West Ham All Star game and not returning with the England squad from Germany?
Presumably a little tongue in cheek there, or maybe Scott Moore is actually on the Celtic scouting staff…
Jozo Simunovic won’t play again this season. The Balkan Boerrigter is another example of why Celtic’s signing policy isn’t working. As, indeed, is the original Dutch Boerrigter.
Someone, somewhere is responsible for these signings. See if you buy a car, you test drive it. See if you buy a house, you go and walk around it a couple of times. Both of which cost considerably less than a footballer.
If they don’t come up to scratch, if theres a problem with them, you go back to where you bought it from, or at the very least don’t ask the guy who recommended them to come up with any more stupid ideas…
Get the point ?
Whatever happened to simply spending a month or two watching a player ? Talking to him, finding out about him ?
Seriously, how the fuck can you expect to get an honest opinion out of an agent, who gets a cut of whatever you pay the player ?
We may need a new manager, we may need a new coach, but way , way before that, we need a complete restructuring of the policy-presuming there is one-that is reckless at worst and lucky at best.
Sure, there have been some successes, and sure they have made the club a fair few quid, but the gap between profit and loss grows smaller every time we bag a boerrigter, and when you add on the Scepovics and Ciftcis to that, something is clearly wrong.
Someone at Celtic Park is living off his reputation, and it cannot be allowed to continue. Thats if that guy is still there….
We do hear that things are about to change, and Celts are looking at bringing in players who don’t need to have insults thrown at them..
Scotland face Denmark tonight in another meaningless game, although for Celtic striker Leigh Griffiths its hard to believe there is such a thing..
“The way I’m playing at the moment, I feel confident going on to the football park,”
“It’s a different environment at international level but I will still be going there confident of trying to make an impression. I have scored at 19s, 21s and for the ‘B’ side when I was 17/18 so hopefully I can chip in with a goal in my next Scotland game.
“I have been lucky to play for Scotland but in terms of scoring I have still to do that. Hopefully that’s just around the corner.”
When he talks like that, in a subdued and polite manner, you know he will be bursting a gut to score for Scotland.
As long as that’s all he bursts…without the talismanic forward, the rest of the season could be a little tricky. Perhaps he might consider getting one of those twenty four hour bugs? Or at least a ninety minute one.
His direct opponent will be Erik Svaitchenko, which will give him practice playing against slower defenders, which will come handy for the Scottish cup game ahead, but the big Dane has other ideas…
“It will be interesting going up against Leigh in a game. He’s been such a key player for us at Celtic. I hope I can get some time on the pitch against him.”
Whats his plan ? The defender will know a little more about Leigh than most….
“Leigh’s fashion sense? He comes into training in nice jogging suits – they always match. I would say Leigh can score the goals then maybe ask me for the fashion advice.
Fashion advice.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Goosebumps and fashion advice.
Of course, its all a bit of fun…isn’t it?
“I saw him talking about my fashion sense in the newspapers. It’s a good laugh and a bit of fun.
Another Celtic will take part in that game, with young Keiran Tierney set to make his debut, ahead of the highly rated Lee Wallace.
Well, I read somewhere he’s highly rated. come to think of it, I’ve read everywhere he’s highly rated…
Club and country captain Scott Brown spoke proudly of the debutant..
“I’d love to tell him I’ve taught him everything I know, but that’s a load of rubbish, The wee man has great spirit and enthusiasm.
“That’s what makes him the player he is, a will to win and a desire to make that tackle.
“He’s not scared of anyone, that’s what is brilliant about him. He just wants to play football, he is honest and a great pro as well.”
Stuart McCall, one of Strachans coaching team , called Tierney “son of Broony “, a throwback to his time at another club which specialised in interbreeding, and of course Brown was quick to dismiss the charge.
“That’s probably not the proudest moment of his career so far, being called that by Stuart McCall.
“But he’s got a left foot, which I definitely don’t have.”
That does explain rather a lot…
McCall was warned not to say “son of ” in any context again, as Leigh Griffiths overheard and required sedation and re-assurance.
Good luck to all the Celts involved in the remaining international matches..and we look forward to a statement from the club when they’re all done…
Celtic are looking for a couple of restuarant managers…
Principal Tasks: (You will be asked to work all Celtic FC 1st team home matches held at Celtic park).
- To manage hospitality suites as required.
- To deliver service excellence through the implementation and achievement of agreed standards.
- To instigate, develop training as required.
- To review, maintain and make recommendations for improvements in standards of service.
- To oversee stock control procedures.
- To maintain the highest standards of security in relation to stocks and cash.
- To ensure Company Health, Safety and Hygiene standards are consistently adhered to.
- To establish and maintain a performance culture.
- To create and maintain effective working relationships.
- To ensure we satisfy and surpass our customer expectations.
So he’d have to work during all Celtics home games….which leads me to think he would not be a Celtic fan.
We’ll have to hope they do a thorough background check. A really thorough background check. We could get the guy who checked out Cole, or Boerrigter, or Simunovic…
Did you enjoy your Easter break ?
This Celtic fan walked out of a pub. Honest, it could happen…
I got a bit of a shock, the local paper reckoned my barber has been arrested for selling cocaine. Fancy that, he was a barber.
I was out on Friday and got talking to two young Thai lassies, who were rather friendly and told me that if I wanted to spend some time with them I could… I felt I’d won the lottery.
Six matching balls.
And on Sunday there was chaos at the chapel..
Anyone been paying attention to the row over equal pay in tennis ? Have to say, at least one of them deserves it…
A few days ago-it seems so long ago now, we had this winner..
From Friday we had this one… which will be up tomorrow, as it appears Charlie Saiz isn’t getting up till tomorrow either…
And today, you’ll need to be at your best to match that sort of quality with this…
Might stop in by the fireplace today…I kid you not, this is the weather just up the road from me , A53 Leek To Buxton…
Thats one beer garden I’ll give a miss anyway.
After the previous shambolic draw the SFA invest in more robust equipment.
We Stevie prepares to fire up the new WiFi at Ibrox supplied by Sevcotron of South Africa.
Lee McCulloch’s maw displays her new line in dildos.
🙂
brilliant! just spat apple over my work keyboard!
Monti does worse things to his keyboard apparently
Come again? 🙂
and again and again
🙂
Stretch one two,stretch one two,just back from my 20mile run with the duggies,man that was easy,ah must be as fit as a fiddle.
Whats that darling? yes of course i will be putting the car away.
Andy Guid Yin, you Ayrshire Tims are well up their,when they were givin oot wit,mind you the lassies are a bit barkin.
Woof,Woof.
HA.HA. Tongues ya Bass.
I live in Ayrshire by the sea, but I’m not from Ayrshire.
Mike,your observations about Ayrshire lassies,just goes to show the bard himself who quoted the well known line about honest men and bonny lasses was clueless and lived in a drink/drug induced world, such was his strange ramblings. He was always pished,boasted about having a 9″ dick,fathered 12 kids by four different women(eat your heart out Griff) so I guess it was a case of beer goggles Rabbie.
Ha.Ha.Ha. Andy you just described wee Monti,what a poor we soul he is,its always a pleasure to speak with a fellow intellectual.A man of refinement,wit and wisdom and a fellow Tim.
Stretch one two,Stretch one two,all that speak of 15k runs has got me fired up for the forthcoming Res.12, fight.
Loved your caption comment,mind you awe wis fair boakin that it wisny mine.He. He.
So you fell for that 15 mile run bollocks. It was a 15 mile run of sorts, but all in the comfort of an automobile.
Awe kent it wis Bolloks,if you read my stretchy posts you will deduce awe wis takin the Michael,
Bhoy its hard going trying to educate you Ayrshire Tims.
caption is that a giant electric shock machine if so we could use it to jolt the board out of their moral turpitude on resolution 12
level 5 PR unveil the new press control machine
WMD: weapons of massive daleks
What?
caption the sons of strooth finaly give up on kings warchest and use their new time machine to go back to the minty years before liquidation
Caption: new goal line tecnology by the SFA
Caption After Ibrokes failed to land a casino and hotel Dave King has installed helter skelters to help fund the war chest.
peter lawwell unveils new torture chamber for any celtic fan who use smoke bombs or flares at the upcoming semi final
No need, he gave us Ronny.
Just ordered 3 flares for the Semi – final
A Green one, a white one and a Gold one 🙂
I’m on the Green wan 🙂
I will take the white one. Balaclavas ordered too
🙂
Are flares banned in the Scottish cup or is it just in Europe? 🙂
just europe, they did it last year at hampden and nothing was done
every fans should have a flare or smoke bomb and every time we hear a song of hatred we let rip….
I think I’ll phone Police Scotland and inform them I intend to take three flares into the ground…:)
WOOOOO, will take a white one,fingers stretched under ma chin,
is he frae Ayrshite tae,they awe stick the gither like come in yer hankie.Ha.Ha.
Ayrshites Green,White and Goldy.
OOOOOOOOH, i will take the white yin,fingers under the chin and waving them about.
Today on “Being John Parks” we look at “Fkux Capacity Forward Line Ups”
Caption: New scouting technology opens a sub space window to detect potential and susceptibility to injuries of players.
Celtic scouts stand around bemused as they wait to see the Dutch prospect Van Der Graaf after reading the report about the height, had plenty of balls, could generate something and would create a buzz around the place
🙂
One of the bees in my bonnet is that there needs to be greater transparency, not only with Celtic, on just who gets what out of player signing deals.
A few years ago, no one turned a hair, when Harry Rednapp, standing in a courtroom complained that he had not got as much out of a transfer deal as he had expected.
In Celtic’s case, far too much money has been wasted trying to spread the butter thin, rather than paying that bit more for proven quality.
Tom, i completely agree,personally i would like to see a good ex footballer appointed as Directer of fitba,someone who would have the final say on who was brought in.
Caption,the sfa,s new carpet smoothing machine. HH
Caption:
This is the Dundee Peh making prototype, based in Fintry, Dundee.
Locals are said to be needled at it’s presence
in the area, one local, Mike, said ” It’s an eyesore like, Ken, min.
A cannae see the point o it like ken, michty me, Help ma boat, Ken”
Boab!
Help ma boat?wtf is that yin,Mind you you are always thinking aboot Bob,must be Devoy talkin aboot awe that trooser tenting,its put yer mind in a spin.
Man a feel greaaat the day,a feel like another 25mile run.
One Two stretch,One Two stretch.
Here we go were marchin on, with wee Montis wee hard on.
doon it goes and up it comes,it looks like a big bone.
Wheres ma duggies here they come,doon bhoys,thats no the type oh bone you need.HE.HE,your pure mental.
Help Ma Boab, Ma fabulous reply has just disappeared into the sratusfere.Methinks it might appear later,who kens?
But keep it up Montgomery and i will illicit Ralphys help to find oot whar ye live and i will come loaded absolutely loaded with Pehs and Junkies,tae sort ye oot.
Have a guid yin ya Bassa.
Stretch One Two,Stretch One Two.
Jimmybee,
I replied to your comment in yesterday’s diary.
Rebus
Cheers rebus,
I think you might just have opened up a different aspect to my thinking of this sordid affair. Much appreciated.
Andybhoy that was pure class lmfao!!
Caption: “This appears to be a scale model of just how much Monti trouser-tented when he heard MON was coming back to Celtic…”
Caption: “This appears to be a scale model of just how much Charlie Saiz trouster-tented when he produced his latest statistics…”
Caption: “This appears to be a scale model of just how much the MSM is trouser-tenting over Sevco coming into the top league…”
Caption: “This appears to be a scale model (slightly on the smallish side) of how much Devoy45 will trouser tent when Celtic wins the double…”
🙂
Devoy thats a feckin lot of trouser tenting,are you sure your up to it?HA.HA.Guid Yin.
Watched the 1916 Easter Uprising last night,on bbc4, narrated by Liam Neillson.Your ancester the real Devoy,He He was mentioned a lot,was he a trooser Tenter inawe?
Jest askin like.
Jute, Jam and Peh’s….
Edinburgers,Waifs and Strays and auld Hoors.
Black Bob and Bama Lamm,met we Monti and his son Sam.
Ralph, you still wanting a flare for the semi? 🙂
Caption
We may be van de Graf apparat I effe but you’re not receiving the signals and that Motherwell striker you were supposed to mark has just run past you and nutmegged Gordon for their fourth goal. I do hope Keith Jackson. Doesn’t rip us hard working three honest defenders apart in his column and blames you
Or four uefa officials looking for weapons of mass destruction at I roc hidden in their floodlights finally realise Gazza’s relapse is of more importance
Ibrox. Not iroc (descriptive text)
The mayor of Dundee hands Monti the giant keys to the city with a few of his lackeys to witness this momentous event
I wouldn’t accept the keys….
I thought this was a key in Dundee….
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/half-life/images/6/6f/Crowbar_world_model_ep2.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20090527021758&path-prefix=en
mike will murder me…haha!!
You three are gettin worser.
I live by the sea in Ayrshire, says he,but i do not come from there,naw we ken where he comes frae and its no bonny,theres a lot awe bings there and awe dinny mean Bings Crosby.
He.He.
Bings, jeez, you don’t see many of them nowadays. The last I heard, Ayrshire transported all that stuff up to Tayside, to make it look better.
Ha, Ha. Here is me thinking Bonny Dundee,looking out my window,staring at the silvery Tay,eating my Peh, spread with jam and wrapped in jute.
Oh Happy, Happy days,mind you its hard to see that from south of Kinross,looking out over them lovely Green Fields.
North of Dunfermilne,they are landscaping the old Bings,thank goodness and turning them into cycle tracks,those were the days not.
Lol
RRRRRAAAAASSSSPPPBBBBBBEEERRRYYYYYYYYY.
Iancelt67,thats a hell of a lot of captions,theres nae prize ye ken,but keep on keepin on.
Wee Montis barred from Dundee anywey,he wis shacked up in Bonnie Dundee we wee Bbhoy,in Lochee,till they kicked him oot,he comes up before the Magistrate in 3 weeks time, hes got mair convictions than the GASL.
Silent Night reveal how they test Derek Johnstones mattress springs
Silent Nights testing Department explain the inner workings of the new Derek Johnstone Mattress Range…
He’s even wearing the old Rangers strip CS.
http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0286/4420/products/Hippo-_-Duck-pose-3-for-use-on-product-pages_41be2abd-324d-4e01-8d45-fcfb3eb409a9.jpeg?v=1436125986
Hehe 😉
Cheeers, bhoys, all your captions made me laugh. Mike, I don’t know if John Devoy of Naas, County Kildare was an ancestor or no, but I would be proud if he was. Pearse (1916) called old John “the greatest Fenian of them all” though some blame Devoy for not getting guns to the April uprising in time. Devoy was in New York City. My ancestors all left Ireland when John Devoy (1842-1923) was only 3 years old. I hope all our bhoys get through the Internationals with no injuries. I’m chuffed for young Tierney.
Devoy, if their is one thing i like its a great Fenian,
same here with Tierny and J Mcginn, i heard dont know if true but he is being lined up for Celtic,the grandson along with his bro.Jack who is at Dundee of Jack Mcginn the past Celtic and Scotland Chairman.
DEEEVOYYY theres only one DEEVOYYY.
Sorry, John Devoy’s dates were (1842-1928).
Caption….Giant ice making machine out of control on A53 to Buxton
HH
Sue
Caption,
Peter Lawwells hemmaroid machine for GIRUY,when he suprises everybody with a result on res 12.
Shocking tackle by that little dirty Leeds bastard Liam Bridcutt on Sviatchenko…..
Bet you John Kennedy winced watching that.
Charlie S,
The Gravatar you are using, where is/was it’s location?
That tackle on Erik by the young sub was brutal.
Hope there are no after effects.