Poor old Charles. What a week
As if his racist language debacle and his “worst Rangers team EVER!” dispute with Ally McCoist werent bad enough, poor wee Charles has now been shown up on National TV. Charles did an interview for STV which totally tore to shreds his “creative” claims, ala Craig Whytes involvement, Manchester United backing for Rangers in the EPL and any Dallas Cowboy link-ups.
Even Uber-loyal Chris Graham knows this might be a killer blow for his beloved Clubs holding companys holding companys holding companys Saviour! This was a true disaster. (Secret Agent Jim Traynor is doing a great job – Ed)
We thought it only charitable, in the fine traditions of Celtic, to try and help a sad guy down on his luck.
As we all know Charles wont be able to stay away from the Cameras, he just loves them so much, here are some more believable claims Charles can try making that might win him some credibility back :
- Rangers to be first team in Space. Mention “theres been talk” ( dont say letters or emails or anything auditable). Say that “sources” have hinted that should a league start in Mars, you have been told that Rangers could ( never would!) be top of the invites list
- Daniel Craig & Queen to parachute into Ibrox on Flag Day. Tell the Press how Danny Boyles a grounded Northerner, just like yourself and if he can get it sorted for a lot of folk “down South” then why couldnt he maybe get it sorted for the most beloved club in the World ( Do not mention 500m global fans!)
- Billionaire Investors are looking at Rangers. State this over and over knowing that this one is truly a FACT! Rangers are listed on Share listings. Billionaire investors and Hedge Fund Managers look at listings, for other companies sure, but their peripheral vision takes in the text that says The rangers International. Therefore, they are looking at Rangers.
- Promise Rangers Fans will see Messi play at Ibrox. This will be true if you retain Ally McCoist and Ian Black. Allys tactics are shocking and Blacks passing is atrocious. The Press wont ask you to spell Messi\Messy so dont try and do their job for them!
- Rangers will have more Scotland Players than Celtic. With Cammy Bell signed up as a Janitor until September 1st and Kris Boyd and Kevin Thomson and Kenny Miller all at the top of Allys expertly Scouted Shopping list next to Lee Wallace and Elbows, you could have more than Mulgrew, Commons, Forrest and Brown.
- Rangers TV to soon have more viewers than Richard Bransons Virgin Media!. Do not mention that Virgin media has been sold to Liberty Global, thats for them to find out and also anything to with the name Liberty might bring up your links to Craig Whyte again, but do mention the name Richard Branson and Virgin as the Gutter Press love such things!
- Hint at Big Bands to soon play Ibrox. With Hampden making a fortune from Springsteen and Bon Jovi ( Watty will be there so avoid!) Concerts and Celtic Park getting the Commonwealth Games, its time to hint that the The Rangers are soon to get a piece of that pie. The fact that the big bands at Ibrox is fat Boab from Bridgeton with his Orange Band bass drum in the Blue Order ( or his wife with a gastric band) is by the by. Always keep it vague!
We hope these help you Chuck, God knows you need all the help you can get?
if you can suggest anything that can help Charles get some credibility, please add in Comments below