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The Charles Green Claim Guide

Poor old Charles. What a week

As if  his racist language debacle and his  “worst Rangers  team EVER!” dispute with Ally McCoist werent bad enough, poor wee Charles has now been shown up on National TV.  Charles did an interview for  STV which totally tore to shreds his “creative” claims, ala Craig Whytes involvement, Manchester United backing for Rangers in the EPL and any Dallas Cowboy link-ups.

Even Uber-loyal Chris Graham knows this might be a killer blow for his beloved Clubs holding companys  holding companys holding companys  Saviour! This was a true disaster. (Secret Agent Jim Traynor is doing a great job – Ed)

We thought it only charitable, in the fine traditions of Celtic,  to try and help a sad guy down on his luck.

As we all know Charles wont be able to stay away from the Cameras,  he just loves them so much,  here are some more believable claims Charles can try making that might win him some credibility back :


  • Rangers to be first team in Space. Mention “theres been talk” ( dont say letters or emails or anything auditable). Say that “sources” have hinted that should a league start in Mars, you have been told that Rangers could ( never would!) be top of the invites list
  • Daniel Craig & Queen to parachute into Ibrox on Flag Day. Tell the Press how Danny Boyles a grounded Northerner, just like yourself and if he can get it sorted for a lot of folk “down South” then why couldnt he maybe get it sorted for the most beloved club in the World ( Do not mention 500m global fans!)
  • Billionaire Investors are looking at Rangers. State this over and over knowing that this one is truly a FACT! Rangers are listed on Share listings. Billionaire investors and Hedge Fund Managers look at listings,  for other companies sure, but their peripheral vision takes in the text that says The rangers International. Therefore, they are looking at Rangers.
  • Promise Rangers Fans will see Messi play at Ibrox. This will be true if you retain Ally McCoist and Ian Black. Allys tactics are shocking and Blacks passing is atrocious. The Press wont ask you to spell Messi\Messy so dont try and do their job for them!
  • Rangers will have more Scotland Players than Celtic. With Cammy Bell signed up as a Janitor until September 1st and Kris Boyd and Kevin Thomson and Kenny Miller all at the top of Allys expertly Scouted Shopping list next to Lee Wallace and Elbows, you could have more than Mulgrew, Commons, Forrest and Brown.
  • Rangers TV to soon have more viewers than Richard Bransons Virgin Media!.  Do not mention that Virgin media has been sold to Liberty Global, thats for them to find out and also anything to with the name Liberty might bring up your links to Craig Whyte again, but do mention the name Richard Branson and Virgin as the Gutter Press love such things!
  • Hint at Big Bands to soon play Ibrox. With Hampden making a fortune from Springsteen and Bon Jovi ( Watty  will be there so avoid!) Concerts and Celtic Park getting the Commonwealth Games, its time to hint that the The Rangers are soon to get a piece of that pie. The fact that the big bands at Ibrox  is fat Boab from Bridgeton with his Orange Band bass drum in the Blue Order ( or his wife with a gastric band) is by the by.  Always keep it vague!

We hope these help you Chuck, God knows you need all the help you can get?

if you can suggest anything that can help Charles get some credibility, please add in Comments below

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Charles don't worry...Maggie's here
9 years ago

You thought ah wis deid, now there’s a giggle
Go on tickle ma toes and watch them wiggle,
Just took a wee break tae fan the flames
Tae shovel the coal, tae note yer names

Prostrate here twiddling ma thumbs
Shoogling ma teeth and sookin ma gums
Listenin tae all that laughter and glee
Revenge is sweet jist wait and see

So wait until dark, nae moon in the sky
When sleep won’t come as hard as ye try
Is that a shadow or maybe a ghost
Wan word frae ma an’ you’re burnt toast

Don’t close your eyes, keep staring wide
The reaper waits, nae place tae hide
Wan hellish kiss, ah’ll take yer soul
An send ye down tae Hades’ hole

Then evil laughter will resound
As from the depths I’ll fly unbound
Spitting blood at the head of my pack

Gerry Meshy
9 years ago

Just Announced

Charles Green and the entire Ibrox management & backroom team to present the awards at the next MOBO’s

9 years ago

I totaly realise this is meant as a joke. Reading it however leads me to recall an old addage, “Many a true word spoken in jest”
Keep it up chuckles, you brighten all our days with your hilarity.

9 years ago

Chuckles can make the Sevconians forget all these minor misgivings, by simply referring to Craigy bhoy as ‘google-eyed’. Believe me, iconic-status will be assured! HH x

9 years ago

They may soon be twice as good as Lazarus, he only came beck from the dead once

9 years ago

When will this all end. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want it to, but seriously, I might get a hernia laughing so much. A dead carcass being picked over by Spivs for a quick buck, spinning more moonbeams to people so gullible they still don’t see it third time around- a £10 million “warchest” for Sally?! Aye right, I ll believe it when I see it.

And kudos to STV for that interview, it seems Chuckles was broadsided there, looked unprepared for the questions and resorted to the old classic “I ll show you an e mail after this interview” ploy. “No e mail was seen by STV” Superb.

One little slip of the tongue I noticed from him which hasn’t been picked up though, I know, there were many: when talking about man united – “define man united” priceless!- he said he wanted to get the club into the UK! Listen again for it, he says England later, but the first time he definitely says he wants to take T’Rangers into the UK! Don’t tell fans of the two Sevconians, but T’Rangers aren’t even British now! Ha ha, what’s left!?

Its a good job the brogues are brown the amount of keech they’re wading through over at Castle Greyskull, and with wee Craigy – hail hail my man- drip feeding recordings what other gems lie in store?

Holding my sides in anticipation….

will doc
9 years ago

. . . . .
the Rangers to be the first soccer team to :

play in the 20/20 cricket finals.

have a country named after them.

clear minefields.

provide halftime entertainment at next year’s superbowl.

provide a cure to aids,cancer and other terrible diseases.

invite the catholic church to participate in a weekly halftime competition in the centre circle at ibrox. walter smith against a leading figure in a quick fire general knowledge quiz, titled ‘The cardigan v the Cardinal’

9 years ago

Desi (See, I double checked this time)


And, why are you using my photo? 🙂


john duffin
9 years ago

See when you die and you are incarnated as a zombie and then for a laugh you die again ? See when you pop up again ,{remember just to spill the same bile as you did not the first time they died or second or rest of whenever. when will they get it through their thick heads your deid ruck off}what do you call that what ever it may be

9 years ago

Any idea if Jabba The Traiynor is still actually employed as PR Guru by the club formerly known as Ran*ers ??

Assuming he’s still there – he doesnae seem to be doing a very good job at the moment. ( Not much change there, then…)

Personally, I think he’s just hanging around for his big pay cheque and until he gets the chance to officially announce “Administration No.2″ on the Ibrox front steps….(any day soon)

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