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Etims Hunlines

Given recent controversy, we thought it about time we re-opened the ETims Hunlines and the calls just flooded on in!




“Dear Tom, can we have our ball back?” –  Dundee United Groundstaff


“Dear Tom, what was that round thing you were playing with?”.- Dundee United players


“Dear Tom darling, are your Twinkle Toes available for 2022?” – Craig Revel Horwood, BBC Salford


“If I wrap myself up in a big daft scarf, it helps me look cultured” says Shaun Maloney..least I think he said Cultured”..- Kris Boyd at Tannadice


“You all doubted me after those first few misses, didnt you….you did didnt you?” – David Turnbull, Paradise



“Its a Christmas Miracle, so it is!” –  Master Liam Scales whos on Santas Nice List this year.


“Its all very well saying Rogics goal was sublime but what about the 20 minutes he was taken off…he did nothing on that bench..he’s a pure luxury!” – Celtic fans who just love to have something to moan at!


“A beautiful Messi like goal from Rogic, a wonderful touch, spin and finish from Turnbull and a lovely slot home from Scales for his debut Celtic goal. But enough about that, lets concentrate on goals that didnt go on or even exist….”500 Celtic Analysts out there in Timternet!


“Do I look happy, does my side look settled?” – Mr A Postecoglou of Glasgow


“OFFSIDE!…sorry force of what was the question again?” – The Linesman, Tannadice


“Following Ralphs Groundhog Day Etims DIary, SFA confirm any sighting of Crawford Allan the Referee Chief shall result in 40 extra days of Media Analysis for Celtic players scoring a goal”. – An SFA Spokesman


“Wahey, the dark nights have finally drawn in”…Thats from the man in charge of the Disco Lights at Celtic Park, a Mr P Lawwell




“Dear ETims, On Thursday night. I looked on in horror as vagabonds, waifs and strays threw an empty plastic bottle at that loveable Hearts player taking corners. Don’t they know his back could have lost an eye or even worse led to a leg amputation?!
It would never happen on my watch.” –  Mr B Higgins in Glasgow


Deer ETims, Kyogo was at least ten yards offside when he scored against Hearts as yet another decision goes Celtic’s way. The SFA is now clearly infiltrated with fenians…IT MUST STOP NOW!” – Krazy, with a K, Boyd in Ayrshire.


If the Police arent going to investigate Tory Xmas parties as it was an old crime…can Celtic fans forget all about Last season please?.. – From Messrs Bankier, Desmond, Lawwell and Lennon.


Hugh Keevins said Giovanni Van Bronkhurst cuts a distinguished figure but with an assassin’s heart underneath his cool exterior and Celtic are already wounded…surely now the SNPs Care for the Elderly Program must be taken into question! –  Mr J Dornan, Cathcart


Glasgow City Council are pleased to announce that with the £200 made from fining the Foodbank Vans at Celtic Park, the Council have finally been able to repair the damage to one of the benches destroyed by Rangers fans in George Square.- Ms Susan Aiken, Souside


“When I questioned “Cant the Foodbank Vans just park somewhere else” I clearly meant over at Albion Car Park, I hear thats lovely this time of year but I dont think anyone knows who owns it these days” –  Mr John Mason of Shettleston


Dear ETims, football and politics don’t mix and it’s about time those pesky Celtic supporters realised that. – All the Tory and Labour politicians in the Celtic boardroom!



“The Snow is on the hills…theres a sense of anticpation in the air..all the boys and girls go to sleep wondering if they will wake up to something exciting…thats right folks, its yet another Rangers Share issue…roll up roll up, millions needed!” – Douglas Park of Hamilton


“It is purely a coincidence that the Japanese writing for the word Onside looks like a raised finger being pointed to all and sundry in the Media” – Mr K Y Ogo of Parkhead


“Bernard in Glasgow is looking forward to a change of career, and hopes he’ll do as well in his new job as he did in his old one. Whereas Scott in Aberdeen regrets his move, and will even consider sweeping back in Glasgow.” – Dept of Work & Pensions


“I have no idea where these George Michael jokes came from, one careless whisper and my whole life has turned a different corner “-  Mr Joe Ta of Glasgows East End


“I will never forget Remembrance Day this year, passing that right Big Tank sat outside of the Bristol bar…there were loads of them inside too I bet” – Desi, Etims


Of course we could bring 25000 fans to Hampden for the Cup final, shocking it isnt an even split,,,hold on…25 THOUSAND..we thought you just said 25! – Irvine Welsh and Dougray Scott of Leith


“Donate to ACSOM Charity to help St Marys Calton?..Humbug!” –Mr Ebeneezer Desmond of Barbados


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2 years ago

You’ve gotta be really young or thick to think nationalism is a good thing for Tim’s.
great day for Celtic the day, well done our woman’s team, respect.

2 years ago
Reply to  Bawsman

great result today. Watched the woman’s game, another great result, hardly any cheating in the woman’s game, doubt it will catch on eh.

Thomas Cochrane
2 years ago
Reply to  Bawsman

What a strange thing to say is this yin Tim ? because no mention of Celtic’s stunning display against UTD. There is a gratiotious attack on the majority of the Scottish population and a reference to the Celtic ladies team. What was the point of it all ?

The Green Machine
2 years ago

‘Innit just mair than weird that Weered used the exact same phrasing as the ex British sodjer that git done fir his ‘One behind the ear’ comment to the Brit MP as the Red fella just used towards me not so long ago ..?

I mean, the EXACT same phrasing …

Ah told ye about him long ago, Bhoys, ye can’t say I didn’t told ye, can’t ye no but ..?‘

The Green Machine

2 years ago

The antics of Kris Boyd at his work:

See when youre a protected species and your boss tells you off. What do you do?
s right, you go in a cream puff.

We are the Piqued.

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