Celtic Diary Tuesday September 28: Words Don’t Come Easy

The media campaign to discredit Ange Postecoglou was stepped up yesterday , presumably in the hope he might read some of it, and possibly begin to have doubts in is own ability.

 

 

Fortunately, one of the main protagonists was Charlie Nicholas, who, let’s face it, wouldn’t strengthen your pub quiz team. He writes for the Express, a readership that, let’s face it, wouldn’t even join a pub quiz team as they’re not allowed out without adult supervision.

 

 

“Ange Postecoglou looks to me to be the new Ronny Deila.  

 

In that he has to change the entire culture of a football team that has neglected such modernisations as sports science, nutrition and tactics, he’s right. Although in fairness Neil Lennon too had a couple of fitness regimes, such as no smoking during matches and the three pint limit at half time.

 

But thats not what Nicholas means at all.

 

 

“I am not sure Postecoglou has realised how big Celtic really are before he came in. 

 

Read that again. It’s another grammatical gem from the author, known as a Nicholism.

 

 

“I believe he has missed a pitch. 

 

 

And another.

 

 

I think Ange thought he would just come in here and his playing style would get him over the line, no problem. But it is not about style, it is about winning.

“Ronny came in and thought: ‘I will get the players really fit.’

“He then brought in John Collins to help him and it got results but, in the long term, teams were getting closer to Celtic and they had to bring in Brendan Rodgers.

 

Is he using a random words generator ? a sort of thousand monkeys thousand years thing in the hope that something legible will come out ?

 

It reads like the original has been put through google translate.

 

 

Though I do like this bit….

 

“People are casting him as the next Tony Mowbray. In Tony’s defence, he was told before he took the Celtic job there were funds, but they were never produced.   

 

 

He seems to remember that Mowbray might punch him the next time he sees him, and backtracks spectacularly in that bit.

 

 

“Tony was then left exposed and what followed was Neil Lennon’s first spell at the club.

“I am not saying Ange is being exposed but he is not making the best of things.

“Celtic are in meltdown just now. I know Ange is going to fight and scrap against anything but he is standing there without even his own No. 2 beside him.

“He has no protection or help. The manager is not under pressure over his job. I know it is a results business and his team is not playing well. The responsibility for things on the pitch should lie at the manager’s door.

“This manager is on the edge. Thursday against Bayer Leverkusen is not going to help him and if they were to lose in Aberdeen then I think a lot of the fans would turn.  

 

 

Then it seems he has remembered that Ange might well punch him as well.

 

 

Nicholas is growing ever irrelevant, and it won;t be long before someone produces a parody piece about him, if only he could think of a way of portraying someone who speaks entirely in his own language that just sounds like noise….

 

 

Charley Says Meow T-shirt - Retro Tshirts from Retro Tees

 

 

 

Over at the Record, they’ve gone for a more scientific approach….

 

 

  The shocking Celtic pictures that show Ange Postecoglou’s side defends far worse than Neil Lennon’s in botched 10 In A Row bid

 

 

You’d better sit down before you see the pictures…..

 

 

A plot showing the shots faced by Celtic this season

 

 

Well, now that I’ve seen it with my own eyes…..

 

 

22 Facts That Are Small But Still A Total Mindfuck

 

 

 

Let’s allow the writer to explain…. because I sure as fuck haven;t got a clue what he’s talking about, not in itself unusual for an SMSM hack, but this one is, er, special.

 

 

New pictures prove Celtic are worse defensively this season than around the same time last campaign.  

 

 

Think I’m gonna need a little more than that…..

 

 

Ange Postecoglou’s men have played 16 competitive matches so far and using the latest available data from InStat it’s possible to see the location of every single shot faced in all of them besides the two most recent matches.

We’ve compared the shot plot of the first 14 games to last season and Neil Lennon’s start as he made an unsuccessful attempt at 10 In A Row.  

 

 

Do Go On GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

 

 

…clearly this Hoops side has glaring defensive deficiencies and these diagrams prove it.

The first image shows every shot faced by the current Hoops side in their first 14 games.

A big red icon with a ‘G’ represents a goal, while the black circles are shots on target and the ‘X’ denotes blocked shots.

In all, there are 122 of them. 

 

The first one was this season, this one is last season….

 

Shot diagram showing shots faced by Neil Lennon's Celtic team in 2020-21

 

 

 

Conclusion ?

 

Well, mine is that a team that had won four consecutive trebles defended better in it’s opening matches than a team that had lost four or five key players and had a new manager in place after a trophyless season.

 

 

Where would we be without such analysis ?

 

 

What’s more sinister, of course, is that someone sat down, and like all statisticians, came up with numbers that suit his own agenda.

 

 

Oddly enough, they tend to shy away from , for example, analysing refereeing performances, where and when yellow cards and fouls are handed out, as opposed to just how many.

 

Or which teams get the most penalties, and if that frequency is affected by how the team is playing.

 

Or perhaps most significantly, they act as though there fingers have been burnt when someone hands the evidence of corruption, collusion or downright fraud when there’s a real news story to be written.

 

 

It’s time to circle the wagons, and it wouldn’t hurt to remind the players, and indeed ourselves, how much we are still Celtic.

 

 

Thursday sees the visit of Bayer Leverkusen, and they’re not to be sniffed at. Although I don;t actually know anyone who sniffs football teams, and if you do, give them a helpline number or something.

 

 

After that, it’s off to Pittodrie in the league.

 

 

 

When Ange Postecoglou took over, we knew it wouldn;t be dull.

 

 

It certainly isn’t, and there;’s still a ways to go as he attempts to build something here. for some Celtic fans, a trophyless season was an entirely new experience, and it has hit them hard.

 

The demand for instant success and the cries of anger at the board may well have some credence, but they’re not going to help win matches, and right now, we need to be winning matches.

 

 

In fact, if we all do our bit, then we should be fine.

 

 

Maybe what’s needed is a bit of good PR, something that shows the club can stand up for itself.

 

 

Perhaps a gentle reminder to those in the media who criticise the club, not because they feel they are being constructive, but purely for those who have their own drum to beat, attracting attention for the sake of their own egos.

 

 

Beating GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

 

 

 

Of course, that’s not the way….mediation and compromise is always better…

 

 

 

Make Him An Offer He Can T Refuse GIFs | Tenor

 

 

 

 

On Sunday, we had this….

 

 

 

Image

 

 

The Green Machine
 1 day ago

Caption:

’I wonder if my return flight’s still valid ..’

 

 

Today….

 

 

John Hartson hits back at Charlie Nicholas over Scott Brown claim - Pundit  Arena

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Rolling Stone
23 days ago

“The demand for instant success and the cries of anger at the board may well have some credence, but they’re not going to help win matche…”

As ever, not the time to be angry or criticise the Board. When exactly is the time?

Iancelt67
23 days ago
Reply to  Rolling Stone

Agm

The Cha
23 days ago
Reply to  Iancelt67

Nonsense, AGMs are completely corporate controlled and give the impression that all fans back the board.

The Green Machine
22 days ago
Reply to  The Cha

Everything is corporate controlled and those that ain’t, well, the long Convid will soon see to that, just like I told ye.

Iljas Baker
23 days ago
Reply to  Rolling Stone

All the time is the right time to criticize the board.

The Cha
23 days ago
Reply to  Iljas Baker

Every day in every way.

BroxburnBhoy
23 days ago
Reply to  Rolling Stone

As long as I’ve been a celtic supporter we have been criticizing the Board constantly.

The Cha
23 days ago
Reply to  BroxburnBhoy

Sadly its always been necessary, still is but in the future?

Maybe I’m a dreamer.

The Green Machine
22 days ago
Reply to  The Cha

But ye’re not the only one.

Iancelt67
23 days ago

Caption
Ok Charlie it’s the producer here. You’re fired you can go back to writing primary school diatribes for the record.

greenmaestro
23 days ago

“Mork calling Orson, come in Orson”

Mcklintop
23 days ago
Reply to  greenmaestro

Beat me to it.

The Green Machine
22 days ago
Reply to  Mcklintop

I beat it though …

Michael Annis
23 days ago

Caption Charlie trying to get his foot out of his ear to stick it in his mouth.

Yes it’s a disappointing start to the season. We’ve had it before and we’ll have it again but is shows the task ahead to get over and replace the team that NL and the Board trashed. What I will say is that looking at finances here and across the river who would we rather be. They need CL qualification to survive so let’s not hand it to them.

henkesdreadlocks
23 days ago
Reply to  Michael Annis

Every reason for our cuntstodians to give them all the help they need to achieve it.

The Cha
23 days ago
Reply to  Michael Annis

Looking at the finances here and across the river who should be the 25 point clear Champions and who should be the one in disarray?

The Green Machine
22 days ago
Reply to  The Cha

Who is and who’s no?

Ah hah, Hunny Don’t …

Paddybhoy67
23 days ago

This effin engage the brain software isnae wurk, wurk, wurk

The Green Machine
22 days ago
Reply to  Paddybhoy67

Paddy Two Times Paddy Three Times

😉

Lisbon Lions Upper
23 days ago

“ Charlie, you need to leave for, er, ‘security reasons’. We’ve heard Ange and Stiliyan are in the building now and are looking for you….”

The Green Machine
22 days ago

😀

’You are not safe here and must go home.’

Imagine it had been that way round, bit …

david
23 days ago

If I pretend to be talking on my mobile they might not ask me any of those question thingies.

The Green Machine
22 days ago
Reply to  david

His mobile ear …

Buclot
23 days ago

caption – ” broom, broom, broom. Engineer? i don’t get it jeff”

Schrodingers Cat
23 days ago

Having just observed the kids in the front row of the stand, Charlie is trying to get his tongue to pop out by twisting his ear. “Once I’ve mastered this, I’m going to ask someone to pull my finger”

henkesdreadlocks
23 days ago

Caption……..

Homer’s crayon found a new home many years ago, after a chance meeting with a certain Moe Szylak.

henkesdreadlocks
23 days ago

Bye the way, SACK THE BOARD.

The Green Machine
22 days ago

Aye, sack the board.

Bit late though, right ..?

John E Mitchell
23 days ago

Caption – Nicholas, on hearing the absolute shite he is spouting, realises that one of his noise cancelling earplugs has popped out.

The Green Machine
22 days ago

Mayonnaise ear

Cartvale88
23 days ago

Caption

Champagne Charlie is now a cheap Cider Charlie as he fumbles through the dark!

Sad irrelevant wee man, as for the fourth estate currently they are waiting on the next fairytale from Ibrokes, who will it be now? Another fantastic transfer figure as they struggle to stay above the waterline, or another class signing from the a junior leagues.
Every story about Celtic is negative, no penalty, ignore the two red cards and poor refereeing week in week out. The board should look at Dundee they have banned Kris Boyd, but Bankier and co accept any old crap.

Iljas Baker
23 days ago

I think all the time is the time to criticize the board and DD. What we are now seeing on the field is the result of poor succession planning and interference and a heavy dose of bad luck in terms of injuries. DMcK walked and he left a message by leaving for “personal reasons”. If you can’t see it you must be blind. Just imagine Ange tried to change things in terms of style, tactics, whatever with the players currently at his disposal he would soon be in NL’s shoes. Who would the new manager be? Jack Ross? Ha ha. Calum? Ha ha. The same old short sightedness and inability to defer gratification is raising its ugly head again. We need a revolution, not a short term solution. Stop buying merchandise, let the board face having to explain to Adidas what going on. If you go to live games take banners etc saying you support the manager but want changes at board level and modernization of the club with the bottom line being success in Europe.

The Green Machine
22 days ago
Reply to  Iljas Baker

And Freemasonry.

Primarily Freemasonry, in fact.

You know it.

And those who don’t will.

23 days ago

Caption:
Mama, just killed a man

The Green Machine
22 days ago
Reply to  portpower

Put some soup against his head
He sucked it til he’s dead …

Owen Mullions
23 days ago

Caption – “Haud oan tae Ah pit ma brain in”.

22 days ago
Reply to  Owen Mullions

Said the bold Charley as he bent over, dropped his strides and redirected the micro- eh spongy thing oan a stick.

There, fixed it for you Mr Mullions.

The Green Machine
22 days ago
Reply to  Owen Mullions

Ahhh, what brain wid that be ..?

mattybhoy
23 days ago

eh wits this thing oan the side o ma heid

mattybhoy
23 days ago
Reply to  mattybhoy

its an ear ya fvcking halfwit

The Green Machine
22 days ago
Reply to  mattybhoy

I like how ye got a Dislike for yer first line and 2 Likes for yer second …

Neat trick 🙂

Funkyy
23 days ago

Charlie Nicholas….”I’m sitting here stinking..”

The Green Machine
22 days ago
Reply to  Funkyy

He’s all stinking …

To himself …

Nice to see another John Lee H man here …

Too few of us left, cheers, boss.

The Cha
23 days ago

Caption “Feck me, I know I used to wind up that numpty lennon but I didn’t think any fans would fall for it. Clearly not all the stupid, stupid are Huns”

TerryTonner
23 days ago

Caption . Bellend.

Woof Charlie
23 days ago

Caption: OK Charlie, just batter out some stuff about the game and then I promise you that you 1can sing Where the Streets Have No Name to the whole planet, I know we’ve been telling you this for 20 years in lieu of wages but this time Charlie, this time.

Cortes
23 days ago

Caption: I’m telling you, I’ve adjusted it and I still look like an arsehole

tex
23 days ago
Reply to  Cortes

caption.

think ahv goat it right this time,listening thingy in ma ear
talking into thingy in ma mitt.

Monti
23 days ago

BANKIER OUT!

henkesdreadlocks
22 days ago
Reply to  Monti

SACK THE BOARD and get Desmond tae fk as well.

Monti
22 days ago

Long overdue Andy, they are holding the club back.

henkesdreadlocks
22 days ago
Reply to  Monti

They’re not holding it back m8, they’re killing it.

The Green Machine
22 days ago

The Green Machine says …

Took yez long enough .

Monti
22 days ago

The thing that really annoys me about Ange is his reluctance to gamble with substitutions, everyone in the stadium & even those watching on live streams ( Charlie Saiz ) could see we were not going to get the break of the ball up front, why not put young Moffat on? What was there to lose?

#Totallyfrustratedasfk

henkesdreadlocks
22 days ago
Reply to  Monti

I know we have fewer numbers to call on and that seems to be escalating on a game by game basis, but the worrying aspect is his inability to adjust formation when required. 2-0 up in Seville and nearly three with a wee bit of luck, surely you’ve got to try and hold onto that advantage and not leave yourself wide open to the comic cuts we saw thereafter. He doesn’t seem to have a plan B. Worrying.

Monti
22 days ago

Yep, he just stands there hoping we score instead of being ruthless & taking people off.

Monti
22 days ago

Can we have Mike, Weered & Charlie Saiz back on posting please?

Gerald Allen
22 days ago
Reply to  Monti

Montis, what’s happened to Mike, he doesn’t seem to have been on here for a good while, one of the best Co tributers on this blog. H. H.

The Green Machine
21 days ago
Reply to  Gerald Allen

Mike needed a little break when he realised he wasn’t where he thought he was.

bgbhoy
22 days ago
Reply to  Monti

why do you want that racist donkey back?

The Green Machine
21 days ago
Reply to  bgbhoy

It makes him feel all warm & fuzzy & safe & secure to know there’s one of the queen’s own about ready to look after him when guys like The Green Machine come around.

D’in’t it, Monti?

Owen Mullions
22 days ago
Reply to  Monti

Dunkirk of the Queen’s Own Bullshitters? No-o-o-o-o-o!!!

Weered
22 days ago
Reply to  Monti

I haven’t gone away ya know Cough

The Cha
22 days ago
Reply to  Weered

I hope you’ve got your coat ready for the colder nights. 😉

Weered
22 days ago
Reply to  The Cha

Yes both my red coats are looking forward to winter

The Cha
22 days ago
Reply to  Weered

I see the Redwomen just missed out on their title but hopefully the Redmen will go one better.

Weered
21 days ago
Reply to  The Cha

The girls we’re unlucky but the guys have had a great start to the season

The Green Machine
21 days ago
Reply to  Weered

The girls are never unlucky when I’m around

Monti
22 days ago

Caption: ” Can you make it a bowl of Oxtail “

Monti
22 days ago

SHERIFF TIRASPOL

henkesdreadlocks
22 days ago
Reply to  Monti

I watched all their qualifiers and that didn’t surprise me last night. Some right good players in that team particularly the left back Cristiano da Silva. Oh aye and a manager who seems to know what he’s all about.

Whitearra
22 days ago

Caption : Director : ‘Wid somebody please remind Charlie thit he didnae git the gig and the microphone isnae plugged in.’

22 days ago

Caption

” Left hand microphone, right hand ear piece.
Left hand microphone, right hand ear piece. OMG! How am I expected to remember all that.”

Andy Coyle
22 days ago

CAPTION.Hello, are you in my ear Boydy,right what will i say next

Bognorbhoy
22 days ago

Caption …
Aye boydy it’s a pub game , it’s called darts , you hold this we arra thing like this , next to your eye and throw it a board …

Iancelt67
22 days ago
Reply to  Bognorbhoy

Charlie Nicholas use to stay about 200 metres from my house used to play indoor against him at the catholic school. Hun Duffy as well. Suppose we were all fucking stupid from that area he was in wyndford I lived in the Mary hill valley. I think the pipes were lead. And we are all fucking brain damaged from it. Erin brockovich would have had a field day

The Green Machine
21 days ago
Reply to  Iancelt67

I made a fair bit of money outta lead but it was only the tenth of the price of blockie.

Made a fortune off that stuff but ye had to get in the building the minute last tenant left and often had to pull the tools on the other mobs vying for it.

Iancelt67
22 days ago

Charlie Nicholas use to stay about 200 metres from my house. We had lead pipes were all a sandwich short of a picnic from that neck of the woods

The Green Machine
21 days ago
Reply to  Iancelt67

Well at least you’re only a sandwich short, Ian, all Charlie has left is soup.

The Green Machine
22 days ago

Who ah, ffs, Ralph, what’s going on here?!

The funniest fvckin shit I’ve read off you in years to the point I was gonna C&P yer opening lines til they just kept coming then at the end learn I’ve won my first Cap Comp! 😀

Wtf, man, you’re a true genius with stuff like this, which is why I came on here in the first place cos you really made me laugh out loud and I’m no just saying that cos I got the banger at the end 😀

Cheers, boss, you’re alright and always have been, as I keep telling ye.

Just you keep remembering that yirself.

Glass duly raised.

TGM

The Green Machine
22 days ago

Caption:

’Ralph McTelling Charlie!
Ralph McTelling Charlie!’

The Green Machine
22 days ago

Caption:

So much soup that it sticks in his ears.

Woof Charlie
22 days ago

Caption: ‘So if an earring on the right is gay and an earring on the left is straight, if ma tongue’s pierced am a bilingual?’

The Green Machine
21 days ago
Reply to  Woof Charlie

😀 😀 😀

Michael
22 days ago

Wait till A switch ma brain oan

Monti
22 days ago

Test

The Green Machine
21 days ago
Reply to  Monti

Es…

The Green Machine
21 days ago

Or -icles ..?

You mad about ETims or just plain mad? Why not buy the t-shirt at http://etims.spreadshirt.co.uk/