Celtic Diary Saturday March 5: Chinese Whispers…..

In the world of nuclear science, those in the know have a symbolic way of letting us know how close we are to the total destruction of mankind. Based on world events and whatever mood the americans are in, the hands of the “Doomsday Clock ” are moved closer to midnight the more fraught the conditions are.

We announce today the introduction of the “Celtic Clock ” ( it tells the tim, and goes tic, tic, tic, )

Operating on the same idea as the doomsday clock, the closer the hands are to midnight, the likelier the possibility of implosion.

As you can see, it’s currently at nearly ten past ten the following morning.

And here’s why….

None of the following is true, but I need to fill this page. And I always fancied my hand at fiction anyway…

A couple of directors may no longer be with us, which means they might not be here to see the latest attempt to gain entry into the English league bear fruition, or fall on its arse depending on the response from the lower level English team that is currently the recipient of a cack handed take over bid from our club.

After the four year journey of another Glasgow club saw their fans-well some of them- stand by them, and indeed pay for the privilige, one or two of our own board think its not such a bad idea for us to undertake a similar journey, as we will see the big prize at the end of the road. EPL millions.

Except they may have misread the situation, as the club concerned are not playing ball.

And they are finding that it might not be what the fans want either.

I’m trying to find out more about this so I’ll keep you informed.

Closer to home, and the clear the air meeting on Thursday might not have had the effect the management had hoped for, as a number of players pretty much sulked for the rest of the day, and a number of small animals were admitted to several vets suffering from wounds caused by repeated kicks. and we hear at least one goldfish is dead , despite the owner assuring the vet it was okay when he put it back in its cage.

In those kind of meetings, the idea is to rip them apart, but put them back together again after wards. You have to put them back better than they were before they went in.

Seems the latter part of the plan didn’t quite work.

One player in particular, not neccesarily as a result of this meeting, but may have actually been the cause of it, has apparently refused to perform his pirouettes ever again for the club, but we’ll keep his identity a secret just now, and play our cards nir to our chest.

He’s not the only one who is in a huff.

Ronny is now spending his midweek meal breaks by himself, with his usual partner having taken to hiding from him and asking the waiters to tell him when he’s gone.

Again, we’re not saying who, but he’s been hiding all season so its fair to say Ronny has no chance of spotting him.

And could it posibly be true that Derk Boerrigter has not been injured all along ?

He just doesn’t want to play for the Three Amigos 2016 ?

Boerrigter saw all this mess coming , and decided his promising career and possibility of international honours could be jeopardised if he was seen playing for Ronny and the Jonnies, and despite heartfelt pleas from all at the club, he wouldn’t budge.

After all, he has a reputation to consider.

You might not believe me, but Johann Cruyff once said of Boerrigter “he’s the closest thing to me I have ever seen on a football pitch ” -although he  may have been referring to Graeme Sinclair, who famously marked him out of that game in Amsterdam. So much so, in fact, that Sinclair was chucked out of the Ajax dressing room when he was seen sitting next to Cruyfff in the bath after the game.

Calum MacGregor , as we know , received a massive driving ban for being four times over the limit when driving home from a club the other day, and his defence that he was too pissed to walk didn’t wash with magistrates.

Happily, the way it has been kept quiet an not affected his place in the team has meant that all the players are really pleased for him…..and can’t wait for the invite to join him at his own table at a well known night club.

Still, MacGregor has time to make amends,

Now that his parents have made him move back home he can have a good look at himself, and the senior players can maybe sort him out.

His family seem to have noted that he needs to be brought back down to earth, which is great, but the club haven’t. Or, perhaps more accurately, they haven’t made it clear they have, not just to the support, but to the other players.

Remember, after the offence, Deila said he “was not ready to play “, instead of giving him a verbal kicking and banishing him to the stiffs.

This scenario doesn’t surprise me.

We don’t have a manager in the mould of Burns, Stein or McNeill.

And there’s no Sean Fallon or Billy Stark to help the players adjust to being Celtic players.

We could be walking blindfolded into a disaster here, and unless something is done, and done very quickly, the possibility of looking back in a few years time and laughing about this particular period of our history is diminishing day by day.

There isn’t a single Celtic supporter who doesn’t have his own ideas on how to fix this. Thats what is great about being a Celtic fan.

But what we shouldn’t do is take a lesson from our former fos on the other side of the city and stand back and let it all happen.

But first of all, lets beat morton tomorrow.

We can deal with the sackings on Monday.