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Transfer Deadline Day – Does South America Exist?

By Broadsword

I think I have reached a relative state of calm and sensibility following the disappointment of Tuesday evening.

I shall openly confess to resembling this character at various points during the week.

Killie fan rant man

Not in appearance, but in mood, just for the avoidance of doubt.

However, I have resisted the urge to publicly declare one of my team’s players to be a ‘fucking banger’ and have managed to avoid getting stuck into the fry ups and pies. One of those assertions may not be strictly true. In fact, neither of those assertions may not be strictly true.

Virgil Van Dijk, as I write, is de-Fenianising his twitter account, in lieu of a much expected £10m-ish transfer to Southampton, or Swansea, or Sunderland, or Everton or someone else I only consider in terms of 1,2, X. Good luck to him I say, should he depart. I’ve enjoyed watching him play for Celtic and I think he’ll do rather well for himself. He can come back for one of our European games and pick my ticket for the Paradise Windfall.

I would be surprised if he were to be the only departure over the next few days. Anthony Stokes, Stefan Scepovic and Callum McGregor have been linked with moves to Spain, Burnley and Rotherham respectively. I do not expect a human wall at the car park/Celtic Way thing to stop any of them from going on their merry way.

Others may very well bid farewell.  A good friend of mine happened to overhear a certain Dutch patient we employ talk of his desire to find a new club before Jim White takes his yellow tie off. I would not be aghast if one of our first team regulars such as Bitton or Johansen were to attract the kind of bid which would make someone at Celtic Park think ‘there  may be a new suit available here’…

However, I’m going to continue this work of fantasy based on the assumptions that Van Dijk goes for around £10m and another £1m or so is brought in by the sale of others. So, given that we are looking at another 45-50 games this season, as well as trying to get into better shape for a tilt at making the group stages of the Champions League then how do we strengthen the squad? Based on takings of circa £11m I’m going to allow myself a Football Manager style budget of around £6m. If you want an intelligent, informed and original insight into who we may/could/should buy from France then please, and I urge you, to read this however, if you enjoy the ramblings of a mad man then carry on.

First of all let us deal with what we know at this point in time. Tyler Blackett is coming in from Manchester United on loan, but there are suggestions of a possible £3m deal next year. I’ve seen him a couple of times and am not really sure what to think – there’s a player in there but there’s also some question marks. Last season was the perfect opportunity for a promising England under-21 defender to get in and make a mark on that Manchester United defence. He didn’t.  He didn’t seem to thrive during two other loan spells either but that is not to say that he can’t develop at Celtic. However, are we signing him as a centre back or a left back? I think this question gives us reasonable scope to investigate the possibility of looking at more possible defensive additions.  Without any knowledge or decent info I’m going to knock £1m off my transfer kitty for the Blackett deal. There are no other young defenders in the Greater Manchester area that I think are good enough or will come to us so who else could we go for?

The name of Karol Mets of Viking has been bandied about. 22 years of age, Estonian international and supposedly available for around £700,000-£850,000. But is he any good? From what I’ve watched he’s pretty decent. In saying that, the first video I watched he made a tackle which Terry Butcher would be proud of – needless to say the Viking goalie wasn’t getting a clean sheet bonus that week. He does seem to be composed, can time a challenge well and is able to anticipate what is coming his way. I wasn’t sure of the quality he was up against so there would be a hefty element of speculation involved but to hell with it! Everybody loves a transfer so that’s the defence sorted and we’re down to £5m or so.

Midfield is not an area requiring much surgery. Johansen is having a bit of an Arild Stavrum season in that his statistics are better looking than his miniskirt. As soon as he realises that the outside of his left boot does not need to be used 2443535 times per match then he’ll hopefully rediscover his form of last season. Brown and Bitton, despite being pish on Tuesday have performed well and should dominate most games. Rogic has looked like decent back up and Scott Allan is shite anyway, so sayeth the denizens of Paisley Road West. Ryan Christie has joined in a £500,000 move from Inverness Caledonian Thistle. Having seen the impact the boy made when coming on at Celtic Park I am happy with this, should it come to be. Put it this way, I think that this may be our only chance at getting him as a ‘James McCarthy’ scenario may unfold. I can see why we allowed him to stay at ICT for the rest of the season but my preference would have been for him to be with the squad, getting used to how we work and just getting away from John ‘manager of the century’ Hughes; loveable big bugger he is and all that. £4.5m left – yaldy!

Consider this for a moment. Leigh Griffiths breaks his leg. Leigh Griffiths snaps his Achilles. Leigh Griffiths signs for Barlinnie FC. Essentially, the reality of our situation is that there is an alarming paucity of options in the striking department and that this needs sorted, now. Griffiths is already on 7 goals for the season, I think. All being well he will get around 30 and that can’t be sniffed at. Stokes and Scepovic (Getafe – done deal on loan) are expected (hoped) to move on and Ciftci has, to date, been pure shengus. I would look for two strikers to be brought in. I don’t expect this to happen, one would be welcome, two would be amazing but zero would have me sizing up Mars bars and scouting positions in the main stand.

Gary Hooper has fallen foul of Alex Neil at Norwich and has been told tae get tae. Ideal. He’s been here before, would score, not just for fun but because it’s his job and would undoubtedly improve us as a team. Leetle problem time. Hooper is on something like £32,000 per week, Norwich don’t want to cover any of it and that is probably too rich for our blood – or is it? As much as I would like to see the return of the Nando Commando I doubt it shall come to pass. Stevie May is also available, and, as far as we are concerned I wouldn’t object to that remaining the case. He’s a decent player but not what we require in my estimation. Shite haircut, pass.

I can now empathise with our scouts who have made a James Hunt of finding a striker since broadband became commonplace. Except I don’t. One player I suggest we keep an eye on, despite him only signing for Utrecht in July is Sebastien Haller. French U-21, big, strong and starting to bang them in. Seems like a confident sort, a very coordinated Amido Balde if you will. I did state a desire for two strikers and I stand by that. However I think that my next suggestion may offend Katie Hopkins, a first class cuntybaws whom I assume reads this site everyday.

Map of South America

Look! South America actually exists! It’s a real place and it has…football players, with…European passports!

Yes, Celtic do not have a fantastic track record with this part of world, however that’s not to say that things can’t change. Juninho, Rafael, Fernando De Orleans and the Racing Club games may have struck the fear of Hun accounts into the scouting department but it is patently ridiculous that a club which seeks to develop ‘Champions League & World Cup’ standard players doesn’t seem to have an active interest in a part of the world which is football daft and is pretty handy at saying to European clubs ‘there ye are, some cracking players, cheap as you like’. Aye, ok, it’s overly simplistic and doesn’t give due consideration to the cultural and climatic differences (it gets bloody cold in Argentina in the winter – Ed!) which may dissuade Celtic or a potential superstar from meeting on the dance floor but, if you don’t ask then you don’t get a fish supper. So the saying goes. It does. Try it.

Alas, the slamming of the window draws ever closer (who the fuck slams a window? Surely their maw would have something to say something about that?) The latest crown jewel is set to depart and the next step of the squad transition is in our midst. Ajax, Fenerbahce and Molde present a tough but escapable group and, given the mood earlier in the week, there are plenty of reasons to be hopeful of how the season may turn out.

*In other news – Rangers season tickets are still available. Just lift any paper or listen to the Sportsound podcast where a megaphone wielding dullard will sort out the pesky Oirish. Tickets can also be obtained from the butcher with the microphone at Govan Market and please do not expect to see Dave King at the matches as he is very busy. Very busy indeed.

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7 years ago

BBC reporting Virgil at Southampton, 5 year deal and £11.5 million agreed, just medical to pass.

7 years ago

Great read.
Even Central America would do..feck it North…. Canada…Alaska…just get someone who can score a goal!

Kieran Gallagher
7 years ago

anywhere would do but not Dundee again………….

7 years ago

i would buy rooney fae aberdeen if only to annoy that dope mc innis and the rest of the sheep

7 years ago

Great read, thanks for doing it.

I think an issue for us wrt South America is work permits – Portugal, netherlands etc seem to have little / no criteria but we need home office approval – they need to be a recognised international or some such e.g Izzaguire or we go to a panel – like for Scheidt, who had palyed for Brazil. Unlikely we could go after any semi regualr Selecao playes now.

7 years ago

Stokes is mentioned in the article, and one of the ads above the comments is for “Unique Method Regrows Lost Hair”. Coincidence? I think not …

7 years ago

Most South Americans (with the possible exception of Argentinians who spend their winters planning the next Falklands invasion, or those living on mountaintops in the Andes who can’t afford a poncho) are used to seeing the sun every now & then. Unfortunately, the weather in Scotland – where the sun is seen so infrequently children have been known to cower from it fearing an invasion by alien star-ships, is not exactly an attraction.

Add to that the fact that the reputation of Scottish football is even lower than leagues as shitty as the Dutch Eredivisie, and that even relatively unknown (but talented) South Americans can earn 3 time as much in Eastern Europe or Russia, the chances of Celtic finding any success in scouting there are pretty slim IMHO

Sean cahill
7 years ago

The South Americans we have signed have been Scheidt, including Juninho and Efrain Juarez (ok technically he’s from Central America but you know what I mean). Temprament and style of play not suited to our game.

London celtic
7 years ago

Been busy at work have we signed that young Croatian defender??

7 years ago

Juarez was Mexican and Mexico is firmly in NORTH America. Canadians and Americans often forget that.

7 years ago

auld charlie says they have no gratitude efter me making them awe tea anaw ha ha

7 years ago

…coincidently I’m reading at the moment “The Betrayal of Montezuma” by Cortes written circa 1519. Great read, nothing to do wi fitbaw though.

Thought I’d drop that in.


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