New Celt Nadir Ciftci will find out how long he is banned for today when he appears before the SFA charged with biting Jim McAllistair of Dundee.

Now that he’s a Celt, of course, he’s innocent in my eyes and it was all a misunderstanding.

Might be a little tricky to come up with a credible defence plea, to be honest. Although I feel it’s a little churlish of McAllistair to fail to mention the bite he got from an escaped rattlesnake in the moments before this picture was taken, and it appears his cry of pain sounded very similar to the turkish for “quick, suck the poison out of my leg , I’ve just been bitten by an adder “.

After the incident, a Dundee United spokesman said;

“The player is both surprised and upset by the accusation and, on discussing the matter in detail, it is clear to us that the player has not been involved in any such incident.

“In fact we commend Nadir for his tolerance on the field given some quite severe physical and totally unacceptable verbal provocation.” 

See ? I was right.

Reallistically, Ciftci faces a lengthy ban, which although doesn’t include European matches, should mean that he won’t play again until it’s done. I suppose he can work on his body shape until then, as the hooped design of the home shirt doesn’t seem to be doing him any favours.

 Ban or not, Leigh Griffiths, who always moves up a gear when he feels he has something to prove, scored three times in a 4-1 friendly win against SD Eibar on Saturday night, when decent people were out at an all you can eat Chinese restuarant working on their body shape, which meant I missed the game.

 Cracking food, though, and the waiters were looking a little concerned because apparently when you fill your plate you are supposed to sit down and eat it, not join the back of the queue again whilst you chew away at the contents.

 The game featured new goalkeeper Logan Bailly, who saved a penalty and afterwards vowed that he won’t go back to his wild ways, which led to a chorus of groans in the press room.

 It appears he was a bit of a lad in days gone by.

According to the Record , anyway. which probably means he’s just back from five years in the Peace Corps working in famine and drought affected areas.

 The Record said;

A decade on from being branded the Beckham of Belgium, though, it’s the fact the reformed character has saved his career which is pushing him to make the most of his second big-club break. 

I think it’s fair to say that the “Beckham of Belguim ” exists purely in the imagination of the hack

Bailly’s career has been laced with controversy, his early recognition as a potential superstar catapulting him into the spotlight, and the fleet of Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Bentleys in his driveway – as well as a conviction for assaulting a fan – keeping him there. 

Bailly said;

 “All this stuff, this is the past. I’m 29 now and more mature. I’m a different person now.

“A keeper is always a little bit crazy. When I was 20 or 21, I made some mistakes.

“But you learn from life. That is all in the past.

“I have two children now who are 11 and five. They are the most important thing for me.

“And is there room in a Ferrari for a child seat? No!” 

 So leave them in the house then.

Now I have signed for Celtic, I wake up and see the chance I have to be part of this club.

“Before I joined Celtic, I heard a lot about it – about the fans, the team and the history.

“Now I see why everybody knows Celtic. It is unbelievable.”  

So, whats the story here with the fan ?

Berlin: Bundesliga goalkeeper Logan Bailly could face six months in jail after appearing in a Belgian court on an assault charge, it was reported on Tuesday.

The 25-year-old Belgium international appeared in court in Liege on Monday to be questioned about an incident in May 2008 in which a fan was left with a broken nose during celebrations after Standard Liege won the Belgian title.

Both Bailly, who plays in goal for Borussia Moenchengladbach, and his brother Arnaud, 27, appeared before a court at Liege’s Palais de Justice on an assault charge after both were alleged to be involved in the incident.

The prosecution has asked that Logan be given a six months jail sentence, while his brother faces two years behind bars.

Both brothers are also set to be fined over the incident.

Having already appeared in court in February, Bailly answered questions on Monday morning before returning to training with ‘Gladbach, who play VfL Bochum on Thursday in the first-leg of their relegation play-off.

“The request from the prosecutor is a bit of a shock,” he told German daily Bild having made 15 Bundesliga appearances last season for ‘Gladbach.

“I was just here to to describe how the evening went.”

“My brother and I have done nothing wrong.”

The court’s judgement will be passed on June 6.  

And then….

6 June 2011 Bailly was sentenced by the Criminal Chamber of the 12th Liege Palais de Justice to five months’ imprisonment, to enforce it on parole was suspended. ^[12] He had on 16 May 2005 together with his brother Kevin in the parking lot outside the restaurant ” La Maison du Peket “in Liege two fans of Standard Liege seriously injured. ^[1   

Six months suspended for belting someone ? I don’t know the circumstances, but he’s a Celtic player now and therefore he was probably saving an old woman from getting her purse nicked by two smackheads looking for their money to score their next bag, as they continued their crime spree across Europe.  They’d been featured on Crimewatch for six consecutive months, and Bailly not only saved the old woman, but took the gun off them that they had used to steal the money raised at a local charity fundraiser for sick kids earlier in the day.

Still, we hear Celtic are negotiating with a new legal advisor.

While I  enjoying the fine cuisine of the East on saturday-further east than Edinburgh, I mean-, it transpired that one of the chaps at the table was a Stoke City fan. I asked him how he had found the quality of the new kits that New Balance were providing for his club…

He replied, not without a little venom, that he hadn’t even worn it yet, as there was a problem with it..

We get an optional sponsorless top, whereas Stoke fans get a free word puzzle with theirs.

Those clever guys at New Balance think of everything.

Except quality, originality, good customer service, marketing, pricing and the inclusion of washing instructions on the label, which would need to read “brush firmly to remove any stains. do not expose to water. ”

Wait till it rains…

I’m still awaiting a response from the club to a few questions I’ve asked, having offered the right of reply to the man who sealed the deal.

Back to the football, and the Sun are claiming that Ronny deila is unhappy with the form of left back Emilio Izaguirre, and have mentioned an interest in St. Pauli left back Marcel Halstebburg again.

Charlie Mulgrew was tried at left back against Eibar, but a long term solution is apparently on Deila’s mind.

On the brighter side for the Honduran, I got a new puppy at the weekend, and called it Izzy, because she seems happy to be here.

I chise that particular dog because the first thing it did when we went into the farnmyard was bite my wife on the ankle, which immediately endeared me to her.

The dog, that is, not the wife.

Elsewhere, James MacLean, known to be fairly Republican in his politics, caused a fury down south when he turned away as the English national anthem was played at a West Brom game.

Whilst it caused fury elsewhere, there were calls to bring him home to Celtic Park, because obviously someones politics are more important than how he performs on the pitch. But then again, there is a link betwen Ireland and Celtic that cannot be disputed;

Though frankly, the latest shareholders meeting could have done with a less provocative advertising campaign;

Meanwhile, over at Ibrox, they are gearing up for the new season with another new signing, a talent surprisingly missed by any club able to offer a signing on fee.

They’ve snapped up former Livingston winger Andy Halliday !

23 years a fan & today I can call myself a Rangers player!

 Are you going to tell him, or shall I ?

Saturdays Diary contained the story about the Queen revisiting her roots by learning a couple of hand signals.

Friends and family immediately jumped to her defence;

The Express;

Presumably the laser eyesight treatment will stop people from seeing the obvious.

Germans liked to wave in those days;

Her grandson said it was all a misunderstanding. The Nazi thing, that is. not the fact he says he is her grandson;

And happily , we hear there are no plans for anyone to publish this picture, of her husband at his sisters funeral;

Which reminds me of a question put to me the other day.

If thousands of German families supporting thousands of destitute Greek families is called a bailout, what do you call one family supporting one destitute Greek ?

I’ll be in the tower by Wednesday.

On Saturday we showed a picture of Dunfermiline beating Celtic in the 1968 scottish cup. They went on to win it.

A Caption contest today,

Lawyers have advised us not to do this one, as the winning line would have been Samaras saying ” I’m not wearing this shit-it’s falling to pieces ”

So instead, memories and stories of this day, if you will.

And does anyone own one of these. I want one.