Celtic TV cameraman “Jordan ” was the victim-and thats the word his lawyers will use -of a prank led by team captain Scott Brown where he was subject to a vicious attack with a double bladed weapon-and thats the phrase his lawyers will use – in the dressing room after the game on Sunday.

As we used to say as kids, its all good fun until someone loses an eye.

Scott Brown being a tit again

Ably abetted by Kris Commons and a few others, their fellow Celtic employee  was dragged around the room before Beram Kayal lopped off a few chunks of his hair, which given Kayals lack of accuracy when he does anything, must have terrified the lad.

For some reason, the Celtic FC twitter line decided to make this public, and despite calls to take it down, and comments ranging from “cringeworthy ” to ” crass and disrespectful ” its still there.

Handy for his lawyers , I suppose.

Brown is the senior Celt, who represents the club privately and publicly. Can I be the only one who is losing patience with his playground antics ?

Meanwhile, as the competition within Celtic Park hots up to see who can spoil my summer the quickest, the club have apparently agreed to play Rapid Vienna on July 6 in a friendly. I think it will take place  Europe somewhere, but even if it was in my back garden it would only raise interest as I count how many people associated with that club that I can feed to the dog before the police come.

There have been whispers that Celtic as a PLC are becoming detached from the support. That just became a roar. Rapid Vienna, along with Atletico Madrid and Racing Club have a special place in our history, and if we have to play them we will, but surely theres no need to go out of our way to make it happen ?

I’m starting to believe those stories that we are due to play whatever incarnation of old Rangers is around on 12th of July , complete with party tunes and marching bands on the car park at Larkhall Village Hall.

That should bring the crowds out.

It started with the trip to Turkey, at the expense of fans who had already booked trains , planes and automobiles for the league game that week, and when salt was rubbed in by facing Ajax while over there, fans began to think that they were just a sort of occupational hazard to the PLC. That thought won’t go away anytime soon.

If we are to play friendlies, theres plenty of sides that could use a cash boost, such as Albion Rovers, who have instigated a much admired “pay what you can afford ” season book policy, although upon hearing of this scheme, James Forrest was physically thrown out of the medical rooms at Celtic Park to make way for several board members who had developed breathing problems.

Plenty of places supporters would like to revisit, such as Villareal,  Seville or  Prague.

The point is, these training games are largely irrelevant from a competitive point of view. Its about players getting to know each other, and fans having a wee summer trip.

At least get our heads together and pick somewhere thats suits us all.

Its time for my medication;

Thats better.

Now, if you thought that was ill informed nonsense, wait till you see this;

Shall we turn to Page 61, as the writer asks ?

Er, no. John Cross is the North London football correspondent for the Daily Mirror, which means that if Arsene Wenger has his phone off, the fellow has nothing to write about.

Checking his credentials on the web, it seems that almost every article sarts with the same template;

( Insert name of player/manager) claims / may / could ( insert club) and throw in words or phrases such as “leave” “sign for ” “seek a new challenge ” ” kick my head in for publishing this shite ”

Okay, perhaps not the last one, but this fellow makes our own MSM look like Time or Newsweek material.

And its the Daily Mirror, a sort of left wing Daily Express, newspapers which are thoroughly absorbent and very useful  if you are house training puppies.

You know, its been a glum sort of diary today, so we’ll liven it up a bit by laughing at those less fortunate than ourselves.

Supporters of the latest club to come out of Ibrox have had enough to worry about, so its a good job that manager Ally Mccoist has had the vision to snap up star defender Billel Moshni.

According to Chris Jack of the evening Times, at least.

Mohsni dreams of taking Rangers back to the top

and into Europe

His sister works at a travel agent and can get them a good deal.

IN a season that was more substance over style for Rangers, Bilel Mohsni often brought a welcome hint of the unknown and sense of the unpredictable during a relentless charge to the League One title.

Shakespeare himself would have struggled to come up with a better way of describing that.

The defender immediately endeared himself to the Light Blue legions with his eccentric style and love for the club following his summer switch to Ibrox.

Okay, okay, you’ve made your point. If you don’t take your head out of his arse you won’t be able to finish the piece in time.

And while he often gave the fans and boss Ally McCoist reasons to watch through their fingers, he has enjoyed an eye-catching debut campaign in Scotland.

As his team swept aside those who truly play football purely for the love of the game.

Yes, he has shown signs that his infamous temper could spill over, and the odd momentary lapse of concentration ended up costing Rangers on a couple of occasions but, alongside skipper Lee McCulloch, Mohsni has proven to be a decent acquisition.

Like a fifteen year old Ford Fiesta would be decent, in that it’ll get you to work and back.

It has turned out to be a successful first season in Scottish football for Mohsni and the former Southend United and Ipswich star has lapped up life at Rangers as he has made the most of his chance to make a positive first impression.

If his first impression was that of a defender, then Alistair MacGowan has little to worry about.

“I’ve really enjoyed my first year here and Rangers is a great club to play for,” he said.

after checking his wages had gone into the bank.

“The training facilities are excellent, Ibrox is a fantastic stadium and the fans are unbelievable.

Yeah, I struggle to come to terms with them some times as well.

“The games have been tough at times as our opponents have worked very hard and sometimes we have not scored until late on games but this is okay.

Thats because they’ve been at work all morning and are tired.

“If we win I am happy but it is better if we play well and entertain the fans.

He has entertained a lot of fans. Just not those at Ibrox.

“There have been games where we have not been at our best but there have also been a lot where we have played really well and we have scored a lot of goals.”

he added, failing to mention his foul on the Albion Rovers keeper that kept his side in the Cup for another couple of hours

Rangers fans didn’t know what they were getting when Mohsni was recruited by McCoist last summer, with few aware of the talents of the unorthodox centre-half who has also played as a striker and left-winger during his nomadic career to date.

We had a player like that at school. Tried him everywhere. In the end, we let him carry the bags.

And the French-Tunisian is determined to continue giving the Ibrox crowd plenty to cheer about as he bids to star on far bigger stages.

“They are so important to the club and wherever we play they are there,” Mohsni said. “It’s impossible to realise just how pleasing it is to be surrounded by so many fans.

Oh, just wait till you play full time teams every week. I’m sure it will be just as pleasing to be surrounded by those fans..

“My dream is to take the club back up to the top and into Europe where it belongs.

“People have so much love for this club and I can only imagine what it is like in the Scottish Premiership and for European games.”

Better get used to that. Imagining it. The way things are going with the club you’ll be playing in front of imaginary fans as well.

With an unbeaten League One campaign ticked off and winner’s medal on his mantlepiece, Mohnsi, like the rest of his Light Blues team-mates, can look back at a job well done.

They are now just one title win away from completing their journey back to Scotland’s top flight and Mohsni is eager to play his part.

Journey back ? They’ve never been there. didn’t Moshni just say he could only imagine what it was like in the Premier League. Note to author—when you interview someone, listen to their answers…

Or is he refering to the clubs fabled “journey ” Possibly, okay, here we go again…

“It will be nice to get a break, of course, and to see my family, but after that I am looking forward to coming back and playing in the Championship against better teams,” he said.

I think they might be relishing putting your team in its place as well.

“I’m sure we can win this league and then in one year we will be back in the top league and everyone will be happy.

And I’m sure that if one of my teeth falls out , a wee woman with wings will leave me ten bob under my pillow.

“We’ll have the Glasgow derby back again and everybody will look at Rangers like before.

Yes, a toxic , bigoted pile of steaming poo. Just like in the old days.

The games in the Championship will be very good and I’m confident we can do well next season.”

Most people aren’t even confident they’ll still be around next season, but hey-ho, on we go.

It was not just in his more familiar centre-half berth that Mohsni impressed as McCoist’s side cruised to the League One title this term.

The defender added his weight at the other end of the field as the 100 goals and 100 points barriers were breached.

A somewhat clumsy weight, hurtling towards goalkeepers yet unseen by referees

His scoring tally of 12 was outdone by back-four partner McCulloch as the Ibrox captain hit the net 18 times.

Er, from penalties given away by tired players , awarded by relieved referees.

And the Gers’ No.3 has hailed his skipper for leading by example once again as Rangers moved another step closer to the top flight. “Lee is a very good player and I’ve really enjoyed playing alongside him,” Mohsni told Ready, the Rangers matchday magazine.

“He has helped me a lot, but he helps everyone in the team, especially our younger players. He has so much experience to pass on to them and this season he has played at a very high level.

“He has scored a lot of goals, including important penalties.On my debut against Arbroath he scored one of the best goals of the season and I was like ‘wow!’ that was incredible.

“So Lee has been a great player for Rangers again this season and we have had a good partnership at the back.”

It also makes you want to play them. The two carthorses against our forwards, also scorers of one hundred goals, against full time teams…. 

 But I can live without it. Just as I could live without friendlies against Rapid Vienna.

Which is where we came in. Well, after we’d got Browns latest jape off our chests.

 Murdo Macleod was the midfielder that Beram Kayal never looked up to, as the former Celt put his head in the way of a free kick to help his team out. The picture in yesterdays diary was the immediate aftermath, and it did look like it hurt. The brave former Dumbarton man got up and carried on playing, pausing only to ask who he was, why he was there, and how the hell did Andy Roxburgh become manager ?

Heres a face  you might know…

Finally, can we all just leave tax cheat Gary Barlow alone now ?

Whatever he said, whatever he did, he didn’t mean it.