DeRangers Statement – Addendum

Following the release and truly excellent Media coverage of our recent statement, please find the latest updates below:

Derangers Statement – Addendum

Toilets  It is with regret that we must acknowledge concern has been raised about the toilet issue at Celtic Park. Sadly once again questions must be asked regards the quality of Facilities offered to Rangers fans when visiting stadia in Scotland. As mentioned in many recent Glasgow Council reports, it seems no stadium can equal the standards within Ibrox. Regrettably after only 300 pulls, strikes and kicks, multiple tiles came raining down and before long with only the combined efforts of 28 strong men and a few children, the entire false ceiling had hit the floor. This danger to Rangers fans being injured is clearly unacceptable and an insurance claim will be entered as soon as that Andrew Castle advert comes on telly again and we get the freephone number.

The effigies…Please do not think our counsel did not notice the word effigy itself contains the word FIG and that specifically there were Two effigies. A sad attempt clearly trying to hope that any headlines generated would then sub-consciously hint that the Rangers Board don’t give 2 Figs about their support. Disgusting!

On entrance to the stadium area our fans were subject to a sign saying “Welcome to Paradise”. This ‘Para’ is clearly referencing Paramilitary. This is disgraceful Provocation within the Queens country.

• We call for an immediate investigation by Police Scotland and a closedown of the stadium by the Parks & Recreation Dept.

Armour: It is regrettable that we have heard nothing on our submitted report regards Mikel Lustig and his attempts to provoke and possibly endanger scared Rangers players whilst wearing re-inforced headgear.

• We call on the SPFL forthwith and expect a lengthy and possibly lifetime ban and will welcome Donald Findlay  back from exile should he refuse to defend him in court.

Attack Formation : On numerous occasions, it was noted that the Celtic fans would go into a low crouch and whisper lowly before shockingly jumping up and throwing their arms out whilst shouting loudly. Police Scotland must stop these martial art style demonstrations\preparations to attack,  before someone gets hurt.

• We call for a shutdown of NYCSCs Bruce Lee diet coverage on Twitter.

The Banner proclaiming “This is it Bhoys, this is War”. As any music listener in Glasgow knows, anything citing obscure lyrics from the band FUN* is alluding to the word Fenian. Consider “Fenian” in the Glasgow vernacular: “Feenyun” leads to F’un” leads to “FUN” leads to “This is it Bhoys, this is War”. This is sectarianism at its very worse.

• We call for a ban on all Billboard 100 sleeper hits by Spotify as well as changing its logo colour from Green to Blue.

* or possibly from Nena’s ’99 Red Balloons’ but that doesn’t sound sectarian enough so lets leave that one.

 THE SONGS

  ‘Always look on the Bright Side of Life’ – Written of course by Eric Idle  for Monty Pythons Life of Brian. That’s no doubt meaning Idle as in Idolatry and clear and shameful sectarianism. We also suspect  a poorly cloaked reference to former Director Brian Stockdale.

• We call for a ban on all Norwegian Blue Parrot Sales in Glasgows East End.

‘Grace’…a weak attempt no doubt at a veiled reference to Grace Brothers from ‘Are you Being Served’ which duly in turn gives the alleging of Rangers fans as (Mrs Slocombes) Pussies. Surely worthy of Police Scotlands attention.

“Ha-Ha! Ha-ha! Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha!” – this disgusting anti-Asthmatic diatribe was inexplicably wheezed in response to the Rangers fans pastoral rendition of ‘Hello Hello’, our charming welcome call which as always was offered in the spirit of brotherly love and friendship.

“Go Home Yahun” It is well known that Victor Yahun is a Ukrainian military and public figure and a Major general of the Security Service of Ukraine. Why the inept Scottish Government allow such a  vicious verbal rejection of this military figure ( and we sure love our military figures!)  within their jurisdiction  is highly questionable at this fragile time in World politics.

• We call for a United Nations embargo on the Celtic store at Glasgow Airport.

“Lets all do the Huddle” : We understand that footage exists of a certain aged pop star jumping up and down in a frenzy whilst screaming “Lets all do the Huddle”. This may well be taken as an incitement to attack according to our trusted advisers.

• We call on US Homeland Security to revoke his residency at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas.

Important Clarification

The Board and its PR company wish to state for the record that this latest Statement is made in the interest of Humanity and for the greater good. It is not raised at this exact time due to any of the following absurd claims:

THIS IS NOT WHY WE RAISED THE STATEMENT

The Board desperately need money into the club and have to do all they can to keep Supporters Share fundraisers on-side in order to take interest free loans from them as they have no other form of credit available.

It is easier to get these funders onside, some are already extremely questionable about the club board and its funding failures,  if we generate a Club under Siege mentality and call for a circling of the wagons with everyone contributing wherever they can, conveniently diverting their focus from the true state of affairs.

Despite the fact that the Supporters club money raised by the fans was actually and ONLY for the purchasing of shares and NEVER for the lending or supplementing any lack of club income, it is envisioned that the Board member(s) that occupy both Boards will be able to ensure a smooth fund transfer despite no loan security being available and no concrete promises of payback or reward offered.

THIS IS ALSO NOT WHY WE RAISED THE STATEMENT

The Board have no money to make any quality purchases and therefore rather than man up and admit all Board claims of rich funding plans were empty at best and lies at worst,  they employ PR companies and hide behind Supporters club reps while utilising tired and old marketing spin techniques of deflection aka  “Look!..A Squirrel!”.

This avoidance tactic hopes to take the public and more importantly the Rangers fan\customers attention away from the true state of the club which just suffered a 5-1 humiliation and reduce the pressure and focus on an extremely fragile club which is staring into the abyss if funds are not found in the immediate future.

We hope the 2 statements above clarify to all readers exactly why we needed to raise our latest statement.