End of Year Exams 2015

Its been a while since we did an Etims Exam piss take so here we go..see if you are cleverer ( what? – Ed) than a Rangers Auditor.

Maths

1:
Lee drives his car at 81 miles per hour in a 60 zone.
The time is approx 7:31pm.
The weather is sunny.
Q: At what angle is Lees elbow.

2:
A stadium has a maintenance bill of £2m per annum.
Q: How much will Ian Black drop in wages if he wins the Painting tender?

3:
On Sunday Rangers have 35 players.
On Monday Rangers have 30 players.
On Tuesday Rangers have 19 players.
Q: How much has Simonsen spent in the bookies?

4:
2 Rivals set off in August.
They are neck and neck by December 31st.
By May one is 10 points clear of the other.
Q: Assuming standard calendar months, show on a graph where you hate Derek McInnes.

5:
If Hearts = ha and Hibs = haha and Motherwell = hahaha
Q: Prove that Rangers = hahahahahahahahaha.

6:
A CEO speaks at 64 words per minute.
A journalists tape recorder runs at 7.5 inch per second.
Q. Estimate how thick is the sauce served with tonights Lamb?

7:
John Hughes weighs 13 stone.
The Scottish Cup weighs 2kg.
Q: Write an essay on the validity of Incest in the Highlands

8:
John, George and Douglas are in a £1.5m hole.
Q: At which point do they stop digging?

9:
Alex must travel 523 miles from Genk
Mark from travel 405 miles from Brentford
Where is Dave Kings Chequebook?

10:
Mike has 4 billion pounds.
Dave has no credit facility at the bank.
Q: How sore will Daves arse be in the morning?

PHYSICS
Given the paradox : “What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable
object?’
Q: Calculate when Floyd Mayweather will fight Bilel Mohsni

BIOLOGY
Darwins ‘Origin of the Species’ argues all vertebrates have a backbone.
Q: Citing only ‘SPFL Championship 2014-15’, disprove Darwin.

CHEMISTRY
Show the chemical equation for
Pizza + Kris Commons = Bloater.

ART : Practical (1hr)
Given a palette of only crayons, oils and pastels.
Q. What colour is Kenny Miller?.

Business Studies
You are hired to do PR for a large organisation in a state of transition.
You request to see the latest GAP Analysis.
The CEO hands you a piece of paper with “Im skint” written on it.

Q. Translate this brief into a 35 minute speech promising an immediate overspend.

Music: Theory
Q: What use is a Jimmy Bell?

If you can think of any more then please add them below in comments section.