And the Lord did create the Travel Lodge.
And he created the postcode.
However, in the far off land of Peterborough in the Shire of Cambridge, he was loathe to allow the two of them to wed, and thus it was written that Ralph Malph found himself in the middle of a fucking field late one Monday evening, cursing all and sundry whilst wondering what the fuck he’d done to deserve this.
Fortunately , the Lord did smile upon him and after just an hour and a half touring the countryside he would discover that the Promised Land was just on the other side of the roundabout from where he had started his epic journey just jours before.
And it was a fiver for a bottle of Magners.
Still, thats nothing to the travails of Neil Lennon.
He stepped from the darkness into the light and saved that which is dear to him from ruin, and yet still his followers seek solace in looking for a false God, as they still doubt him.
Various effigies have been hung in front of the crowd by those who really should know better than to doubt the leaders ability and enthusiasm. Images of false gods that have been praised by unbelievers and proclaimed by those who who seek to cause chaos and disaster in the Land of the East before the rewards are handed out. In May.
The disciples have been given time off and should anyone spot any of them in a different part.of the country we can be assured they are not disrespecting their leader by seeking financial gain elsewhere or even following in the paths of Herod, who is in a land not too far from me but probably had better luck finding that which he sought.
It waa revealed that the Lennonites would fight the winners of the struggle between the Wild Men of the North and the Staunch Soldiers of Satan himself next month.
This is for the right to claim the prize offered by Satans Followers Association, for their cup is much desired among his Soldiers, as they have fuck all else to look forward. Even if they could look forward to it they wouldn’t see it as they are condemned to eternal darkness anyway, despite taking out another secured loan to ward off those who seek to cleanse and purify our land.
And so the fable comes to an end, as the storyteller must now undertake another journey, in order to break his fast which he underwent whwn he found out the fucking kitchen was closed when he finally got here.
Tomorrow we may see a proper diary, with pictures and news and gossip, but only if the Peterborough Pilgrim can pray to the God of WiFi and learn how to absorb his teachings into a laptop.
Instead of a phone. Still, i think I’ve cut out most of the mistakes.
Perhaps the “Lord” shall not drive his mule with his knobbly knees while supping a latte and reading his notes.
And so it came to pass, I so much wanted to say “and he shoots, this is for the Winnarrr” but sadly he hiteth the bar, or perhaps he was in the bar, fell down and did his cruicifix.
And the BBC sports personality of the year team event 1967 is……
CELTIC CELTIC CLTIC CELTIC CELTIC CELTIC CELTIC CELTIC CELTIC CELTIC.
Ah, the old, Jesus saves but Dalglish nets the rebound.
Remember that programme “The Missing” well the missing are up in Forfar playing for the reserves. Will “big erchie” King Kenny be joining them doyathink? If only that was true…
Few are chosen but many are cold. Your epistle should be followed by the stoning scene from Life of Brian. Job done
Total bollocks
Charlie Saiz, I love Neil Lennon as much as the next Tim, but I’m not convinced I want to see him in the Celtic dugout. This is nothing to do with his managerial ability which he has proven consistently enough at Celtic (try to remember that for ever Barcelona and Spartak there was a Morton or Ross County).
My concern is for the health of the man which is far more important than the results our football club achieve. He has been attacked repeatedly and abused continuously by the scum of society; what do you think will happen if he’s winning nine and approaching ten? He has earned our respect forever and he and his family don’t need to make this call again.
Would love to see him secure the treble this season and then take a bow and seek life where he’ll be appreciated and left in peace to enjoy his career. Not that I know who I want as manager as this time around no name is exactly on the tip of my tongue – apart from NOT Davie Moyes. But then my job isn’t Head of Recruitment at Paradise.
Why don’t we let Neil decide whether his mental and physical state is up to the job?
Plenty of us suffer from depression in its many forms,to greater and lesser degrees. Neil had the balls to speak out about his own black dog,and for that,he has my respect.
He will decide,himself,whether he can do the job. Plenty of us manage to do ours,and I’ve got no doubt at all that he can do his.
Mick, not every patient takes their doctor’s advice.
The club, as his employer, also has a responsibility and, I’m sure, they wouldn’t have offered him the job, if they didn’t think he was up to it.
Exactly, my Doc advised me to have a Penis reduction…..
It is NFL choice to make, only he knows what he can cope with within himself and in his domestic arrangements and the support he needs will initially come from us and I have no doubt that his employers will be aware of the duty of care that is required in his situation.
In time for him I know “That peace will come dropping slow”
HH
You on a pilgrimage from one Brexit supporting dump to another, Ralph? Verily, being stuck in Peterborough must be like being stuck in the wilderness. For your penance you must do forty days and nights there. Best of luck.
My only worry with Lennon is that the pontiff lawwell will spend more on his bonus shekels than the new converts the Timittes really need
RALPH
My mate is working in Exeter during the week,returning home for weekends in Swindon. He asked me a fortnight ago if I could put his Cheltenham bets on for him if he gave me a grand the weekend before.
WTF for,I asked. I’ve been in Exeter loadsa times,I even told you the best pubs. There’s a bookie beside most of them.
Turns out that HIS Travelodge is beside J30 on the M5. It’s near his work,but it’s a desert wi windaes. Driving him demented.
Wait till he hears I’ve blown the grand on the favourite in the opener!
Good luck wi the move,never much fun working away from home.
Ralph for the breakfast buffet I have a fantastic trick with a 12 inch plate. 2 weeks ago I wouldn’t have wanted Lenny in June so a hypocrite to say I want him now. The interim job gives him and the club the chance to do the best thing. Love the guy but does he takes us to a new level or backwards? Don’t doubt his commitment to us for a second but Wim Jansen did a job with none of that.
“Celtic a business like no other”.
First summer signing, appoint a new manager, one who is professional and can lead the team to future success.
Second signing, appoint a director of football, working with the scouting and football manager to seek out good players within the clubs price range. His responsibilities are separate from accounting.
Third signing, buy good players to supplement the great players already at the club.
Fourth, sack anyone who interferes in the football department.
Shouldn’t the DoF come first and then they appoint the manager?
Yes, of course he should, my mistake.
Ralph if you’re stuck in Peterborough get yourself round to the massive Tesco. There’s restraint there in the food hall that does the best subways you’ll ever get. Plus they have free WiFi
Or better still go along to market Deeping about 6 miles away & visit Linfords for the best fish n chips ever
Jesus entered the temple and went mental,Lawwell ya greedy twisted Hun helping parasite,why are you taking millions when the deid cheats have our titles?what you doing about Hun Fleming and the Hun supporting refs?
What’s happening about the title stripping?
What’s happening about the stolen prize money?
Some folk more interested in fucking disco lights than the real fucking issues!
WAKE FUCKING UP!
“If I can’t dance I don’t want to be in your revolution.”
If you cant man a cannon, you’ve no place in a revolution.
Change must come through the barrel of a gun
It did!
And it came to pass and we were warned that he would come the son of Satan his number was 666 . Six former clubs six dodgy signings and six million for lawell. He will go to the river sityc which is in Leicester for riches and formication with the local transvestites where there are many Huns and local cats going missing for sacrifice. Hail st Neil as he gathers the flock to salvation where he will drink holy wine from the holiest of grails the Scottish cup
Amen
This Leigh Griffiths ” I’ll be back soon ” pish is both nauseating & infuriating.
He said at the start of the year ” i’ll be back soon ” now here we are in March & another ” be back soon ” message.?
I don’t know what Leigh is going through or what stage of his recovery he is at, but it’s not good enough this pish.
Get your fucking arse back to training, do your job or fuck off!
I’ve no problem with him champing at the bit to come back, as long as the club only agree to this when they consider he’s fit and healthy enough to do so,as Lenny has said.
With Eddy, Oli, Timo plus plenty of other attacking options available, he’s not needed at the mo.
I can understand that he feels threatened by that but we can’t compromise the success of the team to accommodate him.
After the league’s wrapped up, some low key game would be ideal to ease him back or pre-season, if he’s not considered ready.
The Cha,
Selling him must also be considered, i’m not without compassion, but a lot of us have issues to deal with but still have to go to our fucking work.
A thick ear & a boot in his bawz might work you know…..
Doubt there’s any resale value.
You’re just a bleeding heart liberal. 😉
Cha, Monti is about as liberal as Pol Pot.
That’s unfair.
PISH
My Aim Is True
Factor in the wind……
We’ve all got to move on this, move on from that…fuck off!
Maybe the support should fucking move on from buying season tickets, merchandise, matchday tickets, paradise windfall & match programmes….oh & drinking the Kerrydale dry?
Should we all move on from fucking those things peter?
Fuck off!
Take those stupid fucking lights out & stick them up your fucking arse, fuck your Hotel & all the other shite ya useless cunt.
Tell the fans the fucking truth, fight the huns, fight the sfa or fuck off & keep fucking off!
£2.3m? For fucking what exactly?
Fucking shambles, half this squad will be away in the summer, what then?
How much you taking out the club next season Peter?
Hotel? You can’t even sign a fucking Hibs player, fuckig useless Lawwell, but no when it comes to your bank account eh?
Crush report? Where is it?
It may as well be given they do our nut in waiting for them to actually do anything positive. 🙁
A whole lot of fucks in there Monti.lol
Noel,
Seriously tho, are we moving on?
Are we no bothered about the cheating years?
Mate, I’ve given up. You know my feelings on that mob.
You’re not an expert in any field ya fucking rocket!
Ironic you talking of fields tho…..cough.
Is your nose bag half full or half empty?
Clip clop clip clop
Mechano isn’t real……
Excellent diary today Ralph. It’s been a long time since us timmites have had sermon from on high. Let’s hope we continue to smite the barbarian hordes from now until the deliverance of the ten tablets, our holy grail
monti.. trying to call you here, voicemail all afternoon
get aff the phone and give me a call
got you a ticket for the scum home game
🙂
One benefit from HIM leaving at this point it means, if we appoint Lenny, the new coach is in place for the Champions League qualifiers. A totally new coach has to “ bed in” get to know his squad and the opponents. Lenny has a proven track record domestically and some decent results in Europe. I wouldn’t seriously expect a big name coach to be interested in our piss poor little league, like Rodgers his questions will be : ” how much will you pay me, how much will my budget be and what level of control will I have over transfers, what will my transfer budget be?” Of course he will need to ensure there is no slip up in the league but otherwise looks like Lenny to me.
No one is interested in Lenny, so it’s immaterial whether he would leave or not.
I struggle to see how someone not wanted by anyone else is the best candidate for permanent manager.
He’s not wanted by anyone else.
I remember when no one wanted any of our players.
Ooft, no thanks.
Hope the ticket,s in among the 800.
Shut the cunt up for a while.
Flinker,
It would take more than their 800 to shut me up, intimidated by no Hun!
There you go, free tickets that’s the answer!
i think a pint at the usual spot is in order
Only if your faithers buying.. it would be good for a catch up…
haha, I think he is working that weekend, but he will probably go to the semi final…
monti is threatening to stay in Glasgow the Saturday evening…
sure we can sort something
** ralph, are you up for this game?
I will be in Scotland on the Friday-Monday
bgbhoy,
I’m scared in case my wallet gets dipped or my pints knicked, it happened the last time. I went in with a fiver, plenty I thought, next thing I knew, it was gone, then a fresh pint magically disappeared and no point guessing who drank it. The semi might be the answer, sure I had one last night… perhaps I was just dreaming of Susanna.
haha
bring another one of those elastic fivers mike you will be grand
Is that all he does is fucking work?
Greedy noel hunt…..:)
🙂
First time a fermer has went anywhere with a fiver!
Bgbhoy,
We should nip intae the Louden… 🙂
one of the boys on my bus years ago jumped off at duke street and headed towards it… didn’t make it very far lol
Mike,
Shut your puss 😉
Meanwhile the entire Sky sports football department have been arrested after a suspicious package was found just outside their premises. ( a bit like their cycling team). The package contained PCP and Spice. After they reported that Dortmund was interested in Alfredo the Donkey, what they failed to say was it was Synchronised Diving team…
I see “THE INSIDE WORLD OF SCOTTISH REFEREEING” that was on here a couple of weeks ago has made it to the MSM.
I hope Ralph retained syndication rights. 😉
Seriously, hopefully, this starts an ongoing debate there rather than being allowed to die.
Saw it on the Beeb Gossip page but think it was Scot Daily Mail.
I see there is a move to have a statue of Fergus McCann sited at Paradise?
Not sure…..part of me say’s yes but i’m no sure.
What part says yes, what part not’s sure?
At the home of the Forfar bridie, Dundee 0- The missing 6.
As one of the missing scores his first goal plus an assist plus the post (does that even count) the Missing didn’t miss very often. Another of the missing “Marvin what’s going on” helped to keep a clean sheet. Men via boys and the boys this time came from the home of Jute, Bonny Dundee…
Head say’s yes, heart say’s no!
http://www.thecelticwiki.com/m/page/Fergus+McCann+-+Quotes
Worth a look here to see how he split opinion. I’d have a talking statue that says ‘I don’t want to give them one thin dime’ when you put a pound in. He’d like that.
Definite 100% no from me.
To keep in the spirit on today’s diary, he was only ever interested in shekels and was rewarded handsomely, £40m tax-free if I remember correctly.
The stadium, team, manager etc were paid for, largely, going through the doors, ploughing tens and hundreds of millions into the coffers.
Our history is 131 years, although to most people these days there’s a yawning chasm between Walfrid to Stein.
For me, if we’re going down this route, then we should honour:
1. Willie Maley
2. Jimmy McGrory
3. Peter Lawwell (*)
(*) On the fans revolution, you have the right to kick over that particular statue.
Cha just wondering what age are you?
Not old enough to see the 1st 2, if that’s what you’re asking!
Cha played up front with the legendary Jimmy McGrory.
He just wasn’t interested in shekels what a derisory comment to make. If he hadn’t been there and another man John Keane who stepped up to the plate when others couldnt or wouldnt administration and liquidation would have came our way. Never let that be forgotten.
Dermot also put it 4 million and underwrote another 4 million yet he gets it in the neck too.
If it had been any other club bar Celtic those men would have turned away but their emotional ties passed down to them by their parents/grandparents is what we are all grateful for and why we would do anything to support our club unlike that other lot.
That’s exactly what he said.
I also recall Desmond waxing lyrical about his beloved “stripes”.
And lo, some of the Timmites heard tell of a Holy Grail, also given out in May whence they would need to battle many of the tribes from beyond the Sea of Galilee and from south of Peterborough. The Elders did talk of this in hushed tones lest they inflame the more docile Timmites for whom the promised land was a domestic double or treble. For it is written that the exodus to Seville would never happen again because they were only a small tribe and could not hope to battle for the Grail. “ Behold the disco lights” said the Chief Priest but we will only be able to use them in meaningless Wednesday night games against Dundee.
Even as he spoke, some of the Tummites whispered of an even greater Holy Grail but were told to shut the feck up as we were possessed by demons.
Some top quality articles the last week or so.
?
Derek Crothers, former Scottish referee, last night (but after Ralph) blamed a culture of nepotism, cronyism and bullying for the decision to hang up his whistle after 13 years. A once serving cat. three specialist Assistant referee when he resigned at the end of last season. Claiming Scottish referee’s were in crisis after whistlers such as Andrew four pens Dallas were fast tracked beyond there ability. Of course the SFA disputed all of this, saying that they appointed referee’s on their ability only, what guff. He is withering in his criticism of the SFA, he admits that he is a Celtic fan, but based on the evidence that Derek provided its difficult to disagree with his assessment. (that part is my interpretation). How does a supervisor mark Dallas when his father reads the supervisors report. His recommendations for refereeing the BIG games are Clancy and Nick Walsh, but he totally refutes a masonic influence. For him it is clear that what he suggested up top are the real reasons for Scottish referee’s poor performances. His suggestion that was in his article is that they need a root and branch review and that they should bring in an expert retired referee to conduct that review. So get rid off Fleming and his bum boys and start afresh, stop the cronyism and old boys network and begin again. There is much much more to his article and these are just a few of the points that he raised…
Seeing Farqhaur McPlod is blaming Coonsilor McWilliamson for dodgy safety certificates at stadia. Cannot think who that can be. It will be frosty at the lodge this week.
Ajax 3_0 up in Madrid
Chris MacLauchlan from the BBC, saying that the report into the Janefield street crush is being published tomorrow. Speaking from Hampden he said that nearly all football club stadiums are safety checked once a year. He also said that one stadium has not had a safety inspection for 19 years, now which stadium is that….
Think that’s the police review into how the police police football matches.
The good news is that apparently they do it rather well.
Mike they must have a duty of care to the public to ensure the safety of spectators and that information must be made public knowledge.
What a fuckin joke the governing body are in this country.But let’s talk secteranism that we ignored when a team refused to employ Catholics.
Funny that.
Jimmy we and the club itself has a hell of a lot against us, until they stop the Orange scum walking down Scotland’s street’s week after week as the twitter feed said sometimes 4 times a week, nothing, nothing will ever change. Then get into every school and re-educate the young, that will just be the beginning… There is a hell of a lot still to do, but its got to stop, if it doesn’t then we are fucked..
Is there any news on the Oliver Burke injury, is he fine or out for a bit?