Scottish Football fans have been informed that Allan McGregor will not be cited for any violent conduct following his “lashing out ( Stephen Gerrards words) at the prostrate Kristoffer Ajer on Sunday. This follows Alfredo Morelos having a red card reduced to a yellow after blatantly kicking someone up at Pittodrie.
The defence claim is that a new UEFA directive asking for an interpretation of “Excessive Violence used” must apply.
Following this latest instalment in the “Scottish Governing Bodies condone violence” season, the high heid yins at Etims Historical Society have got together and decided the “excessive violence” approach must be respected and have suggested the Panel retrospectively review all current claims on its Books
The results are as follows:
Accused: Attila The Hun
Accusation: Led Rampaging campaigns in which “There were so many murders and blood-lettings that the dead could not be numbered”
Panel review: Without VAR its hard to say whether Attila is actually guilty. The Panel also reject the use of the sectarian and unwanted term ‘Hun’ and apologies to Attila and request respect is shown for all members regardless of accusation.
Panel Verdict: Probably a nice guy who was kind to his mother. No offence.
Accused: Vlad the Impaler
Accusation: Impaled around 100000 enemies through the torso with large stakes and erecting these stakes in the ground. Impalement would proceed either vertically or horizontally through the core of the body. Sometimes thousands of prisoners would be impaled at the same time. Many victims lived for several days in agony.
Panel review: The panel members believe that “Stakes through the torso” is a vague claim to say the least. At a recent Largs review, it was agreed that the rules apply only to a kick on the legs so this claim is inappropriate for any post match review.
Panel Verdict: Case dismissed.
Accused: Genghis Khan or Temüjin Borjigin ( worth more in shirt name sales)
Accusation: Killed over 40 million people leading the Mongol Empire on a blood filled campaign into the Western lands of Asia and Europe.
Panel review: This seems to clearly be more of a UEFA matter given the location. On initial evidence the Panel feels that it seems yet another matter of hearsay over hard evidence and doubts any contravention of any Scottish Football Book statutes.
Panel Verdict: Suggest a Fax be sent to UEFA Compliance officer.
Accused: Shaka Zulu
Accusation: A rebel who killed his half brother to claim the crown. When his mother died he declared a period of mourning of more than a year. During this time, crops were not planted ( leading to starvation) and any woman that became pregnant was killed together with her husband. All the cows that gave birth were killed so that their calves could know how it felt like to lose a mother
Panel review: Again the panel must reject the claims on offer as it cannot officially recognise the sectarian claim “rebel” in evidence. The Panel concede that this title probably does suggest he was a bad ‘un but its politically sensitive times these days etc. Animal husbandry is also sadly outwith the Panels remit bar the annual award to Broxi Bear for Mascot of the Year.
Panel Verdict: The Panel reluctantly must declare this matter Not Proven.
Accused: Pol Pot
Accusation: Unleashed a genocide that exterminated at least 25% of Cambodia’s population of eight million, and perhaps more. His Khmer Rouge relied on methods of torture and execution that were atavistic in their savage cruelty and depraved barbarity
Panel review: Given the Panel members are involved in attending swanky dinners as part of the current MurrayField vs Hampden Park decision, it feels it cannot give any review of The Killing Fields as this may be seen as a conflict of interest.
Panel Verdict: Case closed.
Accused: Joseph Stalin
Accusation: Responsible for death total of around 20 million, citing much higher victim totals from executions, Gulag camps, deportations and other causes
Panel review: The Panel is disappointed to see this case before it given it really really enjoyed its trip to the recent World Cup in Russia. While the evidence does appear fresh and compelling here, it notices that a massive new care package has arrived from a Mr V Putin of Russia so really has to go open that first.
Panel Verdict: Verdict pending post further deliberation, say 50 years.
Accused: Mao Zedong
Accusation: In 1957 he launched a campaign known as the Great Leap Forward that aimed to rapidly transform China’s economy from agrarian to industrial. This campaign led to the deadliest famine in history and the deaths of an estimated minimum of 45 million people between 1958 and 1962
Panel review: Once again the Panel respect the body of evidence supplied but must defer any judgement in this case. The Scottish Football Governing bodies wish to continue to try and entice Chinese sponsors and also wish to punt our Television rights to the Far East as quickly as possible. The Panel reject claims this has anything to do with Dave Kings friends in Hong Kong.
Panel Verdict: Case dismissed.
U forgot Oliver Cromwell
Or any other Brit Empire “hero” (concentration camps, famines etc) or Yank (South Asian, Latin America, Middle East genocides).
If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was after one of Lizzie’s baubles. 😉
Good to see Mao and Stalin in that list, pair of bastards. In fact Mr Stalin ordered my death and here I am from the netherworld on Etims.
Are we really surprised at this? all this shite about excess or not, forget it. Will we never learn? Will the club ever take this mob to task?
The precedent was set when Morelos’s red was rescinded after the Aberdeen game when Slippy started falling for the WATP and woe betide us shite. Maybe players of other teams could just kick fuck out of the Sevco players and cite this case as fuck all to answer for, easy.
To be fair. What happens on the pitch should stay on the pitch. Any one that has played the game would know this. Trial by video two days later is a load of nonesense.
Football is a contact sport played with competion and emotion. Some times players will have wee spats its no big deal. The game has become a joke now.
Look at gaelic games they bash the crap out of each other but when the whistle goes it goes. Proper mans game.
LC, you do know people have appeared in court for doing things on the pitch. If I stick the heid on someone on the pitch, is that okay? If I make an absolute horrific tackle on someone, is that okay?
Yer right about it being a contact sport but there are rules to be adhered to but with the constant adaptations to said rules it can be difficult for players and officials to know what the score is. If that ” flick out” had happened in our penalty box against one of their players resulting in a penalty being refused those fucks would be screaming from the heavens about it and demanding
action.
If Ajer had retaliated and flattened that thing they had in net what would the ref and the spfl done
Whats to stop the 4th Official actually officiating and watching the game on screen and informing the ref of any issues.
Seems a 4th officials job is just to check studs!, tell managers to stay inside the lines and hold up a daft wee board with a number on it, a job that could easily be automated I’m sure.
Not if it’s Beaton,DM.He’s to run about with his pal Gerraarrrdd shouting foul,foul,I know we’re miles away compared to Wullie but definitely a foul! ….Beaton and Beaten….
London Gael. Gaelic games have got a committee that can review instances not picked up by referee . However they done find anything wrong with players on Dublin teams as the GAA is anxious to promote Gaelic Games in Dublin by giving Dublin over 60% of development money . Funny in Gaelic games Dublin wear blue shirts , it seems blue is the colour of the anointed team
Now, now, Dublin Blushirts? I’m sure there’s plenty of anti-fascists in that fine city/county.
Now we know why Sevco have been bleating more than usual about the fact that everyone’s against them. The Authorities are leaning over backwards to prove they aren’t
I would also think Ryan Jack might have been punished for his recent comments: “bringing the game into disrepute”!!??
Look at Ajer’s face above. The lad is 6’5 and has gained a stone and a half of muscle in one year. He is no Jessie but look at that face. He looks to be in pain. Perhaps somebody kicked him! We need someone in our club to speak out. I nominate Brian Wilson on our Board, who speaks out against independence/democracy whenever he can. Perhaps he would speak for something for once?
He could tell Them for us that The Compliance Officer should do what’s right, not what Sevco’s own Project Fear dictates.
Noel, hope yer heid feels better after Stalin’s icepick! Hang in there son…
What about Cliff Richard and his destruction of music, it was reported that is was abuse, but I have been telt by an insider that the police were really trying to gather evidence of crimes against humanity. Or Jimmy Cricket and his crimes against comedy, ah mean, wellies on the wrong feet, how can that possibly be hehe funny? There was only ever one comedian and that was Ken Diddy Dodd, I still find him funny and he’s deid. But the biggest joke of all are the SFA and there crimes against Scottish football. What can you add to the Willie Collum column or Bigot Beaton and the rest of the rolled up trouser leg brigade. They don’t even try to hide it, with comical wringly fingers that make funny manouvers
Its a perfect storm of weak governance, a lying press, dirty Hun players and the CEO of our great club that doesn’t seem to give a monkey’s if his so called team’s players get injured.
What I find fascinating is Stevie G claiming Beaton was shouting, foul, foul, foul, shades of the previous idiot screaming red card, red card to get Simo sent off.
The problem is there is no fight back or action from Celtic, a bottle of Buckie lobbed at Griffs at Ibrokes, He gets booked, and so it goes on.
The only people at our club that did not put up with pish was Big Jock and the bunnet, too man take the Judas silver when they depart.
Also the usual pish in the papers, is it us a coming together, but they are still screaming about a non foul committed by Rogic, sad bastards.
Desmond shocks that you did not mention some of th great and good from the British Empire, the Paras come to mind.
Ralph doesn’t want to annoy ex-“forces” posters and their appeasers…..
Was that no against Linfield when a Belfast hun lobbed the half bottle at Griff? That one was the fault of a notoriously poor Spanish referee. Anyway, there’s no shortage of this type of shit at Ibrox – racist gestures aimed at Scott Sinclair, an assualt on Scott Brown during the same game, all either completely unpunished or grossly underpunished. The list goes on and on…
Yet one more outrageous decision in a very long line of baffling and down right dishonest ones from an organisation that has long since lost any credibility. And that is a big assumption – that the SFA ever possessed any credibility as a governing body.
Pure mad mental Gazza and Super Salary’s boy must be early KOTW contenders…..
Charlie Saiz. Got my vote too!
If you want someone to stick up for Celtic & argue to the fucking death on behalf of our club…..give the job to me!
As Craig Whyte declared ” This is going to be entertaining ” 🙂
First thing i’d do 1) Sack Lawwell, 2) Publicly from the steps outside the main entrance with background music ( Shebeen ) playing, demand the stripping of titles & cups from the concluded history of original huns.
3) declare a vote of no confidence in the SFA & if there is not justice regarding resolution 12, we will be terminating our resignation.
4) tell the watching press to fuck off as they are from this moment banned from CP.
5) Notify the rangers & watching media that no hun will ever again be allowed into CP.
6) Erect a famine memorial on the Celtic way.
7) Erect a hunger strikers memorial on the Celtic way.
8) Erect a statue of Craig Whyte on the Celtic way.
9) In form our kit manufacturer that there will be no more fucking about with the Celtic shirt, Green & White Hoops ( unbroken ), white shorts & plain white socks.
10) Inform the press corps that regular Irish Republican marches will leave from & return to CP on a regular basis.
God bless the Pope!
brilliant monti. you have my vote.
i am particularly in favour of the charles whyte statue. the greatest celt that ever lived.
mm, a bit too conservative for me, so I’ll wait for the other election addresses before casting my vote.
Think I may watch the 1-0 humping again thank ive also got an half an hour sweetener before the game titled”the boss” cameos from Trevor’s Steven. Souness and other Huns and poms
LOVE IT MONTI! HAIL! HAIL!
Jimbo,
Hail Hail!
Beckham did the exact thing against simeone at the wc not that I’m a fan of becks but he’s far from a dirty player. He was duly punished , this is downright nepotism from a Protestant establishment. Ref didn’t see it he didn’t see Christie’s dive either or he did and he was duped. Watched the rogue incident it was six of one and no foul. I think Stevie g has cleverly highlited this as the salient focal point of the game to take the focus of McGregor penalty and send off
Iancelt,
Leave the ‘ Protestant ‘ pish out m8, you, we are better than that.
Plenty Protestants played their part in Ireland’s fight!
Tal!
Ok the masons whoever. We all know they’ve been curried favour by default of being establishment.
Better 🙂
Rogic not rogue
sorry to state the obvious here but you missed one:
Accused: Neil Francis Lennon
Accusation: Mimicked an aeroplane, in celebration of a late equaliser against the wonderful sons of William, the mighty Glasgow Rangers (sic)
Panel review: It can only be assumed by the panel that the plane being mimicked was the Heinkel He111 German Bomber of World War 2. It seems obvious that this is the case as those sneaky Fenian Bastards (sic) left the floodlights on during this campaign to guide the enemy to Glasgow. It also closely resembles the Celtic full back of a similar name – a player who played under Lennon while he was the manager of THEM!!
Panel Verdict: Guilty – 9 month ban from all football activity, public flogging, required public apology and 10 weeks of continually watching a loop of the Greatest team ever – the Mighty Glasgow Rangers (sic) – almost winning the Champions League, Europa cup.
FRED & ROSE WEST:
Several children reportedly seen at this address but have not been seen for a considerable amount of time.
SFA:” Give the couple a break, leave them in peace & under no, i repeat under no circumstances must there be any search conducted at that addresss”!
On a serious note, what can we do about these SFA decisions?
Goes to compliance officer, nothing to see here Timmy, move on?
Fuck no, no moving on, but what can we actually do, we can’t just do fuck all!
You just need to look back Celtic’s history to highlight the past bigoted decisions taken by the SFA (Smelly Furry Animals) where they made decisions against our club. You just need to employ…..
https://youtu.be/K1-jElwky18
Sir George Graham V Robert Kelly, The flag incident.
Farry V McCann, the Cadette registration,
Regan V the Res.12 the licencing issue.
and all the biased refereeing decisions, the most compelling point being, that Kelly and McCann stood up to the cheats, now, anything goes, an AGM question methinks.
Just win another treble forget the bias. Move on talent and grit win out don’t get caught up in the shite. Just prove we are the best. Best answer.
Another thing that has not been mentioned, is the fact that opposing players will now think about contesting balls with McGregor as they know that he can now attack them with impunity.
Still think it’s a mistake to leave Arzani out of the Europa squad
But I’m no manager or anywhere nears brendans reasoning or knowledge Think I may have an argument though
Naismith, Lafferty and McGregor have all been playing in England and maybe need reminded that the auld Huns they played for no longer can enjoy the privileges they had under the old regime. Somebody official from our club needs to ask why these 3 in particular are getting away with assault? Gerrard might also try understand why he has so little authority over his players that they keep getting red cards: Jack, Morelos, etc. He is proving to be made of the same moaning stuff as Jeffries, Levein, Calderwood etc.
Other questions:
What has happened to Ralston?
Will Scott Allan get a game for us?
Has Kouassi been told he can leave?
When can Louis Morgan play again?
Here’s a team for backup:
Bain
Gamboa/Simunovic/Hendry/Izzy
Mulumbu/Kouassi
Arzani/Christie/Sinclair
Griff or Edouard
I think we might have more depth than last year, with Arzani, Morgan, Christie and Mulumbu? And Benkovic.