A Celtic Park insider revealed plans to move the club to the English Premier League are well under way ! The surprise revelation comes as Southampton announce that they will sign a defender and a goalkeeper this weekend…

Our man in the know says its all part of a massive Lawwell-Desmond plot to first move all the players to the south coast, before putting in a takeover bid for the club itself, using their own money which they have raised by selling all their players , and then  merging the two into a new company, buying the FA membership and history of Southampton, renaming it Celtic, and finally selling the ground at St. Marys and relocating to Glasgow.

We hear the club have taken specialist advice for this procedure…

I’ve two things to do today, first theres the diary, then theres a sample article in the style and quality of the main stream media as I submit my CV to replace Hugh Keevins as a reporter and broadcaster.

Lets hope I don’t get the two mixed up.

After the Warsaw debacle the other night, Ronny Deila doesn’t have far to look if he needs advice. Former manager Neil Lennon has given us his thoughts, presumably because he hasn’t got anything else to do.

“There’s always a transitional period at a club like Celtic.

“Ronny’s not really had enough time to work out what his best team is yet.

“It’s always good to freshen things up, and there’s no better time to do it than this time of year.

“The important thing is they can hold on to some players as well. 

“But, if there’s no Champions League football, that’s going to be difficult.” 

“They’re not out of it by any means, but they’ve got a mountain to climb.

“I know it’s Murrayfield, but still, anything could happen.

“It’s disappointing, but not insurmountable.” 

Which is all very non committal, and far better than refusing to talk to the press… then he was asked about why he left ( ha, “left “)

“I had my own reasons for leaving, and they were varying,” he explained.

“I had 14 great years as a player, coach and manager. It was time for me to move on.

“The club understood that, and I had great people in the background working with me.”  

But of course, the question about a supposed lack of investment was asked, and he had to answer it;

” It wasn’t the sole reason, but it may have been one of the reasons.” 

 So , for all the headlines, and all the criticism of him for perhaps speaking out of turn and putting more pressure on his successor, he hasn’t really said anything. Except this bit;

“I wouldn’t say it was inevitable but I think it might have been on the cards,” he said, conveniently forgetting the arse he made of the last campaign, when he, er , went with two in the middle in Amsterdam.

 So, the press asked for his opinion on the new manager-in a roundabout way, while visitors at the Glasgow 2014 bowls were reluctant  given his flamboyant appearance, to even ask him where the burger stall was,

Looks like he hasn’t entirely given up on the calendar industry.

 Then theres real advice, from someone who has been there, done it, and wore the tracksuit;

Barry Ferguson:

I know all about the pressure Deila is under..

I could see same

look in Big Eck’s eyes

Barry, who recently lost his job as manager of Blackpool, and left the club in such a mess, they only have eight signed players for the new season, is obviously the man to help;

I’ve been there, right in the thick of it on nights such as Wednesday when the Deila’s team was thrashed 4-1 by Legia Warsaw.

I’m delighted to say that in my days at Ibrox I never experienced such a heavy defeat.  

Well, has he or hasn’t he ? Theres no point in asking Cap’n Baz. He won’t remember. And if you put any pressure on him, he’ll nip home, put on his tracksuit, and fling a kebab at you.

The list of players rumoured to be leaving / fed up/sulking/ continues to grow. There isn’t enough room for all of them, so we’ll just mention the “A’s ”  today.

Adam Matthews is expected to have his head turmed by an offer, Anthony Stokes is wanted by a number of mid table EPL sides, and Amido Balde is off to Lokeren for £2m ! Well, according to this he is;

Balde article

If that one is right, then no-one has any right to ever criticise anyone at Celtic for their business sense.

The usual suspects are still either going, gone or not staying, which might all sound the same, but theres a slight difference between the three.

Denny Johnstone, the young forward has gone, to Birmingham, Fraser Forster is going ( probably ) and Charlie Mulgrew is not staying. He told someone in a shop a while ago he thinks its time for the last big contract, which isn’t going to happen at Celtic. ( So it must be true ) . Theres not much more detail to that story, as Chuck had left the wean in the car and had to nip off sharpish.

The press will be delighted with the stories of unrest. After all, theres never smoke without fire, and when John Collins is involved its more likely than not there’ll be dressing room bust ups.

Celtic face Tottenham in Helsinki tomorrow, or Helsinki in Tottenham. I couldn’t care less which it is. But wherever it is, I suggest the management team sits down with the senior players and has a clear the air talk, and then present a show of unity to everyone else.

Its called growing up.

The Commonwealth Games may be taking up all the back pages  just now, but it won’t be long before they need some stories to fill those spaces, and Deila could do without the extra pressure.

Speaking of the games, is it right that Usain Bolt called them “shit ” ? He ought to show a little more respect to Scotland, and Glasgow, and remember up there the word is “shite ”