Ra Peepils Court
El Cormaco lightens the mood by looking at things in a different way…
Ra Peepuls Court:
Alistair Johnston’s interview, in which he says even if Craig Whyte was found not guilty by a Court he was still guilty of villainy for “murdering an institution” was hilarious. I have also recently read “The Plot Against America” by Philip Roth, a great book I’d highly recommend (better than this nonsense anyway).
In it he imagines an alternate reality wherein in 1939 America elected Lindenberg as President. He was an American aviation hero and advocate of the Nazi Party.
He manages over the course of his story to describe the creeping tide of anti-Semitism and authoritarianism that takes place in his imaginary America which seems very relevant in Trump’s America now.
Anyway. Those two things came together in my mind to create this little story which you may want to read. The basic premise is this: what if the fever dreams of lunatics like Dingwall and Houston became reality and there really was “The People’s Court”?
As in, a court for the rule of Ra Peepil. Where “enemies of our club” would be brought to account for their crimes against Rangers. It is, thankfully, a work of fiction and written with tongue firmly in cheek, and a bit of a departure from my normal football ramblings. Any resemblance to people living or dead is entirely deliberate. No offence intended to those modern, inclusive Rangers who want to move away from the bigotry which blighted the old club’s past and the new clubs present. If any bigots are offended, good. Hope you enjoy.
“Hello young bears and bearettes, I’m brother Chris Graham, LoL Kinning Park 1872. I want to tell you a story that may seem incredible to you in this glorious year of King William of Windsor 1690.25, this being the 25th year after we the People took back control of the institutions of state, and governance of our national sport, for the glory and preservation of Protestantism, Unionism and the glory of the mighty Glasgow Rangers – all present repeat in unison: Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People – but I assure you is true and is worth remembering well.
For as we go forward for 25 in a row under the safe guidance of player – manager Kenny Miller and continue to offer prayers and threats that UEFA should allow us to play European football, it seems a good time to look back and remember the dark times and to recall an activity that used to be commonplace but is rarely seen now… the famous “The People’s Court”.
For younger bears who live in this blue and orange utopia we have created, where the mighty Glasgow Rangers – Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People – rule supreme and no objection to our culture and way of life is tolerated, it might be hard to believe, but at one time Scotland was rampant with tarriers in all spheres of society, working hand in hand with the Vatican to kill our club and our God approved culture and way of life.
We stood by for too long and let this happen, writing angry posts on Follow Follow – this was when Scotland still had electricity and a thing called the internet – but doing nothing about it, until Celtic – the terrorist loving, child molesting Big Jock Knew dirty Fenian filth – got to ten in a row and we took to the streets to vent our anger and our rights, and the great events of 2020 and our Glorious Rising began.
Following the retaking of power in the name of God and Rangers and The Cleansing – the sending of tarriers and tarrier leaners over the border into England or into the sea towards Ireland, for the famine was over and it was time they went home, (save those tarriers deemed good enough to be signed to play for the famous Glasgow Rangers – Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People ) we still had some work to do to right society. This is where The Peoples Court was born.
With a population now of just under 250,000 in Scotland, all of good loyal Orange stock and either owning or on a waiting list for a season ticket to Ibrox, and the return to an agricultural, pre industrial society as tarrier sympathising business, banking, education, communication, transport, and infrastructure lacking in Protestant backbone left the country, we can say that work has largely been accomplished.
But let’s look back today and remember those times when Rangers mindedness had to be forcefully administered and The Peoples Court had a key part to play in making that happen.
It allowed good loyal bears, of staunch Protestant stock and a twitter profile picture -ask your Grandad – that included Ibrox or a similarly Rangers minded image, to denounce enemies of The People publicly.
A series of trials were then held in accordance with the newly enacted Rangers laws. Its unbelievable now, but these laws, on display on every public building and memorised by heart by every young bear born in Scotland were once controversial, but such were the times.
We are the mighty Glasgow Rangers and we are the People. Anyone who is not Rangers is not the People and so has no place or rights in our country
We are loyal to our King or Queen, our church, our lodge, Glasgow Rangers and our staunch brother and sister bears. We are loyal to no one else, and any person showing loyalty to any person, group or idea but those listed is not the People, and so an enemy of the People and will be treated as such with no mercy shown
There was some right good doings handed out following the issuing of the laws I can tell you! It was like the Glorious Billy Boys had come back to life and we panned tarriers in their thousands! Great times, you almost wish there were still tarriers here so we could do it again.
Of course we have the symbolic tarriers shipped in to come to Ibrox and play as “Celtic” – the terrorist loving, child molesting Big Jock Knew dirty Fenian filth – twice a year for “Bigotfest”, but we all know they are clubbed to death by the Board in the now time honoured “Kill Celtic, they are a new club” festivities which bring so much colour, family fun and dignity to our beautiful Ibrox, but for us ordinary bears the happy days of lynching tarriers are a thing of the past sadly.
But, back to my story, about the Peoples Court.
The first person tried was evil villain Craig Whyte. It’s complicated now as the years in question have officially been removed from records, but at one time this man was entrusted with the ownership of our great institution and ran things so badly that our holding company went into administration, then liquidation. Not the club obviously, as Rangers can never die – Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People – but it was still a distressing event for all bears and severe justice was required.
Brother Alistair Johnston- LoL Cleveland ohio 1690, a loyal bear of good standing – was the man who denounced Whyte for:
“Murdering an institution, and killing the passion of the People”
This charge was amended as murdering an institution implies that Rangers somehow died, laughable I know – Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People – but again, you must remember these were the times before The Cleansing and the Great Uniformity of Dignified Loyal Thought legislation brought in by Brothers Houston and Dingwall in 1690.2
Whyte was taken before the Peoples Court and tried in accordance with our laws. Here is a transcript of part of that trial
Judge Lord Bryce QC, (lol 1690 Brigton Cross presiding):
Mr Whyte, you are hereby charged with: not being Rangers minded, of trying to kill our club – Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People – of killing the passion of the People, of trying to shut the big hoose down, of not having the money to buy Rangers and give the best fans in the world what they deserve – the best playes available to keep the mighty Glasgow Rangers – Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People – as the World’s most successful club and of being a wee google eyed lying rat shitebag and probably a Tim. How do you plead?
Is this a joke guys? I mean, I was acquitted once already of
Quiet ya dirty cheating tarrier. This is a place for justice, not excuses from enemies of the mighty Glasgow Rangers – Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People.
Now, let the prosecution call its first witness, Billy Mason, aka “the big fat ‘the Big hoose must stay open’ guy”. Brother Mason, may I say you look splendid, is that a Lionbrand “Barcelona bears” tribute shirt I see before me?
No your honour, it’s the 2016-17 replica home shirt, I got a 5 XL for my birthday
2016-17? Was that not a year that we were boycotting Mike Ashley for trying to kill our club – Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People – and not buying replica gear?
Aye, it is your honour, but I got it off my sister for my birthday, she’s daft in the head and didn’t know your honour, but a bigger blue nose you won’t find…
Ignorance is no excuse before the law Mr Mason, take him away Mr Chugg, I mean bailiff. And find his sister to appear before me too
At this point the trial paused as all witnesses were rechecked for appropriate levels of staunchness, and all bar one were dismissed for various heinous crimes against Rangers such as: owning an item of green clothing, previously socialising with “a Celtic guy from work who “wasn’t as bad as the rest of them””, having drunk a pint of Guinness, eating a pepperami, visiting the Republic of Ireland or other treasonable actions against the might and glory of the Rangers – Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People under the Great Uniformity of Dignified Loyal Thought legislation
In the end the only staunch enough witness able to testify was Craig Houston, the venerable founder of Sons of Struth, the organisation that “got our club back from the spivs”
Brother Houston, can you please tell the court why Craig Whyte is a wee google eyed lying rat shitebag, and probably a Tim?
Well your honour, I was there, with thousands of other bears, cheering Mr Whyte up Edmiston Drive when he took control of our glorious club – Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People
Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People. Please continue
Aye, I was there, I thought he was pure loaded and was going to invest £30 million pound in the team to keep us as the world’s most successful club. We deserve better, we deserve the best, we are the best fans in the world. But he and Mc Coist signed a load of duds on the cheap, we got papped out of Europe and then the club went into administration, before the company went into liquidation your honour
Compelling stuff Brother, and nicely handled regarding the club’ s continuity, many people will come before me in times to come who are guilty of incorrectly stating we are a new club
Lord Bryce & Brother Houston: Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People
Thank you your honour. So can we hang him now?
Mmmn, I think most certainly brother, I have heard all I need to. To these charges I find you guilty Mr Whyte. For your egregious crimes against the People, and Rangers, for we are the People, and we are Rangers, I sentence you to death by hanging, the noose made from the Rangers scarves of loyal debenture holders, and the location to be in front of the statue of John Greig, our greatest ever Ranger. Do you have anything to say?
Eh, no, what’s the point, you lunatics are running the asylum now. Just to say it was great crack and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Bring him here bailiff for the Spitting on the Traitor and then throw him in the cells. Case dismissed
At that the wee google eyed lying rat shitebag, and probably a Tim was dragged in front of Brother Lord Bryce, who gathered up a momentous phlegm filled spit ball in his mouth and hurled it at the traitor. Before the day was out he was hanging by his neck dead in front of a baying crowd of loyal bears and bearettes who had all suffered immensely through the so called “banter years” brought about by his traitorous disloyal actions.
There was a party long into the night with many renditions of the Billy Boys, no Pope of Rome, Jimmy Saville he’s one of your own, the Famine song and other songs of our tradition and culture to please the ears and warm the heart of all the righteous in attendance. The streets around Ibrox were filled with the vomit and the urine and excement of proud staunch bears, merrily cheering the execution of the bogey man himself. Indeed so great was the mess made around Ibrox that some remnants of it can be seen even to this day, as we don’t clean up after ourselves, as you know, and by this time most of the tarrier types had left.
Now young bears and bearettes, what a fine example of what happens to people who do not respect the supremacy of our club – Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People – and who dared to challenge our place as the People.
If you are good next time I’ll tell you all about what we did to Mr Warburton, the man who committed the most heinous crime of signing players not good enough for the world famous light blue jersey and to play up to the honour of representing the world’s most successful club and the best fans in the word, the famous Glasgow Rangers – Rangers now, Rangers then, Rangers forever, Rangers will never die, We Are the People. He finally learned what the club is all about, I can tell you.