{"id":8869,"date":"2016-04-01T09:46:47","date_gmt":"2016-04-01T08:46:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/etims.net\/?p=8869"},"modified":"2016-04-01T09:46:47","modified_gmt":"2016-04-01T08:46:47","slug":"celtic-diary-friday-april-1-every-day-is-april-fools-day-smsm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/etims.net\/?p=8869","title":{"rendered":"Celtic Diary Friday April 1: “Every Day Is April Fools Day”-SMSM"},"content":{"rendered":"

Right, let’s get the April fools joke out of the way first…<\/p>\n

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There. Better now ?<\/p>\n

It will save you the bother of reading through this nonsense trying to work out which bit I’ve made up.<\/p>\n

And it means I can confidently move on to the story about the merger with Oxford united, which a drunk guy told us you will be hearing much more about soon.<\/p>\n

But there’s more important things to discuss than that, of which details are sketchy, but if Celtic don’t get a result over the resolution 12 issue, then there is a plan B.<\/p>\n

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Celtic resume league action tomorrow with Hearts coming to town, fortunately for their support it coincides with giro week ( how old are you? -ed ) so their numbers are expected to hit double figures, and you know what ?<\/p>\n

I’ve got a good feeling about this game, so much so that i’ll be getting up before the sun does to leap enthusiastically into the tarrier carrier, with a song on my lips and a poem in my heart, to storm up the highways and byways of the country, to gaze lovingly upon the side as they return to the total football of just twelve months ago.<\/p>\n

And I will make it into the ground this time.<\/p>\n

Speaking of driving, the bloody police pulled me over the other day, and this jobsworth fourteen year old pointed out that the car was weaving from side to side quite erratically…<\/p>\n

” I’ve had a fair bit to drink, ten, maybe twelve beers ” I explained<\/p>\n

“Thats still no excuse to let your wife drive , sir ” he said.<\/p>\n

Thats the misogyny out the way, tomorrow we’ll have a go at immigrants.<\/p>\n

Thats if there is a diary tomorrow, as the tarrier carrier will be about an hour before I usually get in on a Friday night.<\/p>\n

Seriously, tomorrow Celtic will show everyone what they are capable, and we’ll be left wondering what all the fuss was about.<\/p>\n

And here’s why…<\/p>\n

Craig Gordon, who had a decent game for Scotland in the week, will take his place between the sticks, as an example of how players at his former club could improve themselves if they work hard and show willingness to learn. They will be too overawed by the sight of someone who has gone on to great things from such a humble beginning as theirs, and will be far too respectful to try any nonsense such as a shoit on goal. So much in awe is gordon held at Tynecastle, that manager Robbie Neilsen tried to get him in before he joined Celtic;<\/p>\n

I spoke to him before he went to Celtic because I knew he had issues and he was looking for a club and he was one I would have been delighted to get in,But he had the opportunity to go there. It was a chance to play Champions League football which is understandable<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Er, and Premier League football, at the time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

At full back Mikael Lustig will zip up and down the touchline, supporting the forwards yet racing back to nullify any threat down the Hearts left, and over on our left , Keiran tierney will do exactly the same, the two full backs so much in synchronisation that anyone watching will feel sure that the perfect symmetry is actually a trick of the light, and there’s a mirror cunningly placed to achieve this effect.<\/p>\n

Erik Svaitchaneko and the ageless Charlie mulgrew will post “No Admittance ” signs in the centre of the defence, using a combination of power, pace and sublety to keep one step ahead of any foraging raids by the Hearts front line.<\/p>\n

Scott Brown, now considering going into the world of financial advice on a full time basis after he quits the game…<\/p>\n

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will adopt his customary role, cajoling and caressing the other players into a performance above their own limits, ably supported by the strength and grace of Nir Biton.<\/p>\n

With Patrick Roberts direct running out wide getting to the byline on one side, and Gary Mackay Steven on the other, the evergreen Kris commons could pull the strings, scratch backs and fiddle with knobs in the pivotal number ten role, whilst offering accurate and powerful long range efforts should give that extra option of hearts retreat into their shell to limit the damage.<\/p>\n

Wow! all that and Leigh Griffiths too, restored to his solo part up front which has him at his lethal best against the team which it can be fair to say is not one of his favourites.<\/p>\n

The Edinburgh side might be proud of the numbers of fans making the arduous trip into civilisation, but the Celtic fans will be even prouder of their side notching up a historic and memorable double figure rout of the Jambos, and doing whilst whilst playing pure, inventive and beautiful football.<\/p>\n

Look, the April fool is at the top of the page.<\/p>\n

Hearts are going to get a tanking.<\/p>\n

We need a good game from Biton anyway, as he’s already decided what he wants to do with his life…<\/p>\n

If I got an offer to play in a team in England who were at the bottom of the table, it would be better for me to stay at Celtic,\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0That style of play wouldn\u2019t suit me. But no player from Israel could say no to Arsenal, it doesn\u2019t matter if I would just be sitting on the bench or not.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Now thats ambition… but you do get the feeling it was a planted question, probably by his agent.<\/p>\n

Oh ho, the PR guy has woken from his slumber. A staement from Celtic yesterday outlined the clubs displeasure at misrepresentation in the press, as it appears they feel that Celtic is always the one being picked on by the papers. It only took around 125 years to notice it, then.<\/p>\n

IN response to articles which have appeared today in mainstream media regarding a Scottish Government Consultation, Celtic today made the following statement:<\/em><\/p>\n

‘The SPFL, which has made a submission on this matter, speaks for and represents all 42 professional football clubs in Scotland, so we would question the motivation of media reports which seem to single out and misrepresent Celtic Football Club on this issue.<\/em><\/p>\n

Celtic has been open and transparent in taking part in this consultation process.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

In the same way that Celtic has continually challenged inappropriate and unworkable Government legislation being used in areas such as the Offensive Behaviour Act, we see no reason why legislation should be imposed on football clubs over this particular matter.<\/em><\/p>\n

Celtic\u2019s supporters are the lifeblood of the Club. We already enjoy very close, regular and meaningful liaison with our supporters through various means and in fact, as we stated in our submission, we positively\u00a0encourage supporter involvement and engagement.’\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

The OBF act is in danger of being deflected away by the other nonsense going on in Scottish football, such as cheating, tax dodging, corruption and the Authorities \u00a0answer to BBC’s the Two Ronnies-or the No Ronnies as they are now referred to-<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Or are they more a sort of Morecambe and Wise ?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

Wise is not a word that springs readily to mind when discussing Regan and Doncaster.<\/p>\n

It’s important not to let the Offensive Behaviour Act go without comment and protest. It is unjust, it is discriminatory and must be repealed.<\/p>\n

so, in that respect, it’s great to hear the clubs views on it publicly, and well done to all involved.<\/p>\n

Now, about Resolution 12….<\/p>\n

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As its April fools Day, I’ve decided to have a look around at some of the more amusing attempts by the jolly japesters in the press, and I can’t find one better than this, from shortly to be skint Record columnist Barry Ferguson..<\/p>\n

“….I don\u2019t buy into this stuff about Celtic fans not wanting Rangers back. Any Celtic fan I\u2019ve spoken to about it can\u2019t wait to get it on again.” \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh, and can I take a moment to apologise to any of those victims of the EBT scandal named in yesterdays Diary, which also featured estimates of how much money they may owe ?<\/p>\n

You see, I was wrong. I’d forgotten all about late payment penalties, interest and all sorts of other little bits in the small print.<\/p>\n

So it could be much more…<\/p>\n

\n

\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Mind you, I think they’ve found a winner to swell the coffers of the new club, as it battles manfully to avoid the words “Ibrox “and “liquidation” becoming financial synonyms..<\/p>\n

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Anyway, Brian, not the Messiah won yesterdays caption competiton as well, and here are the two he put forward from the last two days..<\/p>\n

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\"\"<\/p>\n

So, today, the rest of you need to step up to the plate and knock him off his pedestal, while I sit here mixing my metaphors.<\/p>\n

Okay, there is so much potential here…<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Oh, you’ll never believe who I saw at the petrol station yesterday. That bloke out of that movie-the human torch guy.<\/p>\n

I tried to get his autograph but he just kept rolling around screaming.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Right, let’s get the April fools joke out of the way first… There. Better now ? It will save you the bother of reading through…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":8870,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/etims.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/80881-Today-Is-April-Fools-Day.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2J7If-2j3","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8869"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8869"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8869\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8871,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8869\/revisions\/8871"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/8870"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8869"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8869"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8869"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}