Ah the last day of the transfer window before it \u201cslams shut\u201d. A day when we feverishly hit the refresh button every ten minutes on the BBC website and then when home longingly stare at one of the beautiful ladies on SKY Sports while simultaneously muting out Jim Whyte\u2019s God awful Jessie voice. Kirsty Gallagher has always been my favourite. Tiger Woods and I have a lot in common…well when I close my eyes.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s been a long time but as they say absence makes the fart smell stronger. Has anyone ever worked out who \u201cthey\u201d are? Is it a wee group of corduroy clad people who meet every second Friday for a tea & scone in Byres Road and work out policy? Like a Partick Thistle supporters convention?<\/p>\n
Now before we start a word of caution. Everything, we repeat everything, you are about to read is completely made up nonsense. Like David King ESQ GASL we lie for a living. There\u2019s no semblance of truth or smidgen of reality. What appears before you is a complete figment of many fevered, some may say childish, imaginations.<\/p>\n
OK now that\u2019s clear let\u2019s get cracking…..<\/p>\n
The Commonwealth Games was a major success in Glasgow. Happy times. The sun shone warmly for the first week (locals call it summer) and thousands of lost tourists flocked to the Dear Green Place….bloody restaurateurs putting their prices up….greedy basturts! The east end of Glasgow surrounding Celtic Park had a major transformation and if we may say so ourselves Celtic Park is looking almost befitting of a place lovingly referred to as Paradise. Yes almost, as we hear the next stage in Parkhead\u2019s glorious gentrification program….let\u2019s call it State Aid II….will be revealed later this year. Talks with a number of key parties have been ongoing for some time and a wee birdie tells us \u2018Priority Investment Location\u2019 is the buzz words. But this is not a love song as Johnny Lydon would say…<\/p>\n
We hear Her Majesty still cherishes the \u201cConnolly 16\u201d jersey she was presented with following her visit in 2014. God bless her.<\/p>\n
So who\u2019d be James Doleman for a day?<\/p>\n
Patrick Roberts eighteen month deal done. But you know all that. What you didn\u2019t know is his father Jason Roberts is a die-hard Celtic fan. Bigger hoops fan than Bruce Willis. God bless Alan Rickman. One of the good guys.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve received an offer for Johansen of \u00a33m plus add ons. Ronny doesn\u2019t want to sell. I\u2019d sell. Hell, I\u2019d throw him on my back and carry him all the way to the English Championship. We jest of course. Stefan\u2019s a great player who will only improve once the Alice band stops obstructing his sight.<\/p>\n
We hear Wolverine has a new repeatable nickname at Lennoxtown…Marmite. Some players detest the six-pack flashing show off while others love the hairy Adonis. He\u2019s very much an acquired taste. His passing drills and organisation is not in doubt, the manner of the message and lack of humility it appears is. Ronny loves him though and that\u2019s all that matters…<\/p>\n
Wee Gordon (along with McGhee) was sounded out as Ronny\u2019s taxi did circles around the Forge car park. You really think McGhee was that desperate to go to Fir Park?<\/p>\n
When Gordy let it be known he didn’t want to walk out on the national job\u2026you watching Watty? The door also closed ajar on McCall and poor \u201csmooth\u201d Broadfoot wept. Panic over\u2026for now! Ronny has been told if League secured he gets another shot at Champions League qualification but there\u2019s a major split in the boardroom camp….ask Dale Winton. The suits are acutely aware of fans angst at Ronny\u2019s failure with some vocally sharing those concerns. Ronny\u2019s asked for more financial backing and has been given it budgetary and staff wise. Expect a new defensive coach of his choice to be arriving very soon. Kendo Nagasacki…Try the veal!<\/p>\n
Incidentally, the club via its network of contacts put out the feelers out for other managerial candidates. It would have been unprofessional not to. Two names at the very top of it. David Moyes and a South American coach who surprisingly (to the club) made it clear he would like to talk if the role became vacant. This guy knows his football inside out and to the surprise of many knows Celtic and its history inside out. Like anything else in life a good manager asks for a good wage. You pay \u00a3350k a year and you are constrained to a limited level. You pay a Peter Lawwell annual wage and the door suddenly opens much, much further. Other challenge is Pedro is a control freak and doesn\u2019t want the existing structure where he has the final say on everything messed around. You bring in an experienced & opinionated manager in the mould of Martin O\u2019Neill and he wants to run the football \u201coperation\u201d his way. Something has to give if major change is to happen. As our man tires of saying, the most important person at a football club is the manager. Get that right and the rest follows or so \u201cthey\u201d say…<\/p>\n
The boy from Molde, Elyounoussi, we are definitely interested in but the summer is more likely if Ronny still the man….<\/p>\n
John Park has known Steven Fletcher for a very long time. A very long time. Fletch has made his money and wants to return home and is willing to take a significant pay cut. Have we told you John Park has know him for a very long time?<\/p>\n
Safe Standing all signed, sealed and delivered for next season. Work will commence immediately after our final home league game this season. The area will hold 3,000 spectators with space at the side of the seats to secure coffee cups, fake ID and pyro!<\/p>\n
We also understand a request was made from one of those probably impacted by the loss of their seat in the new standing section. The person concerned demanded an old foggies section with tartan blankets, flasks and moanometer app to be provided…his request was met by a kindly club employee who advised him this section currently exists and is known as the main stand!<\/p>\n
Young Jamesy\u2019s partner has a year and a half left at Uni. He won\u2019t move without her. Recent contract offer also better than expected.<\/p>\n
Season ticket holders at Celtic Park, Southampton FC, have been admiring Nir Bitton since the Inter game last season. \u00a0No bids on the table yet. One for the summer…..<\/p>\n
3 new strips coming soon…Will a subtle tribute to a certain centenary celebration slip in anywhere? The new home strip will unsurprisingly be Green and White hoops top. A New white away top with green and gold trim will make up the second strip. As there\u2019s no emerald green on the new balance colour charts we understand they are presently looking at options. Black is firm favourite as they sell the most but with a twist. Bo Jackson inspired hoops!<\/p>\n
Remember the old school tales of certain Celtic stars being chased out of the pub by an angry Jock Stein who had been tipped off by various spotters around town? Well it seems Ronny didn\u2019t need such a network for Tony Stokes. We’re told he just needed to walk into St Vincent\u2019s “Boston Irish theme Bar” in the city centre and look for the bold Tony awaiting a Rebs night sitting with a bunch of dodgy looking folk in assorted states of leisure apparel. Apparently the word gear may have a few applications there. Oh Tony, if only you liked Bothwell!<\/p>\n
We can\u2019t be the only people confused with all the Rangers or Sevco court cases. Confused? You will be. It\u2019s like an episode of \u2018Soap\u2019. One for the Auldies! What\u2019s the world coming to when you can\u2019t go onto Twitter without finding out they are in court again? We hear even the judicial system are laughing at their antics and are considering renaming one of their courts the \u2018Sevcourt\u2019 in honour of their familiarisation with the place. Too much happening for our simple minds (81, 82, 83, 84…court cases) to get our heads around. We have been told though the main \u2018football\u2019 to keep an eye on is when Ashley takes the SFA to court. Fireworks galore…<\/p>\n
Incidentally, a wee birdie tells us Sevco have approached James Doleman and asked if he\u2019d consider working for the club full time as their court correspondent.<\/p>\n
\u2018Club\u2019 keen to get more game time for Allan who is not developing on the bench.<\/p>\n
La la la la la la la America. Bit of Westside Story there for the one cultural person among you! We are told Florida next January and New York, Boston and Toronto summer of 2017 is on the cards.<\/p>\n
Robert Snodgrass, if he can show that the injury hasn’t buggered him, is very well thought of and his recent property dealings are not thought to be coincidental.<\/p>\n
Is Airdrie really the closest pitch from East Kilbride? Best not to ask a certain Comms guy at Hampden who we hear had Google Maps working overtime when Hamilton made the SFA look even more stupid.<\/p>\n
GMS loan back to Dundee United is on the table.<\/p>\n
Competition time…What\u2019s gonna be highest by season\u2019s end? The number of consecutive home Cup draws or the number of penalties awarded to \u2018Rangers\u2019?<\/p>\n
As if he can\u2019t score enough, a wee birdie tells us she spotted the Griff on Tinder the other week. As The Beatles sang:<\/p>\n
“I don\u2019t care too much for money<\/em><\/p>\n I just want my hole”.<\/em><\/p>\n Horrible suggestion we looked at Haris Vuckic of Wigan and former darling of Kinning Park.<\/p>\n Anyone seen The Big Short where 4 conscientious bosses take a stand against a corrupt establishment\u2019s abuse of the system and the common man? Apropos if nothing… if you\u2019re also wondering why it\u2019s all gone quiet regards the recent “4 clubs chairmen demanding justice”…well it\u2019s a combination of lawyers citing possible contempt of court during certain ongoing cases…whilst behind the scenes a graceful Hampden departure (i.e well pensioned scapegoat) is in motion and also of course there\u2019s a series of mitigating actions being offered to help certain club chairmen facing a real emergency come May 2016. Will it be Win win? Don\u2019t hold your breath.<\/p>\n Depending on the outcome of BDO\u2019s request to take to appeal the recent court judgement finding Rangers 1872-2012 guilty of tax avoidance \/ evasion (delete as appropriate), we understand if they are told to beat it a civil action will be raised against the bowling club mafia at Hampden Towers if they refuse to re-open the LNS \u2018investigation\u2019 into cheating. Crowd funding is a wonderful concept nowadays.<\/p>\n Does Andy Murray now really have a very big soft spot for Celtic? After his recent tour of Paradise with the GB tennis team (we can\u2019t be the only ones reading that thinking….the Green Brigade have a bloody tennis team!) he was blown away. The fact GB coach Leon Smith is a massive Celtic fan also played no small part of it with Celtic now joining Hibs and Barca as Andy\u2019s favourite teams. We also hear Andy\u2019s insisted is his lovely wife gives birth to a boy she\u2019s to name him Henrik!<\/p>\n On the Henrik front are you aware that as well as scoring an incredible number of goals for Celtic he also has one other notable thing in common with Jimmy McGrory? Their middle name! James Edward McGrory and Henrik Edward Larsson. All you fans out there looking to have more kids…if next weans a boy make sure the middle name is Edward and the rest is history!<\/p>\n Emilio away at the end of the season. He absolutely loves everything about his time at Celtic but know it\u2019s now time to move on.<\/p>\n If Rangers II reach the top division for the first time season ticket costs will increase by \u00a350. U12\u2019s season tickets will remain at \u00a350 but will exclude those matches. We understand a healthy premium of \u00a340 per match against Newco will be added for those wanting to take their kids.<\/p>\n We hear the tax man has been keeping an eye on those loveable Sons of Struth chaps (he didn\u2019t have any kids fellas!) and their \u2018business\u2019 interests. Publicly selling merchandise \u2018cash in hand\u2019 is never a good idea chaps. You can blame Chris \u2018Union\u2019 Jack from the Evening Times for that one as his mutterings brought it to their attention.<\/p>\n Talking about the Evening Times and the Herald football writers, we use the term football very loosely, in fact so loose it could be considered a wild Boer staggering drunk around a field full of spaced out rodents. Anyway, their cosy relationship with Chris \u2018Love me for who I am\u2019 Graham and Mark \u2018Does my bum look big in this\u2019 Dingwall has now reached the wider public domain following Spiersy\u2019s GIRUY to the Herald. Chris, Matt and Martin all have an open line to the RST dafties and have been doing their bidding for some time. They\u2019ve now made many enemies within their own publications and more importantly, far wider press circles. With the NUJ on their case and leading newspaper writers in England now taking an active interest everything they do now will be under utmost scrutiny. You fly with the crows…<\/p>\n A mix of loan and permanent offers received for McGregor, Rogic, Efe and as above Johansen. Efe was all set to leave but injury to Simunovic appeared to have curtailed that until the summer but we are sniffing about a late loan move for another centre back. We\u2019ve been informed not to rule that out…<\/p>\n Leeds have made a public offer for Rogic but Ronny wants to retain and Championship clubs sniffing around McGregor who was a major success at Notts County a couple of years back. Wolves really keen on him.<\/p>\n Keep a keen eye on the above today as Ayer coming will depend on further moves out.<\/p>\n Plans for a new full size indoor pitch at Lennoxtown have been agreed. Expect to hear formal news on this in the next few weeks.<\/p>\n