By Martian Williams, Senior Poodle, Level 5<\/p>\n
In a move that Jesus Christ would have paid homage to, Rangers supremo extraordinaire Dave King has revealed incredible moves to pay off the oldco creditors and bring Rangers FC back from the dead.<\/p>\n
Top liquidation expert Neil Pasty told the Day Late Ranger that Mr King’s plan, if successful, would be a new world record for bringing a three year old dead entity back to life.<\/p>\n
Mr King, surrounded by a select audience of press lapdogs from the Evening Times, Herald and Daily Record newspapers, set out his vision to bring Rangers back from the dead to gasps of \u201coooh\u201d and \u201cahhh\u201d from an astonished audience drunk on his heroic words and the free gratis imported Eldorado wine generously provided.<\/p>\n
Mr King admitted his vision would involve creditors accepting “what they are given” with an offer of something significantly close to zero likely to be his starting position.<\/p>\n
Currently creditors, according to world finance expert of the year 2011-2015 Neil Pasty, would only expect to get under 10p in the pound from the liquidation process. The full debt is \u00a3160 million but that depends on whether the anti-Rangers taxman wins the complete waste of public money ‘big tax’ case.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s known that \u00a372m of the \u00a394.4m owed to Her Majesty’s (bless here) Revenue and Customs is dependent on the outcome of their ‘big tax case’ appeal.<\/p>\n
If HMRC lose their appeal the debts owed would fall from \u00a3160m to \u00a396m,<\/p>\n
The Rangers International Football Club plc board (I\u2019m lost now \u2013 Ed!) has said it was not in the club’s (thought it was holding company!) interests to repay a \u00a35m loan provided by Mike Ashley who secured it against Rangers assets such as Murray Park, club trademarks, the Sons of Struth angry outbursts and Chris Graham\u2019s wham gloves.<\/p>\n
Mr King advised that if the taxman and claims by all others apart from him were removed then an offer to pay off all the creditors completely was a distinct possibility.<\/p>\n
He said putting the assets, (after repaying Mike Ashley\u2019s outstanding and currently defaulted \u00a35m), back into oldco was “a good thing to do” adding: \u201cIt\u2019s not got a bloody hope in hell of happening but the idiots will believe it. Guys, remember that part is off the record and make sure it\u2019s removed\u201d.<\/p>\n
“Our fans hear all this, \u2018you\u2019re not Rangers any more\u2019 and \u2018you are a new club\u2019 and have a wash you unpleasant bunch of knuckle dragging braggards\u2019. It would be nice to put all that behind us and say we died for several years and I managed to rewrite the rules in global liquidation to bring Rangers back to life. I\u2019m bloody great. Mind print that part\u201d.<\/p>\n
“You can never rewrite history although with the press\u2019s support I am trying my best to do so. In years to come most people will point and refer to me as Chief from One flew over the cuckoo\u2019s nest who voted against a CVA that would have saved Rangers. However, I\u2019d like to believe Rangers fans will accept my vision and give me as much money as possible over the next few months to cover our debts to avoid the Newco getting liquidated like the Oldco\u201d.<\/p>\n
Mr King, what a man.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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