{"id":3659,"date":"2013-10-02T19:10:12","date_gmt":"2013-10-02T18:10:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/etims.net\/?p=3659"},"modified":"2013-10-02T19:11:12","modified_gmt":"2013-10-02T18:11:12","slug":"my-name-is","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/etims.net\/?p=3659","title":{"rendered":"My Name is…"},"content":{"rendered":"


\nMy Name Is…by Pensionerbhoy<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

The big man was immaculately dressed in a trim suit, hand made with the best of material.<\/p>\n

He appeared distinguished as he stepped through the open doorway. It had a sign\u00a0overhead that read \u201cMain Stand\u201d.<\/p>\n

He stood waiting and watching. As he looked around he sensed an atmosphere of panic in\u00a0the room. Some people were shuffling about shifting fixtures and fittings of all shapes and\u00a0sizes while others dashed in and out of the room stacking what they carried in the corridor\u00a0outside as though ready for collection. It was almost as if chaos ruled in this place\u00a0and he wondered if it might not be wise to simply turn around and leave. But he was being\u00a0offered a considerable amount of money to do this job and it felt foolish to walk away from\u00a0it.<\/p>\n

As he waited, a stocky, heavy set figure approached licking his lips like a satisfied wild\u00a0animal bloated by the amount of flesh it had devoured from its latest kill.<\/p>\n

The tall stranger personally thought to himself that he had the waddling grace of an\u00a0overfed, puffed up bull mastiff as he came towards him. The overweight man wiped some\u00a0sweat from his brow with one greasy hand and proffered the other in a handshake. \u201cHow’d\u00a0ye do? My name’s Ally Puddin’ ‘n Pies. You must be Mr. Stein. Nice to meet you. Come on\u00a0in. We’ve got loads to do here and they telt me they wanted me to progress with the work\u00a0as fast as possible. But then, a’ve done piles of work with these forty thieves for several\u00a0years now so I know pretty well what I can get away with. I’ve developed a nice cushy\u00a0relationship with the big bosses. It’s jist a question of knowing when and how to switch allegiances if ye find ye need to. Know whit a mean? A’ve developed a real knack for it.”<\/p>\n

The red-faced man continued on “Some people call me Sly Sally or Fly Man Ally ‘n that, ‘n it’s jist no fair. A’ve only got whit’s\u00a0best fir the business at heart. Och, that’s the way it goes if you’ve been at it a while. It\u00a0looks good for the company too ’cause a carry on regardless even when a’ the directors\u00a0change. That gives the impression of stability ‘n that suits everybody jist fine. Looks great\u00a0when the papers back ye up tae, of course. Oh\u201d, he gave a stifled snigger before saying,\u00a0\u201c’n don’t listen to the rumours that go aboot sometimes saying its’ because they cannae\u00a0get anybody else to do ma job. They’re a right laugh sometimes, eh?\u201d<\/p>\n

The tall stranger\u00a0detected a distinct nervousness in Ally’s tone as he tried to make light of his last remark.<\/p>\n

After a brief pause, during which he eyed the newcomer suspiciously for a moment,\u00a0Ally went on, \u201cThey guys at the top don’t half annoy me sometimes, mind, ’cause they\u00a0promised me some of the best in the business to get the job completed in a few years but\u00a0something went wrong and it’s pretty impossible tae say when it’ll get finished noo. Maybe\u00a0never, ha, ha!\u201d, he joked unconvincingly. He then went on, \u201dTo be honest, but keep this tae ye’rsel, it disn’t help when a’m no sure a’m the man to get the best oot o’ the workers.\u00a0But hey, a’m being paid a fortune tae do it; so why worry? That’s whit a say, but no in\u00a0public mind ye.\u201d<\/p>\n

The tall stranger was rather taken aback as he had been informed that\u00a0everything at the job was ship-shape and the recent upheavals he had heard about were\u00a0supposedly sorted and the work back on track. It certainly was not sounding like it listening\u00a0to Ally, that was for sure.<\/p>\n

Again he wondered if he was making a big mistake, but the big\u00a0money on offer was certainly a strong incentive to stay. \u201cIf that’s the attitude of someone in\u00a0his position then why should I care\u201d, he thought to himself, \u201cand besides, it couldn’t be all\u00a0that bad. After all, he knew the business from his past experiences and besides, he was\u00a0acquainted with several lads on the job who had transferred over from other companies.<\/p>\n

It was said they did so because they fancied the work even though many people claimed\u00a0it was only for the money. He himself simply could not accept that was all they were there\u00a0for. These guys would not change just like that. He decided to carry on, at least for the\u00a0moment.<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on in. Don’t just stand there. We won’t bite you, ha, ha! I’ll introduce you to some of\u00a0the boys. I believe you already know one or two?\u201d, said Ally.<\/p>\n

\u201cYea, I bumped into a few of\u00a0them over the years and some I have heard about but never met\u201d, came the reply from the\u00a0big man.<\/p>\n

\u201c Ach, a’m sure you’ll get on jist fine wae them. They’re a great bunch, ye know.\u00a0Aye, a great bunch.\u00a0You might find a good few of them are getting’ on a wee bit for your liking but they’ll\u00a0dae their best every time. Wan thing ye’ll recognise aboot them, they’re as loyal as they\u00a0come, that’s fir sure. I can honestly say that the maist o’ them are genuine full blooded\u00a0loyalists\u201d continued Ally.<\/p>\n

The fact he had used some ill-chosen words did not register. But then, it was\u00a0generally accepted in the business that a whole range of things did not register with Ally.<\/p>\n

In actual fact, it was widely joked that his brain itself was the only thing about him that\u00a0was registered, as a limited company. He wore his heart on his sleeve, though, and that\u00a0endeared him to many who never saw past his cuffs, especially at a dinner table or two.<\/p>\n

But then, the most frequent hosts were such stalwarts of the media profession they were\u00a0sought after by some of the top class P.R. people in the country. It was also said they\u00a0justly ended up with some people who were anything but top class. In fact they had no\u00a0class whatsoever.<\/p>\n

The tall stranger was a little bemused at first by the way Ally talked but, shaking his head,\u00a0he started to follow him towards the centre of the room. He noticed most of the objects in\u00a0the room had been removed. He could tell by the fresh markings on walls and floors where\u00a0it was obvious items had been in situ not long beforehand. He just assumed this was part\u00a0of the clear out, ready for the new start he had heard so much about in the media.<\/p>\n

For some inexplicable reason his enthusiasm for the job he was offered was returning.<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter all, I love a challenge and being at the very centre of all this \u201cchange\u201d, well…\u201d He\u00a0was finding himself becoming more and more attracted to being part of this new beginning,\u00a0in spite of having to work with people like Ally. In fact, he was beginning to warm to this\u00a0whole new venture now and he was definitely comfortable with the salary on offer.<\/p>\n

Ally stopped short right beside a rough looking character. The guy was sweeping and his\u00a0elbows were swinging the brush all over the place. The tall man had pulled up simply to\u00a0avoid being clouted by an elbow from this \u201cMr. Reckless\u201d. \u201cYou could do an awful lot of\u00a0damage with those elbows\u201d, he thought to himself. \u201cI’ll keep well away from you when I\u00a0start. I don’t fancy going to A&E every day.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ally turned and spoke, addressing both men at\u00a0once, \u201cHi, Stuart, this is the new man, Mr. Stein. He has just arrived so I am giving him a\u00a0quick tour. I’ll introduce him properly to you and the rest of the boys this efternin doon at\u00a0the bothy in Bearsden. I’ll no keep you back the noo from getting’ rid o’ the muck that’s all\u00a0over the place. Did they tell ye tae watch out for the asbestos?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAye, boss\u201d, replied the\u00a0sultry figure without smiling and with his eyes fixed hard underneath a frown that seemed\u00a0set in concrete.\u00a0\u201cThey said it widnae dae’s ony herm if a didnae inhale. So, am haudin’ in ma breath f’r five\u00a0then goin’ f’r a breather. It’s great practice f’r Seterday efternins, boss, if me ‘n ma pals ‘r\u00a0no doon at the bookies aforehaun, hee, hee, hee.\u00a0A’m only kiddin’ boss!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ally grinned from ear to ear and dragged his tongue across his lips\u00a0in his usual slithery manner. As he turned away he remarked, \u201cO.K., then. Jist dae that ‘n\u00a0a’ll see ye this efternin at Bearsden.\u00a0Right, big man, lets see who else is here. Jist follow me.\u201d Before Ally had taken a few\u00a0more steps, with the big man right behind him, a slim gaunt looking, grey haired man in a\u00a0flashy looking suit, crept out of an adjoining room. For all the world it looked as though he\u00a0was trying to sneak out without being seen. The stranger wondered if he was up to\u00a0something as he had the demeanour of a burglar making his escape with the loot and\u00a0heading for the exit unnoticed.<\/p>\n

But Ally was familiar with the antics of the older man after months of dealing with him. He\u00a0pounced on him, catching him unawares. The suited man gave a slight jolt of surprise or\u00a0maybe it was fear. \u201cTrying to sneak off again without saying good mornin’, Chuckles?\u201d,\u00a0joked Ally. \u201c’ee, ‘ee, nay lad. Ee, you can be so funny at times, Ally. No, by gum, I was\u00a0simply trying to avoid, eh, avoid interrupting, yea that’s it, avoid interrupting the lads doing\u00a0their work.\u00a0Wur there’s muck there’s brass, lad, as they say in Yorksheer, ‘n we would not want to ‘alt\u00a0that, would we now?\u201d he said with a nervous cackle. \u201c Aye, the quicker the better. The\u00a0more the merrier ‘n all that, lad.\u201d<\/p>\n

The big man was bewildered. He simply could not make\u00a0head nor tail of the conversation. He was convinced the old geezer was trying to worm his\u00a0way out of something but had no idea what. He reminded him of something but he just\u00a0could not put his finger on it.<\/p>\n

\u201cDamn!\u201d, he thought, \u201cIt’s right on the tip of my tongue\u201d.<\/p>\n

The\u00a0older man interrupted his train of thought by asking Ally, \u201cAnyway, ‘ow are you this\u00a0morning?\u201d he said a bit sheepishly, as though testing the atmosphere, \u201cI ‘ear you’re looking\u00a0for some more cash? Come on lad, really? ‘a, ‘a, you’ll never learn, lad, will ye? I’m well\u00a0aware you need more workers ‘n all that but, see ‘ere, lad, I’m not made o’ money, ‘ee, ‘ee.\u00a0You need to give me a wee bitty more time, son. I ‘ave plans for the future lad, aye big\u00a0plans and you’re a real part of them.\u00a0It just takes more time than normal when your trying to complete deals without anybody\u00a0getting wind of them, if you know what I mean? You do understand my position, don’t ye? I\u00a0know you’ve been asking for some names, even demanding I ‘ear, a’, ‘a, ‘a. I wish I could,\u00a0lad, but I simply can’t reveal any names right now. But, boy, if you knew the promises, my\u00a0God, you’ld burst a blood vessel cheerin’, lad. You really would, I’ll tell ye. Listen, why don’t you come see me tomorrow? Yes, that’s it, come tomorrow when I’ve gotten rid of a few\u00a0things, off my mind of course, ‘a, ‘a, ‘a! You’re not the only one see, that can make folks\u00a0laugh, ‘a, ‘a! Oh, by the way, did I tell you about the new orange kit? No? It’s a beaut! It’ll\u00a0go down great in Belfast, that’s a certainty. I plan to go there to promote it myself. You do\u00a0know they simply love me over there now since I went to their supporters places and told\u00a0them my ‘ole story. It didn’t take much to convince them and I ‘ave t’ say, lad, I’m definitely\u00a0all the better off for doing it. Sales of the shirts should do a bomb over there. Did you get\u00a0that one, Ally, ‘ee, ‘ee, ‘ee, ‘ee, ‘ee, ‘ee? Do a bomb! Better than anything you ever did\u00a0when you used to\u00a0act the clown on that Question of Sport programme, lad, that’s for sure.\u00a0Go on, admit it. It was miles better, Ally.\u201d<\/p>\n

They both chuckled, though Ally actually looked\u00a0none too pleased. He had the rankled expression of a wee Scottish balloon unbelievably\u00a0deflated by a big greasy Yorkshire pudding. In spite of being wary of Ally’s unpleasant\u00a0reaction, Chuckles was flying now and in full flow, \u201cAye, lad, we definitely need to sit down\u00a0and talk. Oh, and by the way, we can discuss that small matter of increased shares that\u00a0need sorted for you at the same time, you know, the one’s I said were available at not a\u00a0bad price, one pence each more than likely. But keep that under ye’r ‘at, lad, ok! A bird in\u00a0the ‘and, a stitch in time, better late than never and all of that, ‘a, ‘a.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ally’s expression\u00a0changed. He now looked interested and \u00a0attentive again. \u201cOch, aye, boss. Aye, a\u00a0remember now\u201d, he replied hastily, \u201cThat’s fine. We can leave the mair men thing tae\u00a0another time. Ach a suppose it’s no that urgent actually. It’s jist a keep forgettin’ ‘n sayin’\u00a0tae the papers it wont be long. A’ll jist huv tae try tae keep ma big mooth shut, eh! ha, ha,\u00a0ha, ha!\u201d<\/p>\n

Both men laughed heartily. One with signs of relief and the other of resignation.\u00a0The big man jerked. He had remembered what the old guy reminded him of. \u201cA snake-oil\u00a0salesman if ever there was one\u201d, he thought with a smirk.\u00a0The old chap was about to move away when Ally grasped his shoulder. For a moment\u00a0the older man showed real signs of apprehension. Then he saw Ally was grinning and\u00a0slithering his lips again and he felt more relaxed. \u201cDon’t go runnin’ jist yet, boss. I hivnae\u00a0telt ye the good news yet. Remember a said there wis a big man available for nothin’ that\u00a0was the best and would get us back tae the top \u201ctoot sweet\u201d as long as he got top dollar\u00a0for wages? Well he’s arrived, boss. Aye, in spite of bein’ away frae the gem for quite a\u00a0long time, he’s here noo, hale ‘n hearty and fit ‘n rarin’ tae go. ‘n he’s right beside ye. This\u00a0is….\u201d, before Ally could get another word out of his mouth, the older man interrupted, \u201c’ello,\u00a0very pleased to meet you. I’m Chuckles Green the Chief Executive. Ally ‘as told me so\u00a0much about you. I am so glad you could join us, lad. We both firmly believe, given your\u00a0past record at other clubs and at international level, you are the ideal man for the job. I\u00a0am certain you will fit in perfectly with our set up. Maturity is the very centrepiece of our\u00a0ambition and you look to ‘ave it in abundance. That is the main reason we went for you \u2013\u00a0and our lack of money, of course. No, no that was a joke. ‘onestly, I was just kidding, ‘a, ‘a!\u00a0Ally ‘as me always looking for a bit o’ crack you know. Just like himself. Don’t mention it”,\u00a0he whispered to one side,”but ‘e once tried it ‘imself. Some maintain ‘e never really made\u00a0it ‘n ‘e gets just a little bit touchy about it. I’m no judge of these things, mind. Wat I do know\u00a0is, ‘e stands by me ‘n for me that’s wat really counts in the end. Anyway, like I said, it is a\u00a0pleasure to ‘ave you in t’ business and with us, Mr. …? I didn’t catch your name. What did\u00a0you say it was?\u201d<\/p>\n

The big man stared for a moment weighing up the possible reactions of\u00a0both men.<\/p>\n

Then he spoke with the voice of authority and with utter confidence, \u201cMy name\u00a0is Stein – Colin Stein.<\/p>\n

H H \/ PB<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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