{"id":1550,"date":"2012-12-13T15:09:30","date_gmt":"2012-12-13T15:09:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/etims.net\/?p=1550"},"modified":"2012-12-13T15:09:30","modified_gmt":"2012-12-13T15:09:30","slug":"fergus-mccann-is-tom-cruise","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/etims.net\/?p=1550","title":{"rendered":"FERGUS McCANN is TOM CRUISE!"},"content":{"rendered":"

TOO FEW GOOD MEN<\/strong><\/h2>\n

an Etims Screenplay<\/p>\n

Fergus McCann and his counsel colleagues Elspeth and Matt are engaged in a trial to ascertain what happened to an ill fated transfer request. Lisbons Jorge Cadete was meant to join Celtic before a game against Rangers but somehow the SFA fax machine died.<\/p>\n

McCann believes a “code-red-pen” has occurred, an admin exercise carried out to kill the completion of the vital transfer. McCann has no clear proof but he \u00a0suspects the blame goes right to the top and lies with Chief Executive Jim Farry.<\/p>\n

Farry controls the Authority and should McCann fail, he \u00a0knows Farry could really cause trouble for Celtic.<\/p>\n

McCann meets up with Elspeth and Matt to decide on what to do the next day in court.<\/p>\n

Does he give up and withdraw the case or does he risk Football suicide by going after the uber-powerful Farry?…<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 
\nINT. McCANN’S APARTMENT – LATER- AFTERNOON<\/strong><\/p>\n

A golf ball bounces off the wall.<\/p>\n

McCann, Elspeth and Matt are sprawled out in the living room. For\u00a0hours now they’ve been trying to come up with an idea.\u00a0McCANN’s mind seems to be on his golf game.<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nI say we hit him with the phoney transfer request
\norder.<\/p>\n

MATT<\/strong>
\nWhat’s the transfer request order without a
\nwitness?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nWell in the hands of a lesser attorney,
\nthat’d be a problem.<\/p>\n

MATT<\/strong>
\nLook at this. Last night he was crying
\nin his Canadian Club, now he can leap tall
\nbuildings in a single bound.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI’m getting my second wind. Siddown.
\nBoth of you.<\/p>\n

He sees that MATT and ELSPETH were already sitting down.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nGood.
\n(beat)
\nFarry told his Lackie to order a code red-pen.
\nthe Lackie did. The cover-up isn’t our case. To
\nwin, Farry has to tell the jury that he
\nordered the code red.<\/p>\n

MATT<\/strong>
\nAnd you think you can get him to just say
\nit?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI think he wants to say it. I think he’s
\npissed off that he’s gotta hide from us.
\nI think he wants to say that he made a
\ncommand decision and that’s the end of it.
\nHe eats breakfast 80 yards away from 40000
\nCelts who are trained to despise him, and no
\none’s gonna tell him how to run his SFA.
\nLeast of all the pushy broad, the smart
\nAccountant, and the Fanzine bloke. I need to
\nshake him and put him on the defensive.<\/p>\n

MATT and ELSPETH are silent for a moment.<\/p>\n

MATT<\/strong>
\nThat’s it? That’s the plan?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nThat’s the plan.<\/p>\n

MATT<\/strong>
\nYoure gonna trip Farry and he’s gonna confess?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI’m not gonna trip him. I’m gonna lead
\nhim right where he’s dying to go.<\/p>\n

MATT<\/strong>
\nAnd how are you gonna do that?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI have no idea. I need my bunnet.<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nWhat?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(looking around)
\nI need my bunnet. I think better with my
\nbunnet. Where’s my bunnet?<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nI put it in the closet.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nYou put it in the closet.<\/p>\n

McCANN heads to the closet.<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nI was tripping over it.<\/p>\n

McCANN (O.S.)<\/strong>
\nDon’t ever put a bunnet in a closet.<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nHe thinks better with his bunnet?<\/p>\n

And we go to McCANN AT THE CLOSET.<\/p>\n

During this, McCANN’s opened the closet door. He reaches in\u00a0to grab his bunnet when all of a sudden he notices something:<\/p>\n

His wellies.<\/p>\n

His wellies below his bunnets. Hanging neatly along\u00a0the bar. He stares at this a moment, then suddenly heads back
\nthrough the living room towards the front door.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nStay here, I’m going to the Car Park for a\u00a0while.<\/p>\n

McCANN storms out.<\/p>\n

MATT<\/strong>
\nBoy, he does think better with that bunnet.<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

INT. THE COMPUTER ROOM – DUSK<\/strong><\/p>\n

A small room at the end of a corridor at the offices in Celtic Park. McCANN\u00a0stands over a printer and watches it spit out something he’s\u00a0been waiting for. He tears the printout off and we
\nCUT TO:<\/p>\n

INT. McCANN’S OFFICE – EARLY EVENING<\/strong><\/p>\n

McCANN is looking over the computer printout. From what we\u00a0can tell, it resembles a large DIY store style bill.<\/p>\n

McCANN picks up the phone and dials.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(into phone)
\nMatt.
\n(beat)
\nI need you to do something.<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

INT. McCANN’S APARTMENT<\/strong><\/p>\n

MATT hangs up the phone slowly.<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nWhat’s goin’ on?<\/p>\n

MATT<\/strong>
\nI’ve gotta go out to Homebase.<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

INT. SFA HEARING CORRIDOR – DAY<\/strong><\/p>\n

The day’s session is going to begin in a few minutes. McCANN\u00a0comes around the corner and runs into ELSPETH.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nIs Matt here?<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nNot yet.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nWhere is he?<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nHe’s on his way.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nDid he get the guys?<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nYes. Listen, can I talk to you for a\u00a0second?<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

INT. AN ANTE-ROOM OFF THE CORRIDOR – DAY<\/strong><\/p>\n

ELSPETH closes the door behind them.<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nHow’re you feeling?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI think he’s gonna have his hands full\u00a0today.<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nListen.
\n(beat)
\nFergus.
\n(beat)
\nWhen you’re out there. If it’s not gonna\u00a0happen he’s not gonna say it
\n(beat)
\n… don’t go for it.<\/p>\n

McCANN looks at her.<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nIf you feel like… if you feel like…You could get in trouble.
\n(beat)
\nI’m special counsel for Fitbaw affairs,\u00a0and I’m telling you, you could get in a\u00a0lot of trouble.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nHaud oan … are you\u00a0suggesting I back off a material witness?<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nIf you think you can’t get him.
\n(beat)
\nYeah.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nDo you think I can get him?<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\n(beat)
\nI think it doesn’t matter what I think.
\nI’m an administrator.
\n(beat)
\nI can’t seem to defend people.<\/p>\n

McCANN takes that in. He picks up his briefcase and grabs\u00a0his best bunnet.<\/p>\n

Then he turns to ELSPETH.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nYou’re my hero, Elspeth.
\n(beat)
\nFrom the first day, you were a lawyer. My lawyer
\n(beat)
\nLive with that.<\/p>\n

And in VOICE OVER we HEAR the CLERK AT ARMS.<\/p>\n

CLERK AT ARMS (V.0.)<\/strong>
\nAll rise. Judge Ernie Walker in session.<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

INT. THE COURTROOM – DAY<\/p>\n

Everyone stands at attention as ERNIE WALKER enters. MATT is\u00a0missing.<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\n(to McCANN)
\nCall your witness.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nWhere’s Matt?<\/p>\n

ELSPETH<\/strong>
\nHe’ll be here.<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nChairman, call your witness.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nWe call Chief Executive James Farry.<\/p>\n

FARRY is escorted in through a side door. He’s wearing his\u00a0dress blazer, adorned with the appropriate VIP passes from junkets abroad.<\/p>\n

\u00a0CLERK<\/strong><\/p>\n

Brother, do you solemnly swear that the
\ntestimony you will give in this SFA hearing
\nwill be the truth, the whole
\ntruth, and nothing but the truth so help
\nyou God?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nYes I do.<\/p>\n

CLERK<\/strong>
\nWould you state your name, rank, and\u00a0current place of work for the record please, air?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nMister James Jim FARRY, Chief Executive, Hampden, The Farry Suite.<\/p>\n

CLERK<\/strong>
\nThank you, sir, would you have a seat,\u00a0please.<\/p>\n

FARRY sits.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nChief Executive, when you learned of Sporting’s\u00a0transfer request letter to the SFA, you had a meeting with
\nyour two admin assistants, is that right?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nYes.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nBoaby “Blueboy” Mackintosh and Rab “Redhand” Roberts?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nYes.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nAnd at present, both are out of office, possibly in Ulster,
\nIs that right?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

And from the back of the room, MATT enters. He’s escorting\u00a0two young men in Black and Green Homebase uniforms. MATT shows the\u00a0men to a seat near the front, and takes his place at the\u00a0defense table.<\/p>\n

Over this we HEAR–<\/p>\n

WALKER (O.S.)<\/strong>
\nThe witness is aware, the Court is aware,
\nand now the jury is aware. We thank you Mr Chairman
\nfor bringing the fact 2 SFA men are at Linfield on work placement.
\nMove on McCann, I have golf in an hour.<\/p>\n

MATT scribbles something on a piece of paper, McCANN walks\u00a0over, looks at the paper on which are wrttten two names:
\nJoe O’Malley and Anthony Lynch, then turns back to Walker.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nYes sir. Chief Executive, at the time of this\u00a0meeting, you gave Assistant Roberts an order,
\nIs that right?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nI told him to tell the Office girls that\u00a0the Fax Machine wasn’t to be touched.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nAnd did you give an order to Mr Mackintosh as well?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nI ordered Mackintoch to have Sportings\u00a0striker transferred off their books immediately.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nWhy?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nI felt that his win bonus might be in danger\u00a0once word of the letter got out.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nGrave danger?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nIs there another kind?<\/p>\n

McCANN holds up a document from his table.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nWe have the transfer request order that you and\u00a0Roberts co-signed, ordering that
\nthe Cadete be lifted on a flight leaving\u00a0Lisbon at six the next morning. Was
\nthat the first flight to Glasgow?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nThe six a.m. flight was the first flight.<\/p>\n

McCANN nods and decides to move on.<\/p>\n

FARRY steals a quick glance at the two Men sitting out in\u00a0the courtroom.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nChief Executive, you came up to Hampden early\u00a0this morning, is that right?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nYes.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI notice you’re wearing your Class A appearance in dress\u00a0blazer for court today.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nAs are you, Mr Club Chairman.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nDid you wear that blazer on the 267 bus from Cambuslang?<\/p>\n

FINDLAY ( opposing counsel<\/em>)<\/strong>
\nPlease the Court, is this dialogue\u00a0relevant to anything in particular?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nWe didn’t have an opportunity to\u00a0depose this witness, your honor. I’d ask\u00a0the Court for a little latitude.<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nA very little latitude.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nChief Executive?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nI wore M&S slackS and a C&A blouson on the bus.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nAnd you brought your dress blazer with\u00a0you.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nYes.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nAnd a moustache brush? A shaving kit? Change\u00a0of underwear?<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nYour honor.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(to FINDLAY)
\nIs the Chief Executives’s underwear a matter of\u00a0national game security?<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nGentlemen.
\n(to McCANN)
\nYou better get somewhere fast with this,\u00a0Mr Chairman.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nYes sir. Chief Executive?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nI brought a change of clothes and some\u00a0personal items.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nThank you.<\/p>\n

McCANN gets a document from his table.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nAfter the Rangers game had passed, Cadetes\u00a0airport hotel room was sealed off and its contents\u00a0inventoried.
\n(reading)
\n2 Pairs of leopard skin pants, 6 shirts, 2 pairs of fitbaw boots, 1 pair of brown
\nshoes, 1 pair of tennis shoes, 8 khaki tee-shirts, 2 belts, 1 Toni Perm kit, 1 sweater–<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nPlease the Court, is there a question\u00a0anywhere in our future?<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nMr McCann, I have to–<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI’m wondering why Cadete wasn’t packed.<\/p>\n

That landed. On the JURY, WALKER, FINDLAY …<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nI’ll tell you what, we’ll get back to that\u00a0one in a minute.<\/p>\n

ELSPETH hands McCANN the computer printout.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nThis is a record of all telephone calls\u00a0made from your shed in the past 24 hours.
\nAfter being subpoenaed to Hampden, you\u00a0made three calls.<\/p>\n

Handing FARRY the printout–<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nI’ve highlighted those calls in yellow. Do\u00a0you recognize those numbers?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nI called Tam at the Twenty Club in Rutherglen,. I wanted to let him know I’d be in town
\nThe second call was to set up a\u00a0meeting with Campbell Ogilvie, and the
\nthird call was to Bill at BBCs Beechgrove Garden.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nWhy did you make that call, sir?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nI thought he might like to have dinner\u00a0tonight and swap landscaping stories.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nJudge–<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nI’m gonna put a stop to this now.<\/p>\n

ELSPETH’s handed McCANN another printout and a stack of letters.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nYour honor, these are the telephone\u00a0records from Lisbon for August 6th.
\nAnd these are 4 letters that Celtic and Sporting wrote\u00a0in nine days requesting, in fact
\nbegging, for a transfer sign-off.
\n(to FARRY)
\nUpon hearing the news that he was finally\u00a0getting his transfer, Cadete was so
\nexcited, that do you know how many people\u00a0he called? Zero. Nobody. Not even one call
\nto Bairds Bar saying he was coming to Paradise.<\/p>\n

Not one call to Parkhead Taxis saying can you\u00a0pick me up at the airport. He was asleep
\nin his bed at midnight, and according to\u00a0you he was getting on a plane in six
\nhours, yet everything he owned was hanging\u00a0neatly in his closet and folded neatly in
\nhis footlocker. You were leaving for one\u00a0meeting and you packed a bowling bag and made three
\nphone calls. Cadete was leaving for the\u00a0rest of his life, and he hadn’t called a
\nsoul and he hadn’t packed a thing. Can\u00a0you explain that? The fact is there was
\nno transfer sign-off order. Cadete wasn’t going\u00a0anywhere, isn’t that right, Chief Executive.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nObject. Your Honor, it’s obvious that Mr\u00a0McCANN’s intention this morning is to
\nsmear a high ranking Administration officer in the\u00a0desperate hope that the mere appearance of
\nimpropriety will win him points with the\u00a0unwashed.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nIt’s my recommendation, sir, that Mr.\u00a0McCann receive an official SFA reprimand from
\nthe bench, and that the witness be excused\u00a0with the Court’s deepest apologies.<\/p>\n

WALKER ponders this a moment.<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\n(pause)
\nOverruled.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nBrother, I mean Your honor–<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nThe objection’s noted.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(beat)
\nChief Executive?<\/p>\n

FARRY’s smiling …… and now he can’t help but let out a short laugh.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nIs this funny, sir?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nNo. It’s not. It’s tragic.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nDo you have an answer?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nAbsolutely. My answer is I don’t have the\u00a0first damn clue. Maybe he was an early
\nmorning riser and he liked to pack in a\u00a0rush. And maybe he didn’t have any friends.
\nI’m an educated man, but I’m afraid I\u00a0can’t speak intelligently about the travel
\nhabits of Jorge Cadete. What I do\u00a0know is that he was set to leave Lisbon
\nat 0600. Now are these really the\u00a0questions I was called here to answer?
\nPhone calls and football boots? Please tell\u00a0me you’ve got something more, club Chairman.
\nPlease tell me there’s an ace up your\u00a0sleeve. Please tell your club hasn’t
\npinned their hopes to a phone bill.
\n(beat)
\nDo you have any other questions for me,\u00a0Mr Majority shareholder?<\/p>\n

The courtroom is silenced. FARRY’s slammed the door.<\/p>\n

McCANN looks around the room, sees that the world is waiting\u00a0for him to do something …<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nMr. McCANN?<\/p>\n

McCANN says nothing. He glances over to Lynch and O’Malley.<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nClub Chairman, do you have anything further\u00a0for this witness?<\/p>\n

McCANN doesn’t respond. FARRY gets up to leave.<\/p>\n

FARRY
\n(standing)
\nThanks, Fergus. I love Mount Florida in the morning.<\/p>\n

And FARRY starts to leave, but he’s stopped by–<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nExcuse me, I didn’t dismiss you.<\/p>\n

FARRY turns around.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nI beg your pardon.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI’m not through with my examination. Sit\u00a0down.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nChief Executive.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nWhat’s that?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\n(to WALKER)
\nI’d appreciate it if he addressed me as\u00a0Chief Executive or Sir. I believe I’ve earned it.<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nDefense counsel will address the witness\u00a0as Chief Executive or Sir.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\n(to WALKER)
\nI don’t know what the hell kind of an\u00a0outfit you’re running here.<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nAnd the witness will address this Court as Judge\u00a0or Your Honor. I’m quite certain I’ve
\nearned it. Take your seat, Chiefy.<\/p>\n

FARRY goes back to the stand.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nWhat would you like to discuss now! My\u00a0favorite color?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nColonel, the six a.m. flight, was the\u00a0first one from Lisbon to Glasgow?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nYes.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nThere wasn’t a florist flight that you knew \u00a0left seven
\nhours earlier and landed at Pollokshields HomeBase at 2 a.m?<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nChairman, I think we’ve covered this,\u00a0haven’t we?<\/p>\n

McCANN gets the two log books from his table as well as the\u00a0piece of paper that MATT scribbled on.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nYour Honor, these are the Tower Chief’s\u00a0Logs for both Prestwick Ryanair and Pollokshields HomeBase.
\nThe Prestwick log lists no flight that left at eleven p.m., and\u00a0the Homebase log lists no flight that
\nlanded at 2 a.m. I’d like to admit them as\u00a0Defense Exhibits “A” and “B”.<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nI don’t understand. You’re admitting\u00a0evidence of a flight that never existed?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nWe believe it did, sir.
\n(glancing at the\u00a0paper, then\u00a0motioning to the\u00a0Homebase Men)
\nDefense’ll be calling chief Homebase unloaders\u00a0O’Malley and Anthony Lynch. They
\nwere working the ground crew at Homebase at\u00a0two a.m. on the seventh.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nYour Honor, these men weren’t on the list.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nRebuttal witnesses, Your Honor, called\u00a0specifically to reflite testimony offered\u00a0under direct examination.<\/p>\n

If you looked closely at FARRY, you could see a drop of\u00a0sweat.<\/p>\n

RANDOLPH<\/strong>
\nI’ll allow the witnesses.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nThis is ridiculous.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nChief Executive, a moment ago–<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nCheck the Tower Logs for christ’s sake.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nWe’ll get to the Storemen in just a minute,\u00a0sir. A moment ago said that you ordered
\nRoberts to tell his office girls not to touch\u00a0the fax machine.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nThat’s right.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nAnd Roberts was clear on what you wanted?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nCrystal.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nAny chance Roberts ignored the order?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nIgnored the order?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nAny chance he just forgot about it?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nNo.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nAny chance Roberts left your office and
\nsaid, “The ‘old man’s wrong”?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nNo.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nWhen Roberts spoke to the admin team and\u00a0ordered them not to touch the fax machine,
\nAny chance they ignored him?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nHave you ever spent time in an admin\u00a0unit, son?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nNo sir.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nEver served in a filing area?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nNo sir.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nEver put your files in another man’s hands,\u00a0ask him to put his files in yours?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nNo sir.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nWe follow orders, son. We follow orders\u00a0or paper trails die. It’s that simple. Are we\u00a0clear?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nYes sir.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nAre we clear?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nCrystal.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

McCANN speaks with the quiet confidence that comes from\u00a0knowing you’re about to drop your opponents<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(continuing; beat)
\nChief Executive, I have just one more question\u00a0before I call Storeman O’Malley and Storeman
\nLynch: If you gave an order that the SFA’s\u00a0Fax Machine wasn’t to be touched, and your orders are
\nalways followed, then why would Cadetes registration\u00a0be incomplete, after all you felt it complete enough to
\norder the transfer of him from his Lisbon base?<\/p>\n

And FARRY has no answer.<\/p>\n

Nothing.<\/p>\n

He sits there, and for the first time, seems to be lost.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nSporting Lisbons fax was a sub-standard\u00a0request. Cadete was being transferred because–<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nBut that’s not what you said. You said Signoff\u00a0was being transferred because Cadetes bonus was in\u00a0grave danger.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\n(pause)
\nYes. That’s correct, but–<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nYou said, “His win bonus was in danger”. I said,
\n“Grave danger”. You said–<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nYes, I recall what–<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI can have the Court Reporter read back\u00a0your–<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nI know what I said. I don’t need it read\u00a0back to me like I’m a damn–<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nThen why the two orders?
\n(beat)
\nColonel?
\n(beat)
\nWhy did you–<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nSometimes administration assistants take matters into their own\u00a0hands.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nNo sir. You made it clear just a moment\u00a0ago that your men never take matters into
\ntheir own hands. Your men follow orders\u00a0or paper trails die. So Cadetes transfer shouldn’t have
\nbeen in any danger at all, should it have,\u00a0Chief Executive?<\/p>\n

Everyone’s sweating now. Everyone but McCANN.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nYou little bastard.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nYour Honor, I have to ask for a recess to–<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI’d like an answer to the question, Judge.<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nThe Court’ll wait for answer.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nIf Roberts told his men that SFA’s fax machine\u00a0wasn’t to be turned off, then why did Cadette wait
\nto be transferred?<\/p>\n

FARRY is looking at O’MALLEY and LYNCH.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nChief Executive?<\/p>\n

FARRY says nothing.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nRoberts ordered the code red pen, didn’t he?
\nBecause that’s what you told Roberts to\u00a0do.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nObject!<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nCounsel.<\/p>\n

McCANN will plow through the objections of FINDLAY and the\u00a0admonishments of WALKER.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nAnd when it went bad, you cut these guys\u00a0loose.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nYour Honor–<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nThat’ll be all, Club Chairman McCann.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nYou had MacIntosh sign a phony transfer-signoff\u00a0order–<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nJudge–Brother!<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nYou doctored the fax log books.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nDamnit McCann!!<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI’ll ask for the forth time. You ordered–<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nYou want answers?<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI think I’m entitled to them.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nYou want answers?!<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nI want the truth.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nYou can’t handle the truth!<\/p>\n

And nobody moves.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nSon, we live in a world that has balls.
\nAnd those balls have to be guarded by men
\nwith paper. Who’s gonna file it? You? You,
\nClub Chairman? I have a greater
\nresponsibility than you can possibly
\nfathom. You weep for Cadete and you
\ncurse the administrators. You have that luxury.
\nYou have the luxury of not knowing what I
\nknow: That Cadete sign off delay, while sadly outwith strict SLAs,
\nprobably saved Rangers. And my existence,
\nwhile grotesque and incomprehensible to
\nyou, saves Rangers.<\/p>\n

(beat)
\nYou don’t want the truth. Because deep
\ndown, in places you don’t talk about at
\nyour Celtic Rallys, you want me on that typing pool. You want
\nme there
\n(boasting)
\nWe use words like spellcheck, binder,
\nhighlighter…we use these words as the
\nbackbone to a life spent administering
\nsomething. You use ’em as a punchline.
\n(beat)
\nI have neither the time nor the
\ninclination to explain myself to a man who
\nrises and sleeps under the blanket of the
\nvery rulebook I provide, then questions the
\nmanner in which I provide it. I’d prefer
\nyou just said thank you and went on your
\nway. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a
\nbulldog clip and open some post. Either way, I
\ndon’t give a damn what you think you’re
\nentitled to.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(quietly)
\nDid you order the code red-pen?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\n(beat)
\nI did the job I was meant to do.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nDid you order the code red-pen?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\n(pause)
\nYou’re goddamn right I did.<\/p>\n

Silence. From everyone. WALKER, FINDLAY, the journalist’s, they’re\u00a0all frozen. ELSPETH and MATT are likewise. FARRY seems\u00a0strangely, quietly relieved. McCANN simply takes control of\u00a0the room now.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nPlease the court, I suggest the jury be\u00a0dismissed so that we can move to an
\nimmediate Article 39a(SFA) Session. The\u00a0witness has rights.<\/p>\n

Silence.<\/p>\n

WALKER looks to FINDLAY.<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nCounsel?<\/p>\n

FINDLAY is frozen. He doesn’t know what to do.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(as a friend)
\nDonald.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY looks at McCANN, then FARRY, then nods his head “yes”\u00a0to WALKER.<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nThe Clerk AT Arms will take the jury to\u00a0an ante-room where you’ll wait until\u00a0further instruction.<\/p>\n

The CLERK AT ARMS begins leading the JURORS out of the\u00a0room.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nWhat the hell’s going on?<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nNo one will say anything until the jurors are out of the room.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\n(continuing; to\u00a0WALKER)
\nErnie, what the hell’s going on? I did\u00a0my job. I’d do it again. Now I’m getting\u00a0on a 267 and going back to my allotment.<\/p>\n

WALKER<\/strong>
\nSFA Security, guard the prisoner.<\/p>\n

The Rock Steady Bouncers are tentative.
\nThey’ve never heard a Chief Executive referred to as “The Prisoner” before.
\nThey sure as hell have never been asked to guard one.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nGuard the prisoner.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nWhat the hell-<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nChief Executive Farry, you have the right to\u00a0remain silent. Any statement you do make
\ncan be used against you in a trial by\u00a0or other judicial or\u00a0administrative proceeding. You have the
\ninsider secrets to guarantee yourself a \u00a0nice wee 200 grand payoff, so please shush…<\/p>\n

FINDLAY continues reading FARRY his rights, over–<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nI’m being charged with a crime? I’m–\u00a0that’s what this is–<\/p>\n

(to FINDLAY)
\nBROTHER!
\n(FINDLAY keeps going)
\nWHO WILL HELP THIS WIDOWS SON?
\n(FINDLAY is doing his\u00a0job.)
\nI’m being charged with a crime? I’m-that’s what’s happening? This–I’m-this\u00a0is funny, you know that, this is–<\/p>\n

And FARRY lunges at McCANN, and McCANN would be dead but for\u00a0the three bouncers who’ve leapt in to restrain FARRY. MATT and\u00a0ELSPETH have come to their feet and stand behind McCANN.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\n(continuing; to\u00a0McCANN)
\nI’m gonna tear your eyes right outta your\u00a0head and piss in your dead skull.
\nYou fucked with the wrong pen pusher.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY is done reading FARRY his rights.<\/p>\n

FINDLAY<\/strong>
\nEX-Chief Executive FARRY, do you understand those\u00a0rights as I have just read then to you?<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\nI saved Rangers. That fax was–Cadete was gonna blow\u00a0a weak link. I saved Rangers lives, you hear me?<\/p>\n

The courtroom is silent from FARRY’s outburst. FARRY shakes\u00a0his head.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nYou fuckin’ people.
\n(beat)
\nYou have no idea how to defend a football club.<\/p>\n

FARRY<\/strong>
\n(continuing; to\u00a0McCANN)
\nAll you did was weaken a Masonic institution today,
\nMcCANN. That’s all you did. You put\u00a0paper in danger. Sweet dreams, son.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\nDon’t call me son.
\n(beat)
\nI’m a Celtic Chairman, and an officer of the\u00a0Bunnet Brigade.
\nAnd you’re under arrest you\u00a0sonofabitch.<\/p>\n

McCANN stays on FARRY a moment longer, then remembers–<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(continuing)
\nThe witness is excused.<\/p>\n

The Bouncers start leading FARRY out, McCANN turns to Eslpeth and Matt.<\/p>\n

McCANN<\/strong>
\n(smiling and placing bunnet upon head)
\nThink we deserve a pint, buy your own mind, Im naebodies mug!<\/p>\n

FADE OUT TO CREDITS<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

TOO FEW GOOD MEN an Etims Screenplay Fergus McCann and his counsel colleagues Elspeth and Matt are engaged in a trial to ascertain what happened…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":1552,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/etims.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/12\/fergus-tom-cruise.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p2J7If-p0","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1550"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1550"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1550\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1555,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1550\/revisions\/1555"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1552"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1550"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1550"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/etims.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1550"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}