Every now and again a story comes along which leaves you wondering if the narrator is actually all there. You know, maybe a few bits essential to normal functioning have worn out and not been replaced.

The Sunday Post, clearly intent on seizing back its lost readership has one such story today.

How Celtic missed out on signing Zlatan Ibrahimovic… when he was a teenager

come on, give the guy a chance. Maybe there is a tale here of some Scandinavian scout, who perhaps left a message with the club and they never got back to him, or maybe Ibrahimovic’s name had turned up in an old file or something.

There’s be some credibility to that story. Well, a little bit, anyway.

So, who’s spilling the beans ? What happened ? Which far sighted scout spotted the potential in Zlatan and was ignored ?

CELTIC missed out on signing reputed summer transfer target Zlatan Ibrahimovic for around just £2m when he was a teenager.

Former Hoops manager Martin O’Neill was advised to buy the PSG star, who will lead Sweden’s frontline against his Republic of Ireland side in the Euros tomorrow night, in early 2001.

But while he acted on the tip from former SFA Chief Executive Gordon Smith, at the time working as an agent, he left it too late and the chance was gone. 

Gordon Smith.

“former SFa Chief Executive, at the time working as an agent ” . but, er, doing neither now.

Because he wasn’t very good at either of them.

Now he writes, or burbles and lets someone else write it down, for the Sunday Post.

But, come on. Lets give him a chance to elaborate…. might be something in it….

“I was an agent back then, running a winter training camp for football clubs in Cyprus,” Smith explained.

“One of the clubs that came over that year was Malmo and I spotted a striker, an Eastern European, who I thought looked to be some player.

“I spoke to one of the scouts and he said: ‘No it is a Swede, Zlatan Ibrahimovic. He is only 19 years old’.

“When I heard that, I was really impressed.

“So I called Martin O’Neill, the then Celtic manager, and said: ‘Get someone over here to come and see this guy.

‘He looks great and you should be able to pick him up for £2m’.

“Martin left it a few weeks, though, during which time Zlatan had made a bit of an impact in the Swedish club season.

“Eventually, though, Martin did get in touch and said: ‘Right, we are getting someone over this weekend.

‘Find out his contract situation for me’.

“I replied: ‘Sorry, you are too late – Ajax have just bought him for £5m.’”  

Of course, O’Neill would have relied heavily on Smith for news about up and coming Swedish talent, especially if Henrik Larsson or Johann Mjalby were off that day.

The actual transcript of that call has turned up, and what was  really said has been preserved for posterity;

Smith ; “Hello, oh shit, hang on, my two bobs come back out, wait, hang on, there, hello, is …oh shit, the peeps , wait I’ll put ten bob in, oh shit its fell on the floor , ...

He did manage to get through later that day, and the receptionist at the ground told him Martin wasn’t in that day, or any other day, and could he please just fuck off ?

Right, if Gordon Smith can spot talent, I’m going to give it a shot.

Working through the Celtic squad, there are one or two , shall we say, places available for the right person, at the right price.

The club needs a central defender with a bit of big time experience, who would be willing to work for food and shelter. Well, a little more than that, but should definitely be competitively priced in the transfer market.

We could do worse , I suppose, than Kolo Toure, the hugely experienced, if a little slow and elderly Ivory coast international.

And he’s available on a free.

His experience would help Sviatchenko and Simunovic, who will be the first choice pairing, and will provide experienced cover when needed.

Website the Fourth Official agrees, although this article does sound a little like it may have been written by the players agent…

Piece of piss this football manager lark.

We should maybe think about strengthening in midfield, as well, now that “rangers ” have signed Joey Barton, once of , er, Burnley, QPR and probably someone else.

The legendary Englishman has taken time out at the end of his career to pass on his knowledge and experience to the Scottish game, for which we are, of course, eternally grateful.

“But without being disrespectful to the players up there, people keep talking about Joey Barton v Scott Brown. He’s not even in my league – he’s nowhere near the level of player I am. He can’t get near me. If I play well, Brown does not stand a chance. That’s not me being blasé – that’s just me stating what I believe.” 

I wonder what else Barton “believes ” ….

Of course its all good copy, and arton might lift “rangers ” to another level, as after all last season in the second tier of English football, he helped lift Burnley to the Premier League, his influence being so great that they allowed him to leave on a free transfer, not feeling he was worth the deal he wanted-two years instead of one-something that the media in Scotland seem to have overlooked.

Or described a little differently, as Andy Newport in the Scotsman shows;

Barton was a pivotal figure for Burnley last term as they won promotion to the Premier League.

Well. They have to be nice to him. 

Presumably in case he pokes them in the eye. With a cigar.

Though I doubt that would influence our fearless hacks…

We tried to contact Scott Brown for his reaction to the jibe, but he wasn’t in.

The desperation to remain relevant from the south side of the river  is painful to watch , but happily the pain will soon be replaced by laughter when their campaign kicks off.

Here’s Chris McCart, now, with news about something you probably weren’t aware of, and something that might well be the start of a revolution withing Scottish football. Well, when I say here’s Chris McCart, what i really mean is here’s something I copied from the official website which has Chris McCart in it, a much cheaper way of running a railroad.

CELTIC’S Head of Youth Chris McCart has hailed the radical revamp to the Scottish Challenge Cup which will see the club’s Development Side participate in the competition for the first time.

The old format saw the 30 teams vie for the trophy from the Championship, League One and League Two, along with one club each from the Highland and Lowland leagues.

From next season the tournament, which will now be called the IRN-BRU Cup, will expand from 32 to 54 teams and will now include two clubs each from the Welsh Premier League and the Northern Ireland Football League

All the Scottish Premiership U20 teams will also enter the competition, along with three more representatives from the Highland and Lowland leagues.

And Chris McCart told the official Celtic website that it was an exciting opportunity for the club’s young players and could help boost the prospects of clubs like Celtic being able to operate a colt team in the lower leagues, something that is commonplace in countries such as Spain.

He said: “It’s quite exciting and will be good for the young players’ development. It will also be good for teams in the future who are looking to put a colt team in the lower leagues. From speaking to other heads of youth, I think they are really excited about this and really thankful for the opportunity from the SPFL.

“You will have teams from Northern Ireland, Wales, the Highlands and the Lowlands coming into it so there will be a great variety of teams that are there. It will be competitive football as well so this can only help with their development.

“We have been fortunate in recent years to have participated in the UEFA Youth League and the Premier League International Cup where we have had some great experiences.

“This is a new and exciting initiative and we welcome the fact the U20 teams will be coming in and, overall for Scottish football, it’s going to be good for the development of young players.

“The teams are limited to purely U20 players so there will be a lack of experience there but the only way we are going to get that is by playing these types of games.

“You could get a top team in the very first round but it’s more about the experience and development for young players and it will give them a taste of things for the future. In addition to that then you can progress to loaning them out at certain levels based on their performances.”

Having retained the U17 league title, Celtic’s young guns will be guaranteed entry once again to the UEFA Youth League and McCart is also hopeful they will be able to participate in the Premier League International Cup again next season, despite their new commitments in the IRN-BRU Cup.

He said: “It’s very much on the agenda. It’s not confirmed yet but it’s something we’re still in discussions with. We have a busy schedule but we have been really grateful to the Premier League for their invite and, fingers crossed, we get invited again. It’s still on the table and it’s still at the discussions stage.”

This, to my mind, is the most positive and exciting thing I’ve heard around about the game since “ranger s” were liquidated . It provides youngsters, granted only a select few, a chance to play at a higher competitve level, which can only be a good thing.

If it goes well, it could be expanded, but talk of it meaning regular fixtures with English sides, leading eventually to some form of amalgamation is just nonsense.

Speaking of nonsense, Mark Warburton isn’t leaving “rangers “.

He’ll be back soon to take his rightful place at Ibrox. He’s been away on a scouting trip/holiday/hostage rescue mission/global climate reduction forum/bender , dependingon what you read, but finally there is confirmation that all is well at Ibrox…from the Daily Express..

Exclusive: Mark Warburton set to stay at Rangers despite contract talks collapse

MARK WARBURTON looks likely to remain as Rangers manager despite talks over a new contract breaking down at the last minute.

So, his contract talks have broken down, but he’s staying anyway.

For a city trader, who made millions on the stock market, thats terrible negotiating.

“give me a pay rise ” 

” no ” 

“right, I’m staying anyway. that’ll teach you. ”  

It’s quite an insightful article from Neil Fissler, in keeping with the quality and veracity of other Express exclusives, especially this bit…

The former City trader has been the target of a number of Premier League and Championship outfits since moving to the Glasgow club last summer.  

Elsewhere, after trouble marred the European Nations cup, or whatever its called these days, I’m using  the name it had the last time Scotland competed at this level, experts were looking for the common denominater that may be responsible for the return of football hooliganism, which has not been seen on this level since Manchester, in 2008.

English and Northern Irish fans were involved, so if anyone can think of a link between Manchester and the events last night, pop it down on paper and let UEFA know…

Now, after being accused of nepotism with Fridays caption competition, i’ve been a little more selective on yesterdyas, and a little more cautious. In fact, there were two winning captions to this picture… and thats without my own “Soldiers Are Wee ”

Caption competition picture for today..

Oh, by the way, well done to Joe Ledley and Wales yesterday, winning 2-1 over Slovakia and setting themselves up nicely for the rest fo the group stages.

In the same group, England drew 1-1 with Russia, falling prey to a late equaliser…

The other game yesterday featured Albania, and when i saw that I decided to retire from international football.

Albania in, Scotland out.

Thats it for me. I’m done.

Todays games include  Turkey v Croatia and probably the Isle of Man against the Vatican City State.