MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.

“These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said. “And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive.”

More worryingly, Logsdon said, “As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.”

While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information en route from the auditory nerve to the brain. “The normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,” Logsdon said.

While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future. “Our research is very preliminary, but it’s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen”

You may have seen the reports that “rangers ” were looking to sign a chap who has the last name “Fanni “, a deal called off when they realised that supporters may not be rushing out to have his name printed on the back of their shirts, something which didn’t occur to them before they signed Crooks and the hilariously apt Dodoo.

But they are ready to make a double signing this week, which actually describes what the old owners did to the creditors, and the new owners have done to the supporters….

That pictures actually from the Olympics, which have been rocked by controversy again after the Somalian team were warned that sailing and shooting are actually two separate events.

Caption competition now, and from yesterday we have..

Poignantly explained by

Chris August 9, 2016 at 9:02 am · Edit · Reply →

The carpet isn’t big enough to sweep the facts that Rangers were liquidated under it. 

and today, explain this , if you will…