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Celtic Diary Saturday August 6: The Fitba’s Back.

At last.

After a summer that never really started, and a break that never happened , the real stuff starts this weekend.

In fact, within the space of a fortnight, Celtic will compete in four different tournaments, if you count the International Champions cup as a tournament, which as we have no chance of winning it, we won’t.

Hearts tomorrow in the League, motherwell in the week in the League cup, and a week on Wednesday, Hapoel Beer sheva in the UCL play off.

Who ? I hear you ask.

Well, Heart of Midlothian, to give them their full name, operate out of Tynecastle Stadium in Edinburgh, a provincial town in the eat of Scotland, populated mostly by drug users, drunks and unmarried mothers. Which is pretty much the same as any city these days, except for Stoke On Trent, which imports its drunks from Ireland and Scotland, where they meet once a year under the guise of the Lennon CSC, in the catholic club, Newcastle under Lyme at 5pm today.

How about that for a plug ? They could use my marketing skills at Celtic Park, you know.

We are all aware of Hapoel Beer Sheva, of that I’m sure, but just in case one or two of you have forgotten about them, here’s a little bit of information on them.

Surprisingly, the word Beer is punctuated by a comma when spelt correctly, Be’er, a bit like how you order a drink at two in the morning, and the poor lifestyle connection doesn’t end there, a couple  of their nicknames are the Camels, as in the cigarettes, and the Crazy Reds, as in the little tablet you take before engaging in a popular dance craze which involves dancing yourself into dehydration and a probable early death.

Hapoel Be’er Sheva Football Club (Hebrewמועדון הכדורגל הפועל באר שבע‎‎, Moadon HaKaduregel Hapoel Be’er Sheva) is an Israelifootball club and part of the Hapoel Be’er Sheva sports club.

Hapoel Be'er Sheva.png

Hapoel Be’er Sheva was founded in 1949[1] is an Israeli football club based in Be’er Sheva. The club is currently in the Israeli Premier League, and is one of Israel’s top clubs since the ’70s.

The team home colours are Red and White, they play their home games at the Turner Stadium which has a capacity of 16,126.

The stadium opened during the early stages of the 2015–16 season, with the club selling a record 12,000 season tickets.[1] However, as it was not ready for the start of the season, Hapoel were forced to play their first home match at the Teddy Stadium inJerusalem.[2] The first match at the ground was played on 21 September 2015, a 0–0 draw with Maccabi Haifa.[3] 

Turner Stadium 03.jpg

Not unlike Tynecastle , when you look at it.

Are they any good ?

Probably, but it appears that this year -so far-is their best performance in europe..

Season Competition Round Club Home Away Aggregate
1976[2] UEFA Intertoto Cup Group 2 Germany Hertha Berlin 3rd
Belgium Standard Liège
Denmark Køge BK
1994[3] UEFA Intertoto Cup Group 2 Switzerland BSC Young Boys 2nd
Romania Craiova
Germany Karlsruhe
Sweden Häcken
1994–95 UEFA Cup PR Greece Aris Thessaloniki 1–2 1–3 2–5
1995–96 UEFA Cup PR Albania SK Tirana 2–0 1–0 3–0
1R Spain Barcelona 0–7 0–5 0–12
1997–98 UEFA Cup Winners’ Cup QR Lithuania Žalgiris Vilnius 2–1 (aet) 0–0 2–1
1R Netherlands Roda 1–4 0–10 1–14
2004[4] UEFA Intertoto Cup 1R Albania Vllaznia 2–4
2014–15 UEFA Europa League 2Q Croatia RNK Split 0–0 1–2 1–2
2015–16 UEFA Europa League 2Q Switzerland Thun 1–1 1–2 2–3
2016–17 UEFA Champions League 2Q Moldova Sheriff Tiraspol 3–2 0–0 3–2
3Q Greece Olympiacos 1–0 0–0 1–0
PO Scotland Celtic FC

 

 

The game could be a commentators nightmare, as  they have three players called Bitton in their squad, and one called Brown, but theres nothing else of note when you look at them on paper.

But they are Israeli champions, they have already removed Olympiakos and Sherrif Tiraspol from the tournament, so they must be doing something right.

Though I’m struggling to find it.

One advantage Celtic may have is that the Israeli league doesn’t start for a fortnight, when Hapoel face Hapoel Ranaana in their opener, so we should be just that little bit sharper than they are.

Overall, its not the most difficult tie we could face, but we need to remember that this is the play off round, and there are no diddies at this stage of the competition.

With the signing deadline for eligibilty for this round on Monday, its good to hear that a deal, pending a medical, has finally been done for Scott Sinclair, who seems to be highly rated by Brendan Rodgers if not Aston Villa fans, so we’ll have to trust the gaffer on this one.

Meanwhile, here’s another picture of Helen Flanagan, who quite an attractive young lass, who no doubt has a warm and caring personality.

Thats taken from the episode of coronation Street where she smuggled Grant and Phil Mitchell out of town when they were wanted for questioning after the murder of JR Ewing, who owned a petrol station on Brookside Close.

Since leaving Coronation Street, her career has gone the way of nearly everyone else who left the soap opera, though not as badly as that of Geoffrey Hughes, who died the other day.

Her tv appearances have been limited to I’m a Celebrity get me out of here, Celebrity Super Spa and Celebrity Wedding, although she did get a gig as a nurse in Holby City, as most actresses do at some point.

Her boyfriend is the one who has joined Celtic, but pictures of him are far less interesting, so we’ll give that a miss.

We also hear that another signing is “imminent ” , and may even be concluded this weekend.

One can only wonder who it might be, and what his girlfriend looks like.

This weekend, Celtic face Hearts in the opening game of what could end in a sixth successive league title, and there really couldn’t be a tougher place to start.

Hearts and Aberdeen will provide the strongest challenges this year, regardless of what you are told  in the mainstream national media, and not surprisingly, that suits the Edinburgh side, as Hearts manager Robbie Neilsen explained;

“A team of Rangers’ size, with the budget they’ve got and the players they’ve got, they would expecting to be challenging near the top of the league. We’re delighted everyone is talking about Rangers and Celtic,” said Neilson. “It gets us under the radar, nobody is bothered about us, we can just go and win games and try to get as high up the league as we can.”

Midfielder Arnold Djoum, who has signed an extended deal, echoed his manager, and showed the rest of us exactly how they plan to go about their business this season;

Maybe it is good for us that we don’t have a lot of pressure on us this season There will be pressure but not like Celtic or Rangers, because they have to be first. So if they are not, that’s a big thing. Ourselves and Aberdeen can keep a low profile, take it game by game and see what happens. So I think it’s good we are not under so much pressure. Our team is not used to that.”  

Looking ahead to tomorrows game, Neilsen said;

“It depends what Brendan does with his formation,” said Neilson. “He’s changed it a few times now, they’ve brought a couple of players in and they have a big squad so they can rotate it. “We’ll concentrate on ourselves and try to put a team together that is going to go and win the game. You want to play in big games. We’re in a good place at the moment fitness-wise so it’s a great time to get Celtic.”

Celtic boss Brendan Rodgers is up for the next phase in his career…

“My mantra and focus is always the next game anyway,” .

“We had a big game during the week and I got to sleep at 1.30am after it. “At 4.30am, I was studying Hearts for the game on Sunday. You’ve got no time to rest. I didn’t set my alarm, by the way, I just couldn’t sleep!

“I’ve got scouts here who do great work, including John McGlynn who knows Hearts inside out. But it’s also good to see it with your own eyes. Now everything gets poured into planning to get the best result against Hearts.

“I watched a recording of their last European game which they lost. They worked hard and were unfortunate. Conor Sammon is a new player for them and I know Don Cowie well. He is an excellent player, I took him to Watford when I was manager there and he did a really good job for me. “So we will give Hearts plenty of respect but we go there with confidence that we can get a result.

“That night I went there with Liverpool, it was very passionate. I was surprised when they told me afterwards how many people were in the stadium, because it feels like a lot more.

“It will be the first time for me going into the first league game of a season after having already played competitive fixtures in Europe. We are having the game in August and it feels like December already!

“But it means we are in a good physical state going into the game. So I’m now looking forward to the Premiership starting. It’s new for me in every way and I’m excited about.” 


but, but, Brendan, what about the “rangers ” ?

Celtic manager Brendan Rodgers will take charge of his first league game at Tynecastle. Picture: SNS

Congratulations, and best wishes go out to “rangers “, winners of 54 titles in just four hugely successful years of existence as they try their hand at competing on a week to week basis with full time players in Scotlands elite league.

With the media fully behind this rags to riches tale, it came as no surprise that Rodgers was asked to mention them in his list of potential challengers, which was nice, and he duly obliged, and credit to him for not laughing.

“I don’t know a lot of the teams well but I think you look at the usual suspects who have been in and around it in the Premiership,”.

“Aberdeen are an experienced team who were close to Celtic for three quarters of the time last season. They’ve obviously just come out of European football which means they’ll maybe have less games to play. “They have been building without too many changes. I know some of the players there and they are good players. They will be around it.

“Robbie Neilson at Hearts [pictured above] has been trying to build something. They lose players but he’s still organised and he is working to have maybe another 
challenge this year.

“Rangers will of course have their supporters demanding that they are up there and doing well.

“Then you look at the great job big Tommy Wright has done at St Johnstone. They finished fourth last year so I’m thinking every game will be a difficult test.

“But our concentration is primarily on ourselves. If you win the games you should win, then you are 
in with a good chance of 
winning the title again.”

It doesn’t hurt to be nice, does it ?

Unless you happen to be fuckwitted “rangers ” midfielder Joey “The Mouth ” Barton, who really ought to be showing a little more respect to the Scottish game, considering its saved him from the scrapheap;

So much so that his manager, Mark “The Hat ” Warburton, has tried to calm things down a wee bit;

“They don’t need a comment from any player.

“Obviously Scott is a very experienced international player, but we don’t need a comment from players to get ready for Saturday.

“Before Scott’s comments, Joey said some words and I said it is Joey’s opinion.

“Football is a game of opinion. As long as it is put forward in a respectful manner, I have no problem with it and Scott has made his thoughts very clear and good luck to him.

“At the end of the season if he is proven right I am sure he will put his hand up, if he is not I am sure we will have our word, obviously.

“But our focus has to be on Rangers and what we do and hopefully we will start off on a positive note and take it from there. 

With aging forward Kenny “the tosser ” Miller also adding his tuppence worth during the week, it appears that nerves are beginning to fray over at Ibrox, but they usually do when they actually have to go out and do something , instead of talking about it.

All of this talk is, as usual, a deflection from the real issues at ibrox, because it wouldn;t do for the club who will single handedly save Scottish football this season to have any bad publicity.

Publicity like this, an article which has been given no publicity whatsoever, which isn’t surprising…

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Monti
7 years ago

Morning Ralph,
My favourite Celtic players wag has to be Mrs Ivana Viduka!!
A thing of beauty and one wonders what the Ibrox players thought when Michael Mols walked in with his wife,when he joined original rangers?
Looking forward to tomorrows game at Swinecastle, very tasty!

HH

Monti
7 years ago

Caption: well done Broony!

mike
7 years ago

Read an interesting article the other night,it showed that all clubs who come out of administration are issued with a certificate of same,so where is there certificate?They canny produce it but that is because they never received it,because they are deed,deed,deed.
Who is the other new singing that Brendan mentions,is it.
Calum Paterson,r,b Hertz? dinny think so, is it.
Abdul aziz Telleh,Lech Poznan, 6ft. 2″ Def.Mid.?
Duljevic 6ft.1″ Bosnian winger.
Nane of them mibbee.
So we will need to wait and see.
Celtic first,always and ever.COYBIG.

Monti
7 years ago
Reply to  mike

Mike,
They probably did have this certificate of continued originality cough….but Campbell Ogilvie probably shredded it with all the other evidence, i mean paperwork.

Are you ok for a swally 24th sept or are you getting fitted with a new hearing trumpet ?

mike
7 years ago
Reply to  Monti

Mahn that shredder must have been red hot,to cope with all that shreddin.
Keep a shreddin,shreddin,shreddin,even tho your dreddin,dreddin,dreddin,keep those papers comin,Rawhide.
Thru wind and rain and weather,we will shred together.
Keep on going and blether,we will destroy together,Rawhide.
AH RANKERS no more.The End.
Monti the 24th at the moment is lookin dodgy,but we will try our best to be there,especially kennin that the drinkipoos are on,—————————-The great Desmondo.

Monti
7 years ago

Ralph,
You were talking about a swally for the Kilmarnock game 24th sept.
Can we get this confirmed and a plan in place, what about we actually go to the game this time followed by another trip to Malones?
We need Rebel music, that is a must!

Martin67
7 years ago

Caption: Ibrokes roof collapse victim arrives at court suing the unseen fenian hand

Monti
7 years ago

Oh i’ve got a brand new combine harvester and i’ll give you the key
I get my meths from Boots the chemist and i live in drab fintry
So if you want to go for a drink maybe bring more than a tenner,
Celtic park on the 24 then Malones for a Bender…

If you’re too tight to buy a beer i’ll get you a lemonade,
But for the love of god please bring your fucking hearing aid.

mike
7 years ago
Reply to  Monti

Happy Birthday,dear Montis lassie,happy birthday to YYYOOOOOO.

Cod help yoo darlin,but I ken he luvs yoo dearly.

Cod only kens what he wood diddlydoo without yooo.

mike
7 years ago
Reply to  Monti

Keekaboo,whit,sorry did yoo say something or were yoo as usual blowin smoke oot your oripus.Speak up a didny catch that.
The nothern lights of Bonny Dundee is home sweet home to me,
The nothern lights of Bonny Dundee is where i long to be.
Cod speed the day when i am on my wayyy to my home in Bonny Dundeeee.Ah thats better.

portpower
7 years ago

Is the sevco game today about spot thy 55 GCC representatives of retributional hereafter?

sevco Incapacitation FC.

portpower
7 years ago

No need to look too much into it,

sevco, they`re there but

portpower
7 years ago

Stoke On Trent?

20 sleeved unknown bellroy arsenal cognac nights?

Pink is Power. 🙂

Bob
7 years ago
Reply to  portpower

Stoke on trent? Are you having a go at monti with Cockney rhyming slang lol.talking of him where’s this evidence you are supposed to have about me being one of “THEM” and if you didn’t come up with any you would LEAVE this forum.

charlie
7 years ago

robbie neilson pictured above are you saying hees a diddy

Abu O'Donnell
7 years ago

So, Club 12 are now in the Premier Division.
Against all the rules which have been ignored by the Scottish Football administrators. They have no plausible accounts thus far and are a business who may not last out the season. This is the new transparency we were promised.
Mr. Magic Hat is bleating about additions he wanted to his already overpaid squad, getting his excuses in early.
This is all going to be hilarious when they fall flat on their arses.

Come on big Massimo!! Put them in their place. 3-2 to the Accies.
Club 12 could well be in the relegation dog fights sooner than expected, despite “honest” mistakes and rancid MIBs.

charlie
7 years ago

caption wee joey returns from hospital after absent mindedly humming the soldiers song doon the ludge

charlie
7 years ago

ralph have you any updates on res 12

portpower
7 years ago

Hapoel Be’er Sheva Football Club

It shall be,rules for classification.

We`re to take 4 off of them at home first game.

comment image

Smoke `em if you`ve got`em.

Hail Hail

BroxburnBhoy
7 years ago

I read with astonishment that Doncaster thinks Scottish football has been “revitalized” with the “return” of “Rangers”. How insulting to every other club. Actually Scottish football was revitalized over the last 4 years without the tribute act contributing anything to it. It was refreshing and fairer! I suppose Sevco in the SPL is a cause for much celebration for the SFA and SPFL since they can now hawk the bigotry and hate of the defunct “old firm” for hard cash around the world. Who said crimes doesn’t pay. For those involved with running and enabling Sevco crime has been a very nice little earner. Shameful!

portpower
7 years ago

Season end reminder:

Is it fixed?

Delbhoy
7 years ago

How could any tim play for those scumbags , speaking of that did you see that wee rat novo over in belfast at the marches. I dont know any spanish proddies…

portpower
7 years ago
Reply to  Delbhoy

Are we witnessing the first Novo chaining?

Stalwart Spaniard of interposed descent.

Effin` sad, isn`t it?

portpower
7 years ago

Ian,

speaking for myself, I stanchion mine but I don`t show `em.

Welcome to Celtic FC Helen and what`s his name.

Hail Hail

God bless pockets.

7 years ago

Cup final riot,make CELTIC take that foreign flag,down ,its awe their fault!

charlie
7 years ago

the zombies are doon 1-0 ha ha aint life grand

portpower
7 years ago

1-0 half time.

Carn the Mini Hoops.

We know there`s no prayer to answer their outcome.

Scotland join me please.

Hug a sevconian today.

charlie
7 years ago

hamilton have had 4 FOUR players booked since they went 1 up v the horrible cheating cunts

portpower
7 years ago

Here at IOUbrox The Rangers are behind.

Extra Bear Trust.

portpower
7 years ago

sevco are FC Barcelona

sevco short corners FC. Do they own thy corner fleg?

They`re to get an amply applied penalty.

charlie
7 years ago

portpower the bookies wulnae gei me a price on the zombies to get a pen do you think they have inside info

portpower
7 years ago
Reply to  charlie

Are we all not closer Charlie?

WWW

portpower
7 years ago
Reply to  charlie

Our day

portpower
7 years ago

Former Celtic men 🙂

portpower
7 years ago

sevco player, arse, deck…… 🙂

portpower
7 years ago

FFSl, does no player know how to shield a ball with balance?

portpower
7 years ago

Oh limpiar limpie sevco.

portpower
7 years ago

Empty your nostrils.
Get on your toes centre half.

Jesso.

mike
7 years ago

Still waiting,

Still waiting and listening for the charges being brought against the Hibees fans who assauled the Rankers players,at the cup final.
Where are they,who was assaulted,what hospital were they treated in.
They wereny treated in any hospital,cos it didny happen,despite the headlines,the front pages,the screaming headlines.
LIARS,LIARS,LIARS.
Show us the Deeds,show us the Truth,the wonderfull, wonderfull,Lying Scottish Lying Press.

portpower
7 years ago

Captain of your region ……

Shug, we`re the sign,run away.

Cartvale88
7 years ago

well done Hamilton, sevco bubble burst, the magic hat slips, never mind they will turn over Hearts Aberdeen and the rest according to the Billy Boys Club and the SMSM.

Delbhoy
7 years ago

Sevco who are gona sweep all before them have to come back for a draw haha look at mccanns face GIRUY

portpower
7 years ago

Who`d have thought

Hamilton and sevco top of the ladbrokes.

Word.

Delbhoy
7 years ago

I actually cant wait to see dembele and griff running at clint hill

portpower
7 years ago

Behave.

portpower
7 years ago

Hamilton, that`s brilliant.

sevco poiniant FC.

sevcobody needs a hug.

portpower
7 years ago
portpower
7 years ago

From what I watched from the the first game of the Scottish Premiership League game:

Sticky fingers will be spilling your wee half un.

Whose to sleep well tonight?

steve
7 years ago

this is Elvis , this is a 4 yr old pretending to be elvis ………..Brilliant

portpower
7 years ago

Bloo Catalonian corners, magic.

https://youtu.be/ASw32qKppMw

sevco bears the cherry FC.

portpower
7 years ago
Reply to  portpower

portpower
7 years ago

Honestly, who said it was funny to draw thy first.

sevco can FC.

Still, the Barcelona corners are an ibrox peach.

Envisage is even SFA

portpower
7 years ago

Herts by 1 tomorrow.

4 booked and 2 sent off.

SFA entire tone narration.

portpower
7 years ago

God that was funny.

Thank you Sevco.

portpower
7 years ago

Joey is a lactation led marsupial?

sevco thylacine FC.

portpower
7 years ago

Aussie girls playing beach volleyball. Catch youse.

Abu O'Donnell
7 years ago

And the relegation/play-off dogfight begins!!

Joey-y Feniany(8) is MOM. I think it will be Joey-y Feniany(3) by seasons end. And Waghorny(Pen…missed).

Club12….the Comedy Club more like.

GIRFUY SFA, SMSM, Soup Walker, Fanny Tanner and all lurking huns.

BFDJ was doing his best to be jolly just there. Hahahaha…hahahahaha!!

Half_Fool
7 years ago

Caption:

The Edminston House Cops and Scouse-Thug-wannabe disco, wasn’t as popular as last years mason and goat whack-a-thon the year before.

Half_Fool
7 years ago

Who ? I hear you ask.

Well, Heart of Midlothian, to give them their full name

Nice one Ralph 🙂

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