So, we never did work out whether or not Helen Flanagan has sciatica. for most of you it was a chance to pour scorn on someone, who like you, offered his own viewpoint, which is out of order, and for the fellow who didn’t like the picture, well, thats down to him.
If you remind me, I’ll have a look to see what other pictures she’s got out there, and see if i can find one that suits everybody. The things I do for you.
Shall we start with transfer news ?
Won’t take long, I promise.
At least one player is surprised to be linked with a move to Blackburn, showing yet again that there is very little out in Medialand that can be trusted. In fact, the player in question was made captain in the Wolfsburg game, something which doesn’t tend to happen to players who are being hawked around as part of an exchange deal for another player.
Or, as the Evening Times puts it, Blackburn already have five wingers.
Again , no-one knows much, and the little they do know, or think they know, has been available for you to read for weeks.
We could lie to you, and say we’ve heard this, or seen that, but you’d never trust us again. Which is where we differ from the media.
Lincoln Red Imps rode into town yesterday, and they blasted out a warning that they’re not here on holiday, despite the predicted good weather.
Captain Roy Chipolani has had to use up his holidays from work-he’s a customs official-to make the game, which we hear was the subject of unadulterated mirth in the Celtic dressing room, which is ironic really, given that those concerned appeared to still be on their own holidays last Tuesday.
The Imps captain said;
“Most of us have holidays planned with our families for around July 25 or 26, which would be the following week.
“We even have to take time off work to travel over for the game on Wednesday. The missus is a bit annoyed by that.
“If we were to get through it would obviously be a dream come true but we would lose out on our holiday and spending time with the family.
“We haven’t really stopped since last season, we’ve carried on training.
“As a footballer and looking at it from a personal point of view, I want to carry on and that would be a dream come true.
“But the family won’t be too happy. Not only would we not be able to go on holiday now, but we would also lose our money for what we’ve paid for.
“This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and we have to go and do the best as we can, and try and enjoy it.
“The family understand it, they have to understand it. It’s a dream for us as well.”
And on the game, and his clubs chances of pulling of a second, even more incredible result ?
“We are going there with confidence.
“If we have the game of their lives and Celtic have a poor game it can happen.
“It happened over there. Why not here? We have our own preparations and our own plan.
“We are all looking forward to playing Celtic at Celtic Park. It’s one of those stadiums everybody wants to play in.
“It’s like going from Sunday league to Celtic Park in three years. It’s what dreams are made of.
“Last week was historic. Half of Gibraltar is still in shock.
“It’s more special for us going there with a lead to defend rather than going there after a 4-0 defeat. We’ll enjoy it more.”
Well, they are their leagues champions, and deserve to enjoy every minute of their time in the competition. Up until about a quarter to eight tomorrrow, in fact.
Meantime, they’re lapping up the attention.
“All the media attention we are getting it is all new to us. The lads are really enjoying it.
“Now we have the win on Celtic under out belts, our name is on everybody’s lips in Europe. It’s great for business.
“We have always been a club that works hard even in the so-called amateur days.
“The manager that has come in now, Julio, has a great CV. Tactically he has got us a lot better.
“Everyone in Gibraltar has commented on how well we were set up against Celtic.”
They weren’t so well set up when they got to Glasgow, having forgotten to book somewhere to train. No-one would help them so the SFA stepped in, in the form of Jim Fleeting, the director of football development at the SFA.
It was all a bit of a shock to the Gibraltans, discovering scotland had a director of football development.
Red Imps assistant boss Mick McElwee said:
“We’re grateful to Jim for helping us arrange this.
“We had rung round a few teams looking for facilities and were struggling to come up with any. But Jim was able to sort out Mar Hall, which is ideal. We decided to come over to Scotland a day early to prepare for this match as we didn’t want to feel rushed.
“The idea is to get the players focused and relaxed ahead of a massive game. We’re a humble club so we travelled on a Jet2 flight from Malaga. We were getting good luck messages from Rangers fans and booed and whistled by Celtic fans but it was all in good fun.”
One of the more encouraging things I’ve noticed ahead of the game is the amount of supporters clubs on social media announcing they are full for this one. They’ll be needed.
It seems like a another lifetime where Oliver Khan overdid the celebrations because his Bayern Munich team secured a point in a Champions League game at Celtic Park. Life in the slow lane indeed.
Well, we need to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down, and stop talking in cliches.
We need some inspiration, and who better to turn to than Stilian Petrov, who knows a thing or two about winning when the chips are down…
“I think the result last week will be just a blip for Brendan Rodgers and the squad. It’s important to keep things in perspective.
“If the defeat last week had been by a few goals then there would be serious cause for concern, but that’s not the case.
“There will be a determination from Brendan and the players to put on a good performance and win the game by a few goals at Celtic Park.
“The Celtic supporters will have a role to play. I was fortunate enough to play for Celtic for seven years and the feeling of playing in front of a packed Parkhead was always a highlight.
“The Celtic supporters generate an incredible atmosphere and it will be such an advantage this season to have that back again.
“I’m sure they will help the team qualify for the Champions League. The supporters haven’t had this tournament for the past two years and they are desperate to bring it back to their club.
“The journey starts this week and they want to see it develop all the way through to December for the finals matches in the group stages.”
“I’m sure Brendan and the new signings will be blown away by the support generated by the Celtic supporters. It’s thrilling.
“For example, the night we beat Juventus 4-3 in 2001 was a particular highlight. The atmosphere was unbelievable. It definitely brings the best out in players.
“More recently, Celtic beat Barcelona 2-1 when Neil Lennon was the manager and, again, that was just incredible.
“With Brendan as manager, I’ve a feeling the magical European nights are on their way back.”
“I think his appointment is a huge statement from the club. He is a top class manager and I’ve followed his career since he was at Swansea and then Liverpool.
“During my career at Aston Villa I played against his teams and the brand of football was always slick, entertaining and impressive.
“He is also an extremely good person and we had a few conversations during the years. I wish him the very best of luck at Celtic.”
All good vibes, and the players will be needing plenty of them tomorrow.
Shall we talk about something else for a minute? From the Daily Mail…
Scotland’s clubs are poised to defy an ultimatum by justice minister Michael Matheson to tackle fan disorder via Strict Liability or face legislation.
Clubs will discuss a resolution to take more responsibility for the bad behaviour of their own supporters at tomorrow’s SPFL AGM at Hampden.
However, Sportsmail understands Matheson’s recent warning to go the whole hog and adopt Strict Liability — or risk a Holyrood crackdown — has fallen on deaf ears despite the violent scenes which marred Hibs’ Scottish Cup win in May.
Clubs will vote on a proposal to accept more blame for trouble before, during and after games, at tomorrow’s get-together.
Angered by Matheson’s lecturing intervention at the SFA AGM in June, however, the new proposals remain some way short of the full-scale adoption of UEFA’s Strict Liability rules.
The SFA are currently awaiting the findings of an independent commission into the Cup Final disorder chaired by Edward Bowen QC. The report is due to be presented by July 31.
The governing body set the template for the SPFL by tightening up Resolution 2 of their rules and regulations to place more responsibility on clubs for the actions of fans.
As a result, Hibs or Rangers face possible punishment if they are found culpable of failing to do more to prevent events at the Final before, during or after the game by the Bowen commission.
There’s those words again, SFA, independent commission, punishment, clubs…
The reporter needed merely to state that Hibernian are about to get a doing from the SFA for spoiling their day out. There was no need to say anything else.
The man chairing the inquiry, Edward Farquharson Bowen was also chairman of the Northern Lighthouse board, which shows he’s not averse to a job or two which has very little to do with , say his hobbies, the primary one being golf, as golf and lighthouses go together like, well, like the SFA and independent inquiries.
I love this bit, from the same report, which implies something a little different from the reality…
Tomorrow’s AGM will also see Hearts owner Ann Budge take her place on the league board at the second time of asking.
Celtic’s Peter Lawwell, Budge and Partick Thistle’s Iain Maxwell are standing for election for the three Premiership slots after Rangers managing director Stewart Robertson decided against standing.
Decided against standing…on account of being told to fuck off every time he asked someone if they would support him.
Which brings me neatly round, a description I also use in my social media profiles, to an interesting story from Italy…
It is being reported that Juventus have been fined €2million for allowing the release of unauthorised official merchandise.
Supposedly, the club permitted the sales of shirts featuring three gold stars above the badge.
In Italy, teams are allowed a gold star for every ten Serie A titles won and a silver star for every ten Coppa Italia victories.
Nike denied this request as Juventus were technically stripped of two Serie A titles after the Calciopoli corruption scandal.
You’ll remember The Old Lady were also relegated to Serie B as part of their punishment.
Despite Nike’s rejection, Juventus commissioned the production of three-starred shirts anyway, which could be purchased by fans but not worn by players for games.
This led to Nike’s mutual termination as Juventus’ kit provider in 2013.
Now the club have been forced to pay Nike €2million in damages, although the sportswear giants initially demanded €80m.
Juventus themselves claim the fine is ‘considerably less’ than €2million.
These days Juventus’ Adidas kit does feature three stars above the badge as they have now legitimately won 32 titles.
Just as well that sort of thing could never happen here, with Help for Heroes written on it, and even if it did the press would be all over it.
Message to Brendan.
As much as I would have been happier never to have to face that mob again, do us all a favour, and put them in their place.
signed, those with a sense of fair play.
There was confirmation yesterday from one of the games greatest analysts that their side isn’t up to much…
And if he says they’re good, then they must really be , er , good….
Perhaps the strangest news of the week, nay the summer and probably the rest of the season is that concerning Mo mo Massimo donati, who has just signed for Hamilton.
No, I don’t know why either.
With news that the Westminster government have voted in favour of renewing the Trident defence system, instead of going for the cheaper option, such as anthrax, Ebola or popular nerve gas Sarin, as a way of solving the worlds economic issues by removing anyone who might use any of the words resources, it appears we need a hero to save us from all this madness.
Punch magazine, though clearly using this picture as a way of re-assuring a nineteenth century readership they were vastly superior to their apparently simian neighbours, may well have hit upon an idea for a comic book hero, or at the very least, someone who could inspire someone else to carry on a historical figures good work…
Going back to sundays caption competition… which is actually L. Ron Hubbard testing tomatoes to see if they can feel pain.
L Ron Hubbard uses his Hubbard Electrometer to determine whether tomatoes experience pain, in 1968. He founded Scientology, which is considered a cult by some, and is based on the premise that the human race is descended from Thetans, an exiled race from another planet
Bet you I can guess what team he supports…
Again a topical reply wins the accolades, which I believe are a group of islands in the south Pacific with what could be a suggestion for the manager..
“Scott Browns bollocks are removed and tested for hardness”
Now, as the subject of sexual exploitation was raised in the diary replies yesterday, we’ll be a little more selective in our picture for todays competition, which features a bit of male bonding at one of Scotland’s seedier clubs
