Two of Celtics reported transfer targets won’t be coming to the east end of Glasgow after all.

In a massive misunderstanding, Zlatan Ibrahimovic signed for Manchester United, prompting Henrik Larsson to fly into a rage, and we’ve intercepted the text he sent to his former international team mate;

“Nej , inte så jävla en “

You see, Larsson, over a couple of beers, had informed Zlatan that if he ever wanted to be taken seriously as a footballer, and to experience the real heights of the game, he had to sign for one of his old clubs. Zlatan had expressed doubts, but Henrik told him he would be siging for the biggest club in the world, with the best support and an iconic stadium. 

Anyway, they celebrated long into the night, and Zlatan, a bit of a lightweight when it comes to the drink, couldn’t rememeber which club he was supposed to sign for, and was too embarassed  to contact the King of Kings, so he googled “biggest club in the world “, thought he’d made the connection and duly threw his career away.

Thats one story we heard, the other being that he wasn’t happy at having to come over for a trial. Which wasn’t something that bothered Leigh Griffiths, as he’s had plenty of those.

The second blow to Celtics plans for the League cup-as Ibrahimovic was only going to be used for this tournament, along with this fellow-came when fruitbat Mario Balotelli announced the name of the only person in football he doesn’t get on with.

Well, the only person in football he thinks he doesn’t get on with;

I had a fantastic rapport with everyone, including the Presidents, Massimo Moratti and Silvio Berlusconi,” Balotelli said. “It was disastrous only with one… Brendan Rodgers. 

The resignation of Ronny Deila , something Balotelli was unaware of-he lives in his own little world, where he still reckons that one day he will win the Ballon d’Or- didn’t entirely scupper the move, but the arrival of Rodgers did.

Look, its Sunday.

The papers are full of shite, so there’s no reason why the diary shouldn’t be.

But this might not be a pile of steamers….

Brendan has spoken, rather loosely, about the possibility of securing Patrick Roberts permanently, and i’ve a feeling its something that the two of them have already spoken about… especially after the signing of Moussa Dembele.

“Patrick is a very talented boy but he’s still in the formative part of his career.

“I have good relations with City, they want their young players to develop and play.

“Not just for any club but the right club. For him to be with us for another season is great.

“He’ll leave a different, better player than when he came in.

“I’m relaxed about the fact he’s only here on loan. Of course, you would like players to come in as permanent signings.

“But I like to work with good players. The loan does two things. It allows the player to buy into the team, commit and take on responsibility.

“Also, it’s a chance for us to sell the club. There might be a point down the line where he has to leave City.

“If he’s had a good experience with us, we probably stand a greater chance of bringing him here on a permanent basis.

“If he has a good experience and plays well, he might just end up signing for the club at a later time.

“So I don’t see it as developing players for other clubs.

“He’s still a Manchester City player and I assume he has a few years left on his contract there.

Roberts is under contract at City until 30 June 2020. Realistically, he isn’t going to break into that team, as their transfer policy is simply to buy expensive players to show they can. It keeps their support thinking they are a big club.

Transfer Market.com, a realisticindicator of players values, says this;

Current market value:

£3.75m

“We know he will go back at the end of this season but he probably won’t have a better preparation than he will get at Celtic – in terms of how they’ll want him to play.

“Then we will see what the future brings for him.”

Brendan Rodgers talked Manchester City into paying £50m for Raheem Sterling. I think he might have a chance of getting Roberts, if the lad wants to stay. Roberts, whose parents are from Merseyside, is a Liverpool fan, and whilst some might think theres a wee bit of straw grabbing here, I think that may be a factor when he talks to Rodgers.

If it were up to me, I’d wait until City have just bought their next blue chip forward, and the following morning I’d be on the phone to them, with a £3m offer, and put the lad on a decent wage, packed with bonus money. 

Rodgers may also have given a bit of a hint about Celtics next signing when he talked about how he makes some decisions purely for the benefit of the team…

“I dropped Garry Monk, who had got us promoted to the Premier League at Swansea.

“And I did it to put in Caulker, a 19-year-old.

“But it was because I knew Steven could help the team. You take the emotion out of it and focus on one question – can he help the team?

“Caulker came in and was terrific. He went on to play at the Olympics and for England.

“I would do the same at Celtic if I had to. It’s always about the team. 

Just to clarify, Garry Monk is a defender, and not rhyming slang.

Steven Caulker has aready been linked with Celtic by the press, and although that doesn’t mean a thing, the mention of the player here probably does.

Four four Two magazine has revealed that Rodgers can be a bit of a disciplinarian, and if you don’t do what he says, you could be in trouble.

Rodgers keen to nail down Rogic

Bit harsh, but when you start a job in football management, the first few months are when you lay down the law.

Oh, wait, the text here tells a different story…

Celtic boss Brendan Rodgers has made no secret of his desire to keep Socceroo Tom Rogic at The Hoops for some time to come.

The Australian playmaker has just one year left on his contract and Celtic are keen to tie him down. 

Ah, he’s just going to tie him down, which isn’t nearly as bad.

Celtic have acquired another forward, and in a story with a headline you won’t see in the SMSM, Football Insider , courtesy of the guy with the best name in football writing, gives us an encouraging piece of news…

By Will Butcher

Celtic have beaten a host of English clubs to sign highly-rated St. Francis centre-forward Tommy Caffrey, it was announced on Saturday.

The teenager is manager Brendan Rodgers’ second signing since taking over the reins at Celtic Park following the capture of Moussa Dembele earlier in the week.

The Irish Echo.ie claimed Caffrey had held out for a long awaited move to the Hoops, despite multiple offers from down south.

Rodgers has been linked with plenty of players over the last couple of weeks, most notably Aston Villa’s Scott Sinclair, QPR’s Steven Caulker and Blackburn’s Euro 2016 star Shane Duffy.

Caffrey’s St. Francis manager Mark Connelly was full of praise for the teenage sensation, stating that he deserved everything that has come his way.

“He was one of our best players, he had other opportunities but I think he was always set on Celtic, the lad has a good attitude and deserves it,” Connelly said, as quoted by the Irish Echo.

“He has done very well for us this season and we wish him all the best.”

Caffrey joins a well established attacking line-up at Celtic Park, with Nadir Ciftci, new signing Dembele and the prolific Leigh Griffiths among the strikers already available to Rodgers.

The club have recently offloaded four forwards from last season, Carlton Cole, Colin Kazim-Richards, Anthony Stokes and Stefan Scepovic.

I’m not one for putting someone elses name on the back of my Celtic tops, but with this guy I might do it, as it serves also serves as a shopping list for when we go to the games…

Hopefully, we can get that dutch guy in, Twente Bensons.

Another broad hint was dropped over a possible loan move for Kolo Toure;

“We will see, Kolo is a good guy. He’s 35 but is one of those players who is super fit.

“He trains every day and he has a wonderful personality, so we will see. Kolo was an African Nations winner and a player for big games.

“We played away at Real Madrid for Liverpool and he was man of the match. In the Europa League Final in May, he was fantastic.

“In the games he played for me at Liverpool, he gained huge respect from the players.

“He was one of the Invincibles and played more games in that Arsenal team than anybody. He also played for Manchester City.” 

African Nations cup winner ? We’ve already got one of those…

In all the fuss over who Brendan Rodgers is going to sign, we’ve sort of forgotten about Ronny’s last signing, the Norwegian Kristoffer Ajer, who certainly isn’t going to let the new manager ignore him.

Ajer proved his willingness to learn, and his versatility by appearing at centre half against Celje, and there is a little more to him than may have originally met the eye… he’s not the archetypal teenage footballer, and has thoughts about the furture that don’t involve expensive watches, cars, houses and women…

‘I finished my second year at school and will finish my third year while I’m here in Glasgow I will finish my third year at college then I’ll study medicine after at the University of Glasgow. 

One day, when I end my career, I’ll be a doctor. Hopefully. It may be unusual but you have so much time after training every day. You can use it on the PlayStation and sit back and watch movies, or you can study. I want to study.’

‘Of course it was a time when I wondered who the new manager would be,’ he said. ‘But when I saw who was coming, I was so excited. Liverpool are really big back home in Norway and I saw the documentary with him.

‘I saw that he was great with young players so I look forward to learning more from him.

‘For me it was really important that the manager was good with development. When Ronny left I wanted a manager that was good with that – and Brendan Rodgers as manager is perfect. I couldn’t wait to meet him and start to impress him.’ 

Quietly, with a minimum of fuss, he seems to have settled in, and may yet surprise a few of us.

Its important that players get settled, and look after themselves. 

Once you let your standards drop, the results can be frightening.

Look at former player Gerard Butler…

Happily, that means  I can edit my facebook profile to “Gerrard Butler Body double ”

If I work on my core excersises. For a month or two.

Now for some nonsense… from the BBC…

Euro 2016: Willie Collum proud of referee performance

For a spell in France, Willie Collum was anonymous. He enjoyed the experience, not least because it was part of operating at the pinnacle of his career.

Along with his team of officials – Scottish referees John Beaton and Bobby Madden were assistants along with Scotland’s Francis Conner and Ireland’s Damian MacGraith – Collum took charge of two Euro 2016 matches.

He likens the assignment to footballers being picked to represent their country, although for players the hope is that they will make an impact that reverberates. For referees, the hope is not be talked about.

Collum was referee for France’s 2-0 win over Albania and Turkey’s 2-0 winover Czech Republic, both of which passed without controversy. “One of the biggest emotions is relief that things have gone well,” Collum says, “and hopefully nobody will be talking about you.”

His time in France ended in the group stages, in part because the home nations and the Republic of Ireland all qualified for the knockout rounds. It was, though, a heartening experience for Collum, who has endured periods of intense criticism in Scotland.

From the Evening Standard….

English referee Martin Atkinson will take charge of Saturday’sEuro 2016 clash between Wales and Northern Ireland.

The all-British last-16 tie will be Atkinson’s third game of this summer’s championships after he officiated Germany’s victory over Ukraine and Portugal’s thrilling 3-3 draw against Hungary on Wednesday.

Mark Clattenburg will also feature in the first round of the knock-out stages.

Collum , in his defence, said that;

 “I make mistakes, but I don’t think I make any more than any other referees, but sometimes people get your name in their mind.” 

Willie Collum , still frankly delusional, didn’t embarrass himself. So, having allowed him his moment in the sun, UEFA, having done their bit for Euro-Scottish relations, sent him home before he could.

Not too difficult to work that out.

Nor is it too difficult to work out that all is not well at ibrox, and we might well be treated to a bit of this soon…

Have a read of this, and tell me that it doesn.t sound like a man carrying a bloodstained knife intoa police station and saying it wasn’t me, before they’ve found a body…

I’m hearing ex MP Brian Donohoe has resigned from the board of Rangers First. 

This doesn’t surprise me. 

His reasons for joining the board often left me asking why

I would guess with his background he won’t go quietly and will probably already have begun loading the bullets for the unwitting to fire on social media. 

I’ll get in first. 

Now he has left a board of a group of fellow Rangers fans, I feel it’s now proper I tell two facts of my previous dealings with Brian (I felt it was unfair to comment while he was in a group of Rangers supporters) 

1) During the autumn of 2014 Brian called me to attempt to have me call an all out boycott of Rangers home games. I, through Sons of Struth, went on to call a later boycott without his interference. 

I told him my reservations at the time which were, I felt the club could have taken on more loans and plunged in to admin2 if a boycott was called and I, as the instigator of the boycott, could have been a ready made scapegoat for the much hated board. 

Brian assured me he had men lined up to take the club out of admin if that was the case and claimed £8-10m was available from a host of investors. 

Brian refused to state who these third parties were but I know they weren’t King Co or the three bears. 

I asked him not to call me back. 

Ive often wondered if indeed he had any investors or was he lining me up to be the fall guy for admin2 on behalf of someone else. 

2) In the short life of the newly formed fans group Club 1872, the most high profile statement they’ve made was regarding the infamous Daily Record article which had us believe Rangers fans were involved in preventing police reach the incidents at Hamden after the cup final. 

Club 1872 issued a hard hitting statement defending fans against the slanderous claims that the Record used to attack us. 

I know from many sources that Brian attempted to stop this defence of Rangers fans and may have indeed leaked the proposed statement prior to release. 

Why would a Rangers fan attempt to stop the defence of Rangers fans? 

It may be worth noting that the Police Federation, a body represented by Jack Irvine, were involved in the story and it appeared on the morning of another hard hitting Club 1872 statement that was due for release that night. 

I’d hope they had no prior warning of the up and coming Club 1872 statement. For that to have happened it would have required someone from the Club 1872 working group to have leaked it. 

Was he wanting to create a boycott for the benefit of others? 

Did he really have money men behind him that had Rangers at heart? 

Did he leak Club 1872 statements to some who are hated by our fans? 

What did he actually do as an MP when many attacked our club after admin? 

Which part of the Daily Record group does his close family member work in? 

I’m guessing we will never hear the answers to these questions but I’m sure he’ll make some sort of vengeful move next. 

It’s no secret I’ve also been involved in the working group of club 1872 for the last few months but none of the information I’ve provided is due to that involvement. There has been things he’s done during that association that I’ve been alarmed with. I hope I never need to divulge them but that’s down to Brians next move. 

Watch this space” 

I’m not entirely sure where thats from, but I think this might be the guy..

Its in the Record..

A RANGERS supporters’ group have been left in turmoil after three influential ­figures quit in a row over management.

Former Labour MP Brian Donohoe resigned as a director of Rangers First amid concerns about governance.

Directors Kelly ­Johnstone and Peter Ewart have also left.

Rangers First were set up two years ago to enable fans to buy shares in the club and get representation on the Ibrox board. Their mission was to protect the club from takeovers by hostile new owners such as Craig Whyte and Charles Green.

More than 14,000 ­people have ­contributed and they have raised enough money to buy a 3.2 per cent stake in the club. They also have £700,000 in the bank and are one of the UK’s biggest fans’ ­ownership bodies.

Yet members are concerned over the way the group are being run and the decision to merge with other fans’ groups to form Club 1872.

Donohoe is concerned Rangers First do not have a register of members, approved minutes, a constitution, chairman or office bearers.

Questions have also been expressed about a failed proposal to give the club a £500,000 loan from their funds.

Donohoe said: “I feel Rangers First are operating to the benefit of the club and not fans. Certainly not to protect us against the possibility of another spiv coming in like Whyte.”

Johnstone wrote: “The agenda of some is so blatant and motivated by self-interest it’s uncomfortable for me to be part of.”

Ewart said: “The new RF board have been tied pretty much from the beginning and carrying out duties as a director in a meaningful manner has become impossible.”

Rangers First said: “Rangers First has always been guided by the wishes of its members who voted overwhelmingly on three separate occasions to bring all the fan groups together into Club 1872.

“Perhaps this adherence to democracy did not suit everyone and it is true that some were acting in self-interest and contrary to the wishes of members. Thankfully, however, they have removed themselves and we can now proceed unobstructed with the business of uniting all Rangers fans together with Club 1872.”

The possible rage from this story pales into insignificance compered to an  outburst  following the first Ministers message to the Welsh national team…