Celtic Diary Monday March 7: A Quick History Of Semi Final Opponents

Celtic cruised into the Scottish cup semi finals with a first half demolition of Greenock Morton. All the goals in the 3-0 win came in the first half, and this allowed the team to relax a bit in the second, but the result was never in doubt.

Leigh Griffiths, Gary Mackay Steven and Calum Macgregor were on target for the hoops, with the latter scoring the pick of the bunch, showing that even if he isn’t allowed to drive on the roads, he can still drive through First Division defences.

Calum MacGregor in the first team even though he got a drink drive ban-four times over the limit…..not exactly setting a good example. Or even laying down the law about what is expected of Celtic players.

Still, its a good job he didn’t tweet about it, he’d have been suspended and farmed out to Hibernian.

And we wonder why there is a reputed split in the dressing room.

for all the faults in the management team in this instance, credit has to go to them for telling the players that yesterday they would line up in a 4-3-3 before getting them to play as a 4-2-3-1 without them actually realising it. Psychology plays an important part in management, and i think the crew cracked it yesterday.

The players seemed a little more confident, and the side looked a little more balanced.

Special mention has to go to Willie Collum, who returned from suspension after his bosses at the SFA realised he wasn’t very good at his job, to show again to the watching world that he isn’t very good at his job.

On the stroke of half time, Michael miller crashed into Stefan Johansen with his studs raised, and it looked like the Norwegian may even have broken his ankle. Collum ignored the foul, presumably because he was relying on his front eyes and not the ones in the back of his head that usually spot this sort of infringement, and incredibly then blew for half time and left the field with the injured player still on the ground.

This despite Kris commons re enacting the foul for the benefit of Collum, and the morton player tryong to ditch the switchblade that was fitted to is boot.

Thats not a suspension, thats a p45 and an advert for a replacement.

Manager Deila was fairly restrained in his comments;

‘The challenge looked like it was a stretched leg, straight into his ankle. It was not good to watch. 
‘It’s hard to say how he is. Hopefully it’s not a big injury and he didn’t twist anything. We will get more answers on that tomorrow.’ 

It certainly didn’t look good at the time;

But it did allow tv viewers a little glimpse of something that perhaps wasn’t suitable for sunday lunchtime viewing;

Three Hail Mary’s and an Our Father for even looking.

Despite only a weeks notice, a 12 noon sunday kick off and the match live on tv on mother’s day, nearly 15,000 brave souls made the game, and to them, I say well done.

When the semi final draw was made, and they forgot-again-that the two hot balls are to be kept separate, Celtic now face Second Rangers for the Second time in the new clubs short history, and with the game taking place at Hampden, tickets will be in short supply.

All of those who went yesterday should get one first, the remainder should go to those who went to earlier games, and if there’s any left after that, they should go to anyone attending the Lennon CSC monthly meeting in Newcastle under Lyme this evening.

As much as i never wanted to play this incarnation of the Ibrox club until they accepted that they were an other incarnation of the Ibrox club, this time around I’ve remembered that although its a different club, the howls of anguish the support make when you chuck holy water over them are exactly the same screams as the fans of the previous club.

And its a fantastic sound, best heard close up.

for those of you going to the game, or intending to, Etims are proud to reveal their Celtic v. Second Rangers supporters kit, which you can buy from us , though you’ll need to send the money up front;

Its the second time the clubs have met in their history, and between them they already boast 36 cup wins, all of which are Celtics. Even more impressively, they have 76 semi final appearances between them, the hoops ahead by only 74-2 here, so no matter the result, no-one reading this will ever see them equal the semi final tally.

Which is nice.

For those of you unsure of the finer details behind the new clubs rise to the second tier of Scottish football, here’s a helpful reminder.

After it became fairly obvious that the original Rangers were facing debts that no company on earth could reallisticaly pay, given their somewhat limited income, owner David Murray auctioned the club on Ebay and sold out to highest bidder Craig Whyte for a pound, which included postage and packing.

He borrowed some money of a guy who knew a guy and tried desperately to convine supporters he was loaded, even on occasions wearing nice suits with the tie all done up and singing the national anthem.

It wasn’t enough though, and the club were forced into administration and then liquidation before the assets were sold off rather cheaply to a large handed chap from Yorkshire, who told everyone that the club hadn’t gone under, it was in fact the company, and everything was alright because they were going to continue as though nothing had happened unless you happened to be a creditor, in which case you could just ” fook off ”

To avoid any confusion with those who regulate business, Green subtly and quietly changed the original company’s name to RIFC Ltd,( or something like that, i can’t be arse checking the finer points)  and so when they died, he was free to call the new club The Rangers International football Club, and not have to worry about it again until the fraud squad knocked on his door.

Bizarrely, the new clubs support, suffering an identity crisis since around 1690, didn’t seem to mind that he’d raped and pillaged them, and went along with the same club nonsense as though Green had led them through town with a pan pipe, which was the first time they became enchanted by someone in an unusual hat.

Anyway, Green turned out to be a racist, and since it wasn’t anti-Irish racism, he was hounded from Ibrox and forced to live a lonely life in his country mansion , before latterly spending some time in a smaller room being interviewed by some men in uniforms, a story which hasn’t reached the ending just yet, but you can probably work it out for yourselves.

During his tenure , however, millions of pounds were raised to propel the new club forward, and it allowed them to hire europes brightest young manager Mark Warburton, who took over from Ally McCoist, who had played for and managed the original club, and had been tempted to help get the new club off the ground with a paltry wage of around £800,000 a year plus bonuses. The bonus idea was a crafty move by the clubs owners, as it became apparent that McCoist was completely clueless and unlikely to ever win anything. Anything of note, that is. He did once  beat goalkeeper Campbell Bell in a game of “Catch the Beachball ” once. Then again, so did the a guest player from a team of convicted Arabian shoplifters.

Warburton is a different type of manager from McCoist. his contacts in the City, where he used to be a trader, may not have helped them borrow any money, but his contacts in the lower reaches of English football brought in a whole host of players all the other clubs had missed, and suddenly, the Champions League beckoned.

In fact, a terrified Karl Heinz Rummenigge, who runs Bayern Munich, suggested that all the other big teams in the big countries stuck together and formed their own competition rather than face this upcoming behemoth who threatened to dominate football for the next twenty five years. ( Thanks to reporters Matthew Lindsay and Chris Jack for this inside information , who have researched this tirelessly and are now in the running for this years Woodward and Bernstein award,

( Once again, thanks guys -you’re the best ! )

Now that some of these players have benefitted from full time training and the expert coaching of David Weir, they are in a position to challenge for a major trophy, and by all accounts are relishing the opportunity to test themelves against the Scottish champions.

The hype ahead of the game, which will take place on April 17, as long as someone can lend the Ibrox club some money until the gate receipts are in, is as predictable as ever.

The new club, on their website, can’t wait;

Incredibly, they think they have a chance…and here’s why..

Fair enough.

And Celtic, too, are all excited;

CELTIC have drawn Rangers in the semi final of the Scottish Cup after beating Morton 3-0 earlier today. 

Fucking hooray.

Now we’ll have to put up with six weeks of the papers and radio talking shite.

Don’t worry guys. We’ll put those bastards in their place. 

The Glasgow club beat Dundee 4-0 in their quarter-final tie and the semi finals are scheduled to be played at Hampden Park on the weekend of April 16/17.

I know. One decent win and they’re fucking worldbeaters again.

Full ticket details will be published as soon as possible after the date and kick-off time have been confirmed.

They’ve asked for midnight so their fans won’t turn into stone. 

And by the way, anyone, I mean anyone who calls it the fucking old firm will be banned from Celtic Park forever.

Fair enough.

Though I don’t suppose they’ll be asking me to write any more stuff for their website.

Celtic now have the chance to win the Scottish cup, depending on how Hibs do, without facing a top tier side.

The unsen fenian hand at work again, or just the luck of the draw ?

Okay, here’s another caption competition, and the winner this time will be not only announced, but se his creation in full colour in tomorrows diary, thanks to Charlie Saiz, who said he’ll help me do it.

That is, he’ll do it properly after I’ve posted a picture of a tree , or a flamingo , or something.

Continuing our -(our ?)-obsession with attractive (attractive ?)  ladies ( ladies ? )  of the dark side, here is one out shopping…