Today, apparently, is Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year, as Emma Flanagan in the Western Daily Press, tells us;
Bills are piling up, the weather is awful and most of us are still a week or two from pay day.
No wonder today is thought to be the most depressing day of the year.
Blue Monday, as it has been dubbed has become a recognised day, by some, when more people are down in the dumps than any other day. It is thought to be a combination of worries which leaves people in a slump on the third Monday of January.
According to Cliff Arnall, who first came up with the formula to work out which is the most depressing day of the year, the odds are stacked against us today.
Well, obviously no-one told him we’d signed a new centre half.
So we’ll rename it Green Monday.
Celtic secured the services of Danish defender Erik Sviatchenko for four and a half years over the weekend, meaning that we now have four central defenders, and hopefully have at last replaced that dutch bloke and the other one who were here last year.
At a cost of around £2m , and judgung from the you tube videos his agent has put out in cyberspace, we look to have done good business, and with Simunovic, Ambrose and Boyata look to have a group of players , who if can be taught to play together, should leave the side well covered at the back.
What may also happen is that Dedryck boyata , when he returns from injury, will realise that he has to perform at a higher level, which he is capable of, to get his place back in the team, whereas Efe ambrose, who has been outstanding of late, couldn’t give a fuck.
With three centre halves now recruited in the last six months, many might feel that a taxi has been ordered for the big Nigerian, and it was, but he’s told the driver he doesn’t need him.
As we predicted on Etims, the new policy is to grab a bag of scrabble letters, pull out a dozen or so, and sign the player who comes up. The more letters the better, as they are 50p each to have on your shirt.
I’d hurry up if i was you, by the way, they are bound to run out of v’s before the game starts on Saturday.
The new boy, signed from Midtjylland, is raring to go, and the club are pleased with themselves for bringing him in.
CELTIC are delighted to announce that Erik Sviatchenko has joined the club on a four-and-a-half year deal from FC Midtjylland.
The highly-rated Danish internationalist, who had attracted a lot of interest from a number of top clubs, chose the Scottish champions and becomes the latest addition to Ronny Deila’s squad.
Erik has already gained four caps for Denmark and scored one goal against France in October last year.
And the 24-year-old defender also helped FC Midtjylland reach the last 32 of this season’s UEFA Europa League, where they will play Manchester United next month.
But Erik has opted to join Celtic and help the Hoops in their bid for the treble in this campaign.
And the player ?
“I am so happy to join Celtic, such a fantastic club and such a huge name in football. This is a club with a wonderful pedigree and a massive support.
“I will do everything I can to bring success to Celtic. It means so much to me to join a winning club, to join a club that goes for and wins trophies and wants to play in the Champions League.
“I have had a taste of winning with Midtjylland and I want more of this feeling at Celtic. When you play football, you want to be remembered for winning and I want to be remembered as a winner with Celtic.
“I know we have a squad of really talented players and I can’t wait to get started, team up with them and get to work.”
So far so good, but thats based largely on video’s, but I’m more than optimistic, as by and large, we do seem to do well when finding centre halves.
Think we may have missed a trick here with picking the number to go next to 16 in his promotional picture taken in the dressing room…
So what do we know about him ? Is he the man to kick baws, smack jaws and shag maws, as one tweeter delightfully described him ? Theres little doubt that a wee bit of meanness wouldn’t go amiss in this team, as we’ve had to rely largely on Scott Brown staring at people when the going gets tough for the last couple of years.
What , for instance, does he do in his spare time ?
Martial arts ? Bare knuckle boxing ? Drive by shootings ?
No.
He’s a fashion blogger and model.
I suppose the aromatic whiff of an alluring scent might put a few off.
You can already see him being booked after a goalmouth scramble from a corner for tickling an opponent .
I’m probably wrong, as he’s told the Daily Record that he
asked a mental coach to toughen him up
A mental coach, presumably, is anyone who takes on the job at Ibrox thinking it’s still the same club, they can still attract top players on top wages, and that Dave king will bankroll his ambitions.
No, in this context it refers to a psychologist…Rene Peterson ( Who ? -Ed ) (I don’t know-Ralph )
“I was too soft and needed someone to challenge me mentally.
“For example, I would be afraid after the game what the players would think about me.
“So Rene helped me focus on the tough world of football. It has improved me as a player but it won’t change my values off the park.”
Make him play alongside Boyata in his first game, with a one off return for Ian Andrews in goal. If that doesn’t bring out his mean side, then nothing will.
This, of course, is the usual “wind and pish ” from the diary, so we’d better ask someone who commands a little more respect to give us the lowdown on the lad.
Marc Reiper, one half of one of the best Celtic defensive pairings I’ve seen, said
“Take no notice of that clown who does the Diary “
“Erik is highly rated in Denmark. Together with Agger and Kjaer he’s the best defender in our country And he’s the up-and-coming one. He has the future running for him. When Agger was at his best, he was outstanding. But Erik is capable of getting up to that level.
“This is a good deal for both parties. Erik gets to try something that he would consider to be a bigger stage. And Celtic are getting a very good defender. He’s really composed on the pitch. Even though he’s not the biggest, he’s strong in the air and has quick feet. Erik has more or less everything you would want in a defender.”
Well, thats good enough for me.
Alarmed by the signing of Sviatchenko, which as usual was missed by everyone in the press, the diligent Scottish sports media immediately googled Scandinavian football, and came up with interest in
Mohammed Elyanoussi, who scored for molde against the Hoops earlier this season, and is also represented by the same guy who represents Stefan johansen.
And we hear it may happen, because if Tom Rogic does move to Leeds, we can always pretend he hasn’t.
The press , of course, are still basking in the triumph of breaking this shattering story;
If they want a story, they might want to question these statistics, which hint at an arrival of a new club in the top division no matter what it takes to do it;
Mind you, we hear all is not well over there as manager Warby Warburton, on the threshold of a couple of major signings, can’t reach Dave Kings mobile to ask him how much money he can spend…
Celtic are in talks with another Dane, winger Rasmus Falk, son of actor Peter Falk ( oh, for fucks sake -Ed ) who is wondering about one more thing before he signs.
For other gossip, have a look at this, from the apprpriately named Celtic gossip, as he rounds up the weeks shite from the press…
You may remember the dodgy Stranraer fans twitter account which accused a Celtic supporter of defecating into a carrier bag and hurling it at opposing fans.
Looks like its caught on, and will replace the ronny roar for the rest of the season;
Full credit to the artistry shown by whoever created that.
In previous diaries I’ve criticised the police, and once or twice even commented on their, er, professional abilities.
Look at this chap, obviously chief constable material, who couldn’t get back into his motor after getting out to take a selfie.
Do you remember that bird who accosted me in Dundee ?
Seems her man wasn’t best pleased at my comments.
He turned up at the door last night and wasn’t in the mood for apologies.
He’s already out on a tag, so I had to take him seriously.
Caption competition, here’s a picture to ponder. Actually, it reminds me of coming out of Livingstons ground when its been raining.
What do you think is going on ?
David Murray’s moonbeams come to fruition when the Govan Loyal MkII view the new ‘floating’ pitch at the scrapyard.
Single file queue to the turnstiles at copeland rd. Early 30s?
Picture caption
Sevco shareholders leaving a recent AGM clambering over a sea of pish spouted from The glib and shameless one’s mouth.
Caption: musical chairs at ibrokes. Last one out gets to plug out the wifi and can buy the new club and it’s 2 year old history for a shilling.
Thought i could put a chairmen pun in there but couldn’t in the end. Unless its the board telling fans that its all ok now the waters under the bridge
Famous old photo of a flood in Paris, 1924. That’s me with hat off in front of the tree, just got back from the burlesque! Or else, it’s a shot of the pitch at Dundee a few weeks ago. Or, Ibrox Huns fishing for a tenner to match our fiver, knee deep in it, as they prefer.
Good one Devoy.
Scared to wade up to their knees in water, but don’t mind wading in a certain type of blood.
Look this isnt racist in the least so dont take it that way. Im not impressed with african defenders. They make better players by and large ( with few exceptiions) as midfielders or forwards. Scandinavians are better defenders and so its a good signing i hope. Maybe i should reframe this. African defenders dont adjust well to the british game. Maybe bobo balde was an exceptiion tebily boyata and efe have struggled in scotland. I dont think its a physiology thing aa africans are usually excellent athletes. I think football in africa is too lasse faire when it comes to tactics and duscipline where the opposite could be said for northern europe.
Boyata is a Belgian.
Any tirade starting “this isn’t racist…” is also very, very clearly going to be somewhat racist.
Laughed out loud at that!
Seriously?? This is nonsense Ian. A nationality or race gives no better or worse disposition to play various football systems.
To be fair I don’t think he’s basing it on race but more the football upbringing of players in these nations. Like South Americans being ‘technically good’ as the national broadcaster likes to call it.
Doesn’t explain Boyata mind.
Morto it is still a wild Generalization. The problem with both players is in the current system they have to make split second game changing decisions while playing with a really high defensive line which means there is no cover. This makes them wobble in important games (or has in the past). Efe often makes the wrong decision or over thinks it so much he forgets the simple stuff (like watch the ball not the keeper you are heading out back to). Boyata on the other hand is terrified to make a decision and by the time he decides to it’s too late which has made him a scared of everything (including the ball) these are things good coaches can deal with it given time. Now that we have 4 CDs they can be rotated giving them more time with the coaches to fix these parts of the game.
” given time “?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm
France World Cup winning team of ’98. I find your generalizations perplexing. The reason the 2 CD in question have struggled is because they are not used to being the last man in such a high defensive line. Efe especially when Nigeria played they played a men behind the ball tactic and were almost the undoing of Germany. In this Celtic team a decision must be made in a milli second and the boot must go in. Efe used to miss, Boyata is too scared to and the young lad on loan appears to just be confused about what is expected of him. All of these things are easily fixed provided the player has the aptitude to learn. Efe would not be where he is today if he could not learn. The same is likely true for Boyata. As for the young lad…. he is on loan and I don’t care. Some of the greatest defenders of modern football have at least had African roots don’t go making generalizations based on a small handful of players.
France World Cup winning team of 1998. Stop making generalizations.
France isn’t in Africa…..is it?
They used to be, that’s why there are so many Africans and their descendants now if France.
So how did they move France which was in Africa to erm,France in Europe?
That’s a bit of a task…..
Naw, but prior to the specifics of players brought through the youth system in Africa. I was under the impression that he meant all defenders of African decent. Immediately Marcel Desailly spring to mind (Ghana). Also there were a number of other players that had dual nationality in Africa or were of African descent.
Didier Agathe
Musical chairs in the away end at Stair Park…
♬ Oh and when the music stops… ♬
Caption:
Leith dockers heading to Bob the Huns house for a bit of erm, entertainment!
Efe? Just get in the Taxi.
There is a lot being made of the Erik Sviatchenko signing, maybe he will be a major player for the club, but we should be reserving judgement until we have seen him in the flesh, or indeed the Hoops.
My good lady thinks he’s ” quite nice ” but as I pointed out, being nice isn’t what we need, it’s a horrible cunt who eats Staffordshire terriers for breakfast.
She gave me a longing look and whispered ” yes ” as she left the kitchen.
Cheeky bizm.
Good luck to Erik tho, we needed a central defender and now we have one, actually we have decent competition now, Janko, Lustig, Simunovic, Sviatchenko, Mulgrew and O’Connell.
I would sell Ambrose and Boyata and buy a real player.
Blue Monday? Fuck that, every day is a Green day!
‘Mon the Hoops!
Caption:It could also be the Leith Dockers heading back to work after being at Bob the Huns for erm, lunch.
Caption:
Bob the Sevco spunk moped, has just confirmed that it was indeed, the hard working men heading back to work after lunch.
Bob,
Have the creditors been paid?
Lol. Dreadful racial stereotyping
the most deluded, ugliest, gullible, knuckle dragging, moronic, fuckpig fans of scotlands newest club, queuing for there giro??
top class diary ,pissing myself laughing ,that’s what I call brilliant Celtic humour.Everyday is green day HH.
Look ill omit boyata…. Only my opinion by the way.my point is that african football is somewhat different in style. My observations are that defensively they are all over the shop
Comical goalkeeping fresh air swipes and general lacksadaisical structure to their defensive patterns. Ingrained bad habits.african football has an emphasis on attacking styles of play.ie. australia which is multi cultural produces good defensive players but dont produce too many creative players. Thats just a fact and a non racist one
Next you’ll be telling everyone how the curve of a Mexican’s forehead makes them better wingers.
Away and peddle this pish somewhere else.
Hector Bandido,
Do you have a curved forehead? 🙂
Only on a Saturday morning after a night on the swally!
🙂
More nonsense Ian. African teams have been coached by Europeans for years. The professional style of play is not based on nationality or race but in a conscious decision adopt an approach. If you watch Scottish junior and youth football what would your conclusions be? Good technical footballers can come from anywhere, Pish goalkeepers can be of any nationality and so on. This wild generalization and stereotyping is unhelpful.
Hahahahahaha
caption is it the hokey cokey section of a paddling competition down at butlins
see every time i see a picture of wacky warby it reminds me of oliver asking for mar soup
Warby may ask for more soup…..
BUT he does it respectfully and he WILL NOT be held to ransom.
He will also not talk about any soup currently in the kitchen of another club.
for that we should bow our heads in wonder.
ha ha ha ha
coming oot the pineapple on sunday i slipped and fell on ma arse to the amusement of the priest and some parishoners the priest said one of the best feelings in the world charlie is seeing a smile on peoples faces and knowing you put it there ha ha clever bhoy yon priest
I think you have just completely made that story up….
why monti do you have evidence of that or is it just your manic depression kicking in
get out for a pint or something monti it might cheer you up
Charlie,
I don’t need alcohol to cheer up my man, what would cheer me up indefinitely would be to have a team on the park that was punching above it’s weight and Celtic park full to bursting.
We are underachieving as a team, we have to lift the quality on show and get the fans back inside the ground.
What is on the park is all important, Celtic should always have a star in the side, someone who lifts the team and get’s the fans drooling.
Can this fucking board not give the fans that?
If they can’t or won’t then why don’t they try and bring in people who can.
Celtic should be in a far better place than where we are just now.
Celtic need a Talisman again, a Di Canio type player,and before some claim that I’m being unrealistic, remember we brought Di Canio to Celtic in his prime, we brought Jorge Cadete to Celtic, Lubo and Henrik came here and raised the team up.
We done it before and must do it again, the board need to wake up from their lethargy! HH
Well plum yeah it was me that came up with the idea of the black and white minstrel show and im an imperial wizard for the local branch of the kkk
Once again my posts are gone.
Thank you Lord!
Am rewriting them Monti. You sunbeam you.
Caption is rangers fans trying to get off their floating pitch! In the other picture is Ronny dishing out presents to the big hoose.
Hope we this new lad will at last give us a settled back line.
He didn’t tell the Daily Record anything, he spoke at a press conference.
Signing a player that we arent signing as a GIRUY to 2nd Rangers? Great. And not another central midfield player who we’ll shunt out wide? Even better. Not on loan? Superb. Not 19 year old and a project? My my, I feel dizzy!
Credit where its due, this is the way I love us to do our business, not a whiff of it in the press till its just about over the line then, bam, announced signing of new player. Compare / contrast as 2nd rangers bleat about not being held to ransom by St Jonstone – thats the club that dont have the asset, complaining of being held to ransom by the club that do. Which is kind of perverse really… the club that dont own the players registration of the palyer complaining about the refusal to sell player on the never never at a knock down rate , and some how they are being held to ransom? More Sevcologic to go along with their patented Sevconomics – basically spend what you dont have over and over, wait till the sh*t hits the fan, f*ck all your creditors then start the whole trick again, wanting everyone to kneel before you and recognise you are the same club, except the debts bit. Obviously
Celtic were okay on Friday, 2nd half they were good, first ahlf we ahd no contraol at all over the game and where on earth was the cetral midfield when their boy decided to just run at us before slipping the other one in to score?
United are awful so any judgemetn on how good Celtic were should take that into account, but some good signs, Johannsen was a little better, Efe looked solid, Lustig was pretty good and has avoided injury for a while, Griffiths always looks dangerous and even Scott Allan got more than 5 minutes to show what he can do. And Commons goal was a beauty.
HH
elcormaco,
Class!
Brox
Yeah look i see your point. But my point is. Is that you could bring a bunch of foreign coaches to scotland but it would take eons to completely change the style of play into something more productive. You would have to start at grass roots level. Ok if i was a coach i wouldnt look to africa for defenders. Id look here or elsewhere thats known for its ability to produce good defenders within the budget. I wouldnt mind a yaya toure or a george weah or samuel eto in the team but theyre not defenders. I dont think this is unhelpful at all
It is stereotyping a bit. But so what? Name 5 top african goalkeepers that have featured for any big clubs?
Stand by and a quick internet search will yield 4-5 very good African goalkeepers who played in France and Italy and kept goal for Nigeria, Cameroon and Ivory Coast. I have a question name me 5 top class Icelandic goalkeepers who played for top clubs? Name me 5 Latvian goalkeepers who played at top clubs? Etc you get the point I’m sure. Vincent Enyema, Bruce Grobbelar, Robert Mensah, Thomas N”Kono, Joseph Antione Bell. All African, all top class goalkeepers.
Up until the last decade you’d probably struggle to name more than 5 exceptional Scottish keepers and we’ve been playing the game for 150 years!
Kanu, Drogba, Eto’o, Yakubu, McCarthy, Weah, Adebayor, Milla, Bony, Moses. That’s 10 for starters, off the top of my head
Sorry. Misread as strikers. Oops.
Joe Milla?
1) Tim Howard
2) Bernard Lama
3) Rene Higuita
4) Vincent Enyeama
5) Rais M’bholi
Tim Howard is American
Is Africa now in South America too?☘☘☘
Ian what is your definition of a big club?
Scotland has not produced that many top goal keepers.
Talking about a continent here not a fishing island with a few geysers
Leighton rough harvey simpson bryn gunn …give you two of those the rest are hardly heavyweights of world football.
Ralph
“A burst pipe-dream” – apply as appropriate.
H H
Big club .. inter milan ajax man u barcelona r madrid ac milan bayern munich borussia dort
Red star belg psg arsenal celtic etc
My point is is that there is a definitive and different style of play in every corner of the globe. And from the midfield up africa produces world class. But in goals and defensively it falls short. Why is there that imbalance? And why havent they reached a semi ginal of the world cup when sth korea have?
South Korea reached the semi because it was fixed
South Korea were given a helping hand by those naughty corrupt rascals at FIFA.Ghana were seriously unfortunate in 2010 when a certain Luis Suarez took the hand of God to a whole new (low) level and who could forget the night in Napoli when Cameroon unfortunately lost out to Gascoigne and co.
At least their semi against Germany gave us all a good laugh.
Andybhoy,
I’m sure I had a semi during that game….
Andybhoy,
Can’t wait for his learned wit to be put into type, antagonising Huns is enjoyable tho….
Ian, sorry mate I unable to follow your logic. African football is relatively new compared to Europe and Latin American. It is developing. The bottom line is that there would be no evidence to suggest that any race or nationality is better at one thing than another intrinsically. It is all learned mate not innate.
Has Scotland reached a semi final of a World Cup? I think that scotland has failed to ever make it to the knock out stages.
Have dundee utd banned any fans for letting off smoke bombs,do msm give a F..K.
It was quite pathetic and I believe somebody was saying it resembled the opening of a bag of Cheesy Wotsits.
Yes, they banned Jim Spence!
Poor Jim gets it from all angles.
So does Bob’s wife!
lol
Higuita was sth american
Tim howard is american with tourettes
Venus or Serena Williams…..i wid!
Just as a joke my shopping list for a whole new team would be
Gk english or german
Defenders all italian
Midfield african brazilian german forrest
Fwds griffiths uruguayan
Coach ronny deila
Remember most Welsh people are great singers, most Scots are tight arses and most Irish are stupid.
” most Irish are stupid “?
Not liking that tone….friendo!
Fud!
You don’t like my tone in a sardonic reply relating to racial stereotyping, then you call me a fud! Interesting. Although not surprising from someone who uses the word ‘friendo’.
started a response on Monti but can’t be arced anymore.☘☘☘
Arsed!!!
Go on…….
Don’t deny yourself.
One thing is fact though… ALL huns are ugly, smelly, arrogant fuckwits. HH
Williams sisters at centre back might be a good shout monti HH
I just watched the interview with Erik on the Beeb website, that guy who tries to present sport scene, him with comb over…can’t remember his name… but he asks Erik about his famous artist Dad and his soon to be launched clothing company….get yourself to ferk, who let him in to the press conference, ferking idiot of a man!!!
Ralph,Didna realize you were a Newcastle supporter wi ae these Magpies,before any one calls me racist ae love Geordies, its only Ronnie lovers ae hate.
Centre halfs, Big William McNeil,
Paul Elliot,
Bobo Balde.
The only thing that mattered to me is that when they pulled on the HOOPS they gave there all.(see above).
You can have 5 centre backs across the pitch but if they cannot be disciplened and carreer up the pitch and leave the goallie exposed then they are nae Feckin use.
OOPs ae meant Ronnie Corbett,before any of you Ronny lovers start wetting your Breeks.
Good I be back safely from ma holiags and now reading the best Celtic site in the planet ah never went near a computer on ma jaunt ) Ah canny comment on the new guy we’ve signed…they aw talk a great game before being paraded to the fans. Time wi tell.
Ah see the suspects still on here bickering away but hay ho such is life ah suppose.
HAIL HAIL aw that !!!!
Broxburn
Your compounding my argument. My logic here is that latin american european and african styles are all different.african football is more cavalier than european football. European styles warrant a well disciplined defensive pattern. So where would you look for a defender. ? I think that african defenders find it difficult to adhust to british styles of play because of the way theyve been taught to play back home. Are we part of developing african football by taking on efe and teaching him not to head the ball back to the keeper when there is a turk waiting to pounce?
🙂
Celttsfan67 maybe stereotyping a brand of football not a race. Africa isnt only black as you know. Egypt morocco tunisia etc. The hun bougherra wasnt bad ill give you that
Welcome back where did you go for holidays.tamarama ?
Ta 67…went WA in the middle of no where to ma missus parents place 300 k’s south east of Perth, then went ti Bali for a week. Tamarama is a great wee spot but parking is a nightmare.
HAIL HAIL N aw that!!!!!!
300 ks east of Perth, thats dundee is it no?
Matgaret river? Thinking bali myself though my bunny boiler ex put my passport in the washing machine. Hassle getting a new one
Naw Ian althh Margeret River is lovely ah wentti a one horse town in the wheat belt called Woodynilling: beautiful but very rural hit 45 degrees few days!! Bali is awrite cheap as chips. Seminyak is no bad but Kuta is mobbed primarily wi Aussie bogans on the bevvy….ah caught the Tic on telly but just the goal highlights against Partick Thistle.
Passports stuff ups?????…pal ah could fill this forum wi ma passport stories.
MON THE HOOPS !!!
Any bids for Ambrose yet?
Bondibrian woodanilling is the name.iancelt59 Margaret river is 300k southwest of Perth not southeast.Hx2
I like John he brings some nailed on fact to the site.
Bravo the Johns out there 😉
Thanks hohn bearings all wrong though i know where sandy bay and glenorchy aee