Sport + Entertainment = Perfection

After the recent performances, or lack of, i was tempted to write a piece on “Playing the Celtic Way” and also considered penning a counter to the constant Ronnie-bating on Radio Clyde where entertainment experts such as Gordon Dalziel and High Horse Keevins berate Celtics displays while slagging Celtic fans who dare have different opinions among themselves on what constitutes support and entertainment.

I swear at one point Hugh Keevins invoked a “Its your freedom of speech right” rally cry for Ronnie dissenters to speak out.

From The Scotsman to a Fox News style Ned Flanders, deary deary me.

As you can imagine.  thinking about such pish got me more depressed than a Nadir Cifci form profile so I thought why not try and do something a little more uplifting. I will leave the moaning and groaning arguments and counter arguments to our resident Walforf & Statler ( We all know who they are) and instead take a look for examples where the classic equation is met

SPORT + ENTERTAINMENT = PERFECTION

1: Field of Dreams

A Sports movie that isnt even about Sport!

Apologies if i just blew your mind a little there. A magical uplifting tale about one man in the middle of nowhere who hears voices in his head and decides to do something utterly reckless. Its like Nir Biron with those silly pirouttes.

A truly wonderful movie that will have you looking up Shoeless Joe Jackson and The Infamous White Sox 1919 World Series while ultimately reaching for the hankies or phoning your Dad to ask if he fancies going for a pint.

Next time your standing watching Celtic thinking “What do I get?” , think of Ray Kinsella.

2: The Little Horse that Could

A long time ago, there were these things called Video Recorders. These were magical devices that allowed normal human beings to watch movies on demand at home without the hassle of downloading. Okay usually it involved walking miles to a video store or going round to “hire a tape” from a dodgy neighbour who was officially declared “A Pirate” but we viewed that as all part of  truly magical and scary times.

It was back then, that I discovered a magical story, A story about adversity, class, disdain and perseverance. A story about not listening when told “You Cant” ( apologies to any Cockneys reading that as a swear phrase) and always believing that You Can.

I know what youre thinking, but no this wasnt just The Lisbon Lions story, as shown regularly to my class in St Brigids Toryglen A\V room aka The Assembly Hall. No, this was a movie perfectly capturing the  universal themes of endeavour, partnership, determination and dreams in Sport.

It even touches on corruption, topical or what?

This of course, was the movie about the Australasian superhorse Phar Lap.

While Seabiscuit and Secretariat are both very good horse racing movies along similar themes, they do not have the same mysticism and well, as for the ending…well I will say no more, if you havent seen it, settle down and enjoy:

3: The Little Horse that didnt just do what I think it did, did it?

We all love the Lions story. No not Cecil you sicko, the Lisbon Lions.

The story of the Little Team that could!

The story of the wee guy turning up on foreign shores to get instantly dismissed as a pretence. The story of a blinkered establishment looking down their nose at any possible hint of a challenge to the accepted norm.Cue 1967 and Lisbon.

Well 34 years later, and with only 2 white socks this time, a little horse called Arazi from France went to America and repeated the feat. Given the worse possible draw, given a new racing surface, and admittedly possibly given some “travel drugs” that may have helped just a little, a nation of US race goers watched in wonder,  as the rest of the world watched in glee, at the greatest From Back to Front performance ever seen on American shores, well at least before Donald Trumps hair arrived on the scene.

4: What do you mean it isnt a real Sport?

There are movies. There are movies about sport. There are movies about movies about sport and then there is Rollerball,

Somewhere older readers just smiled whilst younger readers furrowed a brow asking “Rollerwhat”.

Rollerball is a totally deranged science fiction movie whereby Sport is controlled by commerce and the only important factor is what big business demand. Teams, players, fans do not have a say and dont actually matter.

As if that could ever happen, what next 5 Way agreements?

Rollerball depicts a world where sport, the thing of play, is purely the plaything of the corporates and the suits. The main character Jonathon E. plays for the Houston team who are owned by a soulless Energy company.

At one point they play Madrid.

You just heard Zadok the Priest whilst thinking of a Gazprom advert didnt you?

The fact that Rollerball was made in 1975  ( based on a 1973 novella) is the scariest thing which is impressive given the classic fate befalling the character Moonpie and the sheer horror depicted as James Caans character is dragged every which way by his corporate masters who increasingly make demands beyond acceptable limits.

I will admit that this may not be the perfect movie, but as a visionary look at the blurred lines between Sport and Business, its still without parallel:

 5: Rise and Fall – The Eternal Destiny of the Underdog

There is one sport that defines the Underdog.

Boxing.

Pure and simple.

The journey through blood sweat and tears to achieve the ultimate goal.

Its the same journey in all sport but epitomised in Boxing.

And when it comes to Boxing movies, there is only 1 movie we need to discuss.

The 80s saw a lot of wonderful moments,in both Boxing and in cinema, but one Boxing movie in particular saw millions gasp in awe.

The story of a man full of determination and sheer raw primal power.

A man full of loathing and self loathing. A man so driven he takes to talking to himself to drive himself on. A man who knows he is bigger than himself but somehow, he and we, know that he will ultimately destroy himself. A man who sees the Establishment for what it is and knows that while he may triumph over it, his ultimate fate is bleak and doomed.

As if that wasnt enough, the movie captures some of the most beautifully shot boxing scenes ever caught on celluloid. We watch the perfect combination of pace and power as the men in the ring ( and outside the ring) unleash their aggression wherever and whenever possible.

On top of all that, there is the score.

Yes..THAT score!

The most engaging and beautiful music. The perfect music to the perfect choreography. It  draws the listener in as we run, dance, jab, throw, duck and dive, and rise and fall with our hero\anti-hero. We hear every beat as we feel every blow.

We go from viewer to protagonist.

We are no longer viewer.

We are the Underdog.

We are Clubber Lang in Rocky 3

What do you mean you thought I was talking about Raging Bull?

Fair enough, Scorcese and De Niro might have made a critics classic but no-one ever said “Can we watch the fight scene during dinner?” whilst taking about their Black and White Operatic scored movie.

Crank up the volume, get Survivors Eye of the Tiger playing loud and proud, and just try and resist saying “Pity the fool!”

Sheer perfection.

 6: The Imp Perfection

Time for  the classic pub debate.

Best Player ever?

Puskas

De Stefano

Pele

Ronaldo

Messi

Johnstone

For some of us in the 45-55 bracket, theres only 1 answer.

Diego Maradona.

and if you want to view the perfect display of the Imp of Perfection, well look no further than HERO – The Story of Mexico 86.

This was from back in the days when Fifa could organise a piss up in a brewery without having to have received plain envelopes from the Brewery chief, the Hops supplier, the Glass blowers Union and big Joe who will sponser the beer mats.

HERO is absolute football perfection, it even has Michael Caine commentary which manages to lend even more gravitas to the footballing spectacle including superstars such as Matthaus, Butragueno, Zico, Sanchez,  Socrates, Schifo, Platini (Ahem – Ed),  Rumminegge, Lineker,  Laurup (M) and Strachan to name just a few.

That is all in addition though, for HERO is above all, the Diego Maradona story.

Watch it and marvel.

See the Belgium squad dance to the Magicians call.

Watch Peter Reid impersonate Aiden McGeady when it comes to tracking back.

Watch the 1.83 metre high Peter Shilton realise that the cheeky wee imp Diego has put super-glue on the souls of his boots just at THAT crucial moment.

The Lisbon Lions may be our perfect football moment  ( see here ) but for perfect fitbaw entertainment, go on..spoil yourself with HERO

7: Football + Cinema = Mr Spaceman

Whats the football capital of Scotland?

Cumbernauld of course.

Way back in the days before Englands Women World Cup team were grabbing gongs on the Honours List, Scotland had their own female football superstars. Rose Reilly  and her pal Edna Neillis were scoring goals and turning heads in Italy, and Dee Hepburn was turning heads by sporting the greatest  Scots in Shorts look since Sean Connery in Goldfinger.

Scottish fitbaw-cinema wise, Trainspotting does have the genius “coupling meets Archie Gemmill 1978 World Cup goal” juxtoposition but Bill Forsyths Gregorys Girl is the ultimate football perfection for Celtic fans.

After all its a movie about  peely wally dreamers who spend their time thinking about drink, chips, cake, sex, fitbaw and better times just around the corner and of course  it has an inept P.E teacher who we all know are the saddest weirdest indivuals that ever walked the earth( and release those school time demons – Ed)

So enjoy this Bella Bella treat, and remember Dont stop dancing or you might fall off!

8: All Sport isnt just Black & White

Is Chess a sport?

Of course it is.

2 tactical foes putting up their static squads against each other isnt reserved just for Celtic and Partick Thistle in January you know.

This movie is another great addition to the sports movie cannon and adds a nice perspective on how far is to far?

How far do you go before you lose yourself in trying to achieve your sporting goals?

Can you lose when you win?

Can you win when you lose?

You decide:

NOTE – This movie was released in the UK as “Innocent Moves”,so be careful searching for that,  go for the US titled “Searching for Bobby Fischer”

Honourable mentions for

Slapshot – Paul Newmans world weary face reminds me of Old Vic who sits next to me wondering how far Celtic have fallen –

Any Given Sunday  – Ever imagine what John Collins doesnt sound like doing a warm up?

That Tennis movie…you know, the good one…there must be one…isnt there?….Nope youre right, there isnt, not one.

Hold on does the old Tennis player  in the classic Dial M for Murder count?..no oh well. Best just watch Hero again then!