Hector Bandido has got hold of a transcript for a soon to be aired show….
EXCLUSIVE – Dermot Desmond on Mastermind
Host: Welcome to our first contestant. Your name is?
Contestant: Dermot Desmond.
Host: And your specialist subject is?
Desmond: Celtic Football Club Strategy 2000 to 2025.
Host: Thanks Mr Desmond and your questions start now….where would the Celtic board like to see the team playing in the next 10 years?
Desmond: A British League.
Host: Correct.
Host: What is the boards Plan B?
Desmond: A British League.
Host: Correct.
Host: Have they any other plans other than holding out for a British League?
Desmond: No.
Host: Correct.
Host: How many times a day does Peter Lawwell shampoo Dermot Desmond’s moustache?
Desmond: Five times.
Host: Incorrect. The answer is Seventeen.
Desmond: Drat!
Host: Who is Dermot Desmond’s favourite ever Celtic player?
Desmond: Fergus McCann.
Host: Correct.
Host: Why did the Celtic board approach Roy Keane to become manager before Ronny Deila?
Desmond (blushes) Um, pass.
Host: Name three ways Celtic could become part of a British league?
Desmond: Get an invite….beg…..and invade Carlisle.
Host: Correct.
Host: What’s the most spoken about agenda topic at Celtic boardroom meetings.
Desmond: Has Peter Scudamore returned our calls yet.
Host: Correct.
Host: Would Celtic’s Billionaire majority shareholder ever consider donating £10m to the team to buy new players.
Desmond: (splutter) Fuck No.
Host: Correct.
Host: Finish the end of this famous song….For it’s a Grand old team to….
Desmond: Get a dividend from.
Host: Incorrect. It’s to play for.
Desmond: Ah (blushes) so it is.
Host: If Celtic cannot join a British League (beep beep beep beep) I’ve started so I’ll finish. If Celtic cannot join a British league, which fabled league would the Celtic board like the club to join?
Desmond: A UK league.
Host: Correct.
Host: You passed on one question…. why did the Celtic board approach Roy Keane to become Celtic manager before Ronny Deila. The answer is because the majority shareholder was pished at the time.
Desmond (slams palm of hand on chair) Ah, so I was!
Host: Dermot Desmond you got 8 points. Please take a seat.
host do celtic fans think you are an arse desmond aye host correct
Host: Dermot, in 2011 a former football club in Scotland called Rangers, we’re granted a European licence by the SFA to partake in that seasons Champions league, in turn breaking their own rules, as that member club had an outstanding tax bill of £6m.
This scandal robbed your club Celtic, of between £10-15m.
What action did you take from the following three questions..
A) Did you demand the SFA answer to Celtic to justify granting the Huns, sorry Rangers the Licence and at the same time demand the lost millions be paid to Celtic.
B) Go for a game of Golf.
C) talk moonbeams about a British Or Atlantic league, effectively letting Rangers away with murder.
Dermot: B and C.
funny article but in fairness DD has NEVER taken a dividend from celtic. think that gets overlooked at times. he also underwrote a £25m share issue that was used exclusively for MON transfer spending…
Host: What should kris commons do when faced with 3 opponents 30 yards from goal
Dermont: Amortise assets?
Host : The correct answer is pass
Peter Scudamore? The jockey?
Host: This is a ridiculously easy question..But…
What is your favourite club?
Dermot: Probably my five iron.
Now that’s funny.
hilarious
This is literally one of the worst things I’ve ever read and is rightly being ridiculed where I have seen it posted. Comments are on a par.
It’s got to go, it’s got to walk. It’s got to get to fuck.
Dermot when was the last time you Celtic play live
ANS f—ed if I KNOW,TOO BUSY PLAYING CELEBRITY GOLF,WATCHING EGG CHASERS,AND MAN UTD,
CORRECT SAYS IT ALL YOU REALLY DON,T GIVE A TOSS ABOUT CELTIC
Very funny post. There is no doubt that DD needs to get his board doing some work on vision and commercial plans based on our realities today without moonbeam notions of a UK league. I met him once in Hong Kong, when he called the Hong Kong CSC and asked if he could join us to watch us play the huns several years ago. We duly thrashed them and DD was fairly animated I have to say. He left with his minders shortly after the post game singing started ( it was about 1.00am ). That said there are any number of leagues in Europe which are suffering in the shadows of the “big leagues”. Could be possibilities there. Anyway, the Board get paid a lot of money for day to day oversight and OK we are solvent and in little danger of going bust. Now from that base lets see some leadership and batting for Celtic and Celtic’s interests. Complicity with the SFA and SEVCO has to stop. The Old Firm is dead. Long live Celtic
Totally agree!
$64,000 question is did he buy a round.
100% BroxburnBhoy. Hh
As so many of you don’t like DD wouldn’t it be great if some of you clubbed together to buy DD shares in Celtic .
I wonder how DD giving the club £10 m to buy a player would benefit Celtic , as club would have to sell some of our best players to pay the £10m player’s salary
Damian
Today’s posts were not about intelligent mature comments, you’ll upset the clueless.
The famous ‘DD’ is normally reserved for some of the biggest Tits on the planet.
How appropriate, Mr. Desmond.
Damian and BJF, of course DD has invested in the club and he and his board have stabilized financials and clearly invested enough to be best in Scotland. Now if you are the major investor in a business, would you like to see the business shrink or grow? Grow I imagine. If you would like to see the business grow, would you consider investing more in the business to stimulate growth? I imagine yes. If your prime source of large income is home games & qualifying for the CL, would you be inclined to invest enough to ensure a full house every home game and yearly qualification to group stages? yes again I imagine. Would you and your Board seek multiple commercial deals from TV, advertising, sponsorship, partnerships, with the huge advantage of having a global Irish and Irish/Scottish diaspara only too willing to help? When DD did back Martin O’Neil with cash we had full houses and a run to the EUFA cup final. Still we couldn’t balance the books. The trick for these professional business people, who are well paid, is too finance the team to attract players that fill up the stadium and make sure that their business acumen and connections continue to bring cash in. What we are saying here I think is we are grateful for stability and now we’d like some growth.
Sorry Efe, time to go
Macca…you beat me to it!!!
absolute rank rotten fucking rubbish.
Who is training this team, and coaching the players on corners?? Should be chased out the door
sorry above was meant to say ever so slightly miffed at tonight’s result.
We’re growing and getting there.However those culpable of making the same mistakes every game shouldn’t be in the squad to make em time and time again – efe – time to go. Griffiths gives his all, in our system it just doesn’t suit him. Commons can do stuff other players can’t but we don’t have the players to carry the ball into those areas for him at that level. Imo – Efe, Commons, Grffiths and Joahnsen out for the next game. Simunovic, Armstrong, Rogic and Cifti in. Obv Cifti hasn’t shown anything yet to show he’s the man for this level but Griffiths doesn’t work. Maybe give Lee one last try with Rogic as his number 10. We were close tonight but with a few small changes would’ve been a comfortable victory. I like the 5 in midfield but only when we’ve someone at Centre fwd who can hold the ball and a mid fielder who isn’t carried like Commons.
Sorry did I miss something last night ? Best hope of a winning goal Commons and Griffiths Doh!
Efe is the change that is needed – dustbin for him now, has cost us too many games in Europe he has had his chance. If we had not lost the first goal before half time the game was ours.
I’ve given Scott Brown a lot of stick over his time with us. Think he is god damn awful. Was the first time tonight I saw him play like a captain and do the things he did with Hibs that made us sign him. No oul running round and staring at ppl shite or playing to fans but taking responsibility with the ball when ppl were struggling and leading by example. He’s never gonna be a good passer but tonight he bust his balls trying to do good things. Best game he;s had for us in many a long year especially in Europe.