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A Game of Game of Thrones

A Game of Game of Thrones

 

It’s the close season…why not …

 

  • Chelsea – Currently on the Throne but despite a recent youthful update, all pretty boring despite a few recent humpings. – King Tommen

 

  • Jose –A wise and conniving man who talks in riddles and feigns modesty but clearly a potential megalomaniac – High Septon of the Seven

 

  • Man City – They have all the money but none of the respect or power they believe they are owed. Sadly just bit part players recently. – House Tyrell

 

  • Aguero and Yaya Toure – Sheer Forces of nature from exotic lands far away. Sadly occasionally hidden from our eyes but when unleashed, beware all in their path, we hope for more from them next season – The Dragons

 

  • Arsenal –So Fair and graceful and actually seemed to have a chance at grabbing the throne. Now sadly seems to have just settled for minor title claims in lower territories – Khaleesi.

 

  • Wenger – Quiet and talented General but constrained as his unsullied army of men apparently have no balls – Grey Worm

 

  • Man Utd – A right rag taggle bunch of misfits that seem to rely on  one guy with daft bouncy black hair (and a bouncier reputation) and a fat idiot with a stupid fringe. Often dont know when to defend or attack and seem to do both at same time – The Nights Watch

 

  • Liverpool & Brendan – One is falling royalty with delusions of status and the other seemingly had the world in his grasp before having his hand cut off thanks to his own incompetence. Their “special” relationship invokes curious interest and repulsion in equal measure – Cersie and Jaime  Lannister

 

  • Spurs – Full of pretty and exotic folk with alluring names who seem to just dance about. Ultimately all rather dull with no actual threat – Dorne

 

  • Southampton – From the lowest of positions, a steady rise north and their reputation has soared, firmly established as one to watch – Rob Stark ( cheers PedanticGeek)

 

  • West Ham – Ambitious and clearly wants to be a player but is too low class and cant escape dodgy ties with adult entertainment – Petyr Baelish

 

  • Sam Allardyce – Angry outsider who keeps banging on the door about how he should be the big man but keeps getting slapped down and sent away to think again – Stannis Baratheon

 

  • Stoke – A communal band of northern vagrants who care not about reputation, may employ rough tactics, even the occasional giant. Now generally respected and slowly making a mark – The Wildlings

 

  • Crystal Palace – Curious yet earnest and dogged bunch of disciplined individuals who have rallied under an enigmatic grey haired leader who truly divides opinion. – Faith Militant

 

  • Everton – Likeable enough but from an early place of reputation and promise, now finds itself a faceless no-one hanging around with the dead in limbo land – Anya Stark

 

  • Swansea – rough and ready but somewhat romantic, no respecter of reputation and this graceful but rugged fighter continues to woo and progress – Bronn

 

  • Leicester – Small but so very brave and tenacious. Managed to escape from a seemingly certain death and the adventures continue alongside a man of dubious personality traits – Tyrion Lannister

 

  • West Brom – Dull, strong and steady but really boring despite a regular change of inhabitants and being under constant attack. – Winterfell

 

  • Sunderland – From the far north and seldom noticed. Cold and ugly and always linked to doom and gloom. – The White Walkers

 

  • Aston Villa – Once held a high position but now pathetic and led about by an ambitious man with respect issues – Reek

 

  • Newcastle – A lumbering beast that you always assumed would be involved in the main action more but has fallen so far of the radar you almost forget they exist –  (Kieron)Dyer Wolf

 

  • Hull – Deluded, complacent and died on its fat pathetic arse – Tywin Lannister

 

  • Burnley – A Decent sort, sadly when asked to step up, wouldnt play the dirty game needed and duly got decapitated – Jon Stark

 

  • QPR – Fat, bloated and doomed by its own careless hand from the very start – Robert Baratheon

 

  • Joey Barton –Seldom seen but a truly horrible presence who destroys everything he touches – The Stone men

 

  • The Iron bank – Seldom heard or seen but money men who creepily hold an increasing influence – Sky TV

 

  • EPL – Can feel too long and drawn out with a major sag in the middle where you think “Oh Come on, just cut to the chase” – The Opening credits

 

  • EPL – Always a genuine moment of excitement at the very end where you forget all preceediung tedium and cant wait for next instalment – The Closing Credits

 

So can you think of any Celtic or Scottish ones??….add them below in Comments please…

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CarlJungleBhoy
8 years ago

IMP-ishly clever!

Gerry
8 years ago

The Rangers – Giant with fearsome reputation (maybe more for fans behaviour than team capability) completely outclassed and outfought by guile, speed and craft. Attempt to drag their adversary down with them in gruesome fashion before dying a painful death, futile bid to claim survival believed only by the truly mental – Ser Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane

PedanticGeek
8 years ago

You mean Rob Stark not Jon, he’s a bastard Snow anyway… Otherwise, top notch.

I’d have said Sevco are the Boltons, vicious thugs with a red, white and blue crest who will get their just desserts sooner or later.

Buckie1967
8 years ago

Liked that really good, what about breaking bad.

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