The Etims Hotline ( formerly Hunline before Newsnow got all antsy and didnt want to upset any wee sensitive souls) was abuzz over the weekend with callers coming from far and wide:
Ally Must Go!
Sevco Fans,Everywhere
Ally must stay!
Everybody bar Sevco Fans
Mike honey, call me!!
Stu, Motherwell
Mike sweetheart, call me
Terry, Bridge of Weir
Mike my lovely, call me!
Derek, Aberdeen
Mike petal, Ive had enough waffles, call me!
Eck, Ghent
Mike baby, call me!
Billy, Nottingham
Mike gorgeous, you know it makes sense,call me!
Henning, Poland
Mike mate, call Watty!
Chick Young, BBC Scotland
I could take the blame but no-one in the Scottish Media would say a young brave fresh faced newbie manager like me is to blame, would they?
Sally, East Kilbride
The difference between Hearts and Rangers? It was Boys versus Men at times!, see what I did there?
Robbie Neilson, Midlothian
Hearts attacking? I promise it wont happen again!
Craig Levein, Tynecastle
Rangers folk running here and there like headless chickens. Madness. Ive never seen Kris Boyd run anywhere before!
Kenny McD, Murray Park
I can only apologise, but come on guys, meet me half way!
Craig Thomson, Lodge 1882
It was a tough contest but winning King of The Elbows made my day
Jon Daly, Ibrox
Dont Tell Lawwell but looks like we might need a Plan C!
SPFA, Mount Florida
12’000 people across from Ibrox baying for change. But enough about me, how did the Rangers get on?
Nicola Sturgeon, Hydro
Mind you,it wasnt all Rangers fans having fun, oh no…..
John Guidetti scored again?, bugger!
Peter Lawwell, Gutted
Lads, its 90 minutes a game,not 9. NINETY,please try and keep up!
Ronnie D, Parkhead
Its awright boss, i’ll have a word when i get back
Scott Brown, Xmas Shopping
Im back! You’re shocked aren’t you!
Kris C, Lennoxtown
Im back too! Youre even more shocked arent you!
James F, Lennoxtown
We have agreed a fee with Man City for Guidetti.We wont pay it, but it is agreed.
Dermot, Sandy Lane, Barbados
The Living Wage?, Bugger I thought they said Loving Wage and I was quids in!
Frank McAvennie, The Savoy
Desi
I want a season ticket!! 90 minutes of sheer pleasure – I am a slow reader.
H H
Welcome back….good to see you back on the porn, I mean site!
Desi
Your above ejaculations are better than any provided by any other site. I was orgasmic at some of them!!
H H
A red card, and a penalty, in the bears big game at the weekend? Aye, nae worries, its the least I’d expect.
Whit, they were AGAINST Rangers? Who are these people?
ex pat bears, everywhere
Well it was scotlands top ref and it should have been 3 or maybe even 5 reds,is big Daly trying for the end of season elbows Mcculloch Award
“It’s a disappointing result, but there is more than half the season to go, and if it looks like we might not win the league, I m sure a few friends in the referees dept and SFA will help us out”
Ally Mc Coist, Blue room Ibrox, Saturday evening
“What about a whip round to get him paid off?”
Rangers fans, Tynecastle
“Ally needs time. He has not had the help I had when I was there, and that’s significant. By which I mean, he’s not been able to access to money to spend that isn’t ours, had loyal referees helping their brothers and the media wanting to have his love child every time he speaks. Well, okay he’s not had the first one anyway”
Walter Smith, la la land
“Gascoigne to Laudrup, into Hately, back to Mc Coist… who scores!! A goal for the glorious Rangers against they Tim b’sturts to give the Queen’s 11 the lead, get it right up you Timmy, no surrender, we are the people, super Ally ya dancer… ah shite”
Rangers fans everywhere, moving from sleep to being awake
Sleekit has put his loyal subjects,namely his very own band
of the laptop loyal,lead by sportsound loyal’s Richard Wilson,
in a difficult predicament.They want to appease,their fellow
Zombies,by being critical of fat Sally.But,are compromised,in
that,calling for his head,would be seen by Sleekit,as the
ultimate betrayal.To which a shouty phone-call,followed by a
bbc-like ban,would be the price to pay,for such treachery !
LONG TO REIGN OVER US,GOD BLESS OUR SALLY !!