Thanks to the lovely folk over at YouGov (hat doff to WingsOverScotland for the heads-up), we have found a nice stat based Profiler ( CSI Celtic!) to reveal the typical Celtic fan. It makes interesting, if often bizarre reading and no doubt the Celtic FC plc Marketing Department ( hello Lucy the intern!) will have a field day pouring over the findings.
The main question is, how do you compare to the average fan then?
First up
Demographics:
So basically, youre a Glasgow City council worker with a few quid to spend each month who loves 80s music and socialist politics.
Work wise, the average fan is still very much your “Blue collar meets green and white scarf” kinda guy and ghirl. This is something Peter might want to consider when he keeps droning on about market responsibility and his beloved shareholders.
Age wise, Celtic have a fine spread from 18 onwards but the older 60+ bracket are literally dying away according to the stats. Maybe that in house wi-fi doesnt matter as much as getting a decent bovril to the Auld Brigade. Is it time to consider Stana Stairlifts for the Upper Stands rather than party zones for the Green Brigade ?
The spread of Celtic fans across Scotland did make pleasant reading and interestingly, Northern Ireland didnt appear in the list of populous regions, YouGov cant like phoning across the water.
Next up, Lifestyle
Food wise, the new catering at Celtic Park might want to rethink those Pizzas and Pakoras. It seems Celtic fans much prefer Scottish fare with Tattie Scones, Lorne Sausage, Lentil Soup and even Haggis being very popular amongst the gannets.
Stodge, stodge stodge,in the words of The Celtic Beatle, stodge is all you need!
The Lifestyle of Celtic fans is very much an ecumenical matter. It appears to be we are all obsessed with going to Mass, talking or reading about Mass and playing music instruments or phone or video games, probably about singing hymns in Mass.
Who completed this survey, The Vatican CSC?
Maybe instead of a Paradise Windfall, we should have a half time sermon on Paradise entry.
Other interesting interests for Celtic fans include Museums, Chess, Sudoku and reading non-fiction.Anyone else picturing Gary Kasparov in a Celtic top eating a roll n sausage and broon sauce whilst reading ‘A History of Japanese Art at The Guggenheim’?
It was nice to see the Scotland Football team making it into Niche interests.With folk such as Strachan,Mulgrew, Broon, Gordon, Forrest and others, the Celtic influence continues to grow for the national side and likewise the Celtic fans interest.
Sports interest wise, its the usual pub staples, Football, boxing, horse racing are all near the top . Gaelic Football made an appearance, so nice to see some Irish influence made it onto the list although strangely more Celtic fans cited basketball than the Gaelic. LeBrawn over Le Beara it seems. Despite our trips to Murrayfield lately, rugby didnt make the grade in Sports interest but it did score high in Niche interests, go figure.
Next up, Personality
Look at you, ya dour faced paranoid conspiracy theorist with a heart of gold!
Yip, seems the rumours are true, we really are paranoid and convinced everyones out to get us and up to no good. Which doesnt mean we’re wrong of course!
Under how they describe themselves, Celtic fans cite ‘Big Hearted’ ‘Challenging’ and ‘Ethical’. One to remember at the next AGM Living Wage vote! They also cite themselves as “A Great Performer” but that could have just been Frank McAvennie completing the questionnaire me thinks.
The ‘But on Occassion’ reflects the dark days we have all had to live under. None of this eternal optimism shite for us, oh no, ‘on occasion’, we cite ourselves as ‘Nervous’ ‘Impatient’, Grumpy’ and even ‘A Pushover. Those tragic European nights and the dark domestic days under the Masonic Cabal in Mount Florida will haunt us for a little while yet
Next up,Brands
So youre buying your Lee Cooper denims in Asda these days eh?
Lee Cooper? Is there someone travelling back in time to Just Pants Plus in Argyle Street circa 1982 and bringing back some stonewash jeans?
Finance wise, seems the typical Celtic fan still keeps his money or mortgage with a “scottish” bank and gets his utilities from “scottish” providers. Food wise, more likely for a Tim to be seen in Lidl than Waitrose so no chance of organic quinoa making it onto the Celtic Park catering menu for a while yet then.
Interesting to see M&S creeping into the popular shops, its not just Timmys tattie scones, its M&S Timmys tattie scones!
Clothes wise, it really is a shocking return to the 80s or has old fashion just come around again? Popular amongst Celts are Doc Martens, Ben Sherman and Pringle jumpers…its like Quadrophenia staged at Linn Park Golf course in Castlemilk. Some of the weans tastes appear with Abercrombie and Fitch and G-Star making the list but all in all, looks like the Celtic fans prefer the Merchant City boozers than Style Mile designer labels.
Celtic Car park wise, its quite a broad church for the “Watch your motor mister” crew. Vauxhall top the list but a few luxury brands like Land Rover and Audi pop into the list so seems some Celtic fans care more about the quality of their motor oil than their chip oil these days.In saying that, value for money motors such as Kia and Hyundai are near the top so seems we like bang for our buck which is something the club must always keep in mind.
Next up, Entertainment
Wow, look at how you spend a night.Dancing to Rod, laughing at Tam, shouting FREEDOM out the windae then settling down to enjoy an Emmerdale Omnibus.
Actually sounds like no a bad night if Im honest.
Tam Cowan under favourite celelbs raised the first laugh from him since I saw him in The Glencairn Club a few years back. My favourite favourite celebrity on the list has to the appearance of Comedy giant Chevy Chase but strangely theres no Billy Connolly.
Celtic celeb wise, Peter Mullan and James McAvoy pop up along with Paulo Nutini and Rod the Mod and Susan Boyle. Is Calvin Harris a Tim or just popular with the young Celtic contingent? Music wise,seems we are quite melodic when we arent dancing and nice to see some folk folk make the list with The Dubliners and The Incredible String Band.
Talent wise Lorraine Kelly pips Lucy from Emmerdale re-inforcing the Scottish leanings.
Movie wise, this was rather astonishing. You all love romantic comedies. What you like? From Drew Barrymore to big John Wayne, you love a rom-com. Nice to see the excellent Man On Fire ( where Peter Lawwell learned his bartering techniques) make the list though, there must be a Celtic top with Denzils name on it somewhere in this world!
TV wise, well no surprise to see Still Game riding high on the list with BBC Scotland shows including Sportscene and (the ever decreasing) Only An Excuse getting high viewing figures from Celtic fans. Reporting Scotland even gets a mention but how this would be affected post referendum coverage is debatable. Mind you, The appearance of Opportunity Knocks alongside Modern Family does makes me wonder just how long this survey took to complete.
Next stop, Online
Its at this point we look at Celtic fans online activity and we get to weep and wail and cry out “WHY???, WHY???”
As if.
No sign of Celtic sites bar the official sites so we can only assume the survey didnt take in normal people who enjoy voices other than the party line. The religion aspect continues with The Popes Twitter account being popular but who knows why Celtic fans feel the need to follow J.K Rowling on Twitter, well each to their own I suppose. If you want to know how mega rich money live, just ask a Celtic director. EtimsNet follower Kevin Bridges is up there which is very well deserved.
The citing of websites for Glasgow Council( surfing at work are you Tim?) and the Scottish Government and Scottish Herald along with Yes Scotland accounts show an interest in the referendum but will these surveys ever tell the truth about where people are really going on the web. You know.
Bringing us finally too, Media
Oh you may be getting auld, but youre still with it!
NME?…all those years reading Smash Hits ( dont deny it!) have paid off as you sit there in your your Astra knowing your Kasabians from your Keishas and your Bombay Cycle Club from your Courteneers.
The Average Tim likes a good wee surf at almost 6 hours a day.Well work shouldnt give you Internet access if they dont expect you to use it now should they? ( Do NOT try that as a legal defense, it doesnt work, trust us!). Seems like the wifi idea at Celtic Park was a necessity given our online addiction.
Papers wise, The Herald does best but with no appearance for the Daily Record we can only assume there was an omission in the list. Its shite, but people do read it. The Daily Star scores higher than The Guardian so its not all high brow on the green seats these days and despite our boards leanings the right wing papers all fall way way way way way way down the list. Which is nice.
Magazine wise, its NME and Rolling Stone for Music fans. Celtic View and FourFourTwo for football fans. A few admit to having a sneaky peek at Reveal ( you know fine well what that is!) and good to see a wee nod to the free Shortlist Magazine which is always worth picking up if you spot it on your travels.
Telly wise, well it seems the old ranting about Celtic fans “breeding like rabbits” is out the window as most Tims just seem to be sat in front of the goggle-box these days. An average of 50 hours watching telly a week, wow,what else is Timmy watching we wonder?
Its probably all that Sport, or quickly skipping past those last night adult entertainment channels trying to find the Sudoku channel, ahem. Right?
Wrong!
Seems we cant get enough of Australian soaps ( was this survey started in 1983?), Countdown ( youre hearing the clock theme in your head now arent you?) and for those Reveal readers, they love a watch at Celeb Big Brother. The political awareness in Scotland shows itself again with an interest in Question Time and seems we just cant get enough of current affairs with many News shows being watched by Celtic folk out there.
And that as they say is that?
So…How did you stack up?
Are you muttering “What a lot of shite?” or wondering “Do they have a dating website for these folk?”
Let us know in the comments below.
Coming soon….ATYPICAL SEVCO Fan!
How did they find all this stuff about me? Am I being followed and investigated by the authorities? Is nothing secret any more? Is the priest in the confessional grassing me to the researchers and surveyors?
A typical or atypical?
an atypical actually
statistical drivel, when do we get back to reality?
Ah, I see the Impatient & Grumpty stat has some backing then
Desi,
As the great wee radio pundit Jimmy Sanderson,liked to say,
” Total Bunkum “.
There is no such thing as a stereotypical,Celtic fan.We are a
broad church in every category defined above.Religion does
not matter to Celtic fans.Some of my best friends are
Protestants,who have hardly missed a Celtic game,in many
long years.
What this ‘study’lacks is mentioning,when the Irish diaspora
were refused jobs in Scotland,and Celtic is their club,they became self-employed,and became their own bosses.With their off-spring being educated and becoming professionals in various fields !!
Shite.
Looks like the ‘stereotype Tim’ character from Only An Excuse filled this out.
When I win the Euromillians and buy Celtic, anyone who likes 2 of those 5 films is banned, for three generations.
Brilliant! Crying laughing reading some of that, thanks Desi. Apparently we all look a bit like David Walliams as well (defense being the tears in the eyes should nobody else see it).
I’m no havin’ that Entertainment section at all, and who can manage fifty hours a week sleeping never mind watching telly; and that’s the average?!?!
Superb observational comedy but Desi, loved that!!
Just Pants Plus. Classic! We used to spend a good hour in that jumble sale every saturday morning for yonks and rip the hole oot the folk who worked in it. Happy days and to illustrate this tim’s high brow calibre, I gave aw ma money tae Dees of Trongate(of course).