Luis Suarez, who is banned from football until around November, has signed for Barcelona, who are banned from signing anyone until February.

No wonder Campbell Ogilvie and the rest of the crooks at the SFA think they’re untouchable.

Suarez said he is leaving Liverpool with a heavy heart. Presumably “heart ” is Uruguayan for “wallet ” .

But thats in another world, and we’re more interested in our own affairs.

And you have to hand it to Ronny Deila. He sent a team out last night with the express instructions to get a 0-0 draw in Prague, and to forget about entertainment. Apparently, he figured it worked for the last guy ho went there, and wanted to show the fans how much he knew about our history.

I think we can safely say that yesterdays game was not the most exciting one we’ll see this season. Buit it allowed Fraser Forster and Emilio Izaguerre a run out in the team, and with Efe Ambrose probably not needing any time between getting to the airport and getting onto the park, then it looks like the team for Tuesday and Reykjavik will be the one that won the league last year.

Izzy has decided he wants to score more goals this term, and even went to the extreme of nipping into someones garden to try one from there during the Dukla game.

Hang on. Dukla Prague are a big club. Why are they playing in someones garden ? David Murray has never worked for them.

( The real reason, of course, is that they were training in an Austrian village as well, presumably Good Leonfold, the more expensive neighbour of Bad Leonfold, where Celtic were staying, due to a two for one offer Peter Lawwell got in an email. )

Well, maybe Murray did have an office in Prague …that wasn’t Dukla Prague we played last night. It was, er, The Dukla Prague.

From wikipedia, so it must be true;

1994 saw the club’s long-running association with the military come to an end and at the same time its status as a top-division team was lost.^[2] Dukla finished last in the 1993–94 Gambrinus liga, employing three different managers over the course of the season.^[9] The club won just one of their thirty matches, a 1–0 victory against Hradec Králové.^[9] Dukla played the following 1994–95 season in the third-tier Bohemian Football League, finishing in third place behind SK Chrudim andPelikán Děčín.^[9] Dukla was unable to win the league in the 1995–96 season either, again finishing third, this time behind Atlantic Lázně Bohdaneč and Česká Lípa.^[9]The club then merged with second division side FC Portál Příbram in 1996.^[2][9] The new club, which later became known as 1. FK Příbram, played one season in Prague at Juliska before moving to Příbram in 1997, the last home match at Juliska being a 2–2 draw with relegated Baník Havířov on 1 June 1997.^[10]

Historical names[edit]

The club was known under numerous names during its history:^[1]

• 1948 – ATK Praha
• 1953 – ÚDA Praha
• 1956 – Dukla Praha
• 1996 – merger with FC Příbram to FC Dukla (see, 1. FK Příbram)

New Dukla Praha in Czech local competitions[edit]

The name of Dukla Prague disappeared from the Czech football for several years, but not for ever. Dukla Dejvice, local Prague team founded in 1959, began playing in Juliska stadium and adopted Dukla Praha’s yellow and red colors.^[11]

The club entered the Prague Championship in 2001. In November 2006, Dukla Prague management announced that it had agreed to take over the second league rights of the Jakubčovice team.^[12] The legendary club returned to the Czech top league in 2011.

Well, we fell for that one, didn’t we ?

I rang Ronny during the game, and he was startled enough to point out to the Czech management that he had his eye on them. You just don’t know who to trust these days.

He doesn’t say much, our new boss, and has already sussed out the Scottish press. One of them asked him if he was ready for Tuesdays game;

“Are we ready? We have to be ready.” 

Oddly enough, the reporter left out the bit where the Norwegian described him as a “fucking idiot ” , and the quote from John Collins, which was along the lines of “Leave it, Ronny, he’s not worth it “.

Anyway, Deila continued, and read from the piece of paper that Collins thrust in his hand;

“It was a good game against a good opponent. It was one step up from Rapid Vienna last Sunday. Of course, there is still a long way to go but we finished strongly and that was a positive.

“I’m looking forward to the game against Reykjavik. We’ve prepared as well as we could do. We have not had that many days together but this training camp was very important.

“I got to know the players and they got to know me. We will have a good team on Tuesday.” 

We have a recording of what happened next….

” Are they all as dim as that one ? ” asked Ronny

” You’ve seen nothing yet ” replied John.

 So, the players have had their wee bonding session, the manager has had a look at what he’s got, and surprisingly, Derk Boerrigter looks to be one of his favourites….

 Somehow, Lennons insistence on picking Charlie Mulgrew doesn’t seem so bad anymore…

Perhaps its just pre season nerves, but I’m actually a little worried about the trip to Reykjavik, mainly because if we make an arse of it, we’re not bringing them back to Celtic Park. We’re taking them to Edinburgh instead, a city that doesn’t even have a top level football side.

 Reykjavik are well into their own season, and will be a wee bit ahead on fitness. Should that make a difference ? Not at this level, no, but remember, Second Rangers struggled to overcome enthusiastic part timers until late on in the game, and it was only because most of them were knackered from being at work the day before that the Ibrox incarnation won through.

 Ah, the Ibrox incarnation.

 Ronny Deila may well have been a little unimpressed with the Scottish hacks since he arrived almost anonymously in Glasgow last month, and you can see his point.

 Derek Johnstone, a former Rangers player at the former Rangers, has added his tuppence worth ( which is actually way over-priced ) to the current debate about who did what to Rangers and why.

 As you read through this, its worth remembering that he got the job because of his connections with the now defunct club, and it makes you wonder who else turned up when they were holding interviews for the post of Scottish football commentator, and how the hell they managed to find their way to the office without adult supervision.

 Johnstone talks shite. Of that there is no doubt. Perhaps he uses a ghost writer, because when you hear him speak its obvious that English isn’t his first language, or indeed his second or third. Anyway, as they say, read it and weep.

 Weep for the media in Scotland, because it truly is at deaths door.

Derek Johnstone: No justice for Rangers

THE announcement that HMRC had lost their Big Tax case appeal this week would have brought mixed feelings for Rangers fans.

 They didn’t lose it. There was a ruling made on a point of law . See Thursday diary for a full explanation, courtesy of the Doc. 

On one hand, they will be pleased it has come to an end and feel vindicated that the club has, for the second time, been found not guilty.

Lets not mention the fact that they had been found guilty on a number of counts of tax evasion, and that they didn’t pay any tax or national insurance for a couple of years as well, because, er, well, just because

Yet they will also wonder what might have been if this had been settled sooner.

Settled sooner ? As in paid up when the bill dropped on the carpet ?

They have been put through the wringer for nothing – and it is an absolute scandal.

“Nothing ” in Dereks language presumably means ”  not paying anyone the club owes money to “

Unfortunately, we can’t turn the clock back and the club are still dealing with the consequences of the actions of some individuals who have caused a great deal of pain and damage over the last few weeks.

Who ? HMRC, for having the audacity to ask for their money due to them-forget the EBTS for a minute-? Creditors for daring to ask to be paid what was due to them ? Two hundred and sixty seven of them ?

Rangers were always confident that they had done nothing wrong in their use of EBTs, but nobody believed them and people were queuing up to brand them guilty.

So confident that they had done no wrong that they offered a pennies in the pound deal to close the matter ? Oh, and they were found guilty of  not paying tax, in a different case. 

You just have to look at some of the newspapers, the talk on the radio, on television and on the internet.

Sashes to Ashes, on this site, is a good place to start if you want to know what happened. 

Everyone had an opinion on Rangers and so many of them got it wrong. They jumped to conclusions and had Rangers guilty from the start.

Thats because they were guilty, by their own admission, of many, many of the charges levelled against them.

The club were accused of cheating, of cheating Scottish football, buying players they couldn’t afford.

They did all of the above. If what they did was all above board, then each and every working man would be paid in the form of a loan, repayable only when he dies. 

There were people demanding that the club be stripped of league titles and cup wins. And now, eventually, the confirmation comes, again, that Rangers were the victims in this.

Heres another word he seems to struggle with . “Victims ”  

There was a lot of nonsense, absolute nonsense, spouted about Rangers, and all those people are wrong.

Not as much as there is in this column.

It will sicken Rangers fans that everything they have been through has been for nothing – and it all comes down to two men: Sir David Murray and Craig Whyte.

Which covers the last twenty years or so.

It was Murray who sold to Whyte, it was his call, and we cannot forget that.

Sort of. The bank had a say in it as well.

We cannot take him out of the equation and forget his part in this. David Murray has a lot to answer for and Rangers fans will hold him accountable.

But not if the MSM can help it. 

When Rangers were available to buy, a number of interested parties were put off by this tax bill that the club were supposedly due to pay.

And the association of hatred, bigotry, racism and violence that comes along with the customer base.

The tax man, and so many involved since, have done Rangers and put them where they are today.

Funnily enough, he tends to do that to businesses that ignore his demands for payment.

It is a disgrace.

Absolutely, Derek. Er, what is ?

Once Whyte got control, it was a downward spiral and, due to the fact that he didn’t pay tax, the club was brought to its knees.

He got control because the club was not only in a downward spiral, it had burst through the floor and was heading down the highway to hell.

Whyte had a record of corporate troubles and run-ins with the authorities. He has a lot to answer for, but I doubt if he will care what he has done. He has caused so much damage to Rangers and put the fans through hell.

How exactly ? In fairness to Whyte, he did try to save the club, his creative acounting was neccessary to keep the lights on. He wasn’t to know that his fuckwitted manager hadn’t got a clue, and would fail to qualify for Europes lucrative group stages. Twice in a couple of weeks.

But HMRC are very much complicit in this as well. They helped bring an institution to its knees over nothing.

“Nothing “. Another word where the correct meaning completely escapes this idiot.

All the heartache, all the problems, all the pain, has been for nothing and Rangers fans are rightly angry.

Look, regardless of last weeks ruling. They couldn’t-or didn’t -pay their other bills either. Ain’t no way to run a railroad, and the resultant train wreck is inescapable.

The big tax case was all ifs, buts and maybes, and they have now been proven wrong – twice.

But proven right a few times as well. Just in case you’d forgotten.

This supposed bill of £80million or £100m put off prospective buyers and allowed Whyte in the door.

Er, the other fifty million or so owed to asssorted creditors didn’t exactly push Rangers ( in liquidation ) to the Financial Times “Best Buy of the Week ” page either.

There is nothing that can be done for Rangers unfortunately. It has all happened and the club has to make its way back.

He so nearly admitted they were dead, but covered his tracks by saying they have to make their way back.  

But I hope we haven’t heard the last of this and people will be held accountable for this chain of events.

Me too. Regina v. Murray should be the opening fixture.

The other thing that is ongoing at the moment is the BDO investigation into the whole affair.

Any money raised through BDO action will go into the creditors’ pot and hopefully as many people as possible that Rangers owed money to will get as much as possible back.

Does he include the wee tax case in this ?

It is hard to comprehend how much damage has been done to the Light Blues in the last few years. It has set the club back years and years.

Death can set you back years and years, as its notoriously difficult to get the proper ointment to make it go away. Oh, and one more thing. This is light blue 

this is a Second Rangers top  

If they can’t even see what is in front of them….oh wait…theres more…

They were thrown out of the top flight, have had no European football, been denied prize money and lost millions of pounds worth of players.

How many times ? No, really, how many times do we have to tell them what really happened ? Fuck me, we even did it in cartoon form for the hard of thinking. 

sashes to ashes cartoon

Rangers have had to rebuild from the bottom, but the club will return to the top once again.

Even if HMRC had won this case, they wouldn’t have got any money because the case was against the old company.

In just two lines, Johnstone has solved the eternal riddle of life after death. surprising, really, for someone who shows little signs of life before death.

Taxpayers have got to be asking why so much time, effort and money was spent on this case? They have got nothing to show for it.

Yes, we want to know why a big company was asked to pay its dues, and we want to know exactly why HMRC went after a business which was clearly at it when it came to paying its bills. Oh, wait, the answer is in the question.

But Rangers, and the fans, will have to deal with the fallout and ramifications of this mess for years to come.

As opposed to what ? Carrying on fleecing the tax man, the supporters, the creditors, and damaging the reputation of the most popular sport in the country ? 

They are dead. Finished, and they did it to themselves. And that, as they say, is that. 

Never mind, who’s up for a rumour ?

As you probably know by now, Etims regular “he’s coming to Celtic ” Jordan Rhodes has just signed a contract extension with Blackburn, so we need to find some more shite to keep you amused. Thankfully, the town of Scunthorpe has a local newspaper…

Former Scunthorpe United star Gary Hooper could be set for a swift return to the Premier League.

Hooper, who netted 43 league goals for the Iron in just 80 appearances before heading north of the border to Celtic, was relegated with Norwich last season.

And after struggling for form and a regular place in the side, a move away from Carrow Road seems likely.

The forward has been linked with a move back to Celtic, but new Bhoys boss Ronny Deila could be forced to act quickly if he wants to secure Hooper’s signature 

Is it news ? Is it true ?

Well, I’m finding it hard to come to terms that there is a town called Scunthorpe, never mind anything else.

Yesterday we gave you the answer, and to be fair to deadhead 67, he gave the best answer…