This Sunday, it being Easter Sunday, Celtic are offering a three course Easter Lunch in the Kerrydale Suite for just £20.50 a head, and it costs a mere ten pence a minute to phone up and book.

Seriously, does anyone involved in the PR and marketing side of the club actually have the faintest idea what they are doing ?

Today is Maundy Thursday, traditionally when the monarch hands out money to two senior citizens of her own age, and washes their feet for them. Although old Liz won’t be washing any feet today- she has an army of staff to do her own, she’s not likely to do anyone elses,  she will be handing out the readies in Blackburn, -its tradition.

Its the time of year. Even she is making an effort though.

The distance between the club and its support has just gone beyond the bridging point.  Foodbanks throughout the city host ever lengthening queues. Times are tough, and they are getting tougher. Surely this weekend was the time to forget about making money, and spread a little happiness  around…?

Its bad enough that theres no scouts around doing bob a job anymore, and I need to spend my whole weekend re-roofing the garage by myself, but this is the thin end of the wedge.

Now, I fully understand that the club needs to make money, and I fully understand that some people will eat out on Sunday, and perhaps with their extended family. Ordinarily, its a market Celtic should exploit, but this weekend it would have been better to perhaps invite a few kids , maybe those on free school meals, and their families into the suite for something to eat and an afternoon out. I’m sure they would have a wash before they turned up.

More than a club ?

Its not always about the football.

Celtic are pencilled in to play Liverpool in a glamorous end of season friendly on the 18th of May.

In Mauritius.

Which is here;

I’ve not been able to find out who is holding a reunion on the neighbouring island, or what it is called. However, there is a much bigger island a bit to the left, and another bigger one to the left of that;

Celtic. Putting the fans first. By the way, if the club are planning to fly to that part of the world, it might be an idea to strap a couple of dinghies to the side of the plane.

PR and Marketing. Its just as well there is a core customer base, or we’d be in serious trouble.

Speaking of PR and marketing, how about this gem from Neil Doncaster, surprisingly still in a position of power and responsibility within Scottish football, despite having contributed less than nothing to its recent resurgence.

I don’t think even he knows what that meant.

Stewart Regan, the other half of footballs comedy duo, doesn’t know either

However, Doncaster, like the other idiots at the top of the game, are surely living on borrowed time. In fact, we hear that he’s ready to quit, and has spent time working on an alternative career.

Anyway, to achieve whatever it is Doncaster said he was going to achieve, he has brought in a chap called Scott Steedman, who used to work for Southampton FC, down on the south coast.

Angela Haggerty, writing in the Drum, ( an online magazine, not something you hit with sticks when you hang around with musicians ), takes up the story;

” The Scottish Professional Football League (SPFL) has brought in former Southampton FC head of marketing Scott Steedman to lead a change of strategy after the governing football body failed to find a sponsor for the Scottish Premiership.

The move comes after a merger between the Scottish Premier League and Scottish Football League last year to form the Scottish Professional Football League (SPFL) and a year-long search for a sponsor for the main title that has, so far, proved fruitless.

Now, with Celtic wrapping up the Premiership in March with over two months of the season to go, the SPFL has brought in Steedman as commercial director to try and turn the league’s fortunes around. ”

Hang on, there’s an implication its all Celtics fault for winning the league that we don’t have a sponsor yet..That can’t be right. 

Steedman joined Southampton FC in 2010 as head of sales and marketing and stayed at the club for a year. Also in 2010, he was appointed to the board of Merchant Soul, a Glasgow-based agency specialising in sponsorships consultancy.

In 2011, he became external venue operations and broadcasts manager at UEFA and in 2012 became a director of Progress Sponsorship & Communications, another Glasgow-based agency specialising in sponsorship and sport.

Four jobs in two years ? He’s probably just bringing an overnight bag with him. My guess is that his first move will be a tie in with a car company, which will save him buying one. Then an airline, and maybe a restaurant chain. Marketing people are extraordinarily predictable. And , er , flexible. This time next year we will have forgotten all about him. The greatest achievement of any marketing man-or advertising agency-is convincing you that you need them. 

Haggerty continues;

” Despite the lack of commercial interest in Scottish football’s top league, Doncaster added that the game in Scotland had “in general” turned a corner and said the SPFL would still meet the financial guarantees made to clubs at the beginning of the season.

“Looking ahead, with the first full season of having all 42 member clubs under the single banner of the SPFL almost complete, we believe that clubs and Scottish football in general has turned a corner,” he said.

“The reality for season 2013/14 is that financially we set an expectation with the clubs that we’d be distributing £18m to them and we expect to achieve that, even in the absence of a title sponsor.”

Er, why haven’t we got a sponsor ? Could it be because Doncaster et al have spent the last two years telling the whole world that the league-or product-is doomed ? 

“The Drum contacted one Scottish club sponsor, who has published the content of a letter sent to Scottish football’s governing body online, on the verge of ending a 20-year-long commitment to the game in Scotland because of the turmoil. The sponsor, who has invested a six figure sum in that time, submitted the letter to Scottish Football Assocation (SFA) chief executive Stewart Regan in March asking for answers on the recent crisis in the game and seeking assurances of transparency. ”

The sponsor also questioned the SFA’s handling of the financial collapse of Rangers and the entry of the new company – which bought the assets of Rangers and changed its name – into the bottom tier of Scottish football at the beginning of the 2013 season.

Further questions were raised about the SFA’s own president, Campbell Ogilvie, who admitted in 2012 that he had received £95,000 through Rangers’ controversial EBT tax scheme during his time at Rangers. Ogilvie spent 27 years in total at the club and served as general secretary and director. He left in 2005 and became SFA president in 2011 after a four-year stint as vice-president.

Within the sponsor’s letter, he said: “As a businessman I fully understand the commercial imperatives that will have influenced the way the SFA approached dealing with the consequences of RFC’s [Rangers] demise.

“However I fear that the past and ongoing damage being done to the integrity of the sport, as a result of perceived or actual rule bending or breaking, to accommodate RFC/TRFC, will cause commercial damage that will manifest itself over the longer term. Indeed my reservations about further investment, that fellow sponsors may share, will manifest itself as a commercial cost if the SFA do not act quickly to address the concerns articulated by the questions I have asked.”

When approached by The Drum, the SFA refused to comment on the letter and it is understood that the sponsor has not yet received a response.

You won’t see this issue being raised in the papers, but it needs to be out there. If the handling of the demise of Rangers has affected sponsorship, and its hard to see how it hasn’t, then heads need to roll. 

Above all, we need clarity, we need honesty, and we need Campbell Ogilvie in front of a judge and jury. Along with his pals Masterton and Murray.

If we don’t cleanse the patient thoroughly, the disease will take hold again….

By the way, its worth remembering Neil Doncaster is on over £200,000 a year. Perhaps he should take this job on a purely commission only basis. If he has faith in his own capabilities, then he could take home, say ten per cent of all the money he raises for the SPFL through sponsorship and merchandising.  But waive a basic salary…

In fact, that should be the basis for all pay deals within the Scottish football hierarchy. But it’ll never catch on, performance related pay would mean that lot would be living in a cardboard box beneath the M8 by Christmas.

I can guarantee you that if I was on that deal, I’d be a millionaire within a fortnight.

Anyhoo, back to the football. Now that the football is back.

Celtic travel down the motorway to Motherwell this weekend, the scene of the horrific riots earlier in the season that saw United Nations peacekeeping troops marshalling the feral crowds.

But this time, the town is ready;

and the police are ready as well;

To the game itself, and there may be changes afoot;

Celtic boss Lennon looks at tweaking system

The Celtic manager told the Evening Times;

” We want to finish the season strongly.”

“We have good games coming up with the top five now, and they will all be really good tests for us, whether they are home or away.”

On opponents Motherwell, he added;

They have a real fight on for second place and are in a brilliant position at this stage in the season.

“However, they will have been disappointed to have been 2-0 up and lose 3-2 at St Mirren in their last game, and they will be looking to bounce back from that.

“But, we will be strong again, and I am enjoying watching us play just now.”

The words “fight ” and “Motherwell “have been known to occur in the same sentence, used to describe the Lanarkshire sides rumbustious style of play…

“We might just look at tweaking the system a little bit,” he told the Celtic View.

“But what I am looking for is the players to entertain and play winning football.

“I don’t want to change the team too much as the players are playing well.

“We will see what the two-week break brings, but they should come back fresh and ready to go again.”

Aye, okay.

Theres been a bit of controversy in the competition to replace the retired hacks at the Record. One entrant, Lyndsey Archibald has been disqualified !

We mentioned her a couple of days ago,as she commented on things not being that bad at Second Rangers after all. Turns out she used to work for Rangers TV… and the competition is strictly for amateurs..

Theres a strong contender entering the fray today;

Alistair Allan, Inverness, said: “Ally has been getting a rough ride from a section of the support but he’s done a tremendous job in the league this season where we’ve only dropped four points.

“He’s doing all he can. He’s getting the job done and we’re climbing through the leagues.

“He’s been to hell and back when it would have been so easy to walk away. He’s been the only one to stick by the club and he’s been a great figurehead. Give the man a break.”

Celtic have been watching Benfica again this week, and theres a new link, after the agent of Filip Djuricic ruled out a move in the immediate future.  It could be veteran keeper Artur Moraes who is on the radar, as his contract is up next June. Then again , it might not be. Does Eusebio still play for them ?

Anthony Stokes was the boy in the picture yesterday, taken during his time at Arsenal. This piece came with the picture;

• Anthony Stokes
• Born 25 July 1988, Dublin, Republic of Ireland
• Position Striker

A natural finisher, Anthony excelled last year, making three reserve team appearances and scoring four times from eight Under-19 appearances – all  as a 15 year-old.He scored 12 goals from 17 Under-17 outings, and netted four from two FA Youth Cup games.The young Irishman has trained with the first team on several occasions. Previously with Kilnamanagh, Cherry Orchard and Shelbourne, Anthony Stokes joined Arsenal in 2003 where he is highly-rated by Arsenal Academy Director Liam Brady. Capped at Under 15, Under 16 and Under 17 level. Capped last season by Sean McCaffrey at Under 17 level, he scored two goals in the 2-1 away win over Turkey. 

Anyone know who this is ?

Oh, by the way. Be careful this holiday weekend. If you are out on the drink, beware of dodgy takeaways. a report claims that the meat in lamb dishes isn’t actually lamb a lot of the time.

In Birmingham, they sell you beef. In Manchester, its chicken, while over in Govan, they’re flogging a dead horse.