Celtic Diary Sunday December 29

Six hundred or so miles north of where I’m sitting Celtic are getting ready to face Inverness and with the miracle of modern communication technology the game will be less than four foot away and I’ll be several degrees warmer.

BT Sport are covering the game, which means a much better programme  is ensured, although they have promised to hire a couple of BBC cameramen and directors for next season, to level things out.

Although Celtic are still unbeaten in the league this season, Gary Warren of Inverness fancies his sides chances, especially if the weathers a bit urgent.  ( Gary is from down south, and I’ve been watching Eastenders to learn the lingo )

He said ;

““A lot of teams hate coming to the Highlands

“It’s often windy and rainy so conditions don’t often suit a free-flowing side like Celtic.

“We have to try to take advantage of that.

“We won’t fear Celtic. They see us as a small club, a minnow in this league, but they have to be at their best to beat us.”

His career has been given a huge shot in the arm with his move to the far north, and he is clearly enjoying himself;

“It’s nice to come up against internationalists.

“I spent a lot of time down south in non-league football and it’s good to test yourself against this type of opponent.

“We might not have such good players on paper but as a team we’re very strong.

“You don’t go to Parkhead and beat them 1-0 – as we did last season – then draw 2-2 there as we did in August – if you have poor players.

“Whenever you play a team like that you have to be at your best as a defender.

“You also have to be spot on as a team in the way you keep your shape. That is what we will try to do again.”

Had I been back to going to all the games this season, this week would have meant a trip to Perth , and then back up the road to Inverness, and especially with it being the holiday period, my marriage would have joined the list of christmas casualties.

So, instead, I can look forward to that special occasion of annual intimacy that the good lady offers, and this year, theres a fair to reasonable chance it will be with me.

Todays opponents gave us a bit of a fright at Celtic Park earlier in the season, when they took a two goal lead , allowing us to practice coming from behind in time for the visit of Shakhtor Karagandy, and this could well be another difficult game.

Inverness also have a predatory striker in Billy Mackay, which is an unusual way of motivating him.

Nothing can be taken for granted today, and we’ll need everyone to be at their best to keep this run going.

Kris Commons to score first, and Celtic to win by the odd goal in five.

Meanwhile, the removal of the sporting branch of the Masons due to financial shennannigans , has led to a new society rearing its head, with its own little secret hand gestures, and its spreading at an alarming rate throughout the game.

We think we’ve identified the ringleader;

Ah, those days of paranoia and establishment bias are all behind us now, and in the past, they must remain.

( Note, people in Scotland reading this should skip the last line, or at the very least not say it out loud. Its a rebel song about old battles and victories, and heroes who sacrificed their lives in the quest for freedom and independence from a tyrannical neighbour. That sort of thing is frowned upon up there, and to be on the safe side in public, restrict your songs to subject matter that is old and beautiful )

Paranoia is an unfounded or exaggerated distrust of others, sometimes reaching delusional proportions. Paranoid individuals constantly suspect the motives of those around them, and believe that certain individuals, or people in general, are “out to get them.”

I phoned the Paranoia Helpline today.

I got an automated message saying, ‘To hear what people are saying about you, press one. To learn who’s tracing this call, press two. To find out what your wife has been writing in her diary, press three.

And if you press four, you get to find out who is behind this bizarre story in the Scottish sun;

There are quotes within about how he would love to play in front of the support, and if Henrik Larssonstayed for seven years , it must be great, and so on, but its in the Sun, and it is reminiscent of those days in the nineties when First Rangers were linked with all and sundry as they put together their Earth XI to play Mars in the Intergalactic Cup.

But, we have heard that Lawwell is keen-and he makes all the football decisions- , and has asked one of his lackeys to find out who this Zlatan chap, and what sort of money he would want.

Back to the big picture, and could this be the start of a new policy within the eternally fickle MSM ? Good news stories for Celtic fans ?

We hear a series of features are planned for the New Year, such as;

” Messi buys Mansion  in Milngavie ”

” Guardiolas Glasgow Granny ”

Ridiculous ?  Far fetched ? Still more likely than this one, I’m afraid.

” Rangers stole taxpayers money and cheated their way to titles. ”

But perhaps there is room for a wee bit of paranoia, and maybe we do have to be on our guard against the return of the toxic fungi that almost destroyed the game in Scotland..

There is already a virulent new strain of the same infection…

And when I sent this article off for approval with the overlords of Scottish football, i got this email back…

I might be onto something.

John Hughes, who will be in charge of our opponents today, was the happy chappy in the picture yesterday, taken on the 17 March 1996 when he barged into a crowded penalty area to head home an equaliser at Ibrox, in the days when a big club played there.

Well, they aren’t there anymore, and the guy in the email above isn’t around anymore, but remember, in order to completely eradicate a disease , you need to be fully aware of any re-occurence of the symptons, no matter how minor or insignificant they might seem.

Todays quiz.

Watch the following little clip from Third division game Second Rangers v. Stranraer and tell me how the feck this is a penalty. ( you’ll need to click on the picture at the top )

dallas penalty

In order to fully understand the nature of paranoia, I watched a documentary on it last night. It was odd. The experts only seemed to be talking when I left the room.