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Celtic Diary Friday August 16

BT sport are showing tomorrows game at Aberdeen, which has prompted massive ticket sales and it now looks like being a sell out. Perhaps it is unfair to condemn the programme without ever having seen their contribution to promoting the game in Scotland, but if they want to charge me, unreasonably in my view,  for keeping my email address, then I’m going to criticise them unreasonably as well.

Signed, Ralph Malph aged 5.

Incidentally, Celtic fans with Virgin media will be able to watch the game, after the two companies agreed a deal yesterday. I’m surprised its called Virgin media. When I had it, it was fucked.

Aberdeen also have a 100% league record, and have rattled five goals in their first two games. Celtics unsettled defence-i.e. some of them are settling elsewhere, means it could be a high scoring game tomorrow, especially if Amido Balde picks up where he left off against Liverpool.

He’s settling in nicely at Celtic, so he says, anyway;

“The Liverpool game was very positive. It’s always good when a striker scores – that’s my job and I was happy doing that.

“All my family and friends were in touch afterwards. And old team-mates. They were very pleased for me.

“But it was just one game against Liverpool, I am here to evolve as a footballer. That game went well and I will always strive to show my worth.

“I am happy at Celtic and really enjoyed that game, especially when I scored. The supporters always make me feel very happy. They are giving me good vibrations.

“In truth it has been a bit difficult to settle in. The language, the new training regime, the new environment, the new colleagues and a new way of playing.

“It’s much different to Vitoria Guimaraes.” Remember her ?

model

” Celtic are a bigger club, in European terms, and you feel that burden of having come to a bigger team where there is more responsibility for me. But when there is ambition, you have to overcome problems.

“I am making good progress with the language. My team-mates can understand already what I want to say.

“The manager told me that I have learned English very fast but I am taking classes after training

He also laughed off claims that he had told Fraser Forster to join Benfica;

“Celtic are a bigger club than Benfica, absolutely. We are one of the top clubs in Europe.

“I spoke to Fraser the other day and he asked me about Benfica so I told him it was a very big club, like Celtic here in Scotland.

“They have good players and he will get along if it happens.

“I like Fraser as a colleague and friend, he is very good and he is happy here so in my opinion, I would suggest he stays here.

“But it was just banter between team-mates, asking what the Portuguese league is like and what happens there, it was just chat.”

But a new player talking about Celtic would not be complete without him passing comment on the uniqueness of Celtic;

” I feel a lot of human warmth and feel like I’m becoming a son of Celtic. I’m happy to be surrounded by positive energy and that is why I close Celtic in the first place. ”

Someone is going to be a little disappointed when he makes his competitive home debut and makes an arse of a sitter.

Kilmarnock have sealed the six month loan of promising midfielder Jackson Irvine.  Killie boss Alan Johnston, who took over from the legend in his own lunchtime Kenny Shiels, ( still, astonishingly out of work when there are streets needing cleaned )  was over the moon with his signing;

” I’m sure he will do really well. We’ve got him for six months so its a great opportunity for him to come in and play first team football and I’m sure he will handle it no problem. ”

Right, can I just ask, is he allowed to play against Celtic ? Has somebody checked ?

We hear the contracts manager has a meeting with Lawwell this morning..

Teemu Pukki, the genetically engineered superstriker from Schalke was the subject of a seven figure bid from Celtic , according to his agent Tapio Raatikainen.

” It is true, it is useless to deny. ” he said,before returning to his client, who was nearby, in training for the next moon landing, to be done by parachute from a helicopter.

Did Leigh Griffiths jump on the Glasgow train after the Scotland game the other night ?

We think its only fair if the newspapers can talk shite , we should be allowed to come up with nonsense as well. Not that Etims has a reputation for that, of course.

Joe Ledley and Gareth Bale had a long chat during the Wales – Ireland game. Well, they hadn’t seen each other for ages..

Who needs a rumour mill ?

Scott Brown personally made sure that Kenny Miller went back to Canada after the Scotland game, promising to call him.

Look, it wouldn’t surprise me. Thats all.

Do you recall those long , wet Sunday afternoons when the family would sit around the kitchen table and play Monopoly ?

Do you remember that horrible feeling, knowing you had lost  but you flogged everything you could just to stay in the game ?

Well, thats pretty much how the “Rainjurs Men ” at Second Rangers feel today. It looks like they are going to sell Ibrox to the highest bidder-which won’t be very high-and then lease it back from them, just to raise money to pay the bills.

Pay the bills ? Theres a radical new approach to business down that way.

The club and its remaining few assets are now being passed around like a blond boy in prison, and pretty much with the same results.

No matter what the press say, no matter what myth they perpetuate-and Irvine Smiths QCs  chapter on the Ibrox disaster suggests this isn’t a new thing- they are doomed.

The sequel to liquidation promises to be as much fun as the original. You don’t usually get that with comedy sequels-or in the case of the Hangover trilogy, you don’t always get it with the original.

A major shareholde in Rangers International Football Club PLC sold 3.25 million shares to Isle of Man hedge fund Laxey Partners Ltd.

Their next board meeting should be a laugh.

” So, anyone bought anything this week ? ”

Pier , van, Chris Hoy and Donk from the Crocodile Dundee films meant that Vidar Riseth was not the answer to yesterdyas puzzle. In fact, it wasn’t even a valiant attempt.

Todays is a bit more cryptic.

  

Meanwhile, reports have emerged  of ten thousand beer cans left in Trafalgar Square by Scottish football fans after the game the other night. Police have arrested both of them.

 

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Kieran Gallagher
10 years ago

Darius Dowchezk, spelt wrong I know….

deadhead67
10 years ago

given his performance against liverpool shouldn’t youn irvine be in our squad hell maybe lennon does not like midfielders passing the ball forward quickly,after all he never did when he was playing,if we go out to the team from central asia(uefa my arse),then lawwell and lennon shoul fall on their swords,our transfer dealings as usual have been laughble,let our best players leave don’t replace them but keep brown then again nobody would want him ,to think we turned down 8-9 million for him from N U ,A FEW YEARS BACK

buyhiselllowgreen
10 years ago

Darius D.O.B czech it is

bartly cole
10 years ago

Darius Duffczech.

Charlie Saiz
10 years ago

Darius Wdowczyk…Nice guy met him at a CSC knees up in Rothesay many moons ago Packie Bonner and Lex Ballie were also in attendance.
On a bit of a tangent it was very noticeable how ugly his wife was for a Wag.
Defo a 10 pinter/Double Bagger.

scholzybhoy
10 years ago

Big wdowczyk. Come on am sure the viking god riseth will be the answer one day such a player cannot be ignored forever so until that day comes I shall keep trying. Peace out !

Charlie Saiz
10 years ago
Reply to  scholzybhoy

Jackie Dziekanowski should be interesting lol

Charlie Saiz
10 years ago
Reply to  scholzybhoy

J Irvine Smith shhhhhh Ralph that’s been well swept under the Axminster of time….

Pensionerbhoy
10 years ago

Ralph

If I said I worked out Darius Wdowczyk, who would believe me after about every other comment has said it before me? If you could just see my nose!

Now the season has started, surely there are more interesting topics than rumours. Time to take them from the mill and grind them into dust. A touch of reality would be a change such as convincing us the leaks in defence have had a squirt of silicone before lunchtime Saturday.

Anybody feel Amido would do well giving a Sunday sermon viz. should have shut up about an hour before he did. OK, I take the hint!

By the way, what is it with the loan thing. Are we trying to compete with Sevco property plans. Why oh why are these young players not getting developed at home. It seems crazy to spend money bringing in “young” UNKNOWN players from Viking outposts in the hope of future transfer income when we have home grown and well nurtured produce in our own vegy patch that we can exploit in exactly the same way. Baffling!

To go back to them over the other side, yes them with the horns and I am not looking into a field of cows right now, let them fiddle away as their institution burns. There is no need for us to be standing round laughing our heads off and puffing at the embers. Och, wait a minute, yes there is and it’s a great way to not get bored during the holidays!

H H

Frank McGaaaaarvey
10 years ago

Welcome to the Amido Balde diary. “Today I had Coco Pops for breakfast. They are tougher and have more alcohol in them than Portuguese Coco Pops but I will get used to them with the Grace of God” or something like that.

Lawell and the board, despite making genuine efforts to strengthen the squad and maintain the equilibrium of squad wages etc, are taking one almighty massive gamble in going into this vital CL qualifier without replacing the star players we have lost. Ok, we should be going through against Shakhter but rest assured we will rarely face a team who will be as fired up as this mob will be.

Paying bills at Owebrox Ralph? It’ll never catch on. And why should it? They shouldn’t have to pay bills and do the things us mere mortals do. They arra peepel after all.

Qtongo
10 years ago

Yet again Ralph Malph funny as fluck

Scro-Tim
10 years ago

Something – Hun Bastard – Czech Republic. Didn’t know the first chap.

Lapdog
10 years ago

Darius DOB Czech… ahahahaha 😉

Andy Docherty
10 years ago

I thought Celtic had bought van dyck, mouyokolo,boerigter & balde and sold wanyama, Wilson & hooper?
Where does this nonsense about not buying anyone come from – are there still Celtic fans buying the Daily Ranger?
Wanyama & Hooper were pretty much unknown before they came to CP. Wilson was a championship player. Who’s to say Van Dyck, Boerigter & Balde won’t become every bit as famous as the 3 that left?
I had never heard og Finnbogaston before last week and suddenly he’s become the player who would guarantee CL qualification – why?
I trust Lawell, Lennon & Park to do the right thing for Celtic.

Frank McGaaaaarvey
10 years ago
Reply to  Andy Docherty

The main problem was the season starting so early due to being involved in 3 qualifying CL rounds. No-one is doubting our additions may be inspired (especially Virgil) signings but losing our best performers is without replacing them is hardly ideal preparation for such a vital tie as this, and we have NOT yet replaced Hoops or Vic. Should we get through we will be wondering what all the fuss was about.
Fail to get through and………….
Doesn’t bear thinking about does it?

Anyway, there’s the small matter of the Dandy Dons to deal with first. ‘Mon the Hoops.

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