Celtic Diary Saturday August 10

One of the old Celtic videos, perhaps produced in the nineties when it was much more satisfying to watch old games than current ones, featured a supporter who said that if Celtic played on the moon , the fans would be there waiting for them.

Perhaps the nearest thing to that trip would be a couple of days in Khazakstan, where Celtic travel in about ten days to face their champions Shakhter Karagandy.

The British government offers the following advice, which , if you are considering travelling, is worth looking at. Its from Gov.uk, and is probably written by an office junior in Whitehall.

There is a general threat from terrorism. See Terrorism

You can travel to most places in Kazakhstan, but travel to any closed area requires advance permission from the Kazakh government. Some military/restricted areas are not clearly marked. Take care when travelling away from normal routes. See Local travel

With the exception of Air Astana, all Kazakh airlines are refused permission to operate services to the EU because they do not comply with internationally accepted safety requirements. See Air Travel

You must get a visa in advance of your visit. Make sure it covers the entire duration of your stay. See Entry Requirements

Most visits to Kazakhstan are trouble-free, but crime against foreigners does sometimes occur. See Crime

You must carry your original passport at all times. See Local Laws and Customs

The Overseas Business Risk service offers information and advice for British companies operating overseas on how to manage political, economic, and business security-related risks

Take out comprehensive travel and medical insurance before you travel.

There do not seem to be any restrictions on lateral movement, mock fighting or signing rebel songs.

The CIA give this introduction of  the locals;

” Ethnic Kazakhs, a mix of Turkic and Mongol nomadic tribes who migrated into the region in the 13th century, were rarely united as a single nation. The area was conquered by Russia in the 18th century, and Kazakhstan became a Soviet Republic in 1936. During the 1950s and 1960s agricultural “Virgin Lands” program, Soviet citizens were encouraged to help cultivate Kazakhstan’s northern pastures. This influx of immigrants (mostly Russians, but also some other deported nationalities) skewed the ethnic mixture and enabled non-ethnic Kazakhs to outnumber natives. Non-Muslim ethnic minorities departed Kazakhstan in large numbers from the mid-1990s through the mid-2000s and a national program has repatriated about a million ethnic Kazakhs thus far back to Kazakhstan. These trends have allowed Kazakhs to become the titular majority again. This dramatic demographic shift has also undermined the previous religious diversity and made the country more than 70 percent Muslim. Kazakhstan’s economy is larger than those of all the other Central Asian states largely due to the country’s vast natural resources. Current issues include: developing a cohesive national identity; managing Islamic revivalism; expanding the development of the country’s vast energy resources and exporting them to world markets; diversifying the economy outside the oil, gas, and mining sectors; enhancing Kazakhstan’s economic competitiveness; developing a multiparty parliament and advancing political and social reform; and strengthening relations with neighboring states and other foreign powers. ”

Mongol tribes ? Thats right. The country shares a border with Mongolia and  China. Neither of which are in Europe, but clearly the Khazaks have their own Campbell Ogilvie type high up in UEFA to help further their interests.

A couple of other things to worry about, apart from mudslides and earthquakes in the south, appear in the CIA website;

I think general opinion here is swaying towards watching it on the telly

One other interesting fact is that the average of a woman giving birth for the first time is 27, which is around twice that of Central Scotland.

Apart from that, Khazakstan is a massive country-almost four times the size of Texas-with just 17,000,000 people living there. The country is described as a ”  vast flat steppe extending from the Volga in the west to the Altai Mountains in the east and from the plains of western Siberia in the north to oases and deserts of Central Asia in the south ” with ” major deposits of petroleum, natural gas, coal, iron ore, manganese, chrome ore, nickel, cobalt, copper, molybdenum, lead, zinc, bauxite, gold, uranium ”

So, if you do travel, when you get there, don’t eat anything, don’t drink anything, don’t touch anything and above all, don’t sleep with anything.

There seems to be evidence of strange sexual practices in the country.

Also, the President takes his security seriously, which is never a good sign.

Something you rarely see in this country, unless a major scam is going on,

( Thanks to deadhead for the image there )

The architecture is stunning though, as it is in all former USSR states;

No doubt the locals will be relieved it is Celtic who are coming, and not their now defunct near neighbours from Glasgow, who tend not to mix with their hosts.

The country is five hours ahead of British Summer Time, so kick off will be in the afternoon, meaning an outbreak of influenza can be safely predicted that day..

Celtic are on their travels today as well, with the Dublin Decider against Liverpool to be , er, decided. Chick Young, the respected voice of football on the BBC has decried the fact that Celtic are allowed to play friendlies when they should be visiting his own favourites St. Mirren on league duty.

St. Mirren, of course, are Chicks big team, as usually he can be found championing the cause of Second Rangers, and how vital they are to ~Scottish football.

Here he is, demonstrating the size of the empty space between his ears, which allows him to make such comments;

Celtic will most likely field a team of fringe players-well, they would if they actually had any. Expect a bit of rapid promotion for some of the under fourteens.

As expected, kelvin wilson has gone to Nottingham Forest, and Celtic have £2.5m to replace him with. Wilson, capital lettered only because it starts a sentence, said, on the decision to head into obscurity;

“It was hard, you are playing with international players week in and week out, Champions League football, but I’m coming to Nottingham Forest.

“I’m 27, going on 28, at the peak of my career so it had to be the right club.

“I wouldn’t have just joined any club, it had to be the right club and it doesn’t get more right then Nottingham Forest for me.”

Er, aye, okay.

Someone else who caught the attention with his comments yesterday was former Liverpool man Graeme Souness, who said of want away striker Luis Suarez;

“You would like to think a bit of common sense and loyalty would prevail but that doesn’t appear to be the case. ” He plainly wants Suarez to remain at Liverpool, but did promise to show him how to get a couple of clubs to pay him at the same time.

Back to todays game, which is being shown on BT Sports at 5pm.

Oh, whats the point ? Its a friendly, we’ll get cuffed, and despite promising myself I will not subscribe to BT, there is a growing fear that come about four thirty I’ll be on the phone , in a queue, trying desperately to get switched on before kick off.

Yesterdays picture puzzle was a tenuous link to Bertie Auld, the latter picture being Englands Emily Auld.

Today , look at these pictures…..

…and name the three players.