Celtic Diary Sunday July 19: Cutting Down The Tall Tales

It’s been nearly a week since the last diary appeared, as the nation chooses online shopping over getting off its collective arse and actually going to the shop when they discover they’ve ran out of toilet roll, sandshoes and bloody great big cushions that fill up nearly the whole of a Vauxhall Vivaro.

So much so that the working day for me now starts and finishes outwith the usual twenty four hour period alloted to any given date.

I’ve even had to go to Liverpool, where women don’t get dressed until at least noon, which was a shock to my catholic system, and it was there I noticed that not all shopkeepers are glad to have customer footfall.

One guy , in a chemist, told the pharmacist he had a headache, to which the pharmacist asked

“Have you taken anything ? ”

“No, ” replied the customer

“Well, I don’t believe you, you thieving Scouse bastard, empty your pockets, ”

So, I’ve been a little busy and can only apologise if you’ve missed this rambling pish.

We’ll start with a summary of whats been going on whilst I’ve been travelling the highways and byways, which centres around the tournament in Lyon featuring Celtic, “rangers ” , Nice -where they make biscuits, and Lyon, where they don’t.

Celtic opened with a 1-1 draw with Nice, which served to blow away a few cobwebs, and “rangers ” beat Lyon in the other game, and yesterday Lyon beat Celtic whilst “rangers ” , with their name next to the word Nice for the forst time in the history of both clubs, secured another win and therefore won the Vimto cup-or whatever it’s called, which technically counts as two trophies with it being their first and last this term.

Somewhere, in a French cottage, an old lady is wondering where her vase has gone.

James Tavernier, criticised in the media by Chris Sutton as a “serial loser ” , was presented with the trophy, watched by his delirious team mates.

After wards, he probably said something about proving his doubters wroing, going for 55 and that they are the people, but no one could be arsed writing them down, so his speech is lost in history.

The hordes were delighted,

but not so impressed with the team “taking a knee ” in support of the campaign to stop police officers kneeling on black peoples necks….

In defence of the latter, piers can be quite intimidating…

Which reminds me of the story about a Bristol bar which, if anything , proves they hate us more than they love themselves….

A RANGERS pub has released a video suggesting punters should “stamp” on the face of the captain of their city rivals. 

Staff at the Bristol Bar revealed the watering hole’s makeover this morning as they get set to welcome back locals today. 

A picture of Hoops skipper Scott Brown dressed as a clown features throughout with the pub telling punters: “Wait here”

“Feel free to stamp on this clown.”  

Brown in a clowns costume….in fairness, thats probably exactly how he lives in their heads….

By the way, I watched that film last night…It Chapter Two.

Fuck going to MacDonalds again.

On loan Celt Keiran Tierney , currently with English side Arsenal, had a message for Ibrox supporters when he heard the result from France, the story from Bristol and the texts about taking the knee.

In fairness to their support, who spend weekends imagining they’re up to their knees in blood, should they kneel down, the image becomes less appealing.

Celtic used the tournament in France to try to get used to playing in empty stadia ahead of the real stuff starting in just a couple of weeks. One or two players were given a run out, and then removed when it was discovered they weren’t very good at running.

Others, Patrick Klimali especially, served notice that they are not going to sit on the bench and take a wage this season.

Klimali scored the goal against nice, and spent the rest of the time harrassing and bullying defenders, he took some knocks and gave them back.

One to keep an eye on ?

Definitely.

Judging from his comments over the last week or so, it seems that manager Neil Lennon has decided that his other striker, the enigmatic Leigh Griffiths is just too much hassle to keep an eye on.

Whilst Lennon can hardly be complimented on keeping his own body in tip top condition, in his defence he’s not expected to play every week and isn’t being paid a kings ransom to do so.

And whilst this is a fake tweet, and nothing to do with the forward, one wonders if they are a reflection of his thoughts…

Griffiths , of course, was ordered to stay at home and work on his fitness when he was discovered to have not been working on his fitness.

Some will make excuses for him, and others will wonder why the issue hasn’t been kept in house, as would normally be the case when a player is at it.

Maybe there is the last straw, as they say.

Maybe Lennon is tired of shielding the players behaviour from the support, given that Griffiths is , as we would say, taking the piss with his attitude.

The player was the only one who was against a pay cut/deferral at the start of lockdown, which didn’tt endear him to everyone else at the club, and doubtless there are other examples of the gradual self isolation of the player.

Players need to know they can count on team mates, and supporters sometimes need to look beyond the “he’s one of our own ” mentality.

Which is why you can discount this nonsense that appeared on the web….

History reminds us that even Jimmy Johnstone finally became too much of a liability, and was let go, aged only 28.

And Griffiths is no Jimmy Johnstone.

Fraser Forster is another one who appears to have exhausted the managers patience, and although he didn’t quite stand in front of the crowd with a megaphone, this quote from when he came back to Celtic, sounds rather contrived in the context of the current , er, negotiations…

“I had goosebumps walking out at half-time. It was an unbelievable reception. To come back to that was absolutely fantastic! ” 

Scott Bain is by no stretch of the imagination a bad keeper, but there is a shortage of quality cover in that department, and so a goalkeeper is a priority.

Joe Hart may yet be the one, it might be David Marshall, or it might be someone they’ve had their eye on quietly for some time. The success, financially, overall if the recruitment policy of the last few years means that once other clubs see who Celtic are looking at, then they could step in and outbid, so cards will be played very close to the chest.

Will we be ready for the opening league and European fixtures ?

Probably, but we are entering into the unknown, as some bizarre results throughout resumed European results have shown.

Which in turn, has led some to claim that Scottish football need not have gone into lockdown at all, and “rangers ” could still have caught and overtaken Celtic, although that would have taken results so bizarre that could have made an episode of the Twilight Zone around them.

Speaking of goalkeepers, the club do have an eye on a veteran not yet mentioned in the papers, who demonstrated his handling skills at a recent baptism…..

Looking ahead to next season, the club released a statement about the possibility of fans being allowed back into the ground to watch games, and left themselves open to criticism that they were putting money ahead of safety.

CELTIC have expressed the hope that Scottish football will not be left behind as grounds re-open to supporters around Europe.

Following the indication of ‘pilot’ games with spectators in the rest of the UK from next month, Celtic believe that the same approach can safely be adopted in Scotland.

Celtic Chief Executive Peter Lawwell said: “We have discussed the idea of ‘pilot’ games with the Scottish Government and believe it provides a safe, sensible way forward. As a club, we have put enormous thought and effort into making Celtic Park fully compliant with all public health-related requirements while allowing our supporters to return to watching football.

“It is acknowledged that Scottish football has been exemplary in implementing all the safeguards required of it, first to get back into training and, from August 1st, to playing competitive SPFL matches.

“We are convinced that this should now be accompanied by a phased return of spectators which would be good, not only for the game of football but also for public health and morale in Scotland more generally.

“Scottish clubs are much more dependent on matchday revenues than other, larger leagues. That factor should be taken account of, so long as the public health obligations are met, to which we are entirely committed.

“We also have an obligation to our own supporters to make the case for them to be allowed to watch live football, particularly when they can see the steady progress towards this in other European leagues.

“Alongside other sporting bodies, Celtic will continue to engage in constructive dialogue with the Scottish Government and look forward to early progress.”

Yes, we all want to go back to the football.

But safety must come first. We need to be absolutely certain that there is minimum risk to supporters, staff, players, and all of those who will be involved in a day at the football, including the shops, pubs trains and buses connected.

Then again, at risk of sounding political, would we really expect anything other from a Conservative minded board ?

The government says that grounds could open in October and be filled to 50% capapcity, giving “rangers ” a couple of months  to find another 20,000 supporters to replace the ones who chuck their season books after the “September Surrender “.

The last caption competition, last Tuesday, was this haunting image..

Today…