Celtic Diary Monday July 6: Fixtures, Forster and Father Jack

Crystal Palace are the latest club to be linked with a big bucks buy of Oddsone Edouard, who probably worries more about me spelling his name right than where he’s going to play his football next season.

They join Arsenal, Leeds and Leicester on a list of non entities that have had the papers salivating over him leaving this summer, which would make way for Alfredo Morelos to join Celtic and show what he can do in a good team, as it appears he’s told Gerrard that if

 

Si este lote no fuera tan horrible, no tendría que tirar mis juguetes del cochecito tan a menudo

 

My guess is Eddy-far easier to spell-will line up against Hamilton on August 2, should the season start as planned , in front of Sky Tvs cameras and probably not much else.

 

Arsenal, of course, already have Keiran Tierney on loan, which cost them a few quid, and have baulked at how much it would cost to actually own one of our better players.

 

The fixtures for the new season have been released, probably more in hope than expectation, and although Celtic get the traditional home start to unveil flags and things, Sky will be covering the game, so they’ll probably miss that bit to show adverts or some donkey braying on about how “rangers ” will mount a serious challenge.

 

Someone at the SPFL doesn’t want that, though, having paired the new club/company with Aberdeen at Pittodrie the day before, meaning that there title challenge will be over about an hour and a half after it has begun.

 

Incidentally, the Celtic Hamilton game will kick off at 4.30pm on the Sunday, which hints at how much of a pain in the arse Sky are going to be next season.

 

Almost makes you want to see Nicola give the Johnson herd immunity policy a go……

 

 

In fairness, though, and credit must go to Sky for this, all 12 Premiership teams will be shown on Sky during August, which should make things more interesting.

 

Scottish Premiership games live on Sky Sports in August

 

 

However, their presentation has left something to be desired of late, and although it’s yet to be announced who they’ve roped in to burble on about the games, we can only hope its someone with a bot of enthusiasm, knowledge, and above all, coherence.

 

One anomaly from the fixture list is that the first Glasgow derby will be on October 17, which will be my 55th birthday, which is the only 55 anyone will reach this season.

 

you can plan your season with this handy list…. which has the other games on it.

 

Image

 

So, despite all the fuss, it’s a thirty eight game season after all.

 

 

Star Trek Wow GIF by CBS All Access - Find & Share on GIPHY

 

CQN have mentioned that Celtic have handed new or extended deals to eleven young players, which in a time of financial uncertainty shows that these kids must have something about them, and one in particular, Stephen Welsh, may be closer to the first team than even he thinks…..

 

Defender Stephen Welsh has signed a new three-year contract extension that will see him remain at the club until at least the summer of 2023, as CQN reported last week.

Adam Montgomery, Brody Paterson and Mathew Anderson have also agreed one-year extensions along with Adam Brooks and Paul Kennedy, according to the Scottish Daily Mail.

Five top kids have joined the signing stampede with their first professional contracts with the club.

Ben McPherson, Bruno Davidson, Joe Morrison and Ts’oanelo Lets’osa have all agreed three-year contracts, while Joseph Murphy has penned a two-year deal.  

 

Ts’oanela Lets’osa is the only one I have doubts about. I’ve only just learned how to spell Edouard, so lets hope he stays out of the picture for a while,

 

In fairness, CQN are struggling with spelling as well, with Mathew Anderson reportedly a bit miffed over his relegation to just one “t”.

 

Speaking of people who don’t like just one “t”, maybe John Hartson will get a gig on Sky…

 

Though it’s unlikely he’ll give up a sunday dinner to appear at 4.30 on august 2. thankfully, that also means we might have seen the last of Kris “Klueless ” Boyd on our screens, as the camera adds ten pounds and there’s just no way even the widest of widescreens could accommodate that.

 

 

Gabriel Mckay joined the Daily Record’s team of succulent spam suckers today, with this piece on Ryan Jack, who explained the secret weapon that has made him an even better player than he was last year….which, er, means it’s no longer a secret.

 

Ryan Jack points to Rangers secret weapon as midfielder explains his Ibrox improvement

The 28-year-old feels his club form will bring international rewards. 

 

For whoever is playing Scotland, presumably.

 

Rangers midfielder Ryan Jack points to Michael Beale as the secret behind his progression at Ibrox.

The 28-year-old joined from Aberdeen in 2017 but initially struggled to adapt.

Under manager Steven Gerrard though his form has come on leaps and bounds, with Jack earning a new four-year contract in October.

But while it’s Gerrard who rules the roost, it’s first team coach Beale who has made the biggest difference. 

 

Actually, what really happened, is that Jack had believed all the nonsense in the papers about how good “rangers ” were, and it hit his confidence, as he wondered if he could ever be good enough to get into that team.

 

Gradually, he realised they weren’t very good at all, and he would fit right in, and so , with that much needed boost to his ego, he , er , fitted right in.

 

Although he puts it down to the coach, and his innovative techniques of, er, giving tips and pointers…. while he’s doing coaching and stuff.

 

 

“I think the coaching we get here – Michael Beale does a lot of the coaching here and he has been excellent, especially for myself.

“He is always giving me little tips and pointers and the coaching and stuff he does is second to none and the training has been excellent.  

 

 

Presumably, Gerrard and MacAllistair don’t bother with “coaching and stuff “, or even “tips and pointers “, which is why they hired a professional.

 

 

And just as i finish up, we had better start looking for another goalkeeper pronto, Southampton and Celtic, according to Neil Lennon, had a deal in place that would have seen Fraser Forster stay in glasgow, but the deal has “went cold on the players side “…

 

Well, bugger I down dead.

 

That pay cut was a bit less appealing once he thought about it properly….

 

He might as well stay away now, if he’s not interested in being a part of history, then he can join the other badge kissers in oblivion.

 

 

Yesterday, we had this….

 

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Sancheto

Caption – stevieG sends taxi round to make sure Morelos makes it to the 1st day of pre season training.  

 

Today….

 

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D'Finnhein Mick
4 months ago

Caption.

Any landing you walk away from is a good one.

tony carlin
4 months ago

Sevco’s new simulator for diving in the penalty box arrives

Sancheto
4 months ago

Caption – Rangers new defensive plan runs aground after local church turns off the water to the pitch sprinklers.

Bognorbhoy
4 months ago

Caption …
Bong Bong …The news at 10 : 66 the battle is won …

TicToc
4 months ago
Reply to  Bognorbhoy

…..fukk me, is that a submarine I see, or have I got something in my eye?

puggy67
4 months ago

Caption: I’ve just had a dashed good idea for a child’s toy. It’s a plastic submarine that you put bicarbonate of soda tablets into and it will dive and then resurface in the bath. Problem is that plastic hasn’t been invented yet And Kay’s catalogue hasn’t been published yet. And it won’t work. Ever. But hey ho I’ve still 50 years to get it right.

puggy67
4 months ago

There’s a rumour that it will be £1 a letter for a player’s name on a shirt but £15 for an apostrophe.

SteveNaive
4 months ago

55 you say…? I recently hit sixty. If I’d known I would live this long I’d have taken better care of myself.

Uibh fhaili
4 months ago

Hms servo is sailing along really well on calm waters

Whitearra
4 months ago

Caption : ‘I took a day off work. Big f**king deal. They said it was yellow.’

Humpty Numpty
4 months ago
Reply to  Whitearra

CAPTION
People are scratching their heads because first tin of tuna has landed in the UK but the can opener hasn’t been invented yet.

dingbat
4 months ago

Almost as many washed up huns in Hastings than Govan, these days.

The bhoy with mcgrain in his side
4 months ago

My das boot’s bigger than yer das boot.

Binkabhoy
4 months ago

Caption: Huns claim Celtic switched their harbour lights on during blackout during the war

R.St.Parsley
4 months ago

HMS Sevco docks safely in Govan, according to the Record.

SteveNaive
4 months ago

Something always bothered me. In the hit song ‘ Ricky don’t lose that number’ by the popular beat combo Steely Dan, they implore said Ricky not to “ lose that number” However they advise him/ her ( if it’s Ricky Lee Jones) to “ send it off in a letter to yourself”
Now, given the state of the mail, there is a good chance it would get lost. Furthermore, should it be delivered, then he/ she has a great chance of losing it again. Don’t think Donald and Walter thought that one through.

Stevie D
4 months ago
Reply to  SteveNaive

The one that always baffled me was the line in Puff the Magic Dragon that went Little Jackie Piper Loved that rascal puff. I always wondered what that was all about; I thought they were singing about the jaggy paper you got in the school toilets and I couldn’t make sense of it.

charlie
4 months ago
Reply to  Stevie D

a always thought yon rascal puff wis skunk

Stevie D
4 months ago
Reply to  charlie

Ha!

Stevie D
4 months ago
Reply to  Stevie D

And how did a dragon end up in a land called Penilee anyway?

alzyerpal
4 months ago
Reply to  SteveNaive

They should do what Elvis did. Give the letter to the postman, send it ‘Special D’, and the very next morning the postie will return it. Repeat ad nauseum.

Dziekanowski's nightclub child
4 months ago

Caption: Even Andy Walker is not impressed with this dive

alzyerpal
4 months ago

Caption – Hun submarine being prepared for line painting duties, after the Ibrox pitch is lowered.

George Lazenbhoy
4 months ago

Caption: Das Blootered

Puggy67
4 months ago

Caption: Disappointment for the Alfredo Morelos Loyal RSC as rumours of a washed up Hun sub looking to be salvaged turn out to be a red herring.

Steven R
4 months ago

Caption: whilst lowering the Ibrox pitch to accommodate an additional 10,000 seats (stop yer sniggering!!), civil engineering staff find some military apparatus that was reported as missing at the last Help For Heroes day.

henkesdreadlocks
4 months ago

Caption………

Kaiser Wilhelm sends one of his subs to Largs to show the Govan shipyard hide and seek team what they’re missing.

4 months ago

Here s a thing if they ever bring VAR into Scottish football the huns will be caught out big time with all their cheating and diving in the box ever since they got back into the big league they have been a moaning disgrace hail hail

4 months ago

Morelos could never go anywhere where they have VAR

4 months ago

Morelos loading his bird into the taxi quality

4 months ago

Sevco’s armed forces day takes on a new twist.

charlie
4 months ago

is that wanny charlie saiz spoils a war

charlie
4 months ago
Reply to  charlie

heh heh bet it wis some joab gettin it up ees loft

Bognorbhoy
4 months ago
Reply to  charlie

Is lift a euphemism?…asking furafreend 🙂

4 months ago

Caption : This isnt the banna strand captain ffs.

Monti
4 months ago

Caption: Anyone seen Monti?

Port side i think.

TicToc
4 months ago
Reply to  Monti

Self flagelation is no honour you know, but it can still be very funny.
Good on ye big Mhan, ye’ve mair brains than I ever seriously considered.
Yer sense of humour was NEVER in doubt, only yer sense. 🙂
Love and kisses…….
FC not PLC
HH

Monti
4 months ago
Reply to  TicToc

Ha ha
Hope you are well Tic Toc

TicToc
4 months ago
Reply to  Monti

Cheers Monti, considering what I drank yesterday and unto the ‘wee sma’ hours’, I feel remarkably well. I hope that you and yours are well too, and stay well. Over time it’s clear to me you’re a real good mhan and I can say that for almost all on here. I look in on other Tim sites but never bother to comment. This, thank you Ralph, is the best by mucking fillions. Stay safe and well Monti, this site’s all the better for having you.
FC not PLC
HH
Did nobody ‘take the baton’ and carry on with my wee rebel song?
Ach, when my head clears I’ll mibbaes finish it masel’? 🙂
Know what? It’s just another lovely day to be a Tim.

Cartvale88
4 months ago

Caption
New escape plan devised for Slippy to make his getaway

Uralius
4 months ago

Caption: Only Ibrox is full of more Hun semen.

Weered
4 months ago
Reply to  Uralius

Uralius…They’d find that hard to swallow… cough

TicToc
4 months ago
Reply to  Weered

Weered:, for you, and yours……. (it’s penned on the hoof, but ye’ll no’ see this elsewhere.) :
Yer a ghood mhan Wee man, and here we go, The Bhoys of the North Brigade

Through thick and thin in North Belfast,
The Bhoys they stood up well,
The scattered shower of orange scum,
Did want to unleash hell,
“Her majesty’s” forces they were sent to hurt us all
But hell was not acceptable,
To rhebels young and strong
They were outnumbered 4 to 1,
They knew the chance they took…….

Please, one of us eTims, pick this sentiment up and finish it……thanks and good night

Weered
4 months ago
Reply to  TicToc

Tic Toc… almost everyone in North Belfast “ghettos “ endured a great deal of various hardships. Primarily the mothers of sons. Such a high proportion of them ended up addicted to Roche 10 and other stronger trancs

TicToc
4 months ago
Reply to  Weered

Weered thanks very much for that. Apart from a wee darling (Anne) from Andersonstown all those years ago, I’d know very little of ‘the troubles’. The Scottish (and English) media, as they do, ONLY report hun fantasies instea of Truth and reality.
Anyway Weered, I appreciate your response. When push comes to shove, I’ll stand old and firm (NOT Old Firm RIP) and be an eTim amongst all Tims, from Belfast to Brisbane and Parkhead to Lisbon.
Your a good mhan.
HH (and “Come On You Reds”)

charlie
4 months ago
Reply to  Weered

weered things aint the way they should be in the six counties YET but they wull be cause rights right aint right grand

Weered
4 months ago
Reply to  charlie

Charlie… yes it’s on the horizon 🙂

TicToc
4 months ago
Reply to  TicToc

It was intended, in my vague head, to be to the tune of ‘The Smashing of the Van”.
HH
FC not PLC

Uralius
4 months ago
Reply to  Weered

Hahahaha

R.St.Parsley
4 months ago

Caption:
“Ah said all hands on deck, leave yer dicks alane”

4 months ago

Caption: No Captain I did not say vorsprung durch technik. I said we’ve sprung a fuckin leak.

Puggy67
4 months ago

Caption: Wow how did that happen? Sailed straight into an Akismet spam filter mate, lethal.

4 months ago

No Captain I did not say vorsprung Durch technik
I said we’ve sprung a funking leak.

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