Celtic Diary Saturday June 6: Confusion Over Virtual Season Books

Although whatever games do finally take place next season, fans won’t be allowed into the ground until at least after Christmas. Thats the thinking at the top level, as it’s not so much getting them to sit far enough apart, it’s about them getting to and from the ground, and what they do before and after.


The idea that fans will sit by themselves watchng the games on telly is probably a bit optimistic, as no doubt there’ll be gatherings of supporters in peoples houses, and anywhere else the game can be watched.


But will the virtual experience be better than nothing ?


to capture the match day experience, that would mean opening a beer at 6am, whilst sitting outside on the garden wall, before getting on a bus for five hours, pausing to stop for a bacon roll, and then returning to the house and falling asleep in front of the telly.


Then, I’d have to wake up, open some more beer and find another bus to sit on for five hours, whilst singing a tuneless rendition of some Irish country music.


Pausing only to stop and phone the wife to explain we’re stuck in traffic and might be late.



How would it be for you ?


Will you turn the heating off , open all the windows and doors and put on your winter woolies ? Maybe ask the wife to throw a bucket of freezing cold water over you every ten minutes or so ?


Will you get a neighbour to moan at James Forrest for an hour and a half while you watch the game ?


Or perhaps get a stranger to sit with you while you explain where and how Neil Lennon has got it all wrong ? Again ?


And will the club deliver a hot pie at half time via Deliveroo or some other service ?


We asked John Paul Taylor, the Celtic supporters Liason Officer…


Celtic FC SLO
They’re sold out….



In fairness, JP said that there would be some clarification over the next few days…


Meantime,  during the break is have about a dozen cigarettes in the toilet to recreate the stadium , er, atmosphere.



It’s better than nothing , seems to be the general idea, but for those of us who leave early during the game, it creates another problem, where can we go ?



Next season promises to be a little bit more difficult than this one, as Celtic look to secure a unique tenth title in a row, and “rangers “, who might yet be the principal opposition, given a large overdraft and a continuation of support from thise in power, are already strengthening their squad.


They’ve let go of Andy Halliday, the versatile Jack of all trades, which has dampened morale at Celtic, and led a few experts-in the loosest possible meaning of the word -to suggest the Ibrox side are not far away from posing a real challenge.


He’ll be missed, as he was certainly value for money, nt for “rangers “, but for us.


He still reckons they could have won the league….


“There were still two Old Firm games to go, I’m not going to sit here and lie, Celtic were the favourites to go on and win the title.

“But Rangers have won two league titles on the last day of the season – when Celtic could have beat Motherwell. 
“Rangers have been seven points clear going into a title race and ending up losing the title so it was a never say never scenario. 

“Celtic were the favourites but as players we’re always going to think we can claw it back taking it a game at a time and try beat them.

“Going into two Old Firm games, both of them being must-wins but obviously it got taken out of anyone’s hands by the SPFL making the decision for everyone so it’s all guns blazing for Rangers going into next year now.” 


Which, of course, means they’ll shoot themselves in the foot.



Alex Rae has been given a bit of space to offer his thoughts, which are always novel and refreshing.



Ex-Rangers ace Alex Rae believes Steven Gerrard is just FOUR signings away from stopping 10 in a Row



“Rangers will need a right-back and a left-back. Jon Flanagan and Andy Halliday have gone so there is no cover there.

“In the middle of the park, there is the argument that a bit of needle is required. From the start of last season to the winter break, Ryan Jack was as good as anyone in Scotland in the middle of the park. But he picked up injuries and the team struggled without him. 


“Steven Davis and Scott Arfield are both there but if anything happens to Jack, Rangers lack physical presence.

“Potentially, they will need someone of that ilk.

“I think another striker is needed as we don’t even know if Alfredo Morelos will stay. But I don’t think major surgery is required. Steven will be comfortable his starting XI can go toe-to-toe with anyone.

“The problems will arise when injuries and suspensions mount up — that’s where Celtic have strength and depth.”  


Alex knows all about major surgery, having undergone a removal of the parts of his brain which deal with rational thinking some time ago,


“The way Steven usually sets up is 4-3-3, so Hagi will have to play across the front three.

“He could play on the left or the right and I’m excited by what he can bring to the team. But he’s by no means the finished article. 


Of course, Hagi joined the club on loan back in January, and it’s perfectly clear what he brings to the team.


But you have to give the gold medal for optimism to the Sun writer….

While proving more than a match for Neil Lennon’s men in the Old Firm derbies, Gers stumbled against the likes of Kilmarnock, Hamilton, Aberdeen and Hearts.  


They did have a couple of enthusiastic performances against Celtic, but still lost when it mattered.



It looks like we’ll have a form of fantasy football promoted heavily alongside the virtual type….






Speaking of signings, if this guy is one of them, they might have a chance…but only if he signs for Celtic…






On Thursday, we had this….



Matt Dathan on Twitter: "Dominic Cummings appears to be wearing ...




George Lazenbhoy

Caption: and I can even make the Borisbot do battle cries   









newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Level 5 plant

Why is it always my job to pump up the Sevco hot air machine every day?

Dziekanowski's nightclub child

Caption: Halliday finds his level


Caption – breaking news ……… “Gers” battle bus stopped in tracks before season starts.


A bit of writers cramp there Ralphy, you could always form “Stoked City CSC” for a bit of light relief. Me, iv’e taken to writing love stories for Mills and Boon. Walking down the back streets like two adulterous lovers, tightly embracing, hiding in doorways, looking back over their shoulders in case they are caught out and their cheating exposed. Lusting,but not for sexual pleasure, but for your money. Mr. Green and Mrs. Blue are entwined together, like vine around a tree. Secrets and lies praying that they are not exposed for what they are, cheats. Resolution 12. Giving away… Read more »


14-14-18. A three league division, including the mighty Kelty Hearts and Cove Rangers, (the clue is in the second name). Also two under 21 Celtic and Sevco teams, who have to pay £125,000 each just for getting in, but can never earn promotion into the SPFL. Of course the big Hearts (wee Huns) remain in the top tier. At a time when clubs should be condensing into stronger clubs, this proposal from the Huns, just reeks of stupidity. But like above ^ ^ has the approval of Celtic.
The love affair continues….

Caption:Finally Billy found a use for his Lock Down spare tyre


The Tarrier Carrier gets prepared for its game day five hour drive around Stoke

Danny Harkins

Steven muses that this easy compared to stopping the TEN!


Caption ; In order to fool the border security, Pablo Escobars’ Medellin Cartel began hiding their cocaine inside the car tyres…


Caption: Got an immovable object and an insurmountable challenge? New from Ronco it’s the Ryan Jack! Simply give it an unachievable task and we guarantee* you too will be expending pointless effort and crying in the arms of your gaffer. Proven in tests to be superior in every way to the Broonie Boost**.
T&CS: *One week guarantee can be extended to one year for£20 million. **OK this is pish but we’re going bust anyway.

pilsbury dough bhoy

Mind an no overinflate it, the gaffer said. Sarky bastard

pilsbury dough bhoy

Oh and by the way, the rear left is as flat as a pancake


Only at the bottom



The following day he sold his complete collection of Tonka toys.

Rob O'Keeffe

At least the away games will be on SKY so we might see opposition teams cross the half way line…..

Man in Denial

Caption –

Andy Halliday enjoys the same level of success as he did at Sevco The Rangers* in his new job as an inventor of tyres that never go flat


Where the fuck is Alex Rae and his constant supply of hot air when you need him?


Caption : ‘Due to circumstances outwith the control of Park’s Buses, some routes may be seriously disrupted.’


caption timmy tells daft billy efter yer done find me a right haunded hammer


……an a tin ae tartan paint! 🙂

” and don’t forgit the Bubble for the Spirit Level.. It needs chinging”.


Where is Alex Rae and his constant supply of hot air when you need him?



Finally he has found the Alex Rae of tyres, a flat one.

The ranting of the zombies unbelievable, with the CEO fantasising and e players dribbling in the media, but still the knuckle draggers suck it up as after all they are the most successful team in the world, not.
For watching the games it could be a soulless exercise without the fans, interesting to see how it will work.


Caption: Super Swally’s first day of gardening leave was tyring.

Uibh fhaili

Stevie g chucked football management for an easier job

Uibh fhaili

Posted my comment before I read the others , sorry Danny h . Great minds and all that ………………….

Uibh fhaili

CCTV is working at man child’s new flat

Caption: ye can’t get quicker than a quickfit fitter

You can’t get Thicker than a Hun Shit Filler.


Dime an eleven that can`t handle the job.


Do Avon still stock lathe duckboard homypeds?

Alan Ryan

“Come to Lilliput”, they said ! “Live the dream”, they said !!


Caption …
Man embraces his inner tube as he attempts a big blow job …


Neil Lennon. Manager of the year. Take a bow. I just like the record to show I never lost faith in you and I 100% thought you were the right appointment…..

Happily eating the humble pie

Bgbhoy. 🙂


Caption: “Don’t worry pal, there’s a few more ‘orange heads’ coming up the road and they’ll have enough hot air to have us back up and running in no time!”

Magdalena’s Chestnut Gelding


Sevco’s title hopes summed up in one picture


caption: get those fvcking streets in glasgow named after conficted armed robbers.

Frank McGaaaarvey

Caption: ‘Let’s chip in and get Mabozza some spelling lessons’. What a turd.


ur you a wee wean?

Frank McGaaaarvey

Yes. It’s preferable to being a right-wing wind-up walloper like you itchy baws.


Nurse Ratched ^

He’ll trump you despite the constant negative press covfefe.


The Jimmy Boyle Ave. has a certain ring to it. The laddy and me, met Jimmy at Hampden watching Celtic win the Scottish Cup. Canny remember who it was that scored, or year even, but. The laddy jumped up in the air and hugged Jimmy the three of us pished ourselves laughing. A good day, its always a good day when Celtic win.

Frank McGaaaarvey



Wibble wobble, wibble wobble, jelly on a plate.

Forget the middle man,thy sevconians are to float.

Discrepancy such as overages or shortages that occur is usually counted again to ensure that the amount is correct.

Thy forbear SFA compound scheme ascertain anew.

sevco tarting amount FC.


The two likes and a…
Speculation made their portmanteau within Scottish Football.

The 🙂 .


Lower league wurld record B-team attendance.

sevco sideline huntikulture FC.


“Man Oan Broony” shouts the coach, the words sound ten times louder in Celtic park. “Pick up the pace Jamesy” common you can walk roond that full back”. “Great goal Eddy yah beauty”. As the refs. whistles shrill sound pierces the empty stadium. Players and coach’s voices and refs whistles are magnified times ten in the empty Celtic park. Oh yes Celtic supporters will miss watching the team playing live. But more importantly the Celtic players will miss our support willing them on to achieve better results. Its the same for every team, our support will be watching at home… Read more »


As we and Broony sang…

Na na na na na na na na,
Andy Halliday,Halliday,Andy Halliday.

Andy left God a stool sample.


Celtic TV,as with most legends as much myth as fact surrounds, Aussies do it better. Get the I.T. onto it.



Behind closed doors,play till the final whistle.

This is an ideal James Anderson time to bring in VAR.


The Bloo Room tabletop is a thruppence scramble.
Gas is light.


Sundial says it`s clock out time.


Wayne luvs Ann.
Doncaster`s rollover benefit.


The want of one`s conjuring is one of willing and prompt obedience?

sfa unfit for purpose

Stevie G constantly throwing players under the bus is taking its toll on the tyres


Though we`re to watch.

The Rangers,please fill in.


29th December 2019.
The polis partied.

Ger Glaikit.


Tie your lace,Pedro`s putting boots on.Let him score.
Go through every position.
Start with a keeper,start again.
Pommy poofter prices,fuck-off.


Cone in the Clyde.While youre under grab my scarry bomb.

So its to be seen you bastards.Keep up.Week on weekend.



The Hun-chback frae Govan. THE BELLS ESMERELDA THE BELLS, are ringing for Quosimodo and his Esmerelda. Haste yeh back frae Govan and we shall give you “Sanctuary-Sanctuary” here at the home of the Champions, here, in the east end, where the sun always shines and Celtic always wins. “Oh that’s the team-all that I ever loved”. Esmerelda come with me to Celtic park (no plastic dolls were harmed in the rafters for it was I that wis hinging). Enjoy our success, for we shall bow to your beauty. F.U. Rollo F.U. for what you did to my Esmerelda. I grieve… Read more »


Is the way of not?


charlie,the wee Grand daughter is here.
She`s called and named Charlie.

Clyde built.


Last night,The Rangers Managing Director Stewart Robertson, did with what was with.

So what happens if they`re playing in the bottom play-offs?

Still-G nil.Fake Football,though gain.

Aye Reality.


Rock,paper,scissors & clipped wings.
It`s an emblem.


25 poond hairdressers…

The sevco chimney pipe of a gas stove.
Its inflicting of practice.

Well be undefeated,Cam.


congratulations port tell wee spenser no tae be trying ae steal her milk boatle us charlies ur awe heavy haundit heh heh


Cheers charlie.
Last night we were wettin the babys head,
today i
ve been squirting sevco on the porcelain bus.
I`m away to dry oot.


sum people might disagree wae me heer port spoilsports normally but dryin oots fur dry people sumdies gotta keep the party gon heh heh


Nearly a month for them to come out.
They`re it,wish.


No a.


The World’s Most reputable.Effin brilliant reading,though.

150 years, carn you auld buggers, spray.
Theres something youve lost in your eyes.



Adidas, add a Dad with a child.
It better be good.


Raven haired women.

You mad about ETims or just plain mad? Why not buy the t-shirt at http://etims.spreadshirt.co.uk/