Celtic Diary Monday May 18: Yo Ho Ho Off We Go

Celtic Diary Monday May 18: Yo Ho Ho Off We Go

Whaddaya know it’s none in a row.


Or, if reports are to be believed, it will be later on today.


SPFL receive Celtic title green light as UEFA clear the way for Monday coronation

The governing body won’t stand in the way of the nine-in-a-row confirmation. 


Alexander Ceferin has confirmed that UEFA will not stand in the way of Celtic being crowned Scottish champions on Monday.

The SPFL will meet to officially bring an end to the 2019/20 campaign, crowning Neil Lennon ‘s side for a ninth season in a row.  



Written by Gabriel Mackay for the Record, you can almost feel the pain in thise words as you read them.



So, whatever you’re doing tonight, stop it, and sing along to Walk On, safe in the knowledge that whilst you’re not in among 60,000 fans singing it, there will be far more doing it than that in the comfort of their own homes/gardens/cells.



Of course, the pandemic means that it has to be this way, and there will be those who wish to place an asterisk next to the title in the history books, but had there not been the global health crisis, it would have happened by now anyway, and it’s likely there would have been a fourth treble as well, which won’t get anywhere near as much attention.



Wherever you are, enjoy a little self celebration until we all get together again.


The first team worldwide to win nine consecutive titles twice is no mean feat, or else others would have done it by now.


Richard McGinley
Tomorrow it will be official . An earth quakin, booty shakin, love makin, hun breakin, record takin second nine in a row. Stop what you’re doing, open up your windows, wake all the neighbours and sing Walk On at 9pm. Wherever you are


And we can look forward to a tenth, an eleventh and many more to come…..



Some, of course, won;t be able to handle it….


The Wee Free Hon

Even if they do GIVE you Timmies the title today. We done 9 in a row before you!


Yes, they did.


And they’re still the same club as well.



Of course, that account is a parody, but some are quite painfully real.


And some ought to know better.


The Sunday Mail yesterday seemed somewhat bitter that the league was to be called, but instead concentrated on the two teams who will be relegated…..



Quite who thought a blood stained knife piercing the two clubs badges and a headline about civil war was a good idea is beyond me, but i wish whoever it was every success in his next job, which he should be looking for by now.


Partick were clearly bemused by it, and demanded an apology…


Partick Thistle FC
Re: today’s Sunday Mail back page Completely inappropriate, shocking and irresponsible. Our club crest should never have been used in this way. The Club awaits an explanation and apology for the unwarranted use of this violent image.   
  Hearts have yet to comment, and as the image was used to illustrate the words of their doo lally gaffer, Ann Budge, it’s unlikely they will.
 I have a lot of sympathy for Hearts, I enjoy a visit to Tynecastle and have conversed sensibly with a number of Hearts fans, and the golf club near Murrayfield provided a welcome rest stop before the semi final the other year, but as long as that woman and her attitude is in charge there, they are going to lose a lot of friends.
 “rangers ” , the new club who made a lot of friends on their journey to the top league haven;t said anything, mainly because they’re all tired over there having vented their spleenn, and a number of other organs, about the unfairness of it all long before today, and now they’ve gone all quiet in case someone draws attention to their accounts, which show they are not in line with Financial Fair Play rules, and should not be offered a place in European football next season.
 So they’ve gone full tilt on their new kit deal, with Castore, who are happy to have someone apart from Andy murray on their books, even if they haven’t got any shops to sell them from.
 They use Harrods and have a website, which conjures up the image of trainloads of orcs heading south to buy their new tops, and all being turned back at Euston station.
 The Record’s Gary Ralston, not known for his impartiality or talent, was tasked with making this last chance saloon deal look like it’s actually a big thing….

Castore bid to make Rangers as big as Manchester United as kit partners eye up return to 90s heyday

The Liverpudlian start-up have ambitious goals after being unveiled as the club’s new kit manufacturer on Sunday.   


That’s another thing, the deal was announced on a Sunday, presumably to keep speculation about todays title announcement off the back pages, and was heralded with an advertsing campaign that was a little weird….



All of which gave someone a good idea…


Celtic please take the piss and ask us to set an alarm for 9am to announce the league. PLEASE  
 The Record article declared grandly….

Castore have vowed to help make Rangers as big as Manchester United again. 


Again ?


The Liverpool-based company have been officially announced as the Ibrox kit partners for the next five years in a deal worth a reported £25million.  


It was initially reported as “up to £25m “, which means it isn’t worth that at all.


Castore, who boast Andy Murray as an investor, are the brainchild of Wirral-born brothers Phil and Tom Beahon, who created the sportswear brand in 2016.  


Andy Murray is an investor, the Beahons are founders, but who controls the firm these days ?


It isn’t the Beahons….





Ralston doesn’t mention this, and one wonders why.


Now they are bidding to take on industry giants such as Nike and adidas as they revealed the Light Blues are the first of five major partners in the pipeline. 


there is no mention of who the other four are, but we hear at least one of them has a Sunday league title to their name, with another rated the best works five a side outfit on the Wirral.

Former Tranmere player Tom, 30, said: “We could not be more excited that Rangers is the first partner and we want to make sure, as it’s our first, that it’s a roaring success. 


He could. But he didn’t want to say that. Not having any significant control in the firm, he just does what his bosses tell him.

“We believe it will be the move that takes us on to the global scale and helps us achieve what we want to achieve.


We also believe in Santa claus, the tooth fairy and those little elves who mend your shoes when you go to sleep.


We always knew team sports would be the real driver of growth. 


Quite who decided that they would get into bed with this particular cancerous growth is interesting, to say the least, and no doubt we’ll find out soon.


I’ve looked to see if Mike Ashley is behind it, as that would be hilarious, but there is no evidence that I have seen.


Well, not entirely nothing…




“Back in the 1990s, Rangers were selling more kits than Manchester United. That’s the level. It’s a big challenge but the fan base is global and what the club is doing on the pitch is trending in the right direction.

“We are going to work harder than any brand has since the 1990s to get them back to the top level.

“We’ve got no desire to partner with mediocre brands or work our way up by starting with tier-two teams. We only want to partner with the best.

“In the next 18 months we will partner with five leading football teams across Europe. In Scotland with Rangers then there will be one in the Premier League, one in Serie A and one in Portugal.”  


Er, thats only four, so presumably we can take that £25m figure as indicative of their numeracy skills.


The Beahon brothers started their business with their own savings and help from Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin StartUp scheme.

In the last two years they have secured an additional £11 million in investment from backers such as Murray and Arnaud Massenet, co-founder of high end fashion retailer Net-a-Porter. 


Adidas, Nike, New Balance et al must be trembling. Perhapos thats why the Germans have sought government funding to help them, as they know they can’t compete with two brothers knocking out shirts to sell at car boot sales all over the country, just as soon as lockdown rules are lifted.


No one has asked how or where they intend to make these shirts under current conditions, let alone distribute and sell them, and it all seems like another way of putting figures onto a balance sheet to show they have got funds coming in to counter their losses, just in case anyone does want to look at their books before a European licence is issued.



Rangers recently broke off a three-year contract with Hummel early following a legal battle with Mike Ashley and Sports Direct. 


that’s one way of putting it….

The Rangers Megastore at Ibrox is set to undergo a £250,000 transformation as part of the new deal, with kit available to order in the summer, at first to myGers members. 


so, they have to pay fifty quid to join MyGers, and then fork out however much for the new top…..and you can only order it….

Castore insist their size is their strength, promising Light Blues fans a more bespoke service than the big boys the club has partnered with in the past.  


Size doesn’t matter…..

Tom added: “We started this business with not much more than an idea and a hell of a lot of ambition. When Rangers walk out wearing a Castore kit in an Old Firm game or on a European night it will be an immensely proud moment.  


Thats one hell of a dream.


It’s not Rangers, and the new club are not going to be walking out at Ibrox on a European night any time soon


“There is a big opportunity to do something different in a market where the big brands have been very lazy. 


By lazy, he means “reluctant to deal with clubs/companies that sign deals with firms that end in legal disputes ”

“They have massive resources but they invest that money in marquee clubs, so unless you’re Barcelona, Real Madrid, Manchester United or Liverpool, you’re not really going to receive the best that Nike or adidas have to offer. 


“That leaves an opportunity for someone to partner with clubs who have huge global fan bases and brand recognition but aren’t being treated as they should be. We think that should be us. 


We think you’re completely off it.

“Hopefully we can leverage our expertise to help the club be at the forefront of changes in the digital market. The definition of whether we have made this a success over the next five or 10 years is if we’re still chomping at the bit to work with each other again. 


“We know we were going to be selling kits in the hundreds of thousands of units, so we’ve been building our production capacity to deliver on that. 


Hundreds of thousands ? Really ?

I tried to find out exact sales figures, but bizarrely the tables only mention percentage increases or decreases in numbers, not actual sales, which is odd.


In February 2017, the Record reported;


The action follows the paltry retail deal, struck with Sports Direct by Charles Green as one of his last acts as Rangers chief executive, which earns the club a tiny percentage of sales. Rangers accounts released last year showed the club may have made as little as £30,000 from strip sales despite a turnover of £4.2m.

Greaves Sports responded to calls from the Light Blue legions and stopped stocking Rangers strips – with the biggest sellers still top European sides. Only at an even grater ratio.  


Celtic , by comparison, recorded £4.3m worth of merchandising sales, but they, too , were non specific. Thats because aoart from a small window when a new kit is released, the club doesnlt make any money from shirt sales, it’s all in the deal struck with manufacturers and /or distributors.


Which makes me think the “rangers ” deal is little up front, but a high percentage of sales commission.




“The year after next, Rangers go into the 150th anniversary, so we want to be really creative and do things differently with a broad offering including things like retro and lifestyle collections.  


It’s also the fiftieth annivesary of their predeccessors sole European triumph, which in their desire to maintain the same club myth, they appear to have forgotten



Anyway, if the involvement with Castore is going to help make them as big as Manchester united, the sporting world must be prepared for it’s aristocracy to be replaced  with what German giants Adidas can do for Celtic….



But enough about them,. I just thought I’d mention it as it kind of fits the lyrics of the Song for Today….




Bye Bye Rangers
Yo ho ho, off we go
What do you know, it’s nine in a row
Bye bye Rangers
Celtic’s on the ball again, on the way to make it ten
Bye bye Rangers

You can talk about your great defenders
Sing and shout about your No Surrender
But let us give you this wee tip
We’ll be there for the league and the cup
Rangers bye bye

Yo ho ho, off we go
What do you know, it’s nine in a row
Bye bye Rangers
Celtic’s on the ball again, on the way to make it ten
Bye bye Rangers

You can talk about your great defenders
Sing and shout about your No Surrender
But let us give you this wee tip
We’ll be there for the league and the cup
Rangers bye bye

But let us give you this wee tip
We’ll be there for the league and the cup
Rangers bye bye


One things for sure, in years to come you’ll remember exactly where you were when you heard the announcement of the second nine in a row, and thats what memories are made of, even if they aren’t ideal.



On Saturday, we had this….





Caption: “Hey kids! A normal slide is slow and boring, isn’t it? Well, why not try our thrilling new ‘Liquidation Slide’? It’s over, in the blink of an eye. Then mummy can adopt a brand new child and tell all your friends and teachers that he/she is in fact, you. Smashing!”  








I’m going to leave you with this, as i know a few of you are fond of the taste of hun tears, and there’s quite a few in this piece… from Raoul duke, on follow follow…


The painter was a self-employed man. Doing well, by all accounts. He owned the most successful business in town (by far) and was famed throughout the region for his slick strokes & masterful application of undercoats. He lived on a nice street and the other neighbours were jealous of his beautiful house and the wonderful music that came from the open windows.

Following the advice of a tax professional, the painter employed a legal tax avoidance scheme and undertook a few homers for cash in hand. Unfortunately, many years later, HMRC deemed this same advice flawed and, in a case which was the first of its kind anywhere in the world, retrospectively punished the painter. The prosecutor suggested that the sums which now fell due were truly vast; in the fullness of time the painter would learn that the actual sums due were as much as five times lower – but the damage had already been done and the overly exaggerated bills ensured that the painter could not pay off his liabilities, having to wind up his business and begin a new one.

Whilst he had to adopt a new company number, and was unable to obtain credit for the first few years, he still had his equipment (the paint brushes and paint thinner having agreed to TUPE over), his headquarters, his customers and his proud past record of unmatched success.

However, in a truly horrific twist, it emerged that whilst the painter was undertaking his cash in hand homers – his neighbour, Seamus, was raping children.

Yes, that’s right. One of his jealous neighbours was a paedophile who had been operating a depraved Beast Ring for over four decades. Whilst there were rumours of his wickedness spoken in hushed tones for many years – and despite the fact that a local choir had penned a catchy song which they sung with gusto Every Other Saturday to highlight the horrors to the wider world – nobody took notice until it was too late. The damage was done and the innocence of a sickening number of children was taken, forever.

Whilst the painter worked his way back to recapturing his status as the town’s most prominent applicator of Dulux hues, his paedophile neighbour – rather than keeping his head down and hoping nobody would mention his hideous past – made a stunning public spectacle of himself, demanding that further punishment was foist upon the painter, encouraging others to humiliate him for undertaking cash in hand jobs, and writing vast blogs about the date on which the painter’s holding company was incorporated.

It will be a truly glorious day when the painter regains his top spot. And it’s coming. Which is why Seamus is so strangely vocal…

The moral of the story?

I would sooner die with our history than live on with Theirs.


Er,  they did.


Remember ?