Celtic Diary Tuesday March 31: April Fools Day Is Tomorrow

Today is actually National Tater Day, honouring the humble spud, though that could be equally apt…..

Just to clear up any confusion at the Daily Record. There are thirty one days in March, although maybe the surreal world we live in these days might explain this…

 

Jim McColl doubles down on Rangers interest as businessman expands on Ibrox takeover teaser

The wealthy businessman has admitted he sees a deal for the Ibrox club as a possibility. 

 

Keith Jackson has interviewed Jim McColl, the latest saviour to rise from the streets in the ongoing Ibrox pantomime, and whilst the hordes rush to buy copies of the multi purpose paper, and then rush again to find someone to read it to them, those of us with a more cynical mind noticed this bit…

 “It’s not a live issue just now but that’s not to say it couldn’t become a live one in the future.

“That doesn’t mean it’s something for the long term either. It could be something that comes up in the medium term.”  

That was yesterday, today he’s milked what was really nothing into further space filling guff…

 

Jim McColl interview on Rangers in full as he reveals Ibrox investment instruction from mystery backers

The business tycoon has opened up on the potential for ploughing cash into the Ibox club once we are at the other side of the COVOID-19 pandemic. 

 

Mccoll re-iterated his stance…

 

“It’s important to make one or two things clear as I don’t want the world thinking I’m about to buy Rangers at this time. That’s not the case. We need to keep a sense of perspective,” 

 

But Jackson seems to think.or hope.. he might. One day.

Private Equity investor David Low , on twitter, summed up the real story…

 

David Low
@Heavidor
A vignette of nonsense. Is anyone going to write about how King is still a director and biggest shareholder, still in a concert party and still cold shouldered. A whole of of smoke and mirrors for the dumb going on here.

 

By remarkable co-incidence, they have to publish some sort of accounts today, especially as they will want to play in europe next year.

 

Around 5pm, one would think…

 

Back at the ranch, and the players are back in some form of training…

“At the minute, we are trying to find ways of keeping the players stimulated and occupied. We’ve opened the training ground and they come in ones and twos and train out on the grass.” 

“It’s a closed off area. We’d five in today [Monday] and we’ll have eight in tomorrow [Tuesday], but in groups of two.

“We’re not allowed out on the grass with them and they are, basically, doing their own thing.

“We’re in constant contact with them in terms of how they cope with this.” 

Not allowed out on the grass, but a few beers is okay.

 

One has to feel for Maryan Shved.

The guy can clearly play football, but is struggling to settle in Glasgow. Leaving aside the fact that someone should have considered this possibility, and looked into the players psyche to see if there were signs this might happen, the guy is rivalling Stilian Petrov for an unhappy start to his Celtic career.

 

Lennon said;

 

We’ve got one player, Marian Shved from Ukraine. His wife is in Ukraine so he’s on his own. A couple of the lads have taken him under his wing and keeping an eye on him, making sure he’s okay.

“His English isn’t great. He was in today doing a little bit with one of the other players in a bit of a two-man training session.” 

 

During this particularly unusual period, it’s good to see the club are aware of players circumstances, but there’s always that wee bit more that can be done.

Strength can come from adversity, and perhaps some kind of bonding exercises could be considered.

 

The stories about Oddsone Edoaurd heading out of town during the next window have been countered by the manager, who says there is the possibility of an extended deal for the Frenchman, which isn’t exactly news, but more of a shut-the-fuck-up to the papers.

 

UEFA will be holding a meeting tomorrow, by video, to try to sort out the remainder of this season and possibly even the start of the next one.

 

UEFA has invited the general secretaries of its 55 members associations to a videoconference on Wednesday 1 April at midday to share an update on the progress made by the two working groups that were created two weeks ago and to discuss options identified with regards to the potential rescheduling of matches.

The meeting will look at developments across all UEFA national team and club competitions, as well as discussing progress at FIFA and European level on matters such as player contracts and the transfer system.

 

This may also get a mention, as they may well be a little bit alarmed by it,  from Chris Williams, a FIFA and UEFA accredited reporter…

 

Chris Williams
@Chris78Williams
French professional football will not receive TV rights for matches which no longer take place. Canal + and BeIn Sport will no longer pay the professional football league (LFP) the € 152,000,000 they would have paid on April 5, 2020.  
 You can almost smell the fear of EPL clubs, whilst thanks to the negotiating skills of Neil Doncaster, Scottish football stands to lose a lot less. About four quid.
 The game is changing, perhaps for the better.
 One or two clubs are starting to realise the value of their support. Hibernian have contacted elderly supporters to make sure they have all they need to see them through these dark days, and “rangers ” have asked their fans to forward any money they won’t be using as they aren’t allowed out anymore.
 Those fans have been playing virtual football, or other video games.
when the Iborx clash with Celtic was cancelled, they played it out anyway on one of their twitter sites, the new club winning 5-1.
 That could happen, of course, but when they recorded Alfredo Morelos as a goalscorer, the sense of realism had suffered a terminal blow.
 Then there was this… a game called Hunting Taigs…
Image
Type-Open, but clearly not to all….
Others are still coming up with ideas to raise a few quid to keep the lights on over there…
Image
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 Thats probably better than most of their claptrap to be fair, though it’ll never beat this…
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 That competition failed because most of them got the qualifying question wrong. It’s not Rangers who play at Ibrox….a little known get out clause for anyone who rang up.
I’m off into self isolation now, on medical advice. apparently one of the first signs of Covid 19 is a loss of taste, and I found myself laughing at Mrs Browns boys last night, so it could be serious.
Yesterday, we had this…
New York City police 1970s
sfa unfit for purpose
Today
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Bognorbhoy
9 months ago

Caption
Naked window cleaner makes an arse of it ..

Bognorbhoy
9 months ago

Caption …
As my Auld naw used to say when I was bad …
I’ll tan your arse fur ye…

Whitearra
9 months ago

Caption : ‘Dave King self-isolates in his South African laager.’

Johann murdoch
9 months ago

I see ma maw is takin the divorce well !

Cortes
9 months ago

“I said ‘could you open that window a crack’”

TAMBHOY
9 months ago

Caption:they said clap at your window for the nhs not the nhs will check if you’ve got the clap at your window HH

henkesdreadlocks
9 months ago

Caption……

If ave telt you wance , ave telt you a hunner times, yer arse is oot the windae.

Anthony Brannan
9 months ago

Caught in flagrante by his lover’s hubby, Fat Arse Alfredo gets his knob caught on a nail as he hastily tries to dreep it oot the windae.

9 months ago

Sure it wiznae a wee staple. He’s always described as a wee prick.

Schrodinger's Cat
9 months ago

I said the government has advised self-isolation if you could. Not shelf-isolation in the nude. Put yer fecking hearing aids back in Maw.

9 months ago

Vulnerable pensioner patents “Guillotine home protection” device following successful trials.

dingbat
9 months ago

Having previously seen a picture of Shved’s other half on Insta, his loss is far more acute than the rest of us are suffering.

9 months ago
Reply to  dingbat

Agreed… I feel for him… Honestly

Cortes
9 months ago

“Does my bum look big in this?”

desdamoaner
9 months ago

multi storey bike park opens

Devoy45
9 months ago
Reply to  desdamoaner

Caption:Billy Connolly decides on a safer place to park his bicycle.

Devoy45
9 months ago
Reply to  Devoy45

A recent poll concluded that women on holiday consider the Greeks the best lovers in Europe.Scots ranked next to last, behind the Irish. By the way, my name’s now DEVOYOPOLOUS!

Puggy67
9 months ago

Caption: Exclusive Daily Record pictures of Jim McColl’s mansion prove that he’s going to take over Garnier Amber Solaire, maybe not now, but one day.

Puggy67
9 months ago

Caption: As part of his campaign against caption corruption Monti sends Ralph a link to his house on Google Earth.

Cartvale88
9 months ago

Caption
Your bums oot the windae Bella!

UEFA as usual show themselves up for a shower of pricks, a euro 25,000 fine for Sevco for pitch invasions, flares and other stuff at two Euro games, no mention of the ‘Famine Song’ but fine Celtic Euro 15,000 for a late kick off against Copenhagen. Cannot organise a piss up in a brewery or deal with the Coronavirus shutdown.
As for Jackass in the DailybWanker he is salivating at McColl cumming.

TonyDtic
9 months ago

Caption – what do you call a man trying to get home after a night out who’s left hanging half in the windae and half oot? – Hamish.

alzyerpal
9 months ago

Keith Jackson applies for the vacant rangers* PR job, as he believes he has what it takes.
Jabba Traynor tells him “Yer arse is oot the windae!”
As always, the faithful Keith obliges…

Warriorthruandthru
9 months ago

It’s not often you see the full moon when the sun is shining.

charlie
9 months ago

fat ally the unconvinced self isolater goes hawf and hawf

Puggy67
9 months ago

Caption: Fuck the SPF

Spudscave
9 months ago

Caption Wee jimmy and his pal coming home from the pub after a session when his pal says whits that pointing at the windae Jimmy replies oh that ma other half

9 months ago
Reply to  Spudscave

Looks like it was Lennys fault?

SteveNaive
9 months ago

Fined £13,500 for late kick off against Copenhagen, not late enough !

sfa unfit for purpose
9 months ago
Reply to  SteveNaive

Yet sevco get £20.000 TOTAL for a fan entering the pitch , a firework being thrown onto the pitch and a Bottle thrown on to the pitch At a Leverkusen player…..SO as we all know the advertising money is more important than player of fan safety…..ridiculous

9 months ago

Caption: New bike parking bays installed. Thanks Mr Connolly.

Admin
9 months ago

Naked robber denies crime..says hes been framed

9 months ago
Reply to  Desi Mond

🙂

9 months ago

Even though Celtic are the richest club in the country surely even our players cannot be expected to pick up full wages in the coming weeks even months ahead. With even Barcelona now agreeing to a 70% pay reduction no football club could continue to operate giving players their full salary.
Im surprised no announcements have been made by even more clubs at this time?

Rob O'Keeffe
9 months ago

Caption: Alex Rae EBT

Pensionerbhoy
9 months ago

Caption:

“Always said she wis far tae cheeky fur a windae cleaner”

H H

Monti
9 months ago

Caption: ” Charlie Saiz, come down from there, DHL courier is here with your Amazon medals “

highseastim
9 months ago
Reply to  Monti

I’m full of hope that this virus will be the end of Sky and the EPL, or maybe just wishful thinking.

Devoy45
9 months ago
Reply to  highseastim

Caption: Well you did ask “What’s the craic…”

9 months ago
Reply to  Monti

C S.. Nuthin amazon about that 🙂

Tommybhoy
9 months ago

Sun tanning my arse.

portpower
9 months ago

Caption:
Can`t get to your friendly cosmetic technician…
Try our new innovative bum hole bleaching method.
(WARNING:May cause some freckling)

sfa unfit for purpose
9 months ago

the one day the window cleaner had no extension ladder….

9 months ago

Caption….

“Right, I’ll just wedge the aerial between yir thighs n’if you fart while the fitbaws oan yer dun fur”.

Monti
9 months ago
Reply to  Jimboh

Caption: The Beechgrove garden live from Pizza Express Woking, show off their hairybaceous window box.

Puggy67
9 months ago

Spam trawl please

9 months ago

Are my testicles black?

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”
He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
“Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
“Are – my – test – results – back?”

9 months ago
Reply to  Weered

🙂

9 months ago

Caption… So that’s where my chamois ended up

9 months ago

Caption,oh bloody hell willamena ,i thought it was therangers that was coming

MattyBhoy88
9 months ago

Yer bum’s out the windae!

9 months ago

Caption,a new way to stop the spread of covo virus is stay indoors cover your face and talk out your arse

9 months ago

Caption,senga what have i told you about leaving your legs open,there is some bloody draught in this house

Cortes
9 months ago

Arsenal transfer window latest.

Magdalena’s Chestnut Gelding
9 months ago

Caption

High rise bike parking trials begin but may be shelved until Coronavirus restrictions are lifted.

9 months ago

Ralph.. One big one gone missing but well worth retrieving

Devoy45
9 months ago
Reply to  Weered

AS the crisis continues, I wonder if there is Anyone in the UK who has numerous empty estates that could be converted to field hospitals or who has enough money to buy safety equipment or who has enough idle hands to fetch meds and food (by helicopter or private yachts) for the elderly and disabled? Now, that would be real help, not just words.Debs: “God must love the common man, he made so many of us…” Stay safe Tims.

9 months ago
Reply to  Devoy45

Devoy the uk goverment have shown that they will continue to feed the wealthy d their own. The news that they haven’t even asked for more testing kits or thst they refused help from the eu in the supply of PPE and ventilators is a scandal all to line the pockets of dyson and co.

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