Celtic CEO Peter Lawwell last night summoned the board of directors, the management and a number of senior players to attend a crisis meeting tomorrow morning at nine o’clock.
“And I don’t care what the fuck else you had planned , ” he noted in the memo “If you’re not here you will be looking for another job ”
When he’s in that sort of mood, trees shiver, clouds scatter and and nuclear scientists move the hands on the doomsday clock closer to midnight.
In fact, insiders say he hasn’t been in this sort of mood since one of the guys laying his heated driveway accidentally stood on his lawn. ( I couldn’t spell begonias. )
This current crisis has gone beyond the cracked crest, we’re talking shattered and thrown to the wind here…
It seems that the club , as a whole, there’s no one individual to blame, has taken their collective eye of the ball, and suddenly the new old rivals across the river have stolen the march on us…
Apparently, the boss was browsing the interweb whilst waiting for his bus home the other night after a busy day in his office, and he came across some game changing news.
First, on Football Scotland was this report…
Rangers top league table of most popular shirts
The Ibrox club are currently ahead of the pack when it comes to interest in their strips
They might have slipped to second place in the actual Premiership, but Rangers are top of the table in another regard.
Steven Gerrard’s men dropped three points against fierce rivals Celtic at Ibrox on Sunday, though it’s early days in the season still.
There’s no such concerns when it comes to interest in their shirts though, as a study has shown that they are in the lead over the Hoops.
Now we know that “interest ” in their strips is purely from legal people seeing if they are selling any that they shouldn’t be, but thats not made clear in this report..
With his bus running late and several working class people beginning to fill the bus shelter, Lawwell held his phone closer to his face, pulled up his hoodie, and continued to browse..
It didn’t improve his mood, which was darkening quicker than the Parkhead night sky…
Afraid that Celtic were no longer mentioned in the same breath as Europes big clubs, Lawwell began to shake as those fears were confirmed…
Meanwhile, Celtic didn’t make the list despite winning the bragging rights in the first Old Firm of the season.
The Hoops channel had 1.41m views in August which kept them well outside of the top 25 European clubs.
Fighting an urge to issue a statement to the stock market, Lawwell continued to browse…
Steven Gerrard delights fans as Rangers boss sings Snow Patrol hit on holiday
The 39-year-old was loving life on holiday as he belted out Chasing Cars.
Lawwell closed the page, and rang a taxi. his heart was pounding and he began to feel sick.
Where had it all gone wrong ?
Was the global brand he had painstakongly built, despite criticism from within and without, about to turn to dust ?
Were those long sleepless nights agonising over results on and off the pitch worth it after all ?
The taxi arrived, and he ordered the driver to take him home.
Ignoring the attempts at small talk he settled back in his seat and closed his eyes…but those words, crafted lovingly by the journalist Mark McDougall, wouldn’t go away…
Rangers manager Steven Gerrard is enjoying life at Ibrox even if things didn’t go his way against Celtic last Sunday.
The 2-0 defeat would have put a dampener on his time off but Gerrard was able to forget about it and relax during a trip to play golf.
And he should he wasn’t just a hit on the golf course while he was away as he got up on stage and showed off his singing voice.
The Ibrox gaffer belted out Snow Patrol hit Chasing Cars alongside the local singer as he enjoyed a pint.
The video was then shared on social media and Rangers fans loved it as they shared it far and wide.
Of course, we know that during a break in the on field action, the media will do anything to appease the hordes, even to the extent of stockpiling a Celtic Bad News story just in case there isn’t a feelgood farce to feed the bears…
There was one ready to go, but with Ryan Kent heading back to Glasgow when it became certain no one else would pay what Liverpool always knew a desperate Dave king would, it wasn;t needed, but the Sun pressed the “fuck it ” button, and published anyway..
As usual, the piece was devoid of quotes, and the hack knows full well it’ll all be forgotten about soon anyway.. so he crafted some words with a smile on his face and a song in his heart-probably even Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol, and sat back to think of the reaction from Celtic fans, whilst ignoring the fact that they don’t read his rag anyway..
CELTIC star Odsonne Edouard was a summer transfer target for French side Monaco, according to reports in France.
Yet further down, he says;
But their efforts to sign Edouard failed, with the Hoops idol reportedly rejecting their advances following the first breakdown in talks.
Which implies . as the rules state, that Celtic had given Monaco permission to talk to the player, having had a bid accepted…which you would have thought would have been headline news back in the summer…
There isn’t a crisis meeting at Celtic tomorrow, just to clarify. Although maybe I should let the papers think there is, as no doubt one of the dopey fuckers would pick up on it and tweet something…
When asked about “rangers ” , a spokesman for Celtic, well, he could speak and he had a Celtic scarf on, said;
“Who gives a fuck what that lot are doing ? ”
I’m not overreacting, not like that bloke who went doo lally when I flicked a peanut at him in the pub.
Which reminds me, whats an anaphylactic shock ? The paramedics kept going on about it.
On Friday, we had this..