The Alternative Celtic FC Festival

As the SSE Hydro prepares to don the green and white hoops of lights in celebration of the Celtic FC Festival

 

 

E-Tims would like to suggest an Alternative Celtic Festival where you can enjoy such classic Celtic based delights as :

 

Find Res 12

In this wacky game for all ages, Celtic FC challenge you to try and find Res 12..

The Celtic Board have somehow ( yet again) lost it and reluctantly need your help to find it!

  • Will it be buried under Peters driveway?
  • Will it be down Dermots couch?
  • Will it be lying burnt in the trash?

Who knows but you only have 100 years to find it before Celtic ask how you’re getting on!

 

The Lennoxtown Assault Course Challenge

You may have seen Who Dares Wins!, you may remember Total WipeOut!

You might be old enough to remember Gladiators and you may even be a Celtic Da who remembers The Krypton Factor but they are all easy peasy lemon squeezy hands and kneesy compared to the monster that is The Lennoxtown Assault Course Challenge.

No tough mudder can touch this tough mother****** as it takes on all comers and breaks their spirit and their bones. Dare you take your place for a Lennoxtown training session?

Be afraid, be very afraid!

**Medical Insurance is available from Celtic Healthcare Plc Ltd – see kiosk**

 

The Pie Run

A fun challenge for all those young fans out there.

If you are young enough to qualify to be a member of the plucky Celtic catering staff, then this cheeky culinary challenge is perfect for you.

Celtic FC  Catering Outsourcing Plc ltd dare you to pick up a tray of hot cooked pies and try and carry them aloft through a full size replica of the packed main stand concourse. Your goal is to reach the Catering stand at the end ensuring all the pies are lukewarm and slightly soggy.

 

Points will be deducted if pies are deemed as still edible by National food standard referees.

A Golden Bovril cup awaits the lucky winner and the potential to bid for a zero hours contract.

 

Be a true Ex-Celt Media Analyst

Step up all Celtic Da’s..this could be right up your street!

Ever fancied your chances as a commentator?

Ever listened to Andy Walker and thought  “He is far too positive about Celtic today!” or tuned into Davie Provan and thought “Jeezoh Davie, get them slaughtered man, enough of the soft approach please!”

If so, then come join the Sky Sports SPFL crew along with Kris Commons as he takes you through the basics of being a right old Grumble McGripe on camera.

 

 

We will even get you on tape to give the Bhoys a right sad old slagging and you can purchase the recording from Celtic Media plc Ltd on the same day, subject to postage and packing charges.

If you’re really lucky then Sky Sports might just get to enjoy that Audition tape! **

**Celtic Media plc Ltd retain an Introduction fee of 40% for any Sky contracts offered

 

Draw a Hoop on a Shirt

Are you between 3 and 9 years of age? If so then we have the classic game for you?

Celtic FC Merchandise Plc Ltd proudly present “Draw A Hoop on a Shirt”, the classic piece of entertainment that never fails season after season.

Step up and show us if you can beat the Design team from New Balance to see who can draw a full green Hoop upon a white shirt? ( wee clue..its not NB)

Race against the clock to meet the Marketing deadline and you can even take the jersey home with you ( Official pure white jersey must be purchased from Superstore concession before entry)

NB Please bring your own green pens.

 

The Celticrity Puzzle Poser

Can you help the Groundsman from Celtic Park & Outhouses Plc Ltd out?

 

One of the 4000 brand new superlights isn’t working and he urgently needs a hand.

You only have the time it takes the Champions League theme tune to play to help him find it before the fans realise the squad only gets replenished after Petes disco lights pet projects.

 


 

Please come and join us with a smile and a full wallet to enjoy these great activities and many many more…please put your suggestions in comments below..

 

 

 

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D'Finnhein Mick
1 year ago

DESI

Fire in,son. Pish ripping basturts in our board room

Chris
1 year ago

Moan moan moan Desi is that all you can do? (I don’t think it was tongue in cheek )
Fir the record the event is next week and my son and I are looking forward to it travelling from Oxford
It’s a brilliant idea yes it’s going to generate money sales of merchandise etc but it will bring the club out to the fans out of season.

I have read all the stuff on resolution 12 do you know what I couldn’t give a stuff now we keep hearing that mob will go bust again and do you know what I could care less about that either all I care about is our club is fine, winning trophies, engaging with fans building a community of fans making our Celtic experience better season by season. If only we could celebrate that instead of picking on things we don’t do so well we might actually stop and enjoy what we have. As for Peter Lawell (who you and Ralph constantly bemoan)Under his and DD stewardship we have had 2nd most successful consistent period in our history. Yes they have made mistakes but who hasn’t ? So all in all I am delighted with my club and looking froward to next weekend and the Celtic Festival and taking time with my 10 year old to celebrate what we have in our city

Chris
1 year ago
Reply to  Desi Mond

Desi is your second name MOAN… its all we get from you even on the friking podcasts…you said cant i see the humour? yes the first time fair enough but its the same raking over old coals time and time again (as someone else pointed out) I think you have Celtic Da syndrome and need to stop bleating on and using the pretence of humour to make the same tired points over and over again.

jimboh
1 year ago
Reply to  Chris

To ” Move on” Chris, we have reached the point of deja vu. Are you realy prepared to accept the right royal shafting that Sevco and the SFA are going to try over the next 2 seasons?

ranjurs lite likely to go into admin when Big Mike has his cannons all in a row yet with the conivance of the upstanding custodians of the game from Hampdump, they will emerge debt free and titles secured again.

Think not. Forget ” Ah but it’s a Celtic thing..”
It’s the principle of a level playing field for ALL. That crime doesn’t pay. That the laws of the land apply to all.

There is NO MOVING on until the guilty pay up. The same names from first time around are in the frame for the current mess in Scottish Football. It will still be a rigged game until we change it.

Monti
1 year ago
Reply to  Chris

Chris,
The points Desi is making are completely relevant at this point in our history, there are issues at Celtic in many areas that should concern all of the Celtic support.
Winning trebles is great and well appreciated, however there is a bigger picture our there that needs addressing….it’s a pity you can’t see it.

Desi,
Keep doing what you do m8!

Rob O'Keeffe
1 year ago
Reply to  Chris

Chris,you are correct cos I say so.Des de moana is missing Brenda and his loud whistling……the Celtic Festival will be brilliant…..the Huns are moaning like fcuk(a bit like D.) so it’s a win,win…..

jpm 88
1 year ago
Reply to  Chris

“I have read all that stuff on res 12 do you know what I couldn’t give a stuff” – what ? couldn’t give a stuff YOUR club was cheated out of a CL shot ?

” all I care about is our club is fine , winning trophies ” – if we allow OUR club to be cheated out of CL opportunities going forward our club won’t be fine for long .

” winning trophies ” – what about the (minimum) 5 titles we were CHEATED out of 03 ,05 , 09 , 10 , 11 ? That’s 19 in a row by the way .

Guys like the res 12 guys fight to ensure our sons/daughters don’t have to endure that kind of blatant cheating in the future .
To do so it is imperative we recognise and flag up the cheating of the past .

TicToc
1 year ago
Reply to  jpm 88

Top comment.
HH

Monti
1 year ago

Day 1i8 or something of the transfer window, i am utterly fucking disillusioned with the lack of quality being brought in, why is it always fucking like this?

Signed,
Head in hands.

BJF
1 year ago

Desi we don’t have to all agree, but of respect eh!

jpm 88
1 year ago
Reply to  BJF

Bit of respect for the res 12 guys too – no?

BJF
1 year ago

“bit of”

The Cha
1 year ago

Surely there’s got to be a “walking over hot coals” type challenge featuring a heated driveway?

If you can lie on your back for a certain amount of time without complaint then you get your tummy tickled by Peter.

I’m sure Chris will be queuing up.

Mike
1 year ago

EBT’s The biggest sporting scandal in Scottish football, when more than 80 “Rangers” players and management circumvented normal tax paying and cheated our club out of FIVE league titles, as well as other trophies. Dave King’s 41 tax convictions in S.A. deemed “Fit and proper” Craig Whyte deemed “Fit and proper” despite serving a ban from holding a directorship with any British company.

The governance of Scottish football is a disgrace, our board (Peter Lawwell) had stated to the Resolutioners “Bring me proof of the cheating and I will fire the gun” Proof provided, the result a GTF to Auldheid and his bhoy’s who provided the evidence of cheating. Make no mistake, if Res.12 is not followed through with the cheating (which we have recently seen raise its head AGAIN) will continue to contaminate and pollute Scottish football and if you are happy with that…..

1 year ago

Billy nimmo smiths right royal rip off up there res12 and EBTs and and the same name shite!move on brigade are bored with truth and fair play and Tory Plc paying themselves fortunes.only in jockville!

SteveNaive
1 year ago

They eat pies in the main stand…? Prawn sandwiches surely ?
Also like the Translate the Vendor game “Ezra hatsscarves…..ndaflags “
“ErzaLisbinLions………..oanaflags “
“Erzamacaroinbarssoearmenrchewingum…….. nasoamrolls “
For the da’s that one

Monti
1 year ago
Reply to  SteveNaive

Steve,
You’d no see me eating a pie?

SteveNaive
1 year ago

Should obviously be “ spamrolls”

Monti
1 year ago
Reply to  SteveNaive

Steve,
Spam, chips n beans was a favourite of mine as a kid?
Sure my dad used to tell me it was steak 🙂

1 year ago

Great article Desi, echos my thoughts and funny as fuck

Rob O'Keeffe
1 year ago

D.Mond……BR has gone,get over it.Try the golf from Our Ireland….what a time we’re having….WorldClass….

Monti
1 year ago
Reply to  Rob O'Keeffe

Golf is pish, played by arrogant wanks!

Monti
1 year ago
Reply to  Rob O'Keeffe

Golf is pish!

1 year ago
Reply to  Monti

Monti… This is about the only post in this thread I completely concur with.
The streams of self indulgence contained herein are fully pish laden… Apart from that all’s good… Innit???

Puggy67
1 year ago

Pin the tail on the right winger. Blindfolded weans get the chance to pin a tail on any right winger in the official squad photo. As a consolation any kid who misses the team but hits the director’s box is garunteed a prize*

*Prize garunteed to be cheaper than entry fee, offer open to kids under 90, this may all be pish, T&C’s apply.

Jinkylarrson
1 year ago

New Res12 Motto stand up for something or you will put up with anything.

Cartvale88
1 year ago

Totally agree D si, a board ripping the pish out of the supporters. No comment on the so called Unionist party playing to the scum and demanding enquiries regarding CFC.
Season ticket holders. Having to pay for the next qualifier, what a sad day when a great club is led by clowns.

BJF
1 year ago

Lots of respect for Resolution 12 guys thought Chris was a first time poster, maybe doesn’t deserve both barrels!

Mario Bertolini
1 year ago

What’s new, was run by exclusive few families, throughout our existence. Was always about the money. We are now blaming existing board. Sorry it is a business, as individual/collective supporters, we can make a diffrence through our various charities. We need to in so way get Res12 over to the supporters who have not understood the wrongdoing and financial impact on us and other Scottish clubs in Europe.

R.St.Parsley
1 year ago

Chris’s Corner:

Don’t care about Sevco’s cheating?
Then why not run our gauntlet of 55 gloating Huns while being beaten with rolled-up Records and subjected to sectarian abuse?

Don’t give a stuff about res.12 either?
Then challenge our in-house champion Peter Lawwell to a can-kicking contest. How far into the long grass can you kick it?

A bonus brick wall will be provided for you to talk to about transfer targets or just to bang your head against.

These events are free to enter and cost only your self-respect.

Monti
1 year ago

It’s about the Celtic team as a whole, not one individual!

Monti
1 year ago
Reply to  Monti

You are unnecessarily overly defensive about Neil Lennon & Leigh Griffiths….
No one with Celtic at heart wants either man to be anything other than a success.

Monti
1 year ago
Reply to  Monti

CS,

Do you think Celtic supporters deserve more from Leigh Griffiths?

Monti
1 year ago
Reply to  Monti

CS,
You can’t just keep raising the goals return, I am a huge fan of Griffiths as a player, Celtic is too big for anyone to down tools for 6 months tho.
I want him fit & scoring goals, stop tying scarves to posts & all the off field stuff tho.
Don’t remember Henrik having to tie scarves to posts, just make the opponents net bulge, bless himself aggressively & head back to the halfway line, humming the soldiers song.

Monti
1 year ago

PISH

TicToc
1 year ago

Ralph, see if ah spend any mer ae ma extinguished time writing fabulous, funny prose, an’ it isnae ‘published’?
Ah’ll be roon’ your hoose and follow up on charlie pittin’ yer windaes in an’ ah’ll (ah’m no electrician but) ah’ll pit oot yer lights. Eh?
HH

Mike
1 year ago

“Hide and Seek”, The Huns/SFA dae the hiding and we dae the seeking! Seeking is that a helicopter? The truth be told, but we have by necessity got to watch those sneaky bastards, the mark of a cheat, its like the leopard, it cannot, will not, change its spots…

Mike
1 year ago

Res.12, The Seekers of the truth!

Monti
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike

Mike,
The good fight must be fought, there can be no giving in or giving it up!

#strip the titles!

HH

Mike
1 year ago
Reply to  Monti

#Strip the titles! The Resolutioners, The Seekers of the truth!

Monti
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike

Mike,
How are you & the Wolf?

Mike
1 year ago
Reply to  Monti

Don’t tell O’Keeffe but he’s away to Gleneagles playing gouff, “Fore”, his daughter Lucinda was ten yesterday, OMG. He dotes on her and she on he, its wonderful to see. Me, I’m struggling tae walk, rheumatoid arthritis is sore, it comes and goes, but it could be a heelluva lot worse…

#Thanks fur askin! some say yer a pleb, no me though 😉

Aperr-a-perrs, aparcel-a-rogues, a-basket-a-assets.

Mike
1 year ago
Reply to  Monti

Reply gone, frustrating as fuck, naebody’s fault tho!

Mike
1 year ago
Reply to  Monti

reply-gone.

TicToc
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike

Mike, Pal, ” The Seekers of the truth!” indeed.
Personally, I view “Auldheid” and company as worthy but indirect, slow, and accepting of the status quo.
If I’d ‘planted’ someone (from a Lawwell perspective) they would, clearly in view, end up with nothing.
I don’t believe the hare and tortoise pish; I trust my own judgement and, even pished, I make more sense and have more vitality than those whom pretend to challenge Celtic PLC.
“You can fool some of the people…….”

I’m a TIM. A Glaswegian, Celtic supporting, of Irish stock, understanding why the IRA HAD to be constructed and hence supporting of them, a Socio/Communist like Connolly who understood that Irish freedom was, and had to be, a cutting of the umbilical cord of the UK.
RELIGION, and in this instance Catholicism, ruptured the movement, and protected the wealthy, just as it did in the “world wars” and in 1690.
In my view the scum chant of “no Popery” has some validity, albeit beyond their collective comprehension.

I seek no friends on here, nor enemies; I seek to bring The Truth of events into the open and allow each and every individual to make their own choices; released from habitual propoganda, one will ‘see’ that religion is the core of man’s hatred of other men.
Some will speak of the ‘good’ of the Catholic church. Really? My family scraped a living in Glasgow, but were so fucking brain-washed they had us giving our last ha’pennies to the church. So just what the fuck was that all about?
I’ll say no more for now, but ‘god’ knows I’ve much more to say on this.
I am NO Catholic, hate the fucking lot of it. I love The Celtic FC, not the PLC, but in Walfrid’s shadow I try to walk, to help those worse off than myself and I do that daily.
Here’s to a future free of scum like the huns and, moreso, the scum whom own the wealth and dictate the future of OUR planet.
In even fucking ‘biblical’ shit, it mentions that “the love of money is the root of all evil”. Ah, so?
What would be the ‘jesus’ case before some piece of humanistic scum invented money?

Aye, far easier not to contemplate, eh?

I think it was Ivan Illych, a life-long supporter of Communism, whom on his death-bed had the frightening realisation that his belief had been hollow.
HH, Celtic FC not the FN Scumpany.

Mike
1 year ago
Reply to  TicToc

Tic Toc, your post has just appeared, opinionated posts deserve a reply, all opinions count, for if we only read the same posts we learn nothing. There is not enough space or time for me to reply on all counts, but.. Auldheid and his Resolutioners discovered the cheating, were it not for them, we would be no wiser and the cheating has-will continue. Honourable men do things honestly and thoroughly and it took till 2017 until the trials for the proof to be proven in a court of law. If we do not continue with Res.12 then the game here in Scotia is Donald Ducked. I could add so much more but..
On Catholicism, I left the church some time back, because of the abuse scandal, even though from birth-65 I with my family were weekly attenders, again your post deserves a longer reply, but time is short. I am still angry that the exceptional amount of good clergy and people who have been let down by the few, twisted individuals, I think back to the huge amount of good that the church does world-wide for the poor of this planet. All peoples IMO require some kind of moral guidance, not state guidance, without it, what is left? Interesting that you mention that you “try to walk in brother Walfrid’s shadow” perhaps we have more in common than I thought. But the difference between us, I think, is that I try not to insult others points of view. Again IMO the church has more in common with socialism than many would acknowledge, I think of the much good that it does and me and the many good things that the 98% of the good clergy does. Of course religion is also divisive, but that is perpetrated by individuals, if they never had religion to fight about, it would be something else. My background, born in the Raploch, my family both Irish and Scottish, I could not be more proud of my roots, despite the hardship it had to endure….
O

Monti
1 year ago

I see that fat noel hunt, ruth davidson has stepped out of the bakers, long enough to have her wee say on the boys club investigation?

A wee word of advice ruth, go & have another couple of steak bakes!
Are you seeking the ‘ truth ‘ from new rangers about GORDON NEILLY?

Big Jock wallace knew!

Monti
1 year ago

Something that hugely disappoints me is the lack of leaders off the park at Celtic, who don’t publicly fight the right things.
We are weak in PR and in confrontational issues.
Celtic need a reset button & guys on the board who want to fight for Celtic.
Guys like John Paul McBride are sorely missed.

Celtic need to start again, what i would say & i can’t stress this enough, IF Peter Lawwell has had a single thing to do with this 5 way agreement pish, he must be forced out of the club.

WE NEED TO PUT THE CELTIC BACK INTO CELTIC!

TicToc
1 year ago

MODERATION, everything’s in fucking MODERATION.

According to some pish like the Governments “Chief Medical Officer” er, em about 14 ‘units’ of alcohol per WEEK?
I dae that PER HOUR and ah’m still as fit and handsome as I’ve always been. The CMO mibbaes ‘writes’ fur the Sun and the fuckin’ Daily Retard

FFS Ralph, an’ I KNOW you’re a good guy, get this MODERATION shit sorted. (or I may even revert to immoderate language!)
HH

Steve Naive
1 year ago

Monti
Just had a glimpse of the future there.
Atlanta at home versus Houston Dynamo. Wednesday night, over 50,000, the Mercedes Benz arena, roof closed, all standing, the owner ripped out boxes to build a platform for ultras to get the fans going and they never let up. Maw, paw and weans eating food that was cheap to buy,,free juice refills, Merch in the stadium, beer in the stadium, 5-0 and a red card and Hyndland ,ex diedco was still rubbish. Great atmosphere and a sight to see but not comparable to supporting the Bhoys.
Hope Pistol Pete doesn’t see it !

Broxburnbhoy
1 year ago
Reply to  Steve Naive

Maybe what you saw Steve was the Disneyland version of football. Are you suggesting we should have an all standing stadium? Rip out boxes and areas where there is more comfort ? “Soccer” in the US cannot sell boxes or premium areas due to lack of interest. I think the comparison is something other than Apple to Apple not to mention no security or hooligan issues in the US which also makes it a very different experience. Not really comparable

Mike
1 year ago

Slainte:

Haw, haud yer wheesht yah drunkin bams,
Listen tae youz, the great I’ams,
Always talkin about yer great “I wish”,
out yer erse, talking pish,
Scot’s wha hae wi Wallace bled,
Scot’s wham Bruce has aften led,
Welcome tae yer gory bed,
Celtic on tae victory…

Mike
1 year ago

A Perr-a perrs,
A Parcel-a-rogues,
A Basket-a-assets.
Twa rangs dinny mack-a-right,
Hatem Abd ElHamed, is he to be Celtics new number two?
Ah hope he’s no shite… Dooda-Dooda-Day

Mike
1 year ago
Reply to  Mike

I’m sure you are right, but Gamboa also looked AOK on video, they are not always completely accurate. But Hatem Abd ElHamed’s story is one of tragic circumstances for his younger sibling and the burden he carries on his 6ft.1″ shoulders, in being his family’s main source of income, so I have high hopes for him and wish him nothing but success.

Monti, thanks for your kind words, we are both well and thank you for asking…

Magdalena’s Chestnut Gelding
1 year ago

Alternative Celtic Festival Event

Beat the interfering Traffic Cops!

Simple rule of the game;

You must not leave before the final whistle but must be in your local watering hole at the time it would to take to get there on any normal non match day.

Beware though, the angry fat leather clad moustachioed Masonic bitter Cops turn off the traffic lights deliberately in order that not everyone gets a fair shot at moving around the environs of the stadium. They gather in groups at the red lights to discuss new ways to arrest Fenians and how great Stevie G is.

You are not allowed to mow them down, but horn tooting and loud republican band music with all vehicle windows down is permitted in the battle of wills against those determined Cops.

A bonus prize is available to anyone who points out to the thick interfering bastards that if they left the lights on we would all get a fair crack st getting home without being arrested.

First prize is a used size XXXXL motorcycle cop leather outrider suit, big bushy moustache and Masonic ring mounted on an austere mahogany plinth for the first Celtic fan to get to their local before the following Tuesday like the rest of us.

1 year ago

Trail.

1 year ago

Almond Khids. Step and keep them wide at alms length. If the players quicker sort your position out before you need your keeper. Sad.

1 year ago

So the Ton is obese to those sexy?

1 year ago

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1 year ago

Though i`m no,ma mammy said gees the ball

She had Me Jones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oqAU5VxFWs&list=RDEM_TBde2LMoRom5JeOEishcw&start_radio=1

Iancelt67
1 year ago

Julienne out !!! Thought I’d get that in. In advance

1 year ago
Reply to  Iancelt67

Julie sortie…

Mike
1 year ago

Dancing in the streets, when Brendan Rodgers came into the club and before he was pushed out the door by the director of football, who went missing when asked to sign 3-4 players. Remember the praise that he received from the players, who couldn’t believe their luck at playing for a top manager. Remember when not long after his arrival the players looked at least ten % better.
Remember big John Ogu at Hapoel Beer Sheva and how we all wanted him signed for Celtic, Super Eagles John Ogu. Now it looks like we are signing Hapoel’s currant best player, we wish him well..
“Fore” Come back Shane, as the tricolour fly’s over Portrush, we love you Shane…. Reminiscing Celtic F.C.

Monti
1 year ago

Took my wee one to see ‘ The Lion King ‘ at the weekend, she said ” Dad is that not the Jimmy Bell song “? 🙂

His name is Jimmy Bell 🙂

The lion sleeps tonight……ooooh

Monti
1 year ago

🙂

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