Celtic Diary Friday July 12: When There’s Nothing To Say

There’s an old saying, something along the lines of if you haven’t got anything sensible to say, then don;t say anything.

Fortunately, we don’t hold much truck with that here at Etims.

It looks like we will get a right back eventually, Lennon choosing Kris Ajer instead of Tony Ralston to fill that role in Sarajevo, to allow him to bring Nir ” I’m much better now Brendans gone ” Biton out of cold storage doesn’t augur well for the youngster.

Ralston probaby won’t be overly pleased to hear that targeted Lustig replacement Hatem Ebh Ahmed was left out of Hapoel Be’er Sheva’s Europa League squad, which is usually a sure sign something is going on.

We’ve been expecting a new face to be unveiled for over a week now, and the only name linked that seems to have any real truth behind the rumours is the Israeli, with Tommy Smith and Jack Stacey choosing to remain in England.

It’s unlikely we’ll rue missing out on any of them.

Smith especially, who has gone to Stoke for more money and the glamorous Potteries nightlife, didn’t seem to upset too many Huddersfield fans when he said he was leaving, and they should be trusted on what they say, as they watch him every week.

The Brentford captain Romaine Sawyers is still being touted, but what we have noticed is that when a name is touted for a while, nothing usually comes of it.

Stephen O’Donnell of Kilmarnock is making sure his phone is fully charged..

On the “problem ” position, Lennon said;

Right-back is a key area to strengthen. Kristoffer was outstanding, but we are looking to bring quality in. 

Hopefully, Ajer’s grasp of English may mean he missed the novel and refreshing way of destroying his confidence…


Apart from that, it’s got to the stage where one wonders if the media are just making things up now, in order to fill space.

I suppose imitiation is the most sincere form of flattery.


One former Celt is still out there plying his trade, years after we bid a fond farewell to him..

Can’t we bring him back to take free kicks and corners ?

He could just hang around the centre spot for the rest of the game if he doesn’t feel like running .

It’s not always the right thing to do when you try and replace someone just because you think they’re getting on a bit, but those of us who do have another option these days…

You can find anything on the interweb these days, it seems.

But be careful,   those sort of shennanigans can lead to all sorts of problems..

One hears that another Glasgow based club, short on revenue, is setting up a similar themed site, under the catchy title of Hun Harlots and Halfwits, which at least won’t lead to any problems with the Trades Description Act.


One thing that was noticable against Sarajevo, especially significant as it was an away game, was the contribution of Ryan Christie and his enthusiasm to get the ball forward. There was little of the much loathed sidieways football, and Christie, in the number ten role behind the forward..or forwards depending on how you saw the game…seemed to relish the occasion.


“The position that I was playing in Sarajevo, that No.10 role, I love playing in there. When I found out I was starting I was absolutely buzzing.

“The gaffer says he sees me in there so that’s music to my ears. He wants to me to deal with that pressure. 

It was amazing to get back on the pitch. It’s been a long time, even since February it’s been frustrating with injuries. 

Touch wood that I’m back in for the long run now and can really kick on.

“That is the target. I want to stay in the team week in week out and hopefully if I can I need to put in big performances, score goals and create goals.”

“I think the manager is brilliant for all the attacking players we’ve got in the squad, especially for me.

“He wants us to play attacking football. I love playing in that position and he’s big on getting the ball to me, Odsonne and the two wingers. It suits me down to the ground.”

“I was itching to get back. Ever since I came back in for pre-season I was desperate to get going again.

“As a team we were delighted to get a win but I was frustrated myself that I couldn’t get a goal.

“I had a few shots and didn’t really catch them but there are definitely positives to take forward. 

He’s going to be a key player this year, of that there can be little doubt.


It’s that time of year again, July 12, when culture and tradition is celebrated throughout the land.

They do like their bonfires over there…

Image result for bonfires northern ireland 2019

Image result for bonfires northern ireland 2019


Sooner or later there will be a major incident, probably with significant casualties , surrounding one of these fires…and no one has the balls to do anything about it…

Image result for bonfires northern ireland 2019

The underlying weakness of government and police to deal with the issue is no less than craven cowardice.

Or is it collusion ?


Then again, when high profile footballers , regarded as heroes by some, tweet this sort of nonsense…

what chance do we have of a peaceful and tolerant society ?

For those who are perhaps not sure what it’s all about, here’s a handy visual aide…


There is talk of a programme later this year that may further explain the , er, culture..


With the Orange state in the north no more, and the vast majority of people in Ireland showing no desire to return to the troubled years and the violence and murder that took place, those who promote hatred and bigotry in the name of culture and tradition must be stopped from re-alighting the fire of war.

It’s time they were reigned in, and told firmly and politely that there is no place for hatred any more.


Lets turn to the words of James Connolly, on the 12th of July 1913. Words that ring tru today, and offer perhaps hope for the future..

James Connolly
July the 12th in Forward, 12 July, 1913.

As this Saturday is the 12th of July, and as I am supposed to be writing about the North of Ireland in particular, it becomes imperative that I say something about this great and glorious festival.

The Anniversary of the Battle of the Boyne is celebrated in Belfast by what is locally known as an Orange Walk. The brethren turn out and take possession of the principal streets of the city, and for the space of some hours they pass in processional order before the eyes of the citizens, bearing their banners, wearing their regalia, carrying symbols emblematic of the gates of Derry, and to the accompaniment of a great many bands.

Viewing the procession as a mere ‘Teague’ (to use the name the brethren bestow on all of Catholic origin), I must confess that some parts of it are beautiful, some of it ludicrous, and some of it exceedingly disheartening.

The regalia is often beautiful; I have seen representations of the Gates of Derry that were really a pleasure to view as pieces of workmanship; and similar representations erected as Orange arches across dingy side streets that, if we could forget their symbolism, we would admire as real works of art.

The music (?) is a fearful and wonderful production, seemingly being based upon a desire to produce the maximum of sound in the minimum of space. Every Orange Lodge in the North of Ireland, and many from the South make it a point to walk, and as each Lodge desires to have a band without any regard to its numbers, the bands are often so near that even the most skilful manipulator cannot prevent a blending of sounds that can scarcely be called harmonious.

I have stood on the sidewalk listening to a band, whose instruments were rendering:

Jesus, lover of my soul,
Let me to thy bosom fly.

Whilst another one about twenty yards off was splitting the air with:

Dolly’s Brae, O Dolly’s Brae,
O, Dolly’s Brae no more;
The song we sang was kick the Pope
Right over Dolly’s Brae.

But the discord of sound allied to the discord of sentiment implied in a longing to fly to the bosom of Jesus, and at the same time to kick the Pope, did not appear to strike anyone but myself.

For that matter a sense of humour is not one of the strong points in an Orangeman’s nature. The dead walls of Belfast are decorated with a mixture of imprecations upon Fenians , and, the Pope, and invocations of the power and goodness of the Most High, interlarded with quotations from the New Testament. This produces some of the most incongruous results. What would the readers of Forward say to seeing written up on the side of a wall off one of the main streets, the attractive legend:

God is Love,
Hell Roast the Pope.

Of course, the juxtaposition of such inscriptions on the walls appears absurd, and yet, the juxtaposition of sentiments as dissimilar is common enough in the minds of all of us, I suppose.

To anyone really conversant with the facts bearing upon the relations of the religious in Ireland, and the part played by them in advancing or retarding the principles of civil and religious liberty, the whole celebration appears to be foolish enough.

The belief sedulously cultivated by all the orators, lay and clerical, as well as by all the newspapers is, that the Defence of Derry and the Battle of the Boyne were great vindications of the principles of civil and religious liberty, which were menaced by the Catholics, and defended by the Protestants of all sects.

The belief we acquire from a more clear study of history in Ireland is somewhat different. Let me tell it briefly. In the reign of James I, the English Government essayed to solve the Irish problem, which then, as now, was their chief trouble, by settling Ireland with planters from Scotland and England. To do this, two million acres were confiscated, i.e., stolen from the Irish owners. Froude, the historian, says:

“Of these, a million and a half, bog-forest and mountain were restored to the Irish. The half a million of fertile acres were settled with families of Scottish and English Protestants.”

A friendly speaker, recently describing these planters before a meeting of the Belfast Liberal Association, spoke of them as:

“Hardy pioneers, born of a sturdy race, trained to adversity, when brought face to face with dangers of a new life in a hostile country, soon developed that steady, energetic, and powerful character which has made the name of Ulster respected all over the world.”

And a writer in the seventeenth century, the son of one of the ministers who came over with the first plantation, Mr. Stewart, is quoted by Lecky in his History of England in the Eighteenth Century, as saying:

“From Scotland came many, and from England not a few, yet all of them generally the scum of both nations, who from debt, or breaking the law or fleeing from justice, or seeking shelter, come hither, hoping to be without fear of man’s justice in a land where there was nothing, or but little as yet, of the fear of God … On all hands Atheism increased, and disregard of God, iniquity abounded, with contentious fighting, murder, adultery.”

The reader can take his choice of these descriptions. Probably the truth is that each is a fairly accurate description of a section of the planters, and that neither is accurate as a picture of the whole.

But while the Plantation succeeded from the point of view of the Government in placing in the heart of Ulster a body of people who, whatever their disaffection to that Government, were still bound by fears of their own safety to defend it against the natives, it did not bring either civil or religious liberty to the Presbyterian planters.

The Episcopalians were in power, and all the forces of government were used by them against their fellow-Protestants. The planters were continually harassed to make them adjure their religion, fines were multiplied upon fines, and imprisonment upon imprisonment. In 1640, the Presbyterians of Antrim, Down, and Tyrone, in a petition to the English House of Commons, declared that:

“Principally through the sway of the prelacy with their factions our souls are starved, our estates are undone, our families impoverished, and many lives among us cut off and destroyed … Our cruel taskmasters have made us who were once a people to become as it were no people, an astonishment to ourselves, the object of pittie and amazement to others.”

What might have been the result of this cruel, systematic persecution of Protestants by Protestants we can only conjecture, since, in the following year, 1641, the great Irish rebellion compelled the persecuting and persecuted Protestants to join hands in defence of their common plunder against the common enemy – the original Irish owners.

In all the demonstrations and meetings which take place in Ulster under Unionist Party auspices, all these persecutions are alluded to as if they had been the work of “Papists,” and even in the Presbyterian churches and conventions, the same distortion of the truth is continually practised.

But they are told

“all this persecution was ended when William of Orange, and our immortal forefathers overthrew the Pope and Popery at the Boyne. Then began the era of civil and religious liberty.”

So runs the legend implicitly believed in in Ulster. Yet it is far, very far, from the truth. In 1686 certain continental powers joined together in a league, known in history as the league of Augsburg, for the purpose of curbing the arrogant power of France. These powers were impartially Protestant and Catholic, including the Emperor of Germany, the King of Spain, William, Prince of Orange, and the Pope. The latter had but a small army, but possessed a good treasury and great influence. A few years before a French army had marched upon Rome to avenge a slight insult offered to France, and His Holiness was more than anxious to curb the Catholic power that had dared to violate the centre of Catholicity. Hence his alliance with William, Prince of Orange.

King James II, of England, being insecure upon his throne, sought alliance with the French monarch.

When, therefore, the war took place in Ireland, King William fought, aided by the arms, men, and treasures of his allies in the League of Augsburg, and part of his expenses at the Battle of the Boyne was paid for by His Holiness, the Pope. Moreover, when news of King William’s victory reached Rome, a Te Deum was sung in celebration of his victory over the Irish adherents of King James and King Louis.

Therefore, on Saturday the Orangemen of Ulster, led by King Carson, will be celebrating the same victory as the Pope celebrated 223 years ago.

Nor did the victory at the Boyne mean Civil and Religious Liberty. The Catholic Parliament of King James, meeting in Dublin in 1689, had passed a law that all religions were equal, and that each clergyman should be supported by his own congregation only, and that no tithes should be levied upon any man for the support of a church to which he did not belong. But this sublime conception was far from being entertained by the Williamites who overthrew King James and superseded his Parliament. The Episcopalian Church was immediately re-established, and all other religions put under the ban of the law. I need not refer to the Penal Laws against Catholics, they are well enough known. But sufficient to point out that England and Wales have not yet attained to that degree of religious equality established by Acts XIII and XV of the Catholic Parliament of 1689, and that that date was the last in which Catholics and Protestants sat together in Parliament until the former compelled an Emancipation Act in 1829.

For the Presbyterians the victory at the Boyne simply gave a freer hand to their Episcopalian persecutors. In 1704 Derry was rewarded for its heroic defence by being compelled to submit to a Test Act, which shut out of all offices in the Law, the Army, the Navy, the Customs and Excise, and Municipal employment, all who would not conform to the Episcopalian Church. The alderman and fourteen burgesses are said to have been disfranchised in the Maiden City by this iniquitous Act, which was also enforced all over Ireland. Thus, at one stroke, Presbyterians, Quakers, and all other dissenters were deprived of that which they had imagined they were fighting for at “Derry, Aughrim, and the Boyne.” Presbyterians were forbidden to be married by their own clergymen, the Ecclesiastical Courts had power to fine and imprison offenders, and to compel them to appear in the Parish Church, and make public confession of fornication, if so married. At Lisburn and Tullylish, Presbyterians were actually punished for being married by their own ministers. Some years later, in 1712, a number of Presbyterians were arrestcd for attempting to establish a Presbyterian meeting house in Belturbet.

The marriage of a Presbyterian and an Episcopalian was declared illegal, and in fact, the ministers and congregations of the former church were treated as outlaws and rebels, to be fined, imprisoned, and harassed in every possible way. They had to pay tithes for the upkeep of the Episcopalian ministers, were fined for not going to the Episcopalian Church, and had to pay Church cess for buying sacramental bread, ringing the bell, and washing the surplices of the Episcopalian clergymen. All this, remember, in the generation immediately following the Battle of the Boyne.

The reader should remember what is generally slurred over in narrating this part of Irish history, that when we are told that Ulster was planted by Scottish Presbyterians, it does not mean that the land was given to them. On the contrary, the vital fact was, and is, that the land was given to the English noblemen and to certain London companies of merchants who had lent money to the Crown, and that the Scottish planters were only introduced as tenants of these landlords. The condition of their tenancy virtually was that they should keep Ireland for the English Crown, and till the land of Ireland for the benefit of the English landlord.

That is in essence the demand of the Unionist Party leaders upon their followers today. In the past, as the landlords were generally English and Episcopalian, they all, during the eighteenth century, continually inserted clauses in all their leases, forbidding the erection of Presbyterian meeting houses. As the uprise of democracy has contributed to make this impossible today in Ireland, the landlord and capitalist class now seek an alliance with these Protestants they persecuted for so long in order to prevent a union of the democracy of all religious faiths against their lords and masters.

To accomplish this they seek insidiously to pervert history, and to inflame the spirit of religious fanaticism. The best cure I know of for that evil is a correct understanding of the events they so distort in their speeches and sermons. To this end I have ever striven to contribute my mite, and while I know that the sight of the thousands who, on July 12, will march to proclaim their allegiance to principles of which their order is a negation, will be somewhat disheartening. I also know that even amongst the Orange hosts, the light of truth is penetrating.

In conclusion, the fundamental, historical facts to remember are that:

The Irish Catholic was despoiled by force,
The Irish Protestant toiler was despoiled by fraud,
The spoliation of both continues today
under more insidious but more effective forms,

and the only hope lies in the latter combining with the former in overthrowing their common spoilers, and consenting to live in amity together in the common ownership of their common country – the country which the spirit of their ancestors or the devices of their rulers have made – the place of their origin, or the scene of their travail.

I have always held, despite the fanatics on both sides, that the movements of Ireland for freedom could not and cannot be divorced from the world-wide upward movements of the world’s democracy. The Irish question is a part of the social question, the desire of the Irish people to control their own destinies is a part of the desire of the workers to forge political weapons for their own enfranchisement as a class.

The Orange fanatic and the Capitalist-minded Home Ruler are alike in denying this truth; ere long, both of them will be but memories, while the army of those who believe in that truth will be marching and battling on its conquering way.


Over a hundred years ago…and still no solution.



On Wednesday, we had this…

5TB July 10, 2019 at 7:13 pm · Edit · Reply →


The hunt for the elusive etims pish stained source comes to an end.


Image result for orange walk women




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Hopefully there’s a big Alsatian with a weak bladder in the vicinity.

Desmond Tinney

There’s a uniform that’s hanging in what’s know as ‘aunties’ room

Honest hoops

Caption; right…spread out…and make it look like it’s really busy…


Well that was very interesting indeed. Normally I would run a mile from anything Marxist but I guess modern Marxism is different from its original intended philosophy. James Connolly writes with such poise and intelligence. That was a very educational read.

50 S of G

Notre dams gargoyles get a new gig at last.

George Lazenbhoy

Caption: Mark Antony ‘let loose the dogs of war’


Caption: ‘The Hun Harlots and Halfwits desperate annual march as no cunt wants them!’

Tim Buffy

Caption: The entry conditions for the annual march of the Vestal Virgins seem to have been relaxed this year.


The p(r)etty side of loyalism

Matt gallagher

The walking dead.

Tenaka Khan


Stevie Wonder. “What the fuck is that pishy smell, Ray?”

Ray Charles. “Must be a fish truck, Stevie…”


Caption:Orange women uphold their tradition when passing a Catholic church of having a face like a burst drum.



Todays Weather Forecast;
Amber Warning; There will be a significant reek of pish.
Some right fukin ugly showers around.
Some seriouly misinformed thunderous and bellowous eruptions.
Avoid worst affected areas; Ipox, Larkhall, Ayr, Linwood and Airdrie: High Proddie count with more than usual pallet and tyre conflagrations expected.
Major flurries of knuckle dragging and toothlessness leading to A+E ward closures.
Go away for the day and avoid at all costs.



Another day of fun at the Edinburgh chimp zoo.



Buy a flame thrower, the only way to rid yourself of that hairy back!

The Cha

Caption “Mum’s old curtains come in handy for her daughters and sisters”.


Caption: “Taking the dogs for a walk.”


Well what to say!! That is the best that I have read on this site .
The unfortunate truth for many Connolly puts it chronically and perfect . If I may suggest that it be reproduced and sent to whoever needs to be updated as to what did actually happen and how they were duped and still are to this day.

Matt Black

What a brilliant factual article. It does beg the question. Why is this historical accuracy not taught which would help the bitter boil of sectarianism to be burst? It is primarily collusion by the english establishment and weakness by the Scottish executive not to call it out.


Right Back, where we started from,
when will one come along?
Its the same old Peter Lawwell song,
Its complicated and the list is long,
And so, we are Right Back, where we started from…

From Dunkeld to Glasgow, the opposition voices to the funny marchers increases in volume. ..
There they go, walking down the street,
The biggest balloons you could ever meet,
HaHa its the Mankies.

Patrick O Hara

Caption. March heading to Downing Street protesting “Keep England British”.

Steve Naive

Shorty in here… high standard of caption today.

Mike A

Caption: They’ve gone and done it. Opened the Gates of Hell and unleashed the dogs or war.

You think they’re bad. Wait till the stupid bstrds elect Bojo.


Caption: it’s only us left. Our Grandweans are all Celtic fans.


In keeping with The Continuation Myth the Ibrox Hunettes give a modern interpretation of Richard Wagner’s The Flight of the Valkyries.

This novel production was given the working title of
Dick Wanker’s The Sight of the Hairy Marys


The Cha

Wasn’t it The Ride of the Valkyries?

Although, given the picture, it’s understandable that word didn’t spring to mind.


I stand corrected Mr Cha
Mea Culpa
Mea Culpa
Mea Maxima Culpa.


A peepul, without a Nation, just a few HUN-dregs of thousand of acres stolen and planted like weeds, but pawns in the bigger scheme of things. Yet, around 50 years later from ports of all sizes, in the south, the coffin ships sailed the oceans, discharging there one million of human cargo in north America, their bellies burning with hunger, some riddled with disease, men, women, children fleeing a cynical, uncaring, regime, who treated them worse than sheep or cattle.

An Gorta Mor’ building a Famine Memorial in Glasgow.


Caption:Everything I think of involves carpet bombs or monster trucks.


Obviously joking, wouldn’t actually want to cause physical hard to another living creature… If they are actually alive. 🙂



Uralius.. Freudian slip if ever I saw one 🙂


Nope my auto-correct keyboard is called SwiftKey. Although if I make one I’ll consider calling it frued and make sure it’s too suggestions are Sixual innuendos.


Weered I’ve tried 4 times to leave an intelligent and witty response.


Nope my auto-correct keyboard is called SwiftKey. 🙂 Although if I make one I’ll consider calling it frued and make sure it’s too suggestions are Sexual innuendos.


Monti I left you a response on the last diary.

Patrick O Hara

Dear Mr Stoke. I am glad to see that your usual incisive satirical sense of humour has returned. It has been missing of late (in my opinion). I am presently an inmate of a seminary in Govan of the Blessed, Bewildered, Brothers of St Bumkiss of Bellahouston. Do you have any sage advice??


Ma drum goes boom bang-a-bang, boom bang-a-bang
When Ah am near
A chapel or school where the Cafflicks kin hear.





The last time I saw a herd of ‘females’ like that, they were being milked.

Steve Naive

Are the “ladies” this weeks KOTW ?


Oh it is Friday. That makes Ralph noon of the week for not even looking at his calendar. Or is James VII nob of the week?


Knob of the week retracted so far due to the caption pic that it’s posted missing

Steve Naive..is that Kows of the week


Caption: How did they all get matching curtains?


The great British Empire, divide and conquer. Think India Cyprus and of course Ireland.
Make one lot feel superior to the other, however it is incredible that so called educated people believe this crap in the 21st century.
The Esrablishment, the royals delight in the marching of the morons, the morons are so stupid, what can be done ?

The journos are still bumming up every action taken by the King and his scouser mate, ridiculously down putting anything at Paradise


Sevco wags make their way to the stadium,

Not even half scots. Sign or sing me for



Mad cow epidemic resurfaces.

Left can play right you useless bassas.Nobodies too stuff them at 22?
Who`se no there.

It`s the Rum we need. Get on it Morgan.Plain Jane.sWee.



So they`re no good to yours.Had to.

Looking at…it`s no mine

Morgan`s better than Mcgregor.

Do you not see it? Click and slide.

Magdalena’s Chestnut Gelding


“Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? Woof woof woof”

Bus it

Magdalena’s Chestnut Gelding

Ok everybody

Pine Time in Wishaw

Avoid – owned and run by a bigoted witch

Apparently “Scotland has been ruined by immigrant Irish” amongst other bigoted classics I heard from her as she chatted to a customer. Unashamedly spouting vile racism and bigotry.


Go on Google, leave a review.


Caption: Ugly Betty’s mammy is only half orange.


Caption 2: Orange men wank tae that.

Magdalena’s Chestnut Gelding

Caption to the tune of Shania Twain “feel like a woman” Let’s Go “Girls” (or Stevie) I’m going out tonight, I’m a fucking sight Gonna let it all hang out (cos I’m a fat bitch mainly) Want to make some illegal noise, really raise my voice Yeah, I want to scream and shout abuse No inhibitions, fucking mental traditions Get a little outta line I ain’t gonna act politically correct I only want to have a good time The best thing about being an orange woman Is the prerogative to act like a hun Oh, oh, oh, they’re totally crazy,… Read more »

Let`s trim. are you alright there Neil?

Steve Naive..is that Kows of the week



Caption: It’s old and isn’t beautiful
Its colour tonic wine
It was humped at Derry, Aughrim
Enniskillen and the Boyne
My father fucked it when a youth
In bygone days of yore
And it’s on the Twelfth I have to bear
The tash my mother wore



Still no right back…..utter shambles, pathetic!


Certainly is.


Burnt oot. 11 play tag.


gei lenny a chance ffs heel sort it oot COYBIG

The 12th into the 13th…

Charlie, I ended up on stage with a tribute Clash Band last night singing Highland Paddy.(the cats were howlin`)

Tic Treats.

Brilliant night till the fresh air hits ya.The only thing orange were the carrot tossed in up the drive-way(unheated)

Take a walk on the wildside rendition was icing on their cake…

“The Beautiful Peepil Are Ugly,Too”

i`va knife and dropped it on my left foot.Ring me an ambulance please.I`ll be right for the game though.

Those were the days my friend
We thought they’d never end
We’d sing and dance forever and a day
We’d live the life we choose
We’d fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.
Ra la la la…

charlie,was Mary Hopkins a sticky sock for you too?
Ghod bless the misinterpreted misfits.Diagnoses is never an excuse.

JD.Jimmy Delaney.

You mad about ETims or just plain mad? Why not buy the t-shirt at http://etims.spreadshirt.co.uk/